My Hubby wants more children... help!!!

Hello everyone!  I am in a bit of a dilemma, and looking for advice.  I am 26 and have been married for almost two years to my wonderful husband.  When my husband and I were dating, we both wanted a bunch of children.  I wanted around 3 or 4 and he wanted 5 or 6 (hehe).  When we were engaged I started having “baby cravings”.  I wanted a child so badly, and my hubby wanted to wait 5 years or so.  Long story short, we have a 15-month old daughter who is simple wonderful and the light of both of our lives.  I am the happiest I have been in my life.  I just started a job a few months ago, and I have 2 more classes before I complete my bachelors.  Even though we have a daughter who does consume our time, we also have the luxury of having a large family who LOVES to baby-sit our daughter.  We have a fair amount of freedom with one child, and with this I am content!! 

The past few months, my husband has been bringing up the subject of “baby number two.”  He really wants a boy.  I am not even close to wanting have a second child!  I have seen women who have children within 2 years of each other, and respectfully (I mean this in the best way) they look like they have been run over by a train!!  While my husband is a great father, I am the primary care provider for our daughter.  The set up we have now works for us, and I can’t even THINK about having another child for the next…well at least 3 or 4 years.  Can anyone relate this?  I am trying to think of the best way to explain this to my husband!

i think you can explain it just how you did here! point out to him (nicely of course) that you are the one who has to carry, deliver and mainly care for the baby. it's easy for him to say he wants another one, because he isn't doing all the work!

 tell him you can't WAIT to have another child with him, but you just aren't ready physically or mentally quite yet! you are so young you have plenty of time for more babies in the future. hopefully he can respect that. it's not a never, it's just a not yet!  

I would like to know about this too.  My gf is 7 months pregnant with out 3rd and I'm allready talking about the 4th one.  Maybe i should back off a little....lol

She got pregnant 2 months after we met and have been together for 3 years,  When I bring up having another one she just tells me to go to hell ;)

Tell him you want to finish your education and be more career focused rather than pumping out kids.  I would think he would understand you want to take time to better yourself and family.  You could just "practice" a lot,  I'm sure that would work too :)

I told my husband that his next wife could have the second child...

Jules: Thank you for a great line!  I will definitely use "it's not never...it's just not yet!!  :)

moxx:  You and my husband sound very similar...scary!  Thank you for the advice.  I do want to establish a career and I want to have time for myself and spend time with him!  With the 6 children he wants to have, that would NOT be possible.  Well, at least for 25 years.  hehe.

Coach_k:  I've said that... for some reason it doesn't go over very well...

Anyone else have any thoughts?  This is will just be a very serious conversation, and I want to make sure I do this right...

     I too have a 15 month old.  My first two are 17 months apart and I have my hands full. Recently my husband and I had the conversation about baby #3. We both want at least 4 kids but I am not ready to have another one right now.

      I told him I would like to lose all my extra weight and get our son through the terrible twos first.  He is very strong willed and will need lot of energy and instruction.  He was very graious and agreed to wait another year and a half at least before we try. 

     I am excited to get to finish this weight loss journey and have my first two be old enough to be helpers.  I am sure if you tell him all your reasons you can agree on a time period. Give him a time frame you are happy with and see what you can compromise on. 

i think we should be aiming for zero population growth.  we don't have the resources to feed and house the babies this planet already has.

I couldn't agree with pgeorgian any more if I wanted to.

Responsible people should have kids. Then our future generations would be more likely to look after our blue dot of a home.

okay.  you're in charge of making sure that only responsible people reproduce.

it's too late to expect "future generations" to look after the planet, heidi.  we can't feed, shelter, and educate the children we already have.

and you are in charge of making sure there is zero population growth. great topic of discussion, but unfortunately doesn't follow the topic of this thread.

so, jharmon, it's against the rules to broaded our perspectives?

crazineko, if you and your husband have a good solid relationship with open communication, you will be able to honestly tell him how you feel and he will understand.  Explain it as Jules said...yes, just not right away.  Provided you have a good relationship and a good foundation, you'll be able to tell your husband anything, which is the way it should be and he will understand, even if he doesn't necessarily agree right away.

 

if anyone is interested in it as a separate topic:...as far as population growth goes....read Population Explosion by Paul and Anne Ehrlich to start (there are hundreds of other books too, that one is just my favorite)...then you'll come to your own conclusions.  I don't believe a majority of the population should be breeding right now...

right, tatjana, but it's too easy to decide that, "Hey, I have the resources, I can afford it, I should be in the minority that does reproduce."

i understand why you're encouraging a separate thread, but until we start taking these issues personally, nothing is going to change.  as long as we think that overpopulation happens somewhere else, that carbon polution is china's problem not ours, that we're somehow entitled, we're all screwed.

...that's the problem...everyone thinks they're "entitled".....that blows my mind.  Then we have people having three and four kids a piece...yes, we may have the resources *now*...maybe in america...maybe...but I shudder to think that people think we'll have those resources in 20, even 10 years (provided the asteroid doesn't hit us of course)....*snicker*

well, that's the illusion, though.  you don't even now in america.  your economy is in big trouble and your education is worse.  yes, you have some people who can afford it at a family level, but as a society, you can't.

we're not much better off here in canada, but at least we provide basic medical care and our kids are mostly literate.

still, if we don't think in global terms, it's all over.  not enough is not enough, you know?

That's true, but our welfare system (at least in Massachusetts) is pretty top notch in that if you want to have more and more kids, the more and more benefits you are entitled to.  If you are freeloading off the system, which many people in my area do (second largest city in new england), and they get free medical and free state benefits including but not limited to schooling and housing. 

Now...I'm not saying I agree with the welfare system, hell, if you're going to provide health benefits to say...those who are going to use them most, but not provide them to me...who is normal weight, healthy, fit and will use them least...there's a problem, so the illusion of resources is definitely there.  I would get more from my environment if I was a single mom with as many kids as possible.   So...people think they're entitled and the resources are there because they're not being told differently.   They will never be told differently.  They'll watch gas skyrocket to over 6$ a gallon and think we still have a never ending supply.  I agree with you pgeorgian...but in the states, the more kids you have the the less money you have, the more you can get out of your system.

Single person..making good money, middle income...I'm fukced....they want over $400.00 a month for health insurance...or I don't get any.  Riiiiiight.  So...I go without and will be fined by the state of massachusetts next year on my state taxes that I pay every year because I don't have it.  

Society needs to be informed...which they are not, nor do they care to be.  It would pop the bubble of the beautiful illusion they believe so much in. 

the point is, it doesn't matter how much money or how many resources you personally have.  thinking in terms of personal resources is the problem.  in terms of global resources, nobody has enough.

I understand what you're saying.  I'm saying that in america....they want to keep everyone in the dark...it's all an illusion, and people believe that because they want to believe that.   No one will listen to us here...we're just two people on a calorie counting website.  Maybe...just maybe, someone will pick up a book (which of course, is doubtful) and maybe start with Population Explosion, or even Diet for A Small Planet (Frances Moore).  You are I see eye to eye on this. 

It doesn't matter if the kids are homeless and foodless in Ethiopia or America or France....it's all the same...they are all suffering and will continue to suffer because people are selfish and believe it is their "right" to have children. 

yep.  and you're probably right that nobody will listen, but to stop talking about it definitely isn't going to help.  there's always a possibility--even if it's a slim one--that something will sink in.

Of course irresponsible people can have responsible children, too. I just don't think ZPG folks should be polarizing themselves against people who want to have kids. One can both have kids and be green TODAY to ensure a heathier planet for those to come. I find the greatest meaning in life from making environmentally responsible choices...10 kids or no kids.