My husband is trying to sabotage my changes!

I do not know what to do!  My husband has a very high metabolism, and eats non stop through out the day.  Junk food, Pepsi, you name it, he consumes it. He is a size 34, and gains no weight despite his food habits.  He even gets up in the middle of the night and eats!  Cereal, ice cream, leftovers, whatever he can get his hands on.

I have tried to explain to him that his habits of eating these horrible foods in front of me are destroying my ability to stay with the habits that I have to change to.  I have a medical condition that means I just can't eat the way he does, or I will never get to a healthy weight.  I don't care if he eats it, just not in front of me, PLEASE!

So today he makes a FULL POUND OF BACON.  The entire house smell of bacon, and it is driving me totally BONKERS!!! I want bacon so badly now it physically HURTS, but I have worked so hard for the last two weeks, and lost ten pounds, that I just can't let him destroy that! 

This is just the tip of the iceburg, and I truly do not know if I can stay living with someone who is this selfish and mean!  This isnt the only way he acts selfish, but this is absolutely the cruelest.

Any advice or help on how to handel this absolutely cruel behavior?

My husband is the biggest junk food junkie.. He does the same thing. Eats bad foods unlimited all the time..

What has kept me on focus is that I am changing my lifestyle for me.. I want to be thinner, fitter, and healthier for our children. 

It is selfish and mean but you are better than that!

You just have to get it in your head.  You want this for YOU!

Good luck and keep up the good work.

Just comfort yourself that he'll be pushing up the daisies a lot earlier than you.  There is such a thing as 'skinny and unhealthy'....  the fact that someone isn't overweight doesn't mean they're in mint condition.   Malnutrition takes many forms.

My feeling is that this kind of behaviour  in a partner is at best unsupportive and at worst, insulting.  There should be ground rules in your home.. i.e. we try to eat healthily.  You should make sure he gets double or triple portions of whatever you're eating so that he's got enough energy... active men need more to eat than women.    There shou ld be extra bread available to top up.   (He can't survive on the amount of food you need, same as the other way around.)   Don't buy pounds of bacon and big bottles of Coke any more.   And if someone wants to stuff their face with junk outside the home... that's entirely their call.

i just want to comment on the 10 pounds in 2 week loss - wow great!

thanks sfredbull.  It's a daily challenge, but one I am going to work on.  I have to find a way to get healthy.  I'm not interested in "skinny"; I'm too old to be someones hotty or whatever.  I just want to be alive when my son has children, not have constant pain in my knees, and not have future health problems because I have extra weight. 

What I don't understand is my husband is a recovering alcoholic, so he knows that temptation is overwhelming at times!  I am not a food addict - I actually have PCOS, which puts the brakes on weight loss and really screws with your body.  He knows this all, and still doesnt see how difficult this is for me.

I'm just going to keep on keeping on and hope that I can either be stronger than he is or he finally wakes up some day!  I think I will end up having to find strength! UUUUGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!

it doesn't sound like he's trying to derail you specifically but just continue eating the way he always has, which HAPPENS TO BE derailing you. i don't see why he is so mean because he wants to retain his habits which happen to conflict with yours. i think you should be accommodating just as he is. he might feel the same way as you, "my wife is eating all this health crap and i want good food, she is so rude to impose her habits on me..." not saying that you're not doing the right thing but nothing about what you said illustrates that he is so mean.

also, 10 pounds in two weeks is great but you might want to keep it within the recommended range of 1-2 pounds per week to be safe. congrats :)

He isn't just "retaining his habits".  In the two and a half years we have been together I have NEVER seen the man eat bacon.  When he would make it for breakfast for me or my son he wouldnt eat it.  I don't mind his habits as much as him purposely making something he KNOWS that I love and can't eat.  He rarely ate potatoes, now he makes them four times a week.  I am not "imposing my habits" as you think - I haven't asked him to eat one vegatable or one salad.  He makes his side dishes, and I make mine.

If he had been eating potatoes and bacon and such all along, then I would chalk it up to him just eating normal as I do with the midnight snacks and stuff.  What HURTS is that all of a sudden he feels the urge to eat ALL my forbidden foods, which he NEVER ate in the entire time I have known him!  That to me is DEFINATELY sabotage!

And btw, I am totally doing this healthy and under a doctors care.  I'm consuming exactly the amount of calories I should (1500 to 1600 range) and exercising daily as recommended by my doctor, but thanks for the advice.

i wasn't accusing you of doing such things, i was just offering his potential perspective, in addition i did not know that he's eating things that he NEVER ATE BEFORE. i thought this was his normal behavior since you said he eats junk, and whatever he wants without gaining. it wasn't to be condescending but just maybe to offer a perspective that you didn't consider. maybe he is insecure and doesn't want you to get empowered and leave him or something. i'm not supporting what he's doing because i agree that it's an a**hole thing to do but just trying to be objective. sorry if you took it the wrong way. :)

First congrats on the weight loss.

I think that you cannot change others only yourself, so what can you do? Even though your husband is a recovering alcoholic you cannot expect him to understand your situation. Afterall, he can completely abstain from his temptation and you can't. As much as you would like him to "get it" he may not be able.

The best thing that you probably do is decide that you really want this and to be undetered.  My husband resented the fact that I was making diet changes around the house, "I don't know why you have to drag me into this," he said, but I stayed focused and consistent. I showed him that I was going to do this with or without him. A long story short and several pounds later he thanked me for my strength and inspiration!

Know that you have it in you to do this despite the adversity you may face.

Many blessings to you.

My husband is much the same way, except he is overweight himself.  He knows he needs to lose weight, he is just so out of shape that he actually lays down with the laptop when he comes home.  And he doesn't sleep well due to stress and extra weight, so he is tired, so he does eat all this junk food he loves.  Why aren't men as obsessed with vegetables as we are??

I would second many of the opinions of the previous posters.  The only person you can control is yourself.  You make the changes YOU need to make.  You can respond how YOU choose to.  If you can eat just a piece of bacon with whatever you usually have for breakfast and call it quits, by all means, that might help, and it won't damage your calories too badly.  If junk food is a problem, don't buy it.  If he wants it, he can buy it (and my husband does).  Find substitutes for these off-limit foods, so when he starts a craving, even if he eats the bad food, you can fall back on the healthier version.  Can't have bacon?  Try a bit of tuna, or something else.

And talk to the man about what he is doing to you.  Not in the heat of the moment, but sometime, when you are talking to each other, mention that he is making it really hard for you.  And regardless of how he takes it, you can do it!  You've done it for two weeks, you've worked at losing 10 pounds, you can keep going!  You have that strength inside you.

Congratulations on the weight loss!  I agree with the other posters. You have to do this for yourself and not let him get to you.  As annoying as that can be.  I highly recommend air freshner (preferably one he doesn't like) for when he cooks something you like, such as bacon.  I did that to my husband a couple of times and when he complained of the overpowering flower smell, I just said sorry, I can't stand the smell of bacon.  He has gotten much better about cooking things he knows I can't have. 

Good luck. 

Original Post by suzieqinidaho:
So today he makes a FULL POUND OF BACON.  The entire house smell of bacon, and it is driving me totally BONKERS!!! I want bacon so badly now it physically HURTS, but I have worked so hard for the last two weeks, and lost ten pounds, that I just can't let him destroy that! 

This is just the tip of the iceburg, and I truly do not know if I can stay living with someone who is this selfish and mean!  This isnt the only way he acts selfish, but this is absolutely the cruelest.

Any advice or help on how to handel this absolutely cruel behavior?

High metabolism or no, eventually this is going to catch up with him. I say give him a helping hand. Get up every morning and make him breakfast with lots of butter, eggs, bacon. Make sure he gets plenty of cholesterol and carbs throughout the day that he doesn't need and he will keel over dead in no time. Even if he never gains weight, eventually it will clog every thing and blow his heart right out of his chest. Years ago, Reader's digest had an article about 10 ways to kill your husband and food products was one of the recommended methods.

Sorry but I have no sympathy for life partners that won't help there loved ones achieve their goals in life. Seems he could be a little more supportive. I sometimes believe I am so lucky to live alone and not have to have negativity around me.