My husband Loves to eat out....

Okay so I have to lose one hundred and four pounds to reach my goal weight. And I have a husband who loves to eat out all weekend long at least lunch and dinner, sometimes even breakfast. He is over weight, but doesn't plan on changing, and my weight loss is doctor recommended. The other day I got done working out around eleven and he called me to bring chinese food from the local buffet, which he then asked me to stay for a while and him and my daughter enjoyed their chinese(meanwhile I was starving and desperately wanting a peice of general tso's chicken) So i guess I am just wondering who else is in my boat? My daughters are both little toothpicks and although they will eat fruits and vegies I don't really keep them from rolls or strips or fries, because they do eat a equal amount of healthy and non-healthy items. But my husband likes meals like chicken strips with fries AND mashed potatoes, and he is hispanic and likes lots of homemade tortillas and chips and salsa and things and during the week I have to make these meals for him and my daughters and try to mantain a twelve hundred calorie diet for myself, and on weekends it's time to go out to eat, so does anyone know any good things to eat at reasteraunts or good resteraunts to go with healthier choices? Especially mexican or chinese because those are both usually every weekend..

Well, I think you can take control of this situation without having to rely on restaurants.  I noticed you said that you create homemade dishes throughout the week... this is the perfect opportunity to use lower fat, lower sodium, and nutrition-filled substitutes without your husband even noticing a difference in taste.  Check out recipes on this site or google search for others. 

Honestly, whether he wants to get healthy or not, since you are in charge of food you can dictate how healthy the meals are. If he doesn't like it, he can run out and get fast food on his own.  I know that sounds kind of harsh, but food and obesity- related illnesses are some of the top killers in this country.  Now that your doctor has convinced you to become healthier and extend your life, wouldn't you like to help your husband get there too?

If he is still reluctant, and insists on eating high-fat food, tell him that it's fine for him, but you're going to do your own thing and he's going to have to fend for himself food-wise.  Fill the house with healthy foods for you and your daughters.   I'm sure he'd rather you keep cooking and eat the healthier food, than have to do it all for himself.

Going out to eat is a tough one, especially for mexican and chinese since those are probably the LEAST healthy choices.  I'd say avoid it completely except for special occasions.   Definitely restrict it to once a week at most.. the majority of restaurant food is ridiculously high in fat and sodium, and should not be part of a daily diet.

Congratulations and good luck with your choice to become healthier!!  You have the power to change the future of your health and your family's health.. cheers to setting a great example!

well im not in the same boat as you exactly, but my boyfriend and i like to eat out and we go for sushi and mexican the most, and we take out chinese every so often.  Whenever we do chinese I always get steamed veggies and brown or white rice- to me that's the safest route with chinese food cause all the sauces and stuff they put all over everything adds hundreded of extra calories to any dish that might have been healthy before (like chicken and veggies).  At chinese places try to opt for steamed items over stir fry.  Also when going out to eat always ask for the dressings and sauces that come with food on the side that way you can control how much you add (if any).  All the mexican places I have gone to sell taco salads and other types of salads with black beans, salsa, chicken, etc.  These are healthy so long as they arent loaded with cheese and doused in dressing.  Ask for the meat to be grilled instead of fried if possible. 

I know exactly what you are talking about.  My husband went to the store and bought ice cream when i told him i was going on a diet and wanted to loose weight.

My kids are 10 and they are helping me.  I bought a fruit tray and veg. tray.  I even got them to make the dip with fat free sugar free stuff.  The kids love it.

Try to get your kids to help you and maybe husband will join in when he see how much fun yall are having doing other things instead of goint to eat out.

I tell my family when we leave to go and eat out that we have to go to a place where they serve salad are i am not going.  I eat a lot of salad and a little of the good stuff.  Then I don't feel deprived.

I gave the ice cream away to the neighborhood kids when he wasn't looking.

If he wants to play a game with me I will win. 

I am very over weight and need to lose 60 pounds.  My feet hurt, my back hurts, and i have a lot of heart burn and i know it is because of the extra weight i am carrying.   

If you think about it 60 pounds of sugar thats almost every bag on a grocery shelf.

Hang in!  don't give up!

go out for a walk

Thanks for the advice. It's just really hard because he is very hard headed and wants what he wants. I don't know if it's just the way he was raised or what, but if he says he wants home made chicken fried steak then thats what I'm suppose to make you know? I try to cut back on some things like changing ingredients to healthier ingredients when he wont notice but thats not always possible. When we go for mexican I just eat the chicken fajitas with no cheese sour cream guacamole or tortillas, and I eat salsa with them. Chines I ate steamed rice with broccoli snow peas green beans and other steamed veggies... I try, the girls will pretty much eat what I make for them but If I am cooking a full meal for him then it's easier to make it for them too...

Given the cultural aspect of your husband's eating, asking him to give up what he grew up eating is asking a lot unless he is ready to lose weight himself. People do not lose weight for others, they do it for themselves and he is obviously not ready.

Your best defense at Mexican restaurants is to already be somewhat full from fruits and veges at home before you go. Then eat half and take the rest home - offer him the left overs. Sounds like you are doing the right thing at the Chinese place.

When you do things like fajitas at home, do portobellas with the meat. You can concentrate on putting minimal calorie mushrooms and salsa in your tortilla (check labels if you don't make your own tortillas as they come in a tremendous range of calories - if necessary, buy some lower cal ones just for you).

He may be worried that you will not love him if you are slim, men are strange things. Make sure he knows that this is not the case and he may stop orchestrating meals to put you in the position of eating things your doctor said you should not be eating.

Your daughters need you healthy and so does he.

Original Post by kristinammc:

Thanks for the advice. It's just really hard because he is very hard headed and wants what he wants. I don't know if it's just the way he was raised or what, but if he says he wants home made chicken fried steak then thats what I'm suppose to make you know?

uh, okay.... and if you *don't* make it, what's he gonna do? 

Not to be a PITA or anything, but around here **I** do the cooking and everyone either eats it, goes hungry, or knows how to make a pb&j.  So, unless I'm feeling un-creative, it's what I'm in the mood for.  If I don't know what I'm in the mood for, I'll give them a choice, but I have veto power if I'm not in the mood to cook it.

And if they whine, so what?  I'm used to it :-P

Now, my suggestions for the mexican/chinese food:  Go with homemade.  Homemade Chinese food is like the easiest thing in the world (and frankly it tastes better too).  Egg drop soup is really easy and low on cals too (I'll try to track down my recipe on here), you can make brown rice, steamed veges, and a protein -- tofu, chicken, shrimp, or even lean beef.  And for the crab rangoons??  Low fat cream cheese, canned crab meat (high in sodium, but it can be rinsed to help), green onions, some spices and Phyllo (filo) dough from the freezer section of the grocery -- and bake them.  For the Mexican restaurants I usually go for the grilled fish tacos and black beans on the side (not refried, blech).  All of this can also be made at home using whole wheat tortillas (about 100 cals each), fresh veges/salsa, and lean meats and/or beans.

Annnnnnnnndddddd.... (yes, I'll shut up after this), did the dr. put you on the 1200 cals?  For over 100 lbs to lose that seems a bit low to start off with.  Are you exercising at all? 

I dont think you can change your husband. But I do think you can do some creative cookery. Subing ingredients is a good idea. But I hear you say there are somethings that you can not get away with. BUT you can plan a menu that is healthier FOR YOU alongside your husbands cholesterol fest.

Start making an extra veggie dish for the table. Eat small portions of what you prepare for him if it is easier but use the extra veggies to fill your plate. There is really nothing wrong with a lot of the foods that get a bad rap. What is wrong is the portion size and the frequency of these meals.

On nights when the kitchen is out of my control (pizza night) I make myself an egg white omelet. I am happy because I know I am doing the right thing for me and my family is happy because I am not nagging.

Still, your kids are young and this is THE right time to get them eating healthy for life. Serve them veggies and make them eat it :) Get them used to the idea that some foods are served in small portions (chicken fried steak) and some foods are served in big portions like veggies.

Keep setting a good example and you might be surprised by the changes your husband makes. Dont nag, just offer alternative choices at the dinner table. This has worked so well for me that tonight we all had salad for dinner, My dh has never been a complainer but 6 months ago salad for dinner would have been impossible.

When the question "what's for dinner?" comes up, I say "I thought I would make myself X. What do you want?". It took some time but now days, more often than not my dh will say "that sounds good"

By the way - 1200 seems way too low to me too.  It might be easier to resist the dinner choices your husband makes if you are eating enough to stave off hunger.  Have you used CC's tools to figure your caloric needs?  Please do not use sedentary.  If you have kids, a house and you work out - you are probably moderately active.

I have a boyfriend who is constantly taking me out to eat, and away on trips, so I know it can be tough. Sometimes, I just eat the bad stuff, but I've found that if I ask ahead of time, or we decide where we're going in advance, I can look at the restaurant's website if they have one, and sometimes they have nutritional info there. I can at least look it over and give it some thought so I can walk in knowing what I should order, which saves time once we're there and cuts down on my temptation.

Salads are always a safe bet if they're not covered in bacon and other fatty toppings, and with dressing on the side. Soups can also be good as a main course, and are sometimes not so bad calorie wise.

Chain restaurants often have their nutrition facts on their sites, and sometimes even in a booklet at the restaurant. It never hurts to ask.

You might also consider trying to order off the menu..request grilled chicken breast and a side of steamed vegetables for instance, or get your baked potato plain (I sometimes sneak in a bottle of my 0 calorie butter spray or my 1 calorie per spray salad dressing)

There are ways around the fatty foods when you're out, and no, it's not as much fun, but if you've got a diet to stick to, these tricks do come in handy.

I think there is a time when a person has to say "No."

When is your health more important than your husbands taste buds? Whose going to cook for him if you are gone?

Hmmm...I am not as nice as you. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but he also knows where the door is.

Original Post by dkiesser:

Hmmm...I am not as nice as you. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but he also knows where the door is.

I’m with you girl. I don’t know what it’s like living with this man, or if kristinammc has any reason to fear not doing what he wants, but I know I would not stand for it.

And kristinammc, like dkiesser says; why is your husband more important than you? Why does what he wants to do and eat come first, when you’re obviously trying to improve and prolong your life. Not just for you, but for him and your girls too.

If you are the one cooking, you decide what will be made. If he wants to go out, let him, you and the girls can stay home, eat something healthy and good, and make an evening of it. Play a game, do a nature walk, make tea candle shapes in the back yard at night, re-arrange the living room, paint something, build something, break something.

Being a wife is not synonymous with a maid and a cook. If HE’s not happy, then HE needs to change.

Good luck, don’t give up, and never, ever, let anyone bully you into doing something you don’t want to do. It’s your life too, right?

Is there a Chick-fil-A nearby?  I had a "chargrilled broiled chicken" sandwich there the other day that was only 270 calories, high protien and low fat, and was delicious.  My wife and kids, none of whom have weight problems, had breaded and fried stuff, but I was not tempted by it at all because mine was really good.  And they have chicken strips, waffle fries, mashed potatos... the things your husband likes.

Subway has some good things too.

blue_masteress--I agree with you completely. I grew up in a family where the man always got his way. Those were dark times.

I have made it very clear to my husband that I am his partner; not his slave. We have our little tiffs like any couple, but when it comes to my happiness and health, he is my biggest supporter. Likewise, do I love him enough to take his health and happiness seriously? You bet.

My point being: "The caretaker has to take care of themselves, so that they can care for others." Many women spend so much time caring for others that they neglect their own health, emotional and mental needs--which at times, can amount to tragic proportions. I am not saying to be selfish, just to be reasonable.

 kristinammc--This is your life. I wish you strength and perserverance. Only you know what you need.

good for you honey!

lol

I would third (or fourth) the suggestion to really review your calorie intake -- 1200 seems way to low if you have 100 pounds to lose.  I have (another) 100 pounds to go, and I am closer to 1800 per day.  Yes, the loss goes a little slower, but I don't make stupid choices or feel deprived when I can eat "normal" food in reasonable size portions and still lose my pound a week.

Good luck!

Thanks for all of the advice guys.I asked the doc again today when I went  and she said a max of 1500 but she would prefer 1200 and also 5 times a week of excercise such as eliptical or treadmill. I want more cals too...I am dying of starvation LoL...Thanks for all your advice with my pig headed hubby. I actually think it's a jelousy thing because even though we have "grown" together, now he has his own self confidence issues with me losing weight..?...I dunno...I think going from what I used to eat to the foods I eat now is a little too much...But doctors orders..CC says I should be eating 1900 calories.By the way I would like some friends if anyone is looking for friends, I need all the suport I can get.

No disrespect for your doctor, but many doctors don't really know much about nutrition/weight loss.  I think staying at 1200 calories for long enough to lose 100 pounds would be setting yourself up for failure. I know that for me I could do 1200 calories for awhile, make a few mistakes and eat too much, then just throw up my hands and give up, regain the weight I lost.

Much better to set yourself up to succeed -- make a lifestyle plan that you can envision yourself sticking to for the rest of your life.  Eat foods you like, control portions, try to like healthier foods, try to move more, and have a reasonable calorie intake to keep you from feeling as if you are starving.  Just saying....

just agreeing...

Send an email query to Ask Mary about what your stats are, what cc says, and what the doctor says you have to do. Ask her if she has anything you can show the doctor about starvation mode and 1200 calories being the minimum to keep a totally sedentary woman alive and why cc suggests more calories.

Original Post by dkenworthy:

No disrespect for your doctor, but many doctors don't really know much about nutrition/weight loss.  I think staying at 1200 calories for long enough to lose 100 pounds would be setting yourself up for failure. I know that for me I could do 1200 calories for awhile, make a few mistakes and eat too much, then just throw up my hands and give up, regain the weight I lost.

 1200 calories is at the 24 point WW level.  I cetainly ate far below that to lose my weight 7 years ago.  The lowest point level was 18. 

Your post makes me sad =(  First 1200 calories per day is pretty torturous! Especially if you are used to eating much more than that. Given that your family is not being supportive or helpful it must be really rough on your emotions. You really need support right now and I am sorry to say, but if your husband can't just bite his lip, be there for like a month while you adjust, then maybe he's being really selfish and unthoughtful =(     I know this wasn't a post about judging your husband, but without support you may fail down the line when you have the really rough days where all you can think about is food.

If my husband asked me to pick up chinese, I'd tell him I would try but that it was rough for me and unfair until i adjusted to my new diet.

Do you think somewhere in his mind he doesn't want you to lose the weight? Maybe he's threatened by the fact that you have the drive and he doesn't at the moment?

Other than that i don't know what to tell you to help the situation. maybe move in with your folks for a month or two or someone else who will support your efforts to become healthy and happy.

Original Post by kristinammc:

Thanks for all of the advice guys.I asked the doc again today when I went  and she said a max of 1500 but she would prefer 1200 and also 5 times a week of excercise such as eliptical or treadmill. I want more cals too...I am dying of starvation LoL...Thanks for all your advice with my pig headed hubby. I actually think it's a jelousy thing because even though we have "grown" together, now he has his own self confidence issues with me losing weight..?...I dunno...I think going from what I used to eat to the foods I eat now is a little too much...But doctors orders..CC says I should be eating 1900 calories.By the way I would like some friends if anyone is looking for friends, I need all the suport I can get.

I think 1900 calories/day sounds much more reasonable than 1200 calories/day.  Point of reference: my weight is in the 140s and I lose weight eating 2000 calories/day.  If you're in the 200s, you can *definitely* lose weight eating that much.

Re: the eating out.  Eating out is expensive.  There must be something your husband would love to have that you can't afford.  Ideally, something the whole family could enjoy like a holiday or a Wii or a big screen TV.  (I'm aiming for guy-friendly goals, obviously!)  Why not suggest eating at home more and putting the not-eating-out-as-much savings toward that? 

And I bet your kids would love to learn how to make healthier (but still yummy) versions of their favourite eat-out foods at home.  Chinese, for example, is very healthy as soon as you remove most of the grease.  Mexican can be very healthy too if you reduce (but not eliminate) the amount of cheese in it.  You could still eat out once a month as a treat, but take turns picking the place.  Your husband will need to eat more calories than you and the kids do, but you can still make the same food for everyone.  He just takes mostly meat/potatoes/bread while you take mostly vegetables and the girls take a small portion of everything.  After all, you want to train them to like healthy foods.

To be honest, I love to eat out too.  But I'm finding that as I get better and better at cooking the types of food I'd eat out, I'm less and less bothered about actually doing it.  And a hamburger/taco/pasta that you make at home is *much* yummier, healthier and lower cal than any restaurant equivalent.  Restaurants seem to somehow stuff extra calories into food that you'd never be able to guess without looking at the nutritional info.  When you do eat out, order something you'll enjoy and just eat an appropriate portion of it.  You can ask for a to-go box with your meal and put all the food you're not going to eat directly into it before you even start eating.  I like to order steak sandwiches because that's the smallest steak you can get at a restaurant and I just don't eat much of the bread.  Grilled chicken can also be good, or any kind of grilled fish.  Starting with a non-cream soup will help fill you up without too many calories and will keep you from munching on the bread many places provide.  Stay away from french fries!  Stay away for dressed salads; dressing on the side is fine, but restaurants drench their salads in dressing if you let them.