Horrified...angry...may cry...help.

I've just had the most awful private message ever. I was messing around on a dating website forums and posted a message abouut my behaviour around men. Basically I said that I thought I came off as distant/uninterested when I was just shy and what would improve this?

Five minutes ago I got sent this private message:

Grasshopper,

This message may change your life.....

You stated that guys don't seem that interested in you...

There is one little thing you can do, to improve guys interests 100 %. It is doable. by you.. its just a matter if you have the strength and will power to do it....

That is,

Lose some weight... lose 25 pounds... do it as an experiement.. I can guarantee you that it will change your life.. the number of men who are interested in you will skyrocket... try it..

Yes, men are that shallow... but, so are women...look at how many women post that they will only date guys over six foot tall... even when they are barely 5 foot themselves.. shallow ?????

Take my advice.. you can do it in 6 months.. if your just say no to the food. Make the change.. if it is important enough to you, you will take my advice.. if you don't do it, then that should tell you somthing about your real motives..

Good luck

I was going to defend my weightloss/weight etc in a response but decided that after such pure rudeness there could only be one response to sum up my feelings;

'Piss off you arrogant ****'.

Anyway, am now absolutely crushed - I never thought I was hideous, just needing to loose a bit more. Any advice/support?

What an ****. Just ignore him.

You know what?  I think that is spam.  I have seen similar emails to that and they are usually on sites because of the atrocious spelling and grammar of the writer.  It is just spam, but unfortunately it seems to hit home (as it would with almost any woman receiving it!)  He called you "Grasshopper" with no other personal details referencing your profile or anything and it was to a general post.  You're fab!  Keep up the good work!

Or a troll (which I suppose is the same as spam) - we get them on CC every so often - and they don't descriminate who they insult, attack, or demean.

So sorry to hear this happened to you!  Your response was probably the best thing to do.  I once had a date with a guy off a dating site - it was the first time we were meeting.  I got to the restaurant early and saw this guy at the bar who was wearing what my "date" had told me he would.  He saw me come in and walked out right past me without even acknowledging me.  A few years ago that would have devastated me but I actually laughed.  What an *** - I called up a friend and went out for a girls night with her.  Probably had way more fun than I would have with someone like him.

The way I look at it is that people (male or female) who are going to judge you based on your appearance (or some other attribute) are the same ones who are going to miss out on meeting some interesting people that might actually turn out to be great friends.  Just because I might not be physically attracted to a certain body type, hair colour, height, etc., it doesn't mean that I'm going to treat them rudely or as somehow less of a human. 

I agree with Amethyst - take the high road and don't stoop to his level.  But what I sometimes do when some has treated me disrespectfully is to write them the response you'd love to send just to get it off your chest, save it to draft overnight, re-read it, smile, and then delete it.

Take care and good luck!

I agree it sounds like spam, be very careful on answering these types of e-mails. I hate spam I must get 20 e-mails a day just on pills for sell. I read your profile and it sounds you are doing everything you need to do. I would just get so mad and show them all who is right. Next time I want to see you in the #2 dress you have as inspiration in your profile. 

1.  Ignore

2.  Report abuse to the webmaster

3.  Block that user

Don't get mad, get even.

We all know you're doing great.

Original Post by supertempdonna:

Yes, men are that shallow... but, so are women...look at how many women post that they will only date guys over six foot tall... even when they are barely 5 foot themselves.. shallow ?????

That paragraph just doesn't make any sense. Why does wanting a tall man necessitate being a tall woman? If you like chubby guys, does that mean you have to be chubby yourself? I think he's just bitter because he's short.

Anyway, just remember John Gabriel's Greater Internet D*ckwad Theory: Person + Anonymity + Audience = Total D*ckwad.

Would you feel more confident in your appearance if you lost 25 lbs?  If the answer is yes, then that's one method that will help you to get more dates.

Getting dates isn't really an issue, getting dates that you want to go on a second date with is difficult at any size.  There will be any number of men that don't want to date you because they think you should lose 25 lbs...you don't want to date these men, they want to change you or they're entirely focused on appearance...unless that's your thing it's just not a good sign.

What will get you more dates is finding some activity that you enjoy doing and that you're good at and using photos from that activity for your profile.  People are attracted to confident people who are enjoying themselves.

If you lose weight in addition you can consider it a bonus if that is your goal.

People are judgemental, that's how we screen through the vast sea of people to select those that we think we might enjoy better whether it's because of a shared interest or a similar appearance to people that we've liked in the past.

Yes, that is probably spam. Real stupid spam. I get this type of e-mail on a daily basis, and I don't even want to lose weight. Just forget about it and move on! :)

Of course it is spam.

But I can PROVE that this nut job does not know what he is talking about.  -

Being 5 even I can tell you there is only 1 reason a short woman is seeking a tall man.  He is an independantly mobile, biologically active, reacher of high up stuff.  Conversly, tall men see short women as idependatly mobile, biologically active reacher of low down stuff (and lost sock finder).

If the pm writer does not know this - they have clearly demonstrated their stupidity. 

I have so enjoyed so many of the replies that were sent so here is mine i once allowed someone to make me feel that way all because i so valued what people felt about me instead of what i felt about myself and you know what the person always giving the so call advice is not even worth your time now or ever will be even if you did lose the weight ,,,,think about it they don't contribute to your life in no kind of a way,,,,please don`t lose any sleep over such responses there are people that seem to have dedicated there life to how bad they can make a person feel ,,,,don`t ever lose the weight for anybody but you this is about what makes you feel good and if know one wants to be apart of what you are doing for you than they can keep moving ,dont even  let them park in you life

you handled that a lot more maturely than i would have :P

i would've MASHED my shift key and sent him a whole page of swear words. what a dick.

try reporting him to the site for offending you?

Spammer or troll or whatever he is, he's right.

You WILL recieve more attention from men if you lose 25 pounds. I hate it, I really do, but since I've lost 20ish pounds I get hit on exponentially more often.

But those aren't the men you want attention from anyway! So his advice is technically correct, but only if you WANT to attract buttholes like him. Assuming you want a decent human being as your partner, I suggest you lose weight for yourself only (or stay the same weight if you're happy there), and remember:

Quality over quantity. You don't need throngs of shallow jerks to catcall you on the street. All you need is ONE guy to love you for who you are.

In a way I agree that he was saying some thruth. But then again I have an opposite attitute over things... take me or leave me!

So sorry this happened supertempdonna, just ignore +25lbs or -25 lbs if you are happy with your own self dont let some steriotipical ass ruin your day

:) xxx

 @dindarela & yummy_kitty: Is he justified in trying to emotionally assault supertempdonna? You both claim that he is right about her weight being the main reason why she doesn't get more attention, but I have to disagree. Most overweight people lack extroversion more than they do beauty, and I would lay claim that is probably the main reason why she doesn't get more attention. Regardless, his comment not only attacks her weight, but also her will power, and her very motives for wanted a significant other. I do not find any truth in his statement. He is beyond rude, beyond arrogant, and probably shallow enough to drown in his own spit! He's an **** and you are right yummy_kitty quality over quantity when it comes to dating.

You are beautiful Donna (and yes I do actually mean that) whatever your reason for losing the weight, try your best not to let people's words hurt you. They are ugly and just jealous of ALL your beauty!

Solar....

I can only go by personal experience, solareclps. And in my experience, changing my weight got me more attention from men. I have not altered my personality or confidence in any way, but men just suddenly like me more. I'm not saying that more confidence won't help her. I'm just saying.... Well... Some guys ONLY like thin girls!! It's just the sad truth.  :(

I absolutely do NOT think it was okay for him to email her and insult her or give her unsolicited advice on her appearance. AT ALL!! It was so rude and presumptuous!! But so many people already pointed out how inappropriate that was, I didn't want to be redundant.

My point was simply that being skinny will score points with some men, but not ALL men are like that. The ones that are worthwhile will not be that way.

Original Post by yummy_kitty:

I can only go by personal experience, solareclps. And in my experience, changing my weight got me more attention from men. I have not altered my personality or confidence in any way, but men just suddenly like me more. I'm not saying that more confidence won't help her. I'm just saying.... Well... Some guys ONLY like thin girls!! It's just the sad truth.  :(

I absolutely do NOT think it was okay for him to email her and insult her or give her unsolicited advice on her appearance. AT ALL!! It was so rude and presumptuous!! But so many people already pointed out how inappropriate that was, I didn't want to be redundant.

My point was simply that being skinny will score points with some men, but not ALL men are like that. The ones that are worthwhile will not be that way.

Unfortunately I have to agree. Being skinny is synonymous with being beautiful even though at times it can be very ugly! Society has made a golden calf out of thinness, and lots of guys and girls worship it religiously. It's wishful thinking to want the ideal of skinny to go away, but maybe we can at least add more standards for women other than the stick figure models. Your post is true. Just pissed a person has the gall to be so hurtful and disrespectful. I wish people were empathetic :(

Solar...

Hey girls!!!!! if a guy only likes thin women ,,,what gave this guy the right to tell anyone what they should do to be more approachable by men how does he make up the majority of how all men feel he is speaking from his on self centered angry self ,,,if a man takes the time to get to know you and you date and you become good friends and the fact that you may have needed to lose 25 or so pounds did not bother him he just likes you the way you are than that is someone worth investing in because when you lose the weight its just an added bonus and  he will still love you  for you ,,,,,,the real sad truth about men only liking thin women is they miss out on getting to know a person that could have really enriched there lives but they let something so superficial as how a person looks stop them ,,,,, all I have to do is change how i eat and excersice and be sweet through my life style change  but  for Mr thinks he is a gift to women wont show his face and ugly attitude and don't know whats he talking about  will be much harder for him to  change his awful way of thinking ,,,,,

My first reaction is spam.  My second reaction is if it isn't spam then it's a moron.  Either way you have to consider the source.  This guy is completely inaccurate and a misogynist.  What he failed to mention was this "Most shallow guys care about what a woman looks like..." He failed to mention because the dumb ones can only see better than they can think.  I have seen male models being very possessive over a 24W.

Geez... this guy is an idiot.  I looked at your picture before I can fully say this, you're beautiful, girl AND your the same person sans 25 pounds.  Here's the deal, it does not matter what weight anyone is, they are still the same person.  Who would really want to date a man and have to be the same size, weight for the rest of their lives?  

I was at my heaviest when I married my husband.  I know he loves me dearly.  Guys all have different versions of beauty.  In the end, though they want more than just a thin, beautiful wife.  They may not know it right off because they are simple really and just go on looks but they are also evaluating other things. 

They also eat and like food too. So keep that in mind when that skinny wife of thiers can't cook crap other than a salad. Then they will want the one that cooks really well.  I think it serves them right. 

You are working on being healthy for yourself.  Please don't waste a single tear on stupid thinking on this guy's part.  Please don't feel angry for this idiot.  He clearly fails to meet the needs of any woman.  If the only depth he wants is aesthetics he will be sad for a very, very long time because he will constantly be trying to meet a deeper need, companionship. 

Solareclps, you got my post the wrong way... I think he is wright cause once you take it off you get more attention, must be the size 0 perfect woman thing still stuck most men's minds! Not that he enotionally assaulted! It seems you didnt bother to read the rest of my comment just the 1st sentence!