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My Husband is an a**hat

I need pants for work.  I have no money for groceries.  But we now have 2 f'ing rabbits with brand new cages and rabbit crap.  He didn't even ask if I minded.  I do.  I told him repeatedly that I do not want rabbits.  One geriatric cat and an unknown number of reptiles and fish are enough.  He doesn't take care of anything.  The rabbits already smell.  Of course, the kids are in love with them, but they can't take care of them.  And I won't.  I don't have a dining room because of fish tanks and the crap that goes with them.  The toy room is really just a reptile room that's filthy and smells.  I can't have people over.  My kids can't have playdates except for one kid whose house is nastier than mine and I don't really like this kid.  To top it all off he calls me an inconsiderate, fat, ugly b.  He says I'm lazy because I only work 3 days a week.  At 4am to accommodate everyone else's schedule.  I'm also room mom for both kids, a cub scout leader, and cheer mom.  Not to mention birthday parties, spirit nights, and playdates at friends' houses.  Every work out is scheduled around everyone else's schedule and needs.  The only "luxury" item I won't live without is coffee beans.  I buy the $4 bag of 8 o'clock coffee not the $9 bag of gourmet.  And now I'm out of that, as well.  I have no family other than him and the kids.  I don't really have any close friends.  No one I can talk to or rely on.  I'm alone except for my kids who are small.  I'm stuck unless I die which is looking better and better.  All that the a**hole will miss is the services I provide.  Don't go there.  We haven't had sex in 3 years.  I haven't, at least.  I'm pretty sure he has.  Well, gotta run.  My lazy a** has to go to an assembly and then figure out how to do laundry with no money for detergent and feed two kids dinner with pasta sauce and no pasta.

misread OP

You need to immediately start planning your departure. This is no way to raise children.

I agree with Mooni.  This sounds really messed up.  I would see if you can start working more days/hours, save up some money of your own and get out of there with your kids.  Sorry.

If he's cheated on you, kick the basturd out.  With force.

If you are entertaining thoughts of suicide, you need to get out of the situation, take your kids and go. This is a serious, serious red flag that your marriage is not right, nor salvageable.

Please seek help from any and all agencies that might be able to offer it.

If it is less serious than you have suggested ask yourself this question:

Would leaving him and raising your kids alone be any harder than your life is now? Doesn't seem like it would be, even if you had to live on government assistance. At least you'd have a clean apartment and no one calling you fat and ugly.

NOTE: Right now, there are lots of opportunities for adult education money to help women just like you. All kinds of education grants and scholarships.

Do your research, and get yourself free.

An anonymous call to the local animal shelter will take care of all of your animals for you.  They will promptly take them all away.

Then call your social service office and tell them that you can not live in your house and you need some help to leave your husband.

It will cause a really big uproar in your household for a while, but unless ou want to live as you are you need to make a change in your life soon.

kathygator and spoiled_candy have said it all, and said it more succintly than I could have! Please, reach out for help. If you don't, no one will know what you and your kids are living with.

I recently left my husband of almost twenty years. We have three kids and I wish I had left sooner, for the sake of the two older ones.

It is not easy to leave; but it is not easy to stay in the circumstances you have described.

Many prayers, and best of luck.

If you would like to talk to someone, I would love to be an online "friend". Send me a message here sometime.

Even if you don't leave for yourself...leave for your children and their future spouses.

Ok here is my 2 cents...what exactly do you find appealing about him to want to stay with him TODAY and in the FUTURE?   I wont get into the 3 yr drought but personally what in the heck are you waiting for?  I personally can say if you want first hand experience on a divorce then hey email me...I can tell you the good, bad, and ugly...I have no family or friends here but it is what it is...

I would go talk to a local lawyer (usually you can find that most on the first visit are FREE).  Get armed to know your rights but if you are staying because you want to reconcile then ok stay but if you are staying because you need him for money then you need to talk to the lawyer and get the facts.

Original Post by watergirl:

how much can you make if you get a job and how many of your kids would you have to pay for day care for? (dont count your husband)

can you afford to work - make a profit?

you  can work and leave or stay and be supermom (thats a privilege) and deal with bigchild.

 While I'm flattered that you think I'm a supermom, it's not that difficult if you are organized to be a scout leader, room mom, and whatnot.  The point was I'm not lazy as he is implying.  They are very few jobs that pay enough to afford daycare, my own place, and food, etc.  I already have a job.  It will never be a full time thing because they are too cheap for that.  I have resumes out, but am limited to the immediate area as I only have a golf cart for transportation.  My husband takes my car and leaves me the 2 seater van that almost never runs.  It's not as easy as leave or stay.  If it were do you really think I'd still be here?

I cant stress this enough...GO TALK TO A LAWYER!  I think you will be surprised.

Original Post by spoiled_candy:

An anonymous call to the local animal shelter will take care of all of your animals for you.  They will promptly take them all away.

Then call your social service office and tell them that you can not live in your house and you need some help to leave your husband.

It will cause a really big uproar in your household for a while, but unless ou want to live as you are you need to make a change in your life soon.

 It's not impossible to leave even despite your situation.  See above.

Original Post by michachu:

Original Post by spoiled_candy:

An anonymous call to the local animal shelter will take care of all of your animals for you.  They will promptly take them all away.

Then call your social service office and tell them that you can not live in your house and you need some help to leave your husband.

It will cause a really big uproar in your household for a while, but unless ou want to live as you are you need to make a change in your life soon.

 It's not impossible to leave even despite your situation.  See above.

 I would also say that it is YOUR car.  Just saying.

Original Post by ptcmama:

Original Post by watergirl:

how much can you make if you get a job and how many of your kids would you have to pay for day care for? (dont count your husband)

can you afford to work - make a profit?

you  can work and leave or stay and be supermom (thats a privilege) and deal with bigchild.

 While I'm flattered that you think I'm a supermom, it's not that difficult if you are organized to be a scout leader, room mom, and whatnot.  The point was I'm not lazy as he is implying.  They are very few jobs that pay enough to afford daycare, my own place, and food, etc.  I already have a job.  It will never be a full time thing because they are too cheap for that.  I have resumes out, but am limited to the immediate area as I only have a golf cart for transportation.  My husband takes my car and leaves me the 2 seater van that almost never runs.  It's not as easy as leave or stay.  If it were do you really think I'd still be here?

 Yes it is.  Those are your only two options.  Either choice will have consequences that are difficult to deal with.  You're currently dealing with the consequences of the choice to stay. 

Original Post by ptcmama:

Original Post by watergirl:

how much can you make if you get a job and how many of your kids would you have to pay for day care for? (dont count your husband)

can you afford to work - make a profit?

you  can work and leave or stay and be supermom (thats a privilege) and deal with bigchild.

 While I'm flattered that you think I'm a supermom, it's not that difficult if you are organized to be a scout leader, room mom, and whatnot.  The point was I'm not lazy as he is implying.  They are very few jobs that pay enough to afford daycare, my own place, and food, etc.  I already have a job.  It will never be a full time thing because they are too cheap for that.  I have resumes out, but am limited to the immediate area as I only have a golf cart for transportation.  My husband takes my car and leaves me the 2 seater van that almost never runs.  It's not as easy as leave or stay.  If it were do you really think I'd still be here?

Is there public transportation in your area? Are you opposed to government assistance?

If you want to leave, you can find a way.

Regardless, you are talking to people who are trying to help - no one knows anything about you other than what you post. And based on your post, you're in crisis.

Yes, it really is as easy as "leave or stay". Sometimes the staying seems easier because all the details of leaving can seem overwhelming. (And I say this from my own experience!) However, in the long run, the staying is neither the easiest nor the best choice. Yes, leaving can be difficult. But it can be done. Call around. Ask questions. Get help. Take the assistance where it's available. Only you can make it happen!

Staying may seem easier, but honestly it probably isn't.

You have two choices here.  Stay, be miserable, get treated horribly by a guy who to me, clearly just wants to control you (hence him taking the car, etc). Or leave. 

Is leaving easy? No.  But it IS an option. 

HE is DEPENDING ON YOU not to realize that it really IS AN OPTION.

There is not public transportation in this area, but most of the city can be reached by golf cart.  I actually don't mind driving the golf cart.  It's just slow and sucks in rainy weather.  Gov't assistance is all fine and good, but I don't want my kids in that environment.  The one government assisted apartment complex here is overrun with drugs and crime.  It is not fair for my kids to have to give up living in a house, a neighborhood they can actually play outside in, and their activities just because their dad is a dill weed.  We can not afford 2 households.  We can barely afford 1.  So no, it is not as easy as stay or leave.  The fallout would be too great.  So the option is stay and suck it up for my kids.  I just hate being so alone.

Original Post by ptcmama:

There is not public transportation in this area, but most of the city can be reached by golf cart.  I actually don't mind driving the golf cart.  It's just slow and sucks in rainy weather.  Gov't assistance is all fine and good, but I don't want my kids in that environment.  The one government assisted apartment complex here is overrun with drugs and crime.  It is not fair for my kids to have to give up living in a house, a neighborhood they can actually play outside in, and their activities just because their dad is a dill weed.  We can not afford 2 households.  We can barely afford 1.  So no, it is not as easy as stay or leave.  The fallout would be too great.  So the option is stay and suck it up for my kids.  I just hate being so alone.

 That's your choice then.  You've been given multiple options.  Talk to a lawyer, call a social worker (they're TRAINED to deal with situations like YOURS and there's more govt assistance out there than one apartment complex), etc.

If you're not going to even consider the advice given, why bother posting the question?

Eat the rabbits.