Husband doesn't want me to lose weight

Though my husband won't admit it, he really doesn't want me to lose weight. I am only 5'3 and topped out the scales at over 150 before I began losing; I lost 5 pounds over the last month. Unfortunately., I am not only too heavy but also strangely porportioned; I put on a lot of belly fat during my second pregnancy and never stopped looking just a bit pregnant.

My husband is very negative about my weight loss. It's not because he finds me attractive at this weight--he's made it clear that he does not. But HE is a little overweight, and doesn't want me losing weight because he doesn't want to. Also, I think he is a bit jealous, and would prefer to have an overweight wife than a wife who is attractive to other men.

Finally, and worse, I think that enjoys looking down on me a little bit and prefers me a bit dumpy so he can scoff at me for it.

So he's started buying a lot of candy and chips and leaving them lying around, making light of the weight loss I have already had ("5 pounds isn't really very much"), saying that women who count calories are "boring", and then, worst of all, he will make a big deal out of cooking a dinner for me, and will cook something crazy high in calories, like sausage in cream sauce over white pasta (that's what he made me for a Mother's Day dinner)/

I know, I know, clearly there are problems in my marriage, I am well aware. I was just wondering if anyone else had sabotaging husband, and how you have coped with it. I am mostly just ignored him, and told him that if he buys fatty snack foods he needs to keep them in his den where I can't see them. The hardest thing to deal with is the meals he cooks.

Anybody have similar experiences or advice?

The only one who is guaranteed to be with you til the end is yourself.  Friends, lovers, and family have the ability to walk in and out of our lives... but you are in your life til the very last breath you take.  Therefor, what you do should make you happy.  I'm not saying you shouldn't be sensitive to the needs of others, but if you want to look a certain way than you should by all means go for it, whether or not it will make your husband insecure.  His problems are much larger then your weight, they are his own that he needs to work through.  You should never be belittled for his benefit, so you do what you want to do with your life and don't think twice about it!  Make yourself happy, you truely deserve it. 

i like the idea of deciding on a place for him to keep his snacks and tossing out what doesn't get put there after a certain period of "training" time. 

and i like the comment someone made about making sure he feels like you still like him, if it really is about insecurity.

some of it sounds like he might just be an ass, that he needs to be mean sometimes, thats a different story, and you'll have to work that out on your own if you decide to,

but the insecurity part, i liked the idea of involving him some how, not asking him to share the same concerns about calories, but maybe inviting him for walks or finding low fat recipes that taste good and making special dinners out of it, great foods that he can enjoy but that are healthier versions of the high cal/fat favorites, heck, he might drop a couple of pounds despite himself if those strategies work. 

also remember that when we change the environment to change other peoples behaviors, there is an "extinction curve" which basically means that they will try even harder to see if they can get you to go to the old pattern before they change to the new rules, so if he's passive aggressive and you decide to deal with it a certain way, deal with it that way every time! if you slip up, he'll feel successful and keep on acting the old way, so you have to hold your ground and be ready for a storm before the calm. thats pretty typical, so don't be taken by surprise. but people want their needs met, so if he really wants your love and affection, he'll come around. at least i hope so for your sake. 

you are certainly worth the weight loss. we all are!

keep at it and you'll find your way. 

perhaps you might remind him that sex drive is rumored to increase with weight loss. . .  or that if he can start supporting you, you'll let him pick out the new lingerie when you meet certain goals along the path. 

I really can relate, though my saboteur was an overweight boyfriend of 8 years who lived with me, not a husband...

His common lines were "you make me feel guilty for eating what I want," "why don't you eat with me anymore," and "I don't understand why you want other men to look at you when you already have a boyfriend."  Keeping in mind I was 215 lbs with a BMI of 32 and trying to lose weight so that I could avoid the onset of diabetes and high blood pressure...

That relationship ended for me...but again I was not married to him.  I hope your husband can change his behavior for love of you.  Even if he can't, never stop loving and appreciating (and trying to improve upon) yourself!!!  You are worth the effort, and worth someone's support and encouragement.  You sound sensible enough to know that already, but we ALL need to HEAR IT sometimes.  :-)

My father used to try to encourage me to lose in one breath and then make fun of me for not doing it in the next.  I think he's become more humble over the years because he has to lose weight too now but needless to say that his attitude didn't help.  I'm not married and you said it yourself - your marriage has problems.  I just hope that you won't let him take you down and you give in to his jealousy and sabotage.  Keep going.  Throw out everything he purposely leaves out to hurt you and make your own dinner from now on.

Original Post by spirochete:

Your husband is a selfish butthole. You need to sit down and have a talk with him and set him straight.

My husband is overweight and I'd kick him in the sack for that! I wish mine was more supportive, but the worst I get is complete ambivelance regarding my fitness goals.

just had to quote that, it was brilliant!

That being said, you should be doing this for YOU. My husband tried bringing crappy food home...he'd actually try to SNEAK it in! (wanker) So I would do a kitchen purge and throw all that crap away. I wouldn't give it to my husband, I won't let him eat that crap. I told him if he wants to eat it while he's at work or out with the boys, that's fine, but don't bring that **** into my house.

Needless to say, he got the point. The worst thing that he brings home now are Quaker Oats Granola bars (haha!). though, when I get in the car to head to the store, I sometimes find a wrapper from a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup. lol (sneaky bugger!) Though, he bike commutes to work 4 out of 5 days a week. so I have no complaints if he scarfs down some chocolate now and then.

sorry, this is getting long, anyway, you need to do this for YOU, and your husband needs to get on board. if he can't support you through something as simple as weight management, how is he supposed to support your marriage? My husband and I go to counseling, eventhough we don't really need it anymore. It's really helped us, he used to be VERY critical of me. Now? he supports me 100%, because he realizes that I do EVERYTHING and ANYTHING for him. (as it sounds like you do for your husband)

Keep your chin up, you can do this! if you want to chat, feel free to email me.