To Hyphenate or Not To Hyphenate...

See new question below!

I was talking with our legal expert today at work and asked her if it would be a big problem for me to use my maiden name for professional purposes if my legal name becomes hyphenated after I get married (I work in clinical research so I'd basically be using my maiden name for publication purposes).  She basically said no, but that a lot of women she knows regret hyphenating their names within a year after doing so because of all the hassels they deal with - never knowing how companies have you in their system, etc. 

So, I was wondering.. have any of you out their hyphenated your names after getting married?  If so, what was your experience?  Should I do it?  I really don't want to give my maiden name professionally and I really want my name to be tied with my future kids but I don't want a ton of problems with my name either.  I thought this was going to be the perfect solution - grr!  On the bright side, my last name is easy, as is my future-husband's (think along the lines of Black and Smith).

 

----

I need more input on this...  I still haven't come to a conclusion about my name and time's ticking!  So, I'm bumping this thread to ask another question.  Has anyone here not hyphentated their name, but took on both names either by dropping or adding a middle name, or simply adding a last name. 

For example, let's say right now my  name is Alicia Marie Black, I could either become Alicia Marie Black Smith (first name, middle, middle, last) OR Alicia Marie Black Smith (first, middle, last, last).

I think I might be leaning towards adding another last name without a hyphen then professional be Alicia Black and socially be Alicia Smith.  This would give me the legal rights to both name.  But, I wonder is that pesky space between the two last names going to cause more problems than a hypen would?

I'm currently have the same dilemma. 

I started out life as a hyphenated child and it was *miserable*.  I just can't describe to you how much more difficult it makes everything.

My husband-to-be and I decided to both take MY last name as our middle names and take HIS last name as our last name.  It satisfies the inner feminist in me, and also lets me have my cake and eat it too.  I think that way, if you wanted to legally publish by your first and middle name, you could do so.

Good luck!

Oooh... Good point!  My ex-roommate did that when she got married, it seemed to work well for her. 

I vote no! I have a hyphenated name and it's a pain on any electronic forms. You have to know exactly how your name appears to each bank/company etc, and many computerized systems won't take the hyphen. The person entering your info will compromise and you never know what they've done. 

For example, if my name were Apple-Orange, my insurance company put me in their computer as Apple O. When I need to talk to them about something, they ask me for my exact name as it appears in their files. It took a long time to figure it out! I was on the phone guessing: Apple-O.? A. Orange? A-Orange? Orange, A.? It was a mess, and it wasn't the first time I've had this problem.

Hmm...  I wonder if I could, legally, be Alicia Black-Smith.  Then at work be Alicia Black and for all other purposes just tell them I am Alicia Smith.  I suppose at some point someone will want to see my official ID and it won't match... =/

OR  I could, for all other purposes, just tell them I am Alicia Blacksmith (ha!), and just know that I put the two names together.

My experience with two last names (I was adopted) has been nothing but a huge headache!  If you value your time and sanity, please just go by one name for everything.  For me, anything to do with SSN, birth certificate, airplane tickets, driver's license, registration, passport, school/FAFSA, credit reports, new jobs (and so much more) was a nightmare.  I finally got everything consolidated under one name this year, and it is a huge relief.  You won't believe how hard it is to do normal things with two last names :)

Seems as though everyone has had a bad experience with it... Maybe I'll just go with four names and end up using my first and his last for legal reasons, and my first and last for professional reasons (I don't want to give up my middle name either so that will just hang around for fun). 

Most married, professional women I know who had published/received an MD/etc before getting married stuck with their maiden names.  But they use their husband's last name in social situations.  So to the IRS and to work and their colleagues, their name never changed.  But to their kids, friends, and family, it did.

I agree with #7.  Legally, leave your name as is, but you can go by whatever you want socially.  Or vice versa - change your name legally but use your maiden name when it suits you!  Authors use "nom de plumes" (sp?) all the time, don't they?  Is there a law that say you have to use your legal name in publishing?

I guess I just don't get the whole hyphenated thing.  I'm a business professional.  But when I got married I simply took my husband's name.  I understand the whole feminist thing, but unless you are well known or are published, I don't see what the big deal is.  I was proud to take my husband's name.  It didn't make me feel like less of a person for doing it.

(however, I do like what jumpy_castle suggested.  It seems like a fair compromise without having to deal with the hastle of a hyphenation.)

Original Post by peaches0405:

I guess I just don't get the whole hyphenated thing.  I'm a business professional.  But when I got married I simply took my husband's name.  I understand the whole feminist thing, but unless you are well known or are published, I don't see what the big deal is.  I was proud to take my husband's name.  It didn't make me feel like less of a person for doing it.

(however, I do like what jumpy_castle suggested.  It seems like a fair compromise without having to deal with the hastle of a hyphenation.)

It can be a very big issue in some careers.  If you are in academia, your reputation and success depends on your publications, and it is hard to maintain a following when your name suddenly changes.

When your profession requires you to pass tests in order to practice, the red tape you'd have to go through just to change your name is often insane, and on top of that, you'd face the same reputation issues someone in academia would see.

I'm getting married and I'm just going to take his last name. I feel like it's not a huge deal because there's no real 'feminine stance' since your maiden name is usually your father's last name- still a man's last name. However I might still hang on to my name for my artistic career.

I just got married a few months ago and I decided to take his last name but keep my maiden name as a second middle name.  I know of some women who change their middle name to their maiden name, but I still wanted to keep my middle name too.   I figured that by doing it this way I can still use my maiden name and new last name for publications almost as if I hyphenated, but since I only have his last name I avoid any of the problems associated with hyphenation.  It's worked out really well for me so far.

Some teachers keep thir maiden (Miss ....) name at school because it is easier for the young students. Then in some cultures the offspring (male and female) of a man receive their father's first name as their middle name. That way they are identified as "the child of..." and when the females marry, they drop their father's first name as their middle name and it is substituted with her husband's first name as their middle name so that they are identified as "the wife of.."

Original Post by buggyhair:

Then in some cultures the offspring (male and female) of a man receive their father's first name as their middle name. That way they are identified as "the child of..." and when the females marry, they drop their father's first name as their middle name and it is substituted with her husband's first name as their middle name so that they are identified as "the wife of.."

Our culture used to do that too, as part of the last name - that's where last names came from (in some circumstances).  Johnson is John's son, and Thomson is Tom's son, etc.  Of course, some are professions, like Baker, Smith, etc.

A lot of other cultures did the same, Mac in scotland means the same thing, so MacDonald is Donald's son.  The Irish use Fitz, so Fitzsimon is Simon's son.

Original Post by megsambit:

Original Post by peaches0405:

I guess I just don't get the whole hyphenated thing.  I'm a business professional.  But when I got married I simply took my husband's name.  I understand the whole feminist thing, but unless you are well known or are published, I don't see what the big deal is.  I was proud to take my husband's name.  It didn't make me feel like less of a person for doing it.

(however, I do like what jumpy_castle suggested.  It seems like a fair compromise without having to deal with the hastle of a hyphenation.)

It can be a very big issue in some careers.  If you are in academia, your reputation and success depends on your publications, and it is hard to maintain a following when your name suddenly changes.

When your profession requires you to pass tests in order to practice, the red tape you'd have to go through just to change your name is often insane, and on top of that, you'd face the same reputation issues someone in academia would see.

 Yes, that is one of the careers that I was referring to.  Obviously, being published is a big deal.  I can understand why someone would not want to change their name in that instance....However, I don't understand why anyones "reputation" would be at stake, as you say.  Would the academic world honestly think less of someone because they got married and changed their last name? 

 

My kids names are hyphenated.. Such a pain in the @$$

I have a hyphenated name (first) and it's a right pain! my full name is just too long and I very rarely get called my name by official people (Dr's Dentist, Bank etc) they automatically shorten it to just the first part. Them doing that hasn't caused me any problems though.

Original Post by megsambit:

Original Post by peaches0405:

I guess I just don't get the whole hyphenated thing.  I'm a business professional.  But when I got married I simply took my husband's name.  I understand the whole feminist thing, but unless you are well known or are published, I don't see what the big deal is.  I was proud to take my husband's name.  It didn't make me feel like less of a person for doing it.

(however, I do like what jumpy_castle suggested.  It seems like a fair compromise without having to deal with the hastle of a hyphenation.)

It can be a very big issue in some careers.  If you are in academia, your reputation and success depends on your publications, and it is hard to maintain a following when your name suddenly changes.

When your profession requires you to pass tests in order to practice, the red tape you'd have to go through just to change your name is often insane, and on top of that, you'd face the same reputation issues someone in academia would see.

This is exactly right... I am in academia and I have invested a lot of time in making connections, publishing papers, getting the right creditials, etc.  I don't want to suddenly drop my maidin name and people say "Is Alicia Black still around? or "Is Alicia Smith formerly Alicia Black?" Plus, not only do I don't want to lose my following so to speak, but I also feel like it's none of anyone's business in my professional life whether or not I got married.  I don't want to have that conversation with people.  I'd rather continue a seemless career path (as selfish as it sounds).  Also, not to sound completely pessimestic, just being realistic, if for some reason my partner and I later get a divorce I will not want to change back nor would I want to keep his name.  I just think it would hinder my career in the long run and flaunt my personal life more than I want to.

 

ETA: In response to #15, No I don't think anyone would think badly of you if you changed your name in academia.  They just wouldn't know what happened to you in a lot of instances.  It'd be like starting out with a brand new reputation.  People would just lose track of you, that's exactly what you don't want to happen. 

Original Post by fuzzys:

I agree with #7.  Legally, leave your name as is, but you can go by whatever you want socially.  Or vice versa - change your name legally but use your maiden name when it suits you!  Authors use "nom de plumes" (sp?) all the time, don't they?  Is there a law that say you have to use your legal name in publishing?

I think you can publish under any name.  My publication name is probably 90% of my concern, BUT I also sort of want to use my name everywhere in work just for simplicity purposes.  For instances, I worked with a woman who was legally her married name (say Jones) but professionally her maiden name (say Olson).  People would always have a hard time tracking her down because they would look her up on our university system or in professional groups and she would be listed as Olson and they know her as Jones.  I want to avoid that as well.

Original Post by meberg:

I just got married a few months ago and I decided to take his last name but keep my maiden name as a second middle name.  I know of some women who change their middle name to their maiden name, but I still wanted to keep my middle name too.   I figured that by doing it this way I can still use my maiden name and new last name for publications almost as if I hyphenated, but since I only have his last name I avoid any of the problems associated with hyphenation.  It's worked out really well for me so far.

 This is what I was thinking of doing last night... but, then I get back to the issue of keeping my private-life private, people being able to search for me with my known last name, etc.

Grr!  Can't I just have two names     (jk!)