hi~ Confession, I'm Bulimic

OK well i don't know where to begin but i have a confession to make that i havent told anyone,, I'm bulimic. I'm obsessed with my weight and i weigh myself all the time. i tell myself not to eat but i just cant I'm with my friend everyday and we go out to eat i have to eat with them ,, my dad makes dinner every night and i cant just not eat,, i get so depressed when i look at myself and see how week i am to just go and stuff my face so i purge,, when i cant i try to get my family to leave so i can . I just i get so angry when people tell me im skinny ,, Im not,, i feel so sad when i purge like im upsetting god,, otyher times ill go on binges where i eat all the sweets i want i even hide them all ove rmy room and when i get so sick i cant walk i purge i dont know whats wrong with me,, i just look at all these beautiful girls and i know i could be one if i just lost more weight my goal is to be 80 pounds and im only 11 pounds away i hope this summe ri can reach my goal but sometimes i dont want to because i feel im sinning i lay in bed at night and cant sleep because of it. i know its hurting me because im starting to have headaches all the time,, i dont wanna upset god or anyone for that matter but i dont wanna be unhappy either

Sounds like you need some support.  I don't know how old you are, but I think you are very young.  When it comes down to it, the people in your life that matter don't care what you weigh or what you look like.  They will love you, not your size.  When I have gone thru bad times in my life it lets me appreicate the good times more.  Everyone has ups and downs.  Please, know people care about you.  Even someone who you think has it all..you will learn, not everything is as it seem.  You really need to get someone you can talk to.  This pattern can be very dangerous to your health.  I am sure people around are concerned.  So, if you can -- talk to your Dad, if not, find someone you can talk to.. a counselor at school... a friends mom.. an aunt.. cousin..clergy...girl scout leader.  Even if you aren't an active girl scout you may know someone who is.  There has to be someone who will be there for you...Please, post again..I would like to know you are okay.

Hey babygirl, Gotta a minute for on old senior high Sunday school teacher? You sound churched, so you already know how much God loves you right? Or you've heard it anyway. God does hate sin. But God loves the sinner. That's you and me right? God wants you 2 b happy. He wants u 2 have the very best, life has 2 offer. He's provided u with a temple to live in. Your body right? God doesn't make no junk. And he doesn't make accidents. U r here 4 a reason. And u r loved more than u know. Please go 2 the mirror right now and forgive yourself, try 2 love the person u c gazing back. Really work on that. U r of infinite value to God.Know that there r others who care 4 u, don't b affraid 2 reach out. I'm praying 4 U!!!!

I felt sad when I read your post, babygirrll. Unless you are an extremely short person (like 4 feet tall!) it can't be healthy for you to only weigh 80 pounds. I'd bet my life that your 91 pounds is way too little for someone your age and height. Like susanbeth said in the last post, you need someone you can talk to, someone you can tell how you really feel.

You see, beauty isn't a certain weight or a certain size, it's much more than that. And although you can't see your own beauty just now, please believe me when I tell you there are many, many people who see your real beauty, the kind that has nothing to do with what you weigh.

So please, hun, would look for someone who can find you some help? Not being able to handle this eating problem on your own doesn't make you a weak person. Everyone has problems sometimes that they need some one to help them with. The smartest people in the world are the ones who know they can't face everything alone. It would be great if you could talk to your dad, but if you don't think he'd understand maybe you could talk to another family friend, or a teacher - just find someone you trust and tell them how you feel. They really will want to help you.

And by the way, you WILL NOT make God mad at you for what you eat or don't eat. I know with absolute certainty that He loves you exactly the way you are now, and He will never stop loving you no matter what. Never! After all, He created your body and He knows more about you than anyone else will ever know. Please believe that!

I'm gonna be checking this thread cause I'm worried about you and want to know that you're OK and that you're talking to someone who cares and can help. And I'm also going to pray that you'll know God's love and concern for you and that He will help you with your situation.

And no, loriklorik, munsey wasn't joking. And neither was I.

Wow, 91 pounds. Hunnie, unless you are 8 years old you should NOT be 91 pounds. No excuses. I've been making myself throw up occasionally for the last couple months, but luckily I've stopped for the most part because I have support from my boyfriend. But babe, no one should be 91 pounds. You may not think your skinny - but trust me; you are. You really are. If you need anything I'm here.

loriklorik, It really saddened me 2 read your post.

babygirl, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. But you need to get a new mirror, one that shows how you look in God's eyes. He loves you no matter what, unconditionally, and He for sure knows whatever is going on in your life. He knows that you have been purging and you have acknowledged that it is a sin, so you are on the first step to recovery. You reached out to others, others who are believers and others who have had the same problem. Isn't He amazing. He saw you in your need and he sent all of us to help. Trust Him and trust others in your life that are close to you. Let everyone help you to get the help you need. See a doctor, trust him or her to tell you the way to maintain a healthy lifestyle that you can live with. And if there are deeper issues that are making you feel you have to lose more weight to be this ideal of 80 pounds, please trust a Christian counselor, or even family therapist to help you to deal with your underlying issues.

And please, throw away all People Magazines or quit watching the shows that glorify unnaturally too thin girls. That is not what is normal or desirable. Ask any guy. I'm not asking you to be fat, I'm asking you to get healthy, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I will be praying for you. Please trust the people in your life who love you.

babygirl, I know exactly what you are going through.  I have been struggling with anorexia since I was 16 years old.  At the beginning it began with bulimia, then slowly turned into anorexia.  You did not mention your age, but my guess is your in your teens, since you still live at home.  I urge you to seek professional help.  I know you want the help, if you didn't you wouldn't of asked for our help/advice.  As  I am sure you know, Eating disorders are dangerous.  They are an addiction, and it is hard to break it.  I am now 20 years old and still suffering from anorexia.  I watched the past four years fly by, and I don't remember much of it.  You may not realize it now, but soon your memory will start to fade.  It will be difficult to recall past events, which made my school work very difficult.  Because of the nutrient deficient I also went through constant mood swings, I hated everyone, and was never happy.  But besides the memory impairment and mood swings the constant purging will eventually cause you teeth to rot.  I'm not trying to scare you, I just want you to know that bulimia has serious consequences.  My weight once reached 79lbs, and thats when my parents and I decided it would be best for me to enter a rehab clinic, at the time it was probably the best choice for me.  After 8 weeks at the clinic I pulled myself out, currently I weigh 83lbs.  I meet with my therapist every other week, and even though it is the hardest thing for me to do right now, I am trying to gain weight.  I realize I will not live long if i continue down this eating disorder path.  I felt like i needed to tell you my story, so you knew you were not alone.  And guess what, I've been at 80lbs, it is not fun, and you won't look as good in your bikini as you would at your normal weight, or right now even.  God loves you, just the way you are.  Don't forget your body is His temple, and God would not want you hurting yourself or your body.

hdavies - God bless you, too. You must wonder why God has had you go through these trials. In the book of Esther, Esther sees that God has placed her where she  is for such a time as this. Only someone who  has gone through a trial truly understands the pain of it. I will pray for both of you girls, that God will sustain and strengthen you through this. He will hold you firm in his hands.

Dear babyygirrll,  I was once bulimic (started in my teens and ended when I was in my early twenties and I was married) and it turned out to be a control issue.  Having control of yourself is important but controling bulimia was one thing when I became so ill that I had to decide if I wanted to live or die doing it.  I read a story about a young girl in the Readers Digest and she let the bulima consum her and she died.  Well I chose to live and started to eat better and as I did this my period returned and I became pregnant and had a beautiful baby girl and I was finally healthty because I wanted to give my baby all the nutrients that I could.  You can still control your life in a positive way by eating the healthy foods your body needs.  By talking to you may help me by learning not eating so much.  You must love yourself first!  You are the most important person on this earth and once you love yourself everything else will fall into place in a positive way.  Take care and Good Luck.

Von