Is my husband disrespectful or am I not cool enough?!

Hi all,
Yesterday, we went to the Misquamicut beach in Rhode Island and it was our first beach trip this year. I wore my bikini and was a little conscious about the way I looked eventhough I lost 10 lbs since last summer and in my photos I looked quite OK.
Anyway, my husband kept checking out other girls and making comments like oohs and aahs to me. Although I know he doesnt mean any harm but I was kind of annoyed about it.  I didnt say anything until this morning when he started  talking about the "chicks" he saw yesterday. I told him that it annoyed me and I think it was rude that he was checking out other girls when I was with him. He said that he thinks of me as his friend as well as his wife and that I was not being very cool.
I understand that guys check out other girls even if they are with a Victoria Secret model but I wish they were more subtle and not make such a big deal about it...

So please tell me: Is my husband disrespectful or am I not cool enough?!

Disrespectful! I atleast downplay when I am checking out other chicks. You dont want to do that in front of your wife / girlfriend!

Well, I guess as a guy, I can see both sides of this.

On one hand, I think he should have made appreciative comments towards you. He is, after all, your husband. And the "Think of you as his friend and a wife" line sounds... well, I don't know your husband, but it sounds off to me. And wtf is with talking to YOU about the chicks he saw. That... sounds off to me too. Big red warning lights, actually.

On the other hand, I think you may have been a little oversensitive. Guys DO just look at girls. We may not mean to and we don't mean to hurt you, but.. we appreciate physical beauty.

So... that's just MY $0.02 :)

My b/f ogles at girls too... I just tell him it only pisses me off b/c he doesn't ogle at me nearly as much! usually when I catch him he feels kinda bad and I get a few nice compliments thrown in my direction :) he doesn't do it nearly as much as he used to now

Go Mikey for posting to this first (as a male)!!!

That was completely disrespectful!!!  There's a difference between doin a quick look of appreciation.  it's another thing to still be talking about the girls the next day!!!   Ugh. 

That's very disrespectful... If he's going to look, the least he could do would be make it as non-chalant as possible.  That's just rude.  What i'd do would be oggle all the guys there and say oohh and ahh.. See how much he likes that.  I think he'd change his mind pretty quickly.  Maybe that's mean but it's not as bad as him doing that to you.

You're not being uncool.....

you guys need to have an understanding about it...

if it annoys you, he should respect that and refrain from being so obvious

if it doesn't bother you, you can let him know to what extent you wish to be included in his admiration of other women

I would tell you to give him a dose of his own medicine and start verbalizing your admiration of other men, but there are two problems with that.

1. He might misunderstand why you're saying it

2. Most men make so little effort to look appealing, (let's face it, straight men aren't usually the snappiest dressers) you'd probably have difficulty finding a man to admire.

No direspect, Undertherainbow.

I was trying to nicely say that guys oggle :) We do. :) I recognize this in myself and others of my sex. :)

Hee hee Nomo!!

I think he should know better than to be so obvious...If it annoys you, ask him to stop.

Thats why hubby wears the mirror type sunglasses you cant see into his eyes cause they are always wandering all over the place lol

Hmm...didn't you post pics in a binkin once?  If I remember you were looking pretty darn hot!!!  I have no problem pointing out if a girl is looking HOT and letting my boyfriend know about it.  Sometimes, I do feel a twinge of envy/insecurity if I'm not feeling particularly hot that day or if the entire room is filled with younger/hotter girls.  Ask him to throw a little love your way sometimes, too. 

I agree with hkellick that guys will check out other women and it is in a way normal, but what i dont appreciate is when they make such a big deal when you are with them! Just try to be subtle... that is my only request!

I did see a lot of beautiful men overthere but I thought it would be rude and unnatural to talk about it with my husband....

I also wish I was more comfortable about the way I looked so that I dont feel ugly when my husband oogles at some beach bombshell... I guess that is one of reason why I am on this website!!

Hmm, I may be uncool and old school, but that would really piss me off.  Maybe it's insecurities, too.  But I don't ogle over guys... and at the moment I am single.  I didn't when I was dating, I don't really now.  Mainly because I know so many stereotypical "hot" guys aren't that hot to me, 'cuz lots of them are total egotistical a$$holes.  I think it's really disrespectful for someone to do that... like Oooh and Ahhh and bring the "chicks" up the next day.  First, I think it's a little demeaning to women in general.  Second, just becuase you're a guy doesn't give you an excuse to be an animal.  I know my ex-bf has done that before, and we are still friends and hang out and I see him watching girls all over the place all the time.  It gets so old, and so annoying.  Idk it may just be me but it drives me nuts and if I were you I would totally say something! 

I guess it's good that he feels comfortable enough (as do you - kind of) to talk about other people together and not feel like he "wants" them or something.  It's good to be open and honest, so he's not just talking about them with buddies when you are not around... IDK.  I just despise the whole drooling, staring, ogling over other people because of their looks. 

...Sorry if I rambled, just wanted to add my 2 cents.

My boyfriend does the same thing, and sometimes it gets to the point where I have to ask him to knock it off as it makes me feel ugly.  But he always is very apologetic afterwards and I get a lot of "But of course I think you're beautiful" blah blah.  He would never say that I wasn't being "cool" about it.  That's not normal - you need to tell your husband that if he wants a friend to oogle women with, he needs to find one with a penis instead of his wife.

Some guys are insecure and use 'oogling' as a means to check if your still interested. If you squak, their happy. If you dont, they continue to 'oggle' until you do. THEN they bitch because you squaked!

MEN.

I think as soon as you told him that it bothered you and felt disrespectful, he should have apologized and put a cork in it.

I always joke with my DH that at least I know he's not gay. LOL. We have a thing where I'll squeeze his hand when a pretty girl walks by, so he won't miss her. But I'm in my 40s now and I'm long past competing with every 20 something. He's a guy and guys do like to look. I'm fine with it BUT I would also be pissed if he made a huge big deal out of it when I was having an insecure day. My DH understands this and he takes my lead.

Once on vacation in Miami we played a game: for every good-looking female, he paid me a quarter. For every good-looking male, I paid him a quarter. Over the course of three hours (sitting in a sea-side bar) I got really rich, proving the point I had wanted to make: there are far more good-looking women out there than there are good-looking men!

For all you men on C-C who care about your appearances and look great, thank you from me. I like eye-candy too. :-)

I think it's disrespectful.  It's one thing to glance, but it's another thing to actually make comments.  My boyfriend does that all the time and it drives me insane!  Even if a bikini girl appears on a beer commercial, he'll say something like, "Wow!  Look at those!  Holy sh*t!  She's hot!"  I've talked to him about it, but it hasn't changed.  Of course he gets very upset if I were to ever make a comment about another man.  I tried it for a week to give him a taste of his own medicine.  He actually yelled at me to stop.  I tried to make him see my point, but he only became more angry.  :'(

Jenmcc:  I think my husband wants us to have a kind of relationship that you have with your husband and it is really sweet... I am now beginning to think that I was being too overly sensitive about it.  If I was THAT ugly then probably he will never make such comments... So maybe his comments is his way of telling me that he likes the way I am and is comfortable talking to me about anything...

ahsa, I'm glad you think we're sweet, sometimes I think we're just strange. :-)

I think it's important for couples to have little private games and rituals they play with each other. Another one of ours is if he sees a pretty girl, after saying something admiring, he'll always add, "but she's no jenmcc!" And likewise, I'll do the same when I see a handsome guy. If I forget, he'll pause and put his hand to his ear, waiting to hear me add, "in a DH-kinda-sorta-way!" So in our banter back and forth, there is constant reassurance and reaffirmation of our attraction for each other.

And, as I said, if I'm having a particularly insecure day, he'll nip it in the bud quickly by my request. He may still look (I honestly think that it's an automatic reaction for men to look!), but he's much more stealthy about it (it's more like he doesn't realize he's looked, then he catches himself, and doesn't look twice), and certainly won't be making any comments to me if I've said I am not in the mood for it.

Note that it works both ways - he can have his insecure days too!!

Just another vote (from a man to boot) that he's being disrespectful.

That said, my wife claims that she doesn't understand my taste in women (I think women that she thinks are beautiful are ugly and vice versa).  But, neither of us ogle other people and then point them out to the other one like mentioned.

Omg Jenmcc, that is so sweet! [he'll always add, "but she's no jenmcc!" And likewise]

Asha, I think he should've toned it down a bit but definitely not bring it up the next day unless it was someone you two both talked about in a similar manner.