My husband and I kill each other's health goals!

We do great when we're apart (he works on the road a lot), but as soon as we're under the same roof we eat like teenagers and park it on the couch!  I know part of the problem is the fact that he's on the road so much that when he comes home all he wants to do is relax and unwind, and the other part of the problem is the fact that we both want to let the other decide what we're going to eat.  We end up spending so much time having the "What do you want to eat?" . . . "I don't know, what do you want?"  conversation that after an hour we just give up and ask our 5 year old what he wants.  The usual answer is "a cheeseburger", but he also picks stuff like spaghetti, the Mexican restaurant down the street, or a sandwich, too.  Either way it's not the greatest situation to be in when both of us have weight to lose. 

I want to lose weight mainly for the aesthetics (i.e. the swimsuit), but he needs to lose weight because he's about 80+ pounds over-weight.  When I'm by myself I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, some chicken, healthy cereal, and drink lots of water.  I even manage to get on the treadmill every now and then.  When he's home the fruit mostly goes untouched, I don't usually eat cereal for breakfast (because he doesn't eat "breakfast" for breakfast), and I hardly cook because I don't get the chance to spend much time cleaning the kitchen since we're focused on being near each other while he's home...it's sweet but counter-productive to our health. 

My advice to myself is to stop letting him influence my meal choices so much, and stick with my gut instinct of what I need to eat.  Easier said than done.  He doesn't like it when we eat totally different things (like if I go out to get him something and I just have a salad that I make at home).  He feels he needs more calories per day and doesn't like fruit and salads, so he persuades me to compromise my position and eat something more similar to what he's eating and almost makes me feel guilty for not wanting to eat something from the same burger place (or wherever) he wants food from.  What's worse about the whole situation is that he blames me for not being strong enough to argue against him and come up with something better for him to eat that he'll actually agree to.  He says that I need to just put my foot down and not let him use his powers of persuasion (which are really strong) to get his way.  But what about him having a little consideration of the fact that his influence over me is extremely strong - and he knows it - and being able to control his own actions and desires without putting the blame on me.  Every time I've tried to counteract his suggestions for unhealthy meals he out-maneuvers me, and we're left sitting there eating some kind of high fat, high calorie garbage.  AAAHHHH!!  It's so frustrating!

Does anyone have any advice for how to get through this sort of health-killing relationship?  (The love part is fine, by the way, so I'm not looking for "dump that guy" type of advice.)

I understand where you are coming from. I am 5'3 and my husband is 6'3. He has started weight watchers and is allowed 44 points (about 2200-2600 calories) CC says I should be eating 1350 calories. He always has room at the end of the day for treats or even another meal worth of food and I don't.

He is always wanting to go to wendy's after work to fill his points, or have ice cream or cook something at home. He tries talking me into it, have some, its ok if you go over a little etc.  It hard for me to go to the drive through and not get what I used to get, and almost impossible not to get anything at all.  We also enjoy going out to eat on our day off together. It is so much easier for him to fit all these things in since he can eat so much more and still lose.

Hey! I'm new here, but I love the idea of support for married people.  Being married, for me, is a double-edged sword.  First of all, my husband got me to see that I can't get by on 1600 calories a day!! I'm 6'3" and through my husband's support, I've realized that 150lbs is just unrealistic for me

That said, he HAS NO HEALTH GOALS! Lol, I had to write that in all caps and get it out.  Hubby has some sort of super metabolism - he lives on sugary coke and a see-food diet, and has nothing more than his beloved "belly" (that extra inch he can push out to affect a keg) to show for it. 

One thing we both love, though, that is healthy, is the Cesar Salad (a la home option).  Imagine a big green salad with chicken breast, chopped egg, and low-fat cheese on top, with his pick of dressing?  Healthy, and you can put less topping on yours for fewer calories.  He gets his protein and fill-me-up manly goodness and you get your healthy lunch or dinner.

Does anyone have any idea how to motivate couples to exercise more?

This is one of my biggest wt loss issues. My husband and I are constanty sabotaging each other. If he's trying to eat healthy I seem to be in the mood for sweets and vice versa. We sit and watch tv in the evening and take turns getting up to get something to eat. Every time I see what he has I decide that looks pretty good so I get up to get something. This goes on back and forth all evening. My semi-adult kids are always giving us grieve about the fact that after supper we both seem to be eating constantly. Honestly, I think it's true.

I totally agree with the whole **One of us gets something to eat and brings it to the livingroom and then the other looks at it and wants some too** thing. I have lost 10 lbs so far since being on Calorie Count and I think the only way to fix this sort of thing is sheer will power, I know a lot of people don't have this and I am normally the spokesperson for people with no willpower, but something changed with me about two years ago when I decided to quit smoking - I just got fed up with it and used the patch for about a month and a half, now close to two years later I'm still not smoking (Thank God!!). I contribute most of my weight game to quitting smoking actually but the same with weight loss and eating healthy. Despite the fact that my husband sometimes would make little comments about my weight (which I resent, however also know he's right), but what really started to get to me was the fact that when I went out in public, I would see my old friends (guys & girls) and just feel like either A. hiding before they saw me or B. talk to them and not be rude then feel really crappy afterwards because of the way I have let myself go. I thought about this and got really down on myself for a while, but then thought you know what? I'm better than this - so I started saying to myself that the only way I'm ever going to be happy is to start eating healthy and exercising. It's working!!! (Little by little, but it's working!) This way I know I'll more than likely be able to keep the weight off better. I can't weight until I meet my goal, 46.4 more lbs to go, but I'll be there in no time and won't be ashamed to let ANYONE see me! Another thing I always think to myself is That "Eating that doughnut or bowl of icecream will never feel as good as the feeling of being thin and knowing you look good! 

I quit smoking 9 yrs ago after smoking for 20 some years. It was the best but hardest thing I ever did. I think it took me a year before I felt normal again. Dieting {or changing my eating lifestyle] doesn't have the same physical and mental upheaval for me as quitting smoking.

I think my husband got the message that I was serious tho when he brought me home a slice of coconut cream pie. When I entered it I couldn't believe that one little piece of pie was 500 calories. That's 1/3 of my daily allowance. The calorie count thing is really working for me because it's so easy. Just enter and it tells you how many more cals you can have for the day

Hi, I'm new and I completely understand your position.

My hasband and I often have the "what do you want for dinner' back and forth. That said, I believe that our dinners are quite healthy most of the time. While I like junkfood, we don't eat it as dinner. |You say you let your 5-yr old chose.

Now, tbh is that how you want your child to grow up, on a dinner of burgers when he wants?

I don't have kids yet, but I know that my parents did the right thing by having healthy dinners every day sitting at the table together and I want to do this for my child. My husband who was tubby as a kid is adement that he will feed any children healthy and be a good role-model.

Bottomline: your child must be reason enough for both of you to lead a healthy life-style?