How to ignore well-meaning inlaws...(request for support)

This may not be the right forum, but I need support from like-minded individuals.

My inlaws have been commenting for years that I'm too thin. Keep in mind that I'm 5'3" and weigh around 117 pounds on a good day and have a strong, muscular body. And keep in mind that my inlaws are anything but healthy.

The other day they pointedly suggested that I'm so thin I'm likely ill (thank god I was not there). My husband explained that I'm healthy, eat an average of 1800 calories a day and am an athlete. Heck, my resting heart rate is between 46 and 48. He tried to explain that normal rules don't apply for athletes. Yes, I have 18% body fat and yes, that may not be considered "normal" for a 41 year old mother living in Italy, but I am both healthy and content.

So why do they insist. And why do I care?

You are doing awesome!  So what if it's not considered "normal" by their standards?

They insist because you're their daughter in law and you care for the same reasons.  It's far easier to ignore strangers than your own family.  Just know that you're healthy, athletic, and taking care of yourself.  They mean well, they just don't know when to back off.

I have a question...are you Italian? Are your in-laws? If you're not and they are, then maybe there's a cultural difference playing out.  Same kind of thing I went through with my in-laws in the South of France (very Mediterranean...kinda macho...women do this but not that, etc.)

Unfortunately, I couldn't make it as the perfect daughter-in-law because I was quite simply from somewhere else.  For years I tried to fit in, do what I thought they wanted me to do and change my behaviour if I got flack for it (I know, I know, but I was desperate for a family).  It never worked because they are culturally hard-wired not to accept anyone different. 

I've stopped pretending and stopped trying and it's been liberating.  I still secretly resent their rejection, but I figure my energy is best spent elsewhere. 

Um, I could be really off the mark, here.  Maybe your situation is completely different.  If so, then all I would say is try to let it all be like water off a duck's back.  You can't change their behaviour any more than they can change your body composition.  Your husband finds you beautiful, right?  Let that be enough on this one.

looking at your photos, you aren't skinny.  You gots muscles!!  So your inlaws are even wrong about you possibly being sick.  Like you said, they are out of shape.  Misery loves company and they want you to be out of shape and one of them. 

I grew up skinny in an Italian family and it was miserable.  It was not okay to make fun of my fat brother.  But it  was okay to harass the crap out of me for being too thin.  Then I got married and fat, my husband actually preferred me fat and out of shape.  Talk about mind-!@#!.  I came here, lost weight and lost my husband.  oh well. 

The point is, sometimes people will project their own body issues and insecurities on people who are healthier.  You're not only good looking, but very  accomplished.  Feel sorry for them and good for yourself. 

Why do you Care?

In the USA, people are jealous of skinny folks but it seems, as others have commented the in Italy girth is valued.   The old world seems to associate skinny with unhealthy so that may be the situation with you.

also, I have read that your the body fat rate you are reporting is considered too low, so you may want to research that.

Thanks guys. One of the things I love about this site is the support -- between insightful comments and personal experiences it helps.

I shouldn't care, but I do. Part of that innate desire to be accepted I guess. And yes, I'm an American married to an Italian and have been living in Italy for over 10 years. I'm sure, as Skinny_Kitty pointed out that it is a culture thing. Just as I'm sure that that my in-laws would rather look at problems outside the home than look at themselves. I'm also sure about the fact that they truly love me and are likely concerned because they don't understand. But it threw me for a loop just the same.

Let me just say again that I REALLY APPRECIATE the support. I needed it. Thank you.