Husband = Diet Sabotage

Honestly, why is it everytime I am doing well, my hubby decides he wants to go out to eat? Not only that, but he is "craving" Red Robin. What, is he getting his period?!? If you have never been to this establishment, they serve HUGE gourmet burgers (veggie versions for those of us that prefer the non-animal version) with, are you ready for this, ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT STEAK FRIES!!! I may have failed to mention that I am a potato junkie. I love all potatoes in any form!! Fries are my biggest weakness and he is taking me to a place that lets you order them until you puke!!

I went online to pick my dinner and of course they do  not offer nutrional information, which by the way, really irks the crap out of me, and I am going to order the lettuce wrapped boca burger, no cheese with mustard not dressing and a small salad, hold the F'ing fries. Though I know he will order mountains of those greasy, delicious, wedges of sheer pleasure and I am going to have to tie my arms to the chair to keep from eating them. I figure the boca burger is the least evil and will cost me about 200 cals. Havin it wrapped in lettuce vs. bread will save me a crap load of cals. I am guessing my dinner will total out to be about 450 calories all said and done and that puts me over my alloted amount by 200 and on a "non- exercise" day too. I really wanted a good weigh in tomorrow for the start of the biggest loser challenge.

Sorry, I tend to panic when my food plan get disrupted. Especially on a non-exercise day when I am doing so well. Am I the only one who has a difficult time staying on track because of someone in their life?

Hey Mpershing

Sorry to hear about your wife.  too bad she can't be more supportive.  Why can't she make dinner again....silly me I thought that was kinda part of being a stay at home mom.  Not that I want to betray my sex or anything but what the hell?  My mom was responsible for 6 children and still made dinner everynight.  She loved it when our father and us kids would help clean up but c'mon.  Anyway i feel for ya man.

gee, once i made a similar post and i was ripped to pieces.

my boyfriend likes to buy ice cream because he loves it, and he knows i love it. so, i feel you on this one.

also, i went to a red robin once, in seattle, and ordering my burger confused the heck out of me! i tell you, washington and new jersey are two different planets.

mpershing, you have my sympathy.  Your wife sounds, to be frank, unbelievably self-centered.  You, on the other hand, sound like a patient, decent man who deserves a lot better.  I wish you the best.

mershing,

hi my husband and i have been at this diet thing for 2 years now..And we only been married for 8 months. my husband can be a handful. He is muscle, and i a flab to his muscle..


I am not a stay at home wife, but i do make sure i lay something out for dinner the same night or first thing in the morning when i get up. He comes home for lunch all the time, so he can put it back in the icebox when he gets home.


But there is a thing with our mates that we don't like. We can be cooking late, because i do it a lot too, and he will say.. Ihop or MD's to the kids and they are grabing keys and running out the door with me right behind them.


Waste a lot of food like that too.. I don't care for wasted food, that is money that should be in my body, and not in the trash can..
But back to why i posted this post to you.. There is a book you can get that will help you on your diet. I got one of these last year.. It works great.. The Doctor Pocket Calorie Fat & Card Counter.. Here is the website to order one..www.CalorieKing.com.

This should help anyone who reads this..... Who has someone who wants to take them out to eat all the time.. I use this thing like it is a golden rule.. Try it..  I don't eat out much.. But if the restaurant is not in here.. I do not eat there.. That is my rule..

My husband does the same thing. Every week he wants to buy a steak & potatoe for dinner (we bbq at home) and he knows NEITHER of those is on my "allowed foods" at the moment. So I've just told him, get a small steak & we'll split it, same with the potatoe. He's been OK with it. I actually told him the other day when he wanted something completely out of the question, "do you want me to stay fat?" And he backed off. I think he finally got that I am dead set on losing this baby-weight.

I will say that for SOME people, if they marry an overweight person, and then that person decides to lose the weight, then the spouse starts to feel threatened and insecure about themselves. In their mind the REASON they chose an overweight person was so that that person wouldn't leave them. But now there spouse is trying to get fit & look better, they might realize that they aren't such a good catch after all. I think that's why many spouses sabatouge our diets, whether conciously or not.

I too understand!  My boyfriend likes to eat out as well.  I always tell him to pick the place and I will work around it.  He gets mad and says he hates it when I diet because we can never eat where he wants to eat.  Like I said, I tell him every single time I can work around it.  Then we are at home, he does all the cooking.  I am doing Weight Watchers and he gets offended when I don't eat what he cooks.  He loves to cook with vegetable oil and lots of margarine and butter.  If it were up to him, everything would be drenched in lard.  He is always offering me food and I keep telling him not to do that.  Even his mother tells him not to do that and she blames him when I gain weight.  He didn't too upset tonight when I didn't eat what he cooked.  He baked chicken but he drown it in veggie oil.  Then he fixed a Lipton rice side and soaked it in margarine.  He also soaks the green beans in margarine.  I use Land O' Lakes light butter with canola oil.  It is only 50 calories for 1 Tbsp. and don't use any more than that at a time.  I have even cut that out of some things like my malt-o-meal and oatmeal.    I did Atkins for a while but gained everything back and a lot more and then found out how truly bad that diet is on your insides.

to mpershing - oh dear! that sounds like my first marriage! My first husband nagged me constantly about my weight, my food choices, my food intake - and then nagged me if I ate a small amount or refused desert! We had a lot of income, no credit cards and he hated to eat out because it was "a waste of money."

If not going out to dinner will cause a fight, then there is something terribly wrong. Does your wife have no access to the bank account? Does she know that you are going broke by going out to dinner or does she know that you are NOT going broke - but that you can afford it so "why not?" How many children is she at home with all day? My current husband and I used to eat out about twice a week(we have no small children) Then his mostly grown(20) middle son moved in with us and suddenly we ARE broke! Now we PLAN our dinners out. He's paid twice amonth and we look at our finances and if we can afford to go out we plan it! I am retired and receive just enough to cover utilities and a bit of spending money. Sometimes I tell him that I'm taking him out. HOWEVER, it was a difficult transition to go from twice a week to to twice a month!!!

What ever you do, DO NOT say anything to your wife about her food intake or compare her eating habits to your new plan.

You definitely have my prayers!

kt

I have been married for 32 years and for 32 years have made a separate meal for myself than I did for my family or husband.  I prefer to eat healthy and he prefers to kill himself slowly with meat, fat, sweets, etc.  When we eat out he gets the steak and fries and there is always something light on the menu that I can get and enjoy.  I guess I am just used to it after all of these years.  Sad thing-he will probably outlive me!!

Hi there, wow 40 pounds is great in such little time, do you mind sharing what exactly you're doing and how many calories you intake. I started my diet January 27, 2007 and in 2 months I lost 20 pounds, but since then I've been pretty steady...not going down anymore. Maybe your regimen can help me.

Thanks. Keep up the good work!

RED ROBIN UPDATE:

First, I must say that I have NEVER pushed my diet on my husband or children. I am a vegetarian he is a die-hard meat and potatoes guy. So much so, that I cook 2 seperate dishes (something he likes and something I like) for every meal. It is hard, but I could never expect him to follow my eating plan unless he wanted to.

That being said I went to Red Robin without mention of my desire to do otherwise. I did not want him to feel bad knowing that I really did not want to go. I ordered the Boca burger wrapped in lettuce (vs. a bun) and had them hold the dressing. I also had a small side salad with rasberry vinagerette (NO FRIES). Well, I ate 3 of my sons fries but compared to what I could have had or would have had a few months ago, I feel really good about my choices.

Food aside, my eldest dribbled some water on his shorts and stood up in the middle of dinner and took his pants off!!!! You gotta love a 3-year old :) We convinced him that he had to wear pants while he ate and that the water would dry. Our fellow diners thought it was pretty funny so I wsn't nearly as mortified as I would have been had we been seated around a bunch of kid-hating snobs.

It is good to read that so many of us are facing the same challenges on our quest to health. Good luck ladies and gentleman!!

Honestly, I think my husband's need for junk food goes a little deeper than his own mindset, or his cravings, per se.  I really believe he wants me to stay fat, even though he professes to support my weight loss.

We have no kids, and we married at 40,.  We've been married 19 years now, and I've gained 100 lbs in that time.  I went from slim and svelt at 125 lbs 5'9", to lumpy and ill with a heart attack and two strokes last year. 

Afterwards, I lost 20 lbs, but now he has started buying 2 and 3 gigantic bags of chips and cookies every few days -- FOR ME. 

I have a salt fetish, and he knows it.  He has always brought home all the junk food that I like, but very little that he likes.  Things are really getting tough around here now.  I've been good, rationing my chip binges to about 100 calories with incredible will power, but I just quit smoking this year too, so it has been a huge struggle for me, and lately, I just burst out crying for no apparent reason.  I think it's time for a long talk with the junk food terminator -- me. 

I'm sure he wants me to remain overweight, but I won't go into all the reasons I think so.  Y'all can use your imaginations.  :P

Problem is, I feel that subject (of the reasons) is on his taboo list. Well, I know that's all the more reason to broach it, so....

What do all of you think about the Nutrisystem or Jenny Craig diets?  Doing that may be the only way I could enforce the rules, but don't know anything about them.

my bf wants to eat out all the time too. not really at restaurants but take out. i dont always have to say yes and i could always just pick the 'right thing' but my stupid mentality is 'well, we are out and spending money...might as well be good'. i dont know why i think like that =/

speaking of sabatoge..... i was craving an iced mocha coffee. i know they put ton of syrup in it so i opted for a diet coke instead. i gave my bf money and told him to get a big thing of diet coke or possibly diet dr. pepper. he came back with a SMALL bottle of CHERRY COKE! i was like "how did you get a small bottle of cherry coke out of a big bottle of diet coke?".  he tells me i dont need the diet but he knows im trying to lose weight. ugh

ok so - I just have to say that it's not entirely bad that you're getting all of this taunting while you're going the tough road. I have juvenile diabetes, and let me tell you - once you are diagnosed with diabetes: EVERYONE SUDDENLY STUFFS THEIR FACES WITH SWEET SUGARY GOODNESS. At first I was super bitter. Smashing pieces of cake with my fist (literally) when someone in the office mistakingly brought me a piece. I have to think of it as if I were an alcoholic.

You're going to be around it.

You're going to have to learn to say no.

You being able to do just that- will make you win.

You go! And hand the leftovers to hubby & watch him turn into the Flinstones' garbage disposal.

Same song different verse. :)  My husband is in firefighter training, he could eat 4000 cals in a day and burn it all off.  He's always wanting to go out or bringing home junk food. I'm just getting started with this and I'm so WEAK!! :)  While he's gone to work I throw out all the junk food, I just can't take the temptation! 

AHSA:  My little girl is my motivation for NOT keeping junk food in the house.  If I never lost a lb. (and I need to lose about 130) I would rather she never have to struggle the way I do.  I want to set a good example for her in nutrition and exercise.  She's only 3, but I know that she's forming ideas about food that will last her whole life.  I want that to be good ideas about good food. 

Anyway, let's hang in there!!  We can do it!! :)

I completely disagree that you have to have junk food in the house for the non dieters.  No you don't.  Children need to be taught good eating habits early. 

It's easy to increase caloric intake for those who need it, by increasing portion size and adding small amounts of healthy fats.  For example - The dieter can have an open face peanut butter and all fruit sandwich.  The non dieters can have two slices of bread and more peanut butter, and even a second sandwich if they need it. 

There is absolutely no excuse for having trans fat laden cookies and over salted, greasy chips in the house.

clairlaine is right ... it's tools you give everyone in your home. it's not light they would starve to death. who wouldn't want to learn about how to read labels, etc. anyhow? when they go off to college they'll be thanking you.

Well yes, I can agree there's no need for junk just for the children, but when they are teens, if you haven't set a good example, it's quite possible they'll bring it home anyway, especially if they have a job.

However, I feel my partner has as much of a right to bring whatever into our home as I do and as much of a right to determine what goes into his mouth as what goes into mine. We own the fridge and cupboards in common after all.

So he brings home cookies, chips & chocolate. I bring home Guiltless Baked Tortilla chips & produce. I look at his food, at times longingly look at his food, but I don't eat his food. I figure, I'm going to be around this stuff my whole life, may as well learn to cope. Besides, it gives me excellent training for turning down the high-cal scary foods offered at work for anniversaries & special occasions.

Alright, first I am going to say you are definately not alone. In my case however, .... I guess you could say I am the kid of the situation mpershing has. My dad worked and worked really hard staying healthy and fit. He did a lot of activity and tried to serve himself small servings of my mom's food. My mom does not care about her health or fitness in the slightest. She is overweight, consdiers cheese-meat-bread-fat are the food groups, and refuses to do just about any physical activity. The result is that all four children are considerably overweight. Two of those three is significantly overweight that I fear the worse. On top of that one of those two is a single mom and her daughter age 13 I believe is considered obese. I am one of the thinnest, but still overweight. When I decided to lose weight... everyone in my family except my dad asked me why and told me I was stupid for doing such a thing.... I was already 'thin' (well in comparison...yeah I was...). I would think that my medical conditions would make them be supportive of me... but I guess my efforts make them feel bad.

Sometime you do have to just have willpower and hope that your success will motivate them to help themselves. Don't nag... but make sure you make it clear you are worried about their health. Otherwise, communication is the key. My friends understand my situation and we amke plans ahead of time if it deals with food and so forth...

Just thought I would let you guys know what it is like on the kids end of things of parents with different food/exercise lifestyles.

A little late here, but maybe it will help to know that on the BOCA site, the highest calorie burger I can find is 100 cal. Most likely, you didn't go over your calorie count for dinner.

I'm recently married of 4 months and within the last 4 months I gained 20lbs from the 65lbs I lost in the past year. My wife is not very supportive in my diet efforts. She likes to buy alot of sweets, cheese sticks corndogs, etc. She loves to eat fast food more then cook a meal at home. I try to express to her the importance of eatting healthier, especially if we are planning to have children in the future. We can not teach what we don't practice. It goes in one ear and out the other. So, I decided to take accountability for what I put in my mouth, also I have asked her to stop buying all the sweets. Is there something else I can do to have her help support me better in my journey? All positive comments would be much apprciated. Thanks!