Hopeless?

I can't believe this is happening. A few days ago I wrote here saying I'd decided to tell my parents that my ED had gotten out of control. Well, I finally went through with it tonight, admitted I needed more help than I was getting right now. And you know what happened? At first they didn't respond at all. A few minutes later (and after a pointed, "Well?"), my mom looks at me and tells me she wishes I'd never gotten a new therapist in the first place. Apparently, it's costing them too much money. They want me to stop seeing him.

o.O?

My therapy costs $120 a month. Both of my parents have high-paying, full-time jobs. It's not exactly like we're going bankrupt, you know? We live in a good house in a nice neighborhood. My sister plays soccer and takes gymnastics and horseback riding lessons. Each of those alone are more expensive than my therapist, yet neither of my parents have ever complained about the cost of keeping Jackie happy. God, for Christmas, they even bought us a $1,200 purebred puppy!! And my health isn't worth $120 a month? What the hell?!

I don't know what to do, and I don't think I've ever felt more hopeless than I do right now. Or as pissed off. I'm so angry that part of me wants to do something totally stupid and passive-aggressive like get my weight down to 68 just to make my parents wake the hell up and realize that, wow, this anorexia thing is more than just expensive - it's serious (who knew?)! I'm not going to actually do it or anything, but they've made it pretty clear that the words "I need help" aren't enough.

Anyway, sorry, I just really needed to vent about this. I'll tell the therapist about it when I see him next week...maybe he'll be able to talk to my parents or something. :/

Wow... I don't have much advice, but I just want to say I understand why you feel how you do.  If I were you, I would totally want to do the same thing (starving myself to get back at them.)  That is really unfair of them.  The part about the puppy pisses me off.  If they had just adopted one from a shelter ($75) they could have afforded your therapy for nearly a year--time in which a lot of progress could have been made.  (Not to mention they'd be giving an unwanted dog a home.)  Well it's really not my place to judge, but I really feel for you and understand why you're pissed.  I would be too.  Please don't let your understandable anger further sabotage your health, though.  Take care of yourself and try to come up with another plan of action.  Does your school have a counselor you could go to in the mean time, until maybe you can convince your parents to fork over the $120/month?  Just a suggestion.  Feel better... :*(

withinhershadow - I just want to say I think you are incredibly brave.  Your parents don't seem like they are being very supportive right now.  Maybe there are reasons that they aren't able to be there for you (their own stuff?).  That's obviously no excuse.  You deserve support from your family. 

I think it's good that you feel so connected with your therapist.  I also think it's a good idea to talk to him about this and see if he can maybe talk to your parents.  Or maybe you can bring your parents in for a session or two.  Maybe they don't understand the help you are getting by seeing your therapist.

Do you have any other family members (grandma, aunt, cousin) that you can reach out to for support?  Or maybe a teacher or someone older in your school?  I think if your parents aren't able to be there for you at this time, then it would be good if there was someone else you feel comfortable with. 

I hope everything works out and you can continue to see your therapist.  I really do think you are brave to be dealing with this.  But remember, you are NOT alone..just because your parents aren't supportive right now, you have other people in your life that are there for you and care about you.

nineline.org or 1-800-999-9999

Try it!

Ergh.  That's horrible.

Are your parents going to make you stop seeing your therapist or were they just implying that they thought it was already expensive enough to let you go to him?  Talking to your therapist and getting his input is a really good idea.  If your parents are making you stop going to him, maybe he can refer you to someone cheaper?  Also, are you covered under their insurance?  Maybe you could try an in-network therapist instead?

While it is the parents' responsibility to take care of their children, they don't always know how.  I mean, they are human too after all.  They might be in denial or are still oblivious but you also have a responsibility to take care of yourself, ya'know?  And it's clear that you've realised that.

Best of luck to you.

I'm sorry about your parents' lack of sense.

My parents didn't confront me about my ED until I hit my lowest weight of 98 lbs at 6 feet tall, when neighbors and even my freaking dentist asked if I was sick. I think with some parents, they don't want to accept that their kids have problems, whether it be an eating disorder, drug abuse, anger issues, etc.

I think it's a great idea to try to get your parents involved in your therapy, especially since it seems some of your unhappiness stems from them. I think that putting all of your feelings in the open will not only help you solve some ED problems, but improve your relationship with your family. Please keep us updated, I'm rooting for you! :)

Give your parents a day or two to think about this and respond and then talk to them again.  Their first reaction is emotional and they're most likely blaming the therapist for putting ed thoughts into your head.  I'm sure that they do love you and truly want you to recover.  There is no quick fix for either you or them and you're both reacting emotionally right now.

In the interim, follow the advice that your therapist has given you to help you get well.

I hope smwhipple is right and that they just need time to process the information or they just dont understand that anorexia kills, And just remember that anorexia is a very difficult thing to understand unless you actually go through it and even then it still makes no sense so they may never take you seriously in regards to it, but I believe your strong enough to take control on your own based on the fact that you admit that its gone to far and you have to work on eating more normally,

Original Post by withinhershadow:

I can't believe this is happening. A few days ago I wrote here saying I'd decided to tell my parents that my ED had gotten out of control. Well, I finally went through with it tonight, admitted I needed more help than I was getting right now. And you know what happened? At first they didn't respond at all. A few minutes later (and after a pointed, "Well?"), my mom looks at me and tells me she wishes I'd never gotten a new therapist in the first place. Apparently, it's costing them too much money. They want me to stop seeing him.

o.O?

My therapy costs $120 a month. Both of my parents have high-paying, full-time jobs. It's not exactly like we're going bankrupt, you know? We live in a good house in a nice neighborhood. My sister plays soccer and takes gymnastics and horseback riding lessons. Each of those alone are more expensive than my therapist, yet neither of my parents have ever complained about the cost of keeping Jackie happy. God, for Christmas, they even bought us a $1,200 purebred puppy!! And my health isn't worth $120 a month? What the hell?!

I don't know what to do, and I don't think I've ever felt more hopeless than I do right now. Or as pissed off. I'm so angry that part of me wants to do something totally stupid and passive-aggressive like get my weight down to 68 just to make my parents wake the hell up and realize that, wow, this anorexia thing is more than just expensive - it's serious (who knew?)! I'm not going to actually do it or anything, but they've made it pretty clear that the words "I need help" aren't enough.

Anyway, sorry, I just really needed to vent about this. I'll tell the therapist about it when I see him next week...maybe he'll be able to talk to my parents or something. :/

i know how u feel with the whole money thing...my parents are EXACTLY the same way; but its more my step dad whos like that. UGH it pisses me off.

wowww. even if your parents were going bankrupt from the cost of your therapist, saving your daughters life is something worth going bankrupt for.

i'm so sorry they don't see that.

there are a lot of recovered girls and boys on this website who you can talk to. i'm sure they'll have some really good advice on how to deal with things like this, or tackle self-recovery.

I definitely didn't get to a low weight as you.  I was 8 pounds more, But my parents honestly didn't care.  They sw how depressed I was, Yet nothing it didn't even move them, I was practically beggng for help.  I went to the most crappiest therapist in the world -That's the last time I ever went to a therapist.  All I can say is (And once again I wasn't as low a weight as you are) try to help yourself, Ask yourself honestly Is this really my purpose and achievement or my downfall?  It could be your achievement in your perspective, But maybe in others it isn't.  I say honestly go with your mind.  

keep in mind that your parents don't know what's going on in your head or in your therapy sessions. all they know is that they're paying a therapist and what they hear from you, which is that you're getting worse in your ED. if i were them, i would be upset too! they're frustrated because they see you getting worse, and since they have limited knowledge of the situation, they assume it's due to incompetence on the part of the therapist they're paying. i doubt it's a money issue at all. they are simply worried about you and frustrated that you aren't getting better.