My husband is NOT on my side!!! Grrrrr (RANT)

Yeah he's happy I lost 80 lbs.....

Yeah he's happy I am much healthier.....

Yeah he's happy I am in the best shape since we've been together.....(11 years)

Yeah he compliments me.....

BUT WHY DOES HE INSIST ON GOING OUT ONCE A WEEK TO OUR LOCAL SPORTS PUB FOR DINNER/DRINKS?

I have NO will power to sit in a pub and drink water and eat salads.  Every Thursday is beer/wing night so it's super cheap when you order wings.  (Get a pitcher of beer for $5.00)  And the worse part about it?  The food isnt even that great.  The next day I always feel like CRAP and the guilt is bad.  The guilt is REALLY bad.  i jumped on the scale this morning and I am up 1 lb.  Now I can look forward to a day of beating myself up!  How wonderful!!!!

Have a great day :)
~H~

I know how you feel only mine is with my friends. I went over like 1200 calories in one night. But I just figure the the next time they want to go out I will try to save as many calories that I can in the day then I can afford to have a drink or to and some food while I am out. It would be much harder if it was every week that I had to deal with it good luck.

yea that is hard to do... is he on a diet with you also??  because if not you can't expect him to completely sacrifice every part of his life for your diet... i mean, i'm sure even if he's not dieting your home life and meals are different.... maybe you can only do every other wing night with him?  or plan ahead for it.... leave room to have a beer and a snack but don't go overboard with it... remind yourself you don't even like  the food and you don't have to eat just to eat.... maybe plan that as being your dinner (even if you spend a little more for a better meal than just wings, you might feel better?)....

dunno, good luck.  i wouldn't beat yourself up over it.  just factor it in somehow i think.

he's not on a diet but he does go to the gym 3 days a week.  We eat totally seperate at home (he's a hunter so he eats a lot of red game meat) **pukes**

When we go for wing night it's our dinner.  i ate super healthy for breakfast and lunch because I knew we were going out.  I only had 3 pints of light beer but the greasy chicken wings and nachos did me in lol.  Just thinking about it makes me get watery cheeks if you know what I mean LMAO

Thanks for suggestions!!
~H~

Original Post by haley_2008:

And the worse part about it?  The food isnt even that great. 

I know you said you have no will power, but you gotta ask yourself WHY you're eating that stuff even if it's not that good.  There's a good argument to treating yourself every now and then (once a week is good, actually), but why do it with stuff that you don't actually enjoy?

Do you just want to fit in?  Does your husband or bystanders make comments when/if you decide to eat something else?  Do you have to eat the wings?  (Surely salad and water aren't your only al ternatives?)

The first thing I would suggest is to talk with your husband and let him know how you feel.  He probably does care - but he may be oblivious as to how this frustrates you and makes you feel.  Maybe he would be willing to go someplace else every now and then, your choice, that has stuff that fits in with your eating plan.  (I mean, there's two of you - why does he always choose where to go?)

Another thing you could do is simply plan on the evening out, eat a little bit lighter in the day, and get 10-15 more minutes of cardio exercise.

As for that extra pound - I seriously doubt you actually gained a pound of fat - unless you're saying you ate 3,500 calories above your normal expenditure (which would be a challenge, even with beer and wings).  I have yet to see any wings or associated sauce that isn't overloaded with sodium - so it's more likely water weight, or a normal fluctation.  Even if you had eaten good all day yesterday it's possible to have a gain of 1 lb in a 24 hour period - heck, I've had a gain of 2 lbs in a 24 hour period before, only for it go back to normal the next day.

Have a talk with your hubby - you may be surprised at how much more he can support you if you just let him know how.

Good luck!

Do you really think that it is ruining your diet?  It could actually be SAVING it in my thinking.  You are not being deprived, so that will help you not binge on other days...that is your meal so you have about 400 "free" calories anyway.  You are spending time with your DH and that is one of the BEST things you can do.  Your marriage and relationship with him is important too.  You lost 80 pounds so you are doing something totally right!  DOn't weigh yourself for a few days after since you will have a bunch of sodium in you, but drink lots of water, and have a wonderful date with your husband. 

If you don't like food at this pub, why not negotiate a new venue? There's no law that says you have to go to exactly the same place and eat exactly the same food EVERY week. If it HAS to be a pub/sportsbar there are a ton of them around (there are at least five of them within spitting distance of our apartment!) - you could try a new one every week until you found one that offered something healthy on their menu (like a nice salad or a grilled fish sandwich...)

If it's "our dinner" shoudn't the location be "our decision"?

I've got the same problem in the other direction....from my wife.  All sorts of sniping about how much I exercise.  Lots of helpful suggestions on what I should be eating.  Oatmeal? For the 100th time, ecch.  Give me a break - I like my whole wheat and peanut butter, thank you very much.  Oh, and thanks for slamming all the doors in the house while I'm cooking bacon and eggs - I'll do the same for you the next time I smell chicken on the stove.  Generally no encouragement while losing 50 lbs on a balanced calorie-counting diet with lots of exercise.  It's as if we're in some sort of contest, and I'm breaking some set of unstated rules, cheating to get results.  My total cholesterol is lower than yours....nya nya.  Jeez.

I have exactly the same problem, but with a different antagonist. 

My problem isn't so much my husband as my service club.  We meet twice a month and the second meeting is always catered.  (The first is brown bagged, so no problem).  The food ranges from so-so to decent, but no matter what it is, I eat too much of it and always have dessert.  Now, mind you, these are all women, most of whom are overweight.  It's like when we're together, we all give each other permission to overeat.  Salads are usually served, but I still always have the unhealthy stuff  as well or instead, and, always, always have the dessert.  Part of it might be that I'm not as heavy as some of the other members, who think of me as one of the "thin" ones, so I feel it's up to me to NOT look like I'm on a diet so they don't feel bad... weird, huh?

On the other hand, it always annoys me a little bit when someone on Jenny Craig or another structured weight loss plan brings her own food to one of our catered dinners.

Happy medium?

For you, Haley, I agree with the other posters that you and hubby should talk... he's probably not sabotaging you on purpose but just likes that pub environment once a week.  I think that saving a few calories for a light beer and a few wings (if you can stop at one or two) and eating healthy the rest of the day is the way to go.

haley im in the same situation!!! whenever my boyfriend is away (he's in the army) i get really motivated and lose a bunch of weight but then as soon as he comes back i gain it back! he was home from iraq for 2 weeks in december and i drank with him almost every night and felt sooo gross..

when he comes back in april i'm determined not to gain the weight back....  when i wake up the next day after unhealthy eating/drinking i feel so horrible now and remind myself that busting my butt at the gym 6x a week is not worth eating that gross food!

theres nothing wrong with going out once a week but maybe you could ask him if you could try somewhere else where you have healthier food options?

Oh my god, just enjoy it.  Worring about eating out once a week is ridiculous.  Just enjoy it.  Drink slowly, eat slowly and savor it.  And if the food sucks, just eat before you go and have a couple of drinks there.  Or mayeb go every two weeks.

Just because he "insists" doesn't mean you have to go with him. I suggest working out some sort of compromise: one week you go where HE wants, the next, where YOU want. And if he can't agree to that, then it isn't really "your" dinner out, is it.. it's HIS dinner out at the pub eating wings. Next time just say he can go alone.

Enjoy it. You are working hard, and it sounds like you have done an amazing job so far. I know that personally, if I don't endulge once in awhile, I will go on a binge and eat everything I am not "supposed to have." (For me, the hubby and I go out for frozen yogurt once a week, and it keeps me from diving head first into Ben and Jerrys....)The one pound that you gained is probably water retention from all of the salt that you had. If you know that you go out on the same day every week, squeeze in an extra workout, or make sure you eat really well that day. I don't think that it's about him not being on your side, maybe he is just trying to remind you that the number on the scale is not the most important thing in your life. Enjoy the time with your husband, and stop feeling guilty about it. You deserve a treat once in awhile for working so hard.

just a warning to all...this isn't about one person or even this particular situation...don't put your diet before your husband or wife.  They are more important.  The suggestions of going somewhere without him or telling him to "go alone" aren't nurturing the relationship.  Granted, she should talk to him of her concerns and he in turn should be thoughtful of her needs, but we should be protecting our relationships...

I agree with post #7.

I also agree with post #7.

Do you have a place where you'd rather eat? If so, maybe you and your husband can alternate restaurants each week. His place one week, your place the next. At least you'll get to eat something good every other week.

Using hard-earned calories on bad food isn't a good thing. 

I guess I am in pretty lucky.  The only thing my wife doesn't fully support is me going to the gym every morning, but mainly because I have to drive to get there and with the price of gas so high, she complains that I am costing too much money driving there.  And for some reason, she seems to want me to stop short of my ultimate goal.  I don't know why, but she seems to want me to succeed, but only to a point.  I suspect that she might be afraid that I will leave her behind or something, but after 24 years of marriage, there is no chance of that.  I just have to keep on showing her how much I love her and keep on marching towards my goals.

In response to 14.. going out to a place that she doesn't like EVERY WEEK does not nurture anything. A relationship needs to be protected, yes, and a major way of doing that is to compromise on things.. but if you put your significant other first every single time then all you are doing is allowing yourself to be trampled on.

Especially when losing/maintaining weight means so much to the OP, but beer and wing night is NOT so vital an event.

I agree with post #7 " If it's "our dinner" shoudn't the location be "our decision? "

I also agree with the fact that couples have to compromise. However, just because something is ' cheap ' doesn't mean you have to do it. There is also no reason to blame your husband for a lack of willpower. Either... Order something else... Or don't eat there. Just enjoy each others company there in the setting. Allowing your husband to eat whatever he wants... and then eat when you get home. Also, some people order water and ' x ' meal.  If it were really about "what's cheapest " you'd be ordering  the water.

It's about as ridiculous as people that won't ' allow ' ice cream in their house.They'll actually have fights within their relationships over it.  Even though their partner adores icecream. They won't allow their ' husbands ' to go to dairy queen to get himself anything. They're so afraid of what they'll do then feel guilty about so they try to ' control ' settings and ' what's allowed.' While their mates really really really want their ice cream. There is no reason to push our eating habits off on other people. It's okay if they like a different settting and food. We shouldn't blame them or rant at them. There's a way to allow others to eat what they enjoy while still maintaining whatever goal one has for themselves.

Instead of trying to change your husband. Or control every setting.... Learn to control yourself. It's a choice of lifestyle to eat healthy regardless of setting.

You need a strategy.  Mine is to eat something before I go out, usually a bowl of soup.  This takes the edge off hunger.  Next, I only drink club soda or Perrier with a slice of lime.  I don't let anybody tell me what to drink.  I just say, this is fine thank you.  Then I read the whole menu and order what I think is the lowest calorie, healthiest choice.  With the kind of things they serve in bars, it can get hard.  I once asked for, and got just the celery and blue cheese dressing and no wings.  I was able to munch and nibble my way through the evening with no damage. 

one place the best thing is a burger with lettuce and tomato.  I don't eat the bun and ask for extra lettuce and tomato.  Don't be afraid to ask for what you want.  If you're courteous, they are likely to try to please you, but don't be surprised if you encounter some resistance.  If it's a place you go all the time, slipping an extra tip to the server works every time.

Get good at making excuses.  Mine are "That looks really good but my tummy is acting up so I'll have to pass" "I would like another drink, but this medication really reacts with it, so I'd better not"  "I'm just not hungry"  "Really, I'm fine.  I'm enjoying the company so much!"  "I envy you that you can eat that!  If I do I'll suffer for it tomorrow"  You have to be tactful, but very firm.

It does take self discipline.  Nobody can do it for you, you just have to make up your mind.