I hurt my boyfriend ... ADVICE NEEDED PLEASE!!!

hmm.

I hate to admit it but I have slapped my boyfriend before- it was probably well deserved on his end (I know it was) & he was hurt that I did that to him but he forgave me almost immedietly.

Im not quite sure what you were angry about, but it sounds like you might have a bit of trouble controlling your emotions, jealousy & anger. You may have a problem with trying to control your boyfriend too much.

That may be the real reason he is mad, and your slap pushed him over the edge. It probably made him realize that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who is so needy.

Now don't feel bad that I am saying that, I am a needy person as well. I could  be wrong about you as well, but its hard to say from the limited information.

If you give him some space & just relax, keep living your life as though you don't "need' him & keep trying to be healthy he may realize that you still stand a chance. Seriously, if you act any more irrational it may just scare him & push him away even further.

I was very irrational at times in my relationship with my bf but he stood by me because we are in love.

Are you sure he is the right one for you?

awww hon, my heart goes out to you ((((( hugs ))))).

how about writing him a letter explaining why you went off on one and telling him how very sorry you are for what you did and accept full responsibility for your actions?

tell him you understand his concerns and you're willing to give him all the space he wants to make a decision.

its going to be hard but you must give him the space he needs to sort his head out.

in the meantime i think you might need to think about why you dont like this girl and how you can maybe come to some way of tolerating one another more. is jealousy a problem for you do you think? you might need to try and control that a bit too hon.

i hope things work out for you and your man hon, good luck xxx

raggydoll xxx

step 1: start with a simple short appology letter. simply say that you know you have done something wrong, you are sorry you have hurt him and you plan to try to get help dealing with your actions. keep it short! this is not the time for lengthy explanations of why you got so mad or how you feel, this is a simple " i was wrong, i am sorry." end the letter by letting him know you are going to back off and when he is ready to talk over things more indepth he should contact you. stay true to your word no matter how long it takes.
step 2: seek out some professional counseling. it is never okay to get physical in an argument. you need help getting through the issues that made you feel like you could hit him in the first place. you may be able to find low or no-cost help through a school or community group.

it may be too late for this relationship, you need to accept that. but without step two you will have trouble suceeding in any relationship.

Are you mad because his roommates girlfriend is living with him, or are you jealous?  Both of them are double edged swords.  I would try to meet in a neutral place, and talk it over with him.  Tell him how you are feeling, and that you trust him but you just don't know how you feel about him living with another woman thats not you. 

Just try to talk to him.  Give him a day or 2 to cool off, and collect his thoughts, men can be very very stubborn.  I know this for a fact.  But good luck!!!!!

Right after high school my boyfriend was living with a roomate and his girlfriend.  I didn't know this girl well at the time in fact I didn't like her at all.  Funny thing though is now we are best long distance friends - me having moved to AZ --We are  divorced from both those guys and remarried and have kids and she was maid of honor for me.  Everytime I get back to my homestate I stay with her.  I have no idea where in the world my first husband is who roomated with her. 

I don't know why I responded to this, but maybe just to show you things change and we grow.  If you are insecure in your relationship with your BF then maybe you need to call it quits.

My husband and I have got physically violent before (and it was all blamed on me...) and we're okay, just took a couple of days staying out of each other's way and then talked it out. It part it's actually made us closer - we only get angry with each other because we're both so into each other its sometimes the only emotion that shows how upset we are at the time.. i'm not sure that makes any sense really.

If you two are meant to be then you'll work it out.

He's probably not sure himself right now

I deal with this sort of thing all the time, well, usually the situations are far worse than yours by the time I see them, I deal with domestic violence issues (victims) for the police here. I suggest you let things cool off, be willing to get anger management counselling if necessary and learn what your triggers are. Obviously something about this girl is an issue, or would it be any girl living there? It's good to be able to express your feelings, but hitting can lead to bigger problems. I feel for you, I know it must have taken a lot to get you to that point and maybe he wasn't being understanding, let things cool. If he loves you he'll give you another chance. In the cases I deal with, 8/10 get back together; works for some...but I do see repeats over and over again when they don't deal with the issues.

dear erica, are you sure you need this man? If it was me I would get so pissed and insulted by his behaviour....   You slapped him, so what?  It alone can not lead to break up and/or to him questioning his feelings towards you. Maybe this was the last straw for him and it's better to let him go and move on. If he loves you he will give you another chance, he'll consider counceling. I think first thing you need to to is to find out where he stands. Calm, serious and sincere conversation will do. Remember, alcohol doesn't help.

I would not tolerate a boyfriend who lives in the apartment with another girl, even if she in involved with his roommate, in the first place.  I would just dropped him and walked away and get someone better - but that's me and I don't claim to be a relationship expert:)

Good luck! Try not to smack him or your next guy:)))

It sounds like he is trying to be strong, and trying to think about the whole situation.  As for the key thing, is there anyway he honestly forgot about it? I mean clothes and whatnot that are left at apartments are more obvious but a key in the heat of anger and frusteration he forgot about the key.  Although I would call him or text him or whatever and tell him that you want it back, well not that you want it back, but you are getting it back because you don't feel comftorable with him having a key to your apartment or something.  that would make me nervous at least.    i mean if things take a turn for the worse,  at least you will have your key back.  just my opinion though.  i've been through soooo many break ups, if you need anyone to talk to you can IM me look at profile, i'm always online.  haha.  good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

erica, under no circumstances a caring person should let you drive home if he knows you're intoxicated!

Wow. Red flags all over the place.

 First of all, Zaika mentioned that yout boyfriend can't break up with you just because you smacked him? Wrong. If you girls were dating a guy and he smacked you, you should definitely break up with them and the reverse definitely applies. Secondly, you say you would not tolerate a guy who lived with a girl even if she is involved with the roommate? No offense, but this sounds like your own insecurities and trust issues.

Erica, your boyfriend has no control over who his roommate dates or the fact that she lives with them. That is not his problem. I don't know how old you are, but this seems immature, especially if you have been dating for 2 years. Does this girl make you feel insecure? Does it bother you that she sleeps in the same house as your BF? You and her do not need to be friends, but if she lives there, you just have to accept it and be mature about it. You can't be bothered that you boyfriend will not cater to your insecurities about this girl. He should not be expected to leave the room every time she enters and you should not be angry that he is not following you because you stomp out. Lastly...you had to drive drunk? I am sorry, but this angers me. You are putting your life and others in danger because you and your BF got into a fight? And you say he "made" you drive drunk because he would not let you in? You drove drunk there in the first place...who made you do it then? Not cool.

I am truly not trying to offend anyone but I understand you may not like my reply. It sounds to me like you are not mature enough to be in this relationship and you are getting some pretty poor advice here. I am not saying it is all your fault, but there are def things that need to be changed here. The drunk driving first and foremost.

my sentaments as well zaika...about the drunk driving there

under no circumstances, no matter how mad he was...would my bf let me drive anywhere drunk...no way no how....not that i would drive drunk in the first place, but we live together...so id hafta leave :D

that right there is probably grounds for just ending it...safety of yourself and others is more important than some arguement....(that goes for the OP AND the bf)

1. If the girl moved in and she's not on the lease, he needs to go to the landlord if he has a problem with it b/c most likely that's not allowed. But either way, if you have a problem with her, then don't go over there. And don't go pout in his room when she walks into the room then get mad at him for not coming to see what's wrong with you. It's his apartment and he isn't required to make sure you are friends w/ whoever is there.

2. There's no excuse for driving drunk. He had every right to make you leave but it was your responsibility to find a ride. If you can't call a friend, call a cab. But don't put innocent people's lives at risk b/c you hit your b/f and had to leave. You made that decision not once, but twice and that's just selfish and reckless.

3. You need to give him space. It seems like he has a lot on his mind. If he won't return your key, then change the locks. Sounds like you guys both need time on your own to think about whether this relationship is positive or not. Just because you've been together 2 years doesn't mean you need to stay together any longer. I've been with my boyfriend nearly 4 years and we need time apart. Whether that time apart results in us staying together or eventually breaking up, we'll see. But I'm not going to stay in a relationship that isn't healthy. If he hit me it would absolutely be over. There's no excuse for that. Whether you stay with him or not you need to get anger managment counseling so you can learn to deal with your feelings.