Husband motivation?

I have seen my husband gain so much weight over the past few months. He went from a physical labor job to a desk job at the end of July; it's better money, but now the only muscle he moves is his thumb! He is constantly snacking on chips and cereal and candy. I am worried about his health more than anything. I love him and still think he is the sexiest man alive, but I worry about cholesterol and diabietes and heart failure. He doesn't think he eats that much, but when we recount his day he is at double or more the caloric intake he should be. Since the weather cooled off some, he did go on a walk with me the other night. I just don't know how to get through to him how serious this is. Any ideas???

1. Can you pack his lunch for him?  Maybe a salad, fruit and sandwich and then a couple mini-sized candy bars or baked chips (not fried) just so that he doesn't feel like you're keeping him from what he wants to eat.  Keep him full on the good stuff and the extra junk food is just so he doesn't notice.

2. Does he like to play sports?  Go out and play tennis together; go on a bike ride.  Throw a nerf football across the room at each other while doing sit-ups - challenge him; most men will rise to a challenge.  :)

3. Cook extra-healthy dinners.  Keep him full.  :)  And if he requests his favorite desert... input healthful substitutions - he'll never know!

4. LOL... don't give in easily; make him chase you around the house.

Those are just a couple things I thought of.  Hope it helps

Be honest and just tell him what you told us. Do not be a jerk about it, but also don't sugar coat the truth.

Then he must make the decision. Us men can be very stubborn and if pushed into it, we will push back and fight to not do it.

good luck!

Yes pack his lunch and give him healthy snacks instead of chips and through away all the junk food in the house.  Try and get him out with you for walks and cook healthy foods.

Help him to realize that although he's eating as he always has, his activity level has dropped dramatically and thats putting on the pounds which concerns you for reasons listed above. Suggest he take up bike riding, or running, or the gym, anything that he enjoys that will keep him moving..or....... change his eating habits. He can also change his eating a little and up his activity level a little for a nice combination.

Basically you have to show him how this job change has affected his lifestyle overall.

I have been trying to convince my hubby into taking steps towards healthier life style for years.  Nothing worked.  That's until one evening utterly frustrated I said that it's because of him my weight has been going up and my health has been declining.  I guess, since he loves me and is more concerned about me than about himself, we have been hitting the gym 6 times a week, cooking together and motivating each other.  We have already lost 20lb each.

Good luck to you.

I have been packing him fruit everyday in his lunch and I started buying baked chips a few months ago- which he doesn't mind! The thing is the QUANTITY he eats. Half a bag of baked chips is still not good for you. I try to make pretty  healthy suppers, but its hard to make serving size for two. I usually make enough for 4-8 and if I don't putt the leftovers in tupperware he scoops up serving 2. Then I end up packing his leftovers for lunch anyways. I don't buy salad stuff cuz it just goes bad. I have wasted so much money on bags of salad, but we just don't like it. Any lunch ideas?

i just buy travis those lean cuisine or michelina's advantage things and then pack some fruits and veggies for him. he'll eat basically anything if someone else makes it for him. :)

Be honest with him, express your concerns.

Being a husband who was in a similar position I have to tell you that talking to him honestly might not help. He will resent you (and I speak from experience). His problem is probably snacking. Keep snack foods away from the house. But what really did it for me was seeing myself in pictures and on film. Our new camcorder brought me (indirectly) to cc. I was so shocked by what I looked like...

I explained to my boyfriend when I decided to change my eating habits, that I thought that he should too.  I told him all about the health risks and told him all about BMI and Height/Weight ratios, and all the information that I was finding out, I told him as well.... I bought a scale, and now we both are trying to loose weight and eat healthy.  We've been going on walks when we can with our daughter, which is only twice a week, when we are actually home at the same time.  He was 215 I think at his heaviest... Now today he's at 168... He exercises with weights and a punching bag... He has lost more weight than me, but he has a very physical job... He thought that he would look weird if he was "skinny" but I explained to him the health risks.... and now he understands that it's for health reasons...  Maybe if you get him into this site, explain things to him, etc... etc... There is a really good book that opened my eyes to all the health risks... It's called The Take Control Diet by. Dr. Ian Smith....HTH

Gypsy

Is there anyway you could get him (or do it for him) to log his calories for the day?  Maybe seeing some numbers would help make him feel motivated.  Trouble is though until someone is ready to listen it's hard to get the message through to them.  You do have to try, but not push so hard they tune you out or get mad at you.  Sometimes hearing it from a stranger or your doctor may get through when  people close to them get tuned out.  You can also lead by example.  When he sees your sucess and your changes it might motivate him to join in too.  

my hubby had no idea how many calories he was eating.  he's like most guys where he'll just shovel the food in and i always nag at him (wrong, i know) that he's not even tasting it.  he is diabetic, roughly 190-195 lbs.  he hates to exercise!  so after hearing me talk about calories so much, he finally let me get him an account on here and enter his food.  he was SHOCKED by the fact that he was consuming 3000+ calories.  for a few weeks he started entering them.  and he lost like 10 or so.  but he got lazy and quit entering.  STILL, it gave him a bit of perspective on the calories, so he's made small changes, not eating as much at work or eating chicken instead of steak sometimes.  and i'm the chef in our house, so i make sure we eat healthy (for my own weight-loss reasons plus for his diabetic reasons).  so perhaps if you told him you'd enter his stuff for him (yes, their childish sometimes, but whatever it takes) and let him see for himself how much he's eating, that would help.  

I also posted this in the same thread under the Motivation Forum - put it here just in case you miss the other one)


My husband basically said to me what you just said in your post about your husband.  He is concerned about my weight because of health factors and would like to see me lose it so that I don't have an early death.  Maybe if you try to tell him what you told us, and show him the "proof" (log a day or 2 of his regular meals, snacks, etc and his activities) and then the stats for the risks for someone his age and weight and explain that you love him regardless of size, however you want him around a LONG time to be able to love him!

~Chelle

It's kind of interesting. My uncle just had his quintuple-bypass surgury. He says that if he can't enjoy himself and eat his Italian sausages and smoke his cigars, then why even live?

It's kind of perverted if food and cigars mean that much to you. That means it has gone to the realm of addiction.

If you talk to your husband and frame it as if you want to be able to enjoy your marriage for as long as possible and neither one of you should let food and the need to sit on your asses get in the way, he should be sympathetic to that; it comes down to this: what means more to him? His lifestyle (i.e. eating chips and hotdogs and processed food and not excersizing) or you?

Present this to him, and see if he would be motivated to change this for you. Of course you could help him and be there with him for it, as you want to change for him, too. It's hard, I'm working on my fiance, too. But it's worth the work.

There's one thing that hasn't been discussed, and I'd like to see what the men here have to say about it. 

Many men will not do anything a woman tells them to do.  Their minds seem to interpret our suggestions as commands and tune us out.  If it's not their idea, they reject it.  I think that trying to convince them does no good because they just don't hear us.  He's going to have to come to the decision to lose weight and be healthy on his own.

Clairelaine>> Essentially you are very right with what you say for the average man. Not saying I am or am not the average guy ;)

What concerns me is if it was myself saying the same story about my partner...... I get the leave her alone. It is not the body, but the mind that you are with etc.... etc.... Women have issues you would not understand about weight and you should not discuss it.

Us men are the same, but it has been instilled over generations to not look concerned etc..., but the fact is we are probably scared and don't understand what is going on, because our magazines never focus on our weight, so we rarely consider it an issue.

I remember reading somewhere this line that made me smile -

Women can have equal rights when they can walk down the street with their top off, gut hanging out, and feel proud.

Maybe the guy is scared? Men hate change, and altering consumption.... well..... this is a major thing that needs consideration in his cave to come to an answer :)

Ok.... lots of waffling there ;)

thanks for those insights, roj and claire.  i'm still trying to figure out what makes my guy so resistant.  yes, i try to cook healthier meals, but he still loves to go out to eat, and of course i can't say anything about what he orders, or eats there.  and i don't know what he eats at work, or on the way there and back.  drive-thru being so handy.  i think he truly believes that it doesn't make any difference that he is way over a healthy weight.  he likes the new "skinny" me, but that isn't making any difference, either.  i was hoping it would motivate him to at least try it for a while. it's not like he's never said anything about losing weight, he used to say he was going to get himself a new motorcycle when he got down to 220, or something.  but now he's at least 290, and he hasn't mentioned that for at least 5 years.  lots of women my age are already widows, and i don't want to be one. 

As someone who went from a labor job... to an office job.. and went from healthy to obese... in the same process. Perhaps my personal experience in this matter may be of help... then again, everyone is different.. so who knows ;-)

I had poor eating habbits, which was compensated by labor intensive work. This means, I could eat utter crap.. and still not gain weight. When I went into a desk job.. all that exercise was gone, but my food intake did not change. I shudder to think about it.. but McDonalds was a common stop for me.. and Fritos were my favorite snack.

I never ate in excess.. or so I thought... but 4000 cals a day.. just eating what I thought was normal food, added up to 411 lbs in about 2 years. After those two years, my weight stayed right about there for 8 more years... till I got off my ass and did something about it.

So.. looking back.. why didnt I listen to all the people who told me the crap I am eating would make me fat and possibly kill me. Well, here are some reasons...

Thought: I work hard, I deserve to eat the stuff I like, I just need to not eat as much.

Reality: I believed i liked a lot of those foods.. but after 3 weeks off them, I found they were not tasty or flavorful... instead.. they are kinda nasty and made me feel sluggish. Perhaps allowing yourself to eat those foods, but limiting it to once a week at first.. then eventually once a month.. would help.

Thought: I dont eat too much.. I eat about the same as those around me, or as I ever have.

Reality: Its not the quantity of food, its the food itself. If you now work behind a desk.. that is 8 hours a day of inactivity. Even using the stairs, walking and other forms of exercise are not enough to compensate for the difference from 8 hours on your feet, to 8 hours of sitting on your butt. You must change your diet to compensate.

Thought: I dont want to diet.. I hate starving myslef and feeling hungry.

Reality: This is not an all or none choice, as it is percieved to be. You can eat healthy, not be hungry and enjoy the foods you eat... It just takes making small choices when it comes to eating.. hungry at night.. grab an apple.. or some carrots.. maybe a fruit coctail. Just not the bag of chips. Even on a lesser scale.. hop over to wheat thin crisps (Veggi are awesome). Pretzels beat the hell out of chips.. but even the baked varieties are better than the saturated fat beasties.

* Note: this doesnt mean you will lose weight.. but lessoning the fats and eating better.. no matter the quantities will help you feel more enegized and possibly motivate you to living better.

Some small things that helped me.

1) Buy a george Foreman Grill.. Keep plenty of stock in the freezer. I had to do this because when I didnt feel like cooking, fast food, or going out was the obvious choice. Having this grill ensure I have a meal in less than 10 mins.. so if I dont feel like a big prep.. well toss a piece of chicken in there and put it on a bun.. BOOM dinner... and a hell of a lot more tasty than any fast food.

2) Walk after lunch. It isnt hard, and we all have at least enough spare time in hour lunch breaks for a 15 mins walk.. Instead of sitting in the cafe, just walk. Doing this also helps to lesses the amount of food you eat. A sandwich followed by a walk and you are good.. where if you hang out staring at the other foods, you will want it.

3) Lots of fruit. if you dont like fruit.. give it 3 weeks, and you will. It just seems to work that way. Eat a variety of fruit and any time you get hungry between meals grab some.

4) Stop eating fast food for one month. I did this and never ate it again. Once you break the habbit.. you find you dont want it.

5) Stop eating sugar filled sweets for one month (different month than fast food) I did this.. and once i did.. I found all cravings and desires for it were gone. (though the fruit may help there too)

Dunno, thats all I got for now.. As I said everyone is different, but this is definately my experience. I would say he needs to see this as something he wants to do.. not as a burden he needs to take on.. No one who sits in an office and isnt used to it would be willing to take on additional burden.

zirbirt....your post was really helpful, thanks! i'm having a hard time getting my husband to get into a healthier lifestyle, and he keeps getting angry that he can't continue to eat fast food everyday or sit and eat a half a box of girl scout cookies, haha.

i'll have to give him some of your tips!