I'll get a boyfriend...when im thin and fabulous

Just wondering if any girls out there have felt thier bodies have stopped them from getting attention from guys, guys asking them out etc.

I have personally got the 'gee your real smart/nice/funny/pretty smile but....' heaps before from guys and watch plain looking/not so smart thin girls get swamped with offers. It frustrates me and hurts. I kind of feel like as long as im fat there is no way a guy could find me attractive.

And i guess it goes beyond the i'll get a boyfriend when im thin or 'normal'

ill start going out more....when im thin and fabulous I'll start dressing better....when im thin and fabulous I'll get that job...when im thin and fabulous I'll love myself....when im thin and fabulous

Anyone else can't help feeling like they are hiding, waiting for thier life to start?

Hey

I feel exactly the same. Im 20 and ive never had a boyfriend and i know it because of my weight/size. I hate it, i hate myself for it. Im sure that when im thin i will have that relationship that i so desperatly want andi know that you will too.

It depends what kind of guy you want.  I can offer a guy's perspective.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUTJQIBI1oA 

check this out

girls don't hide get out there and live your life when mr right shows up you will be there to meet him, and it won't matter if your fat or skinny. I have been fat all my life and I have a wonderful husband. I also had boyfriends. Just be yourself.

Wow that video is awesome.  Thanks for posting it sleepy1967.

You know, I don't believe this at all.

Alot of people think their lives will be magically better when they're thin and "fabulous". This is never really the case. You won't attract more boys to you just because you're thin and the type you do may be the kind to dump you once you get old and wrinkly (ie the really shallow ones).

The kind of guys you want for a meaningful relationship will be much more impressed with your personality. Let it shine through, via your confidence and your demeanor. That's how to get the guys running.

Being thin won't magically "fix" anything for you. You need to be happy with yourself first.

I will have to respectfully, but strongly, disagree (with the OP).

I agree with HK. Being thin does not guarantee happiness. There are plenty of "thin" people just as miserable and lonely as some fat people. Just as there are plenty of fat people who lead very happy and fulfilling lives. Its all a matter of attitude. Of course you will never meet any interesting people if you hide in your house all day and tell yourself how worthless you are because you are "fat" and how everything will be better when you are "thin". Fat and thin is such an arbitrary measurement of worth anyways. What is classified as thin? All the happy people? And everyone who is unhappy with no boyfriends should be classified into the "fat" group? It has nothing to do with size - it has everything to do with your attitude and how you choose to portray yourself to the world. If you choose to play the fat, lonely girl - then you will be. I disgree with anyone who thinks their life will be better when they are thin. There are so many people on here who think that every problem in their life will be solved if they just could get "thinner". This is how eating disorders get started: "If only I were 5 lbs thinner, I would get that boy/job/money, then I would be happy" , then you get there and you aren't happy yet, so its 5 lbs more, then 5 more. When do you finally become "thin"? And when did "thin" become synonymous with "happy" in our society? Don't give society that kind of power - it isn't worth it.

hey i agree w/ HK as well... even though I was an overweight child... i lost weight... and I was around 193 in 7th grade... i lost the weight... and got to 135.  I had a boyfriend for a year... i broke up w/ him because i just felt it was time to move on and frankly was bored... (haha oops!) but I lost a lot of weight since then... roughly 108-112 lb now... trust me. nothing changes except for ruuude rude people driving down the street whistling and saying provocative things (granted i live in the city... but still).  I have dated... but nothing big. you have to really just love yourself before anything. and being thin will NOT make your problems go away.

Okay I'm going to be completely honest here - and this is coming from a person who has had weight struggles and been fat.

When I see a fat person - and I'm not talking about an extra 10 or 20 lbs here; that's no big deal, I'm talking about major amounts of extra weight- my initial thought is that it is a sign that the person:

1) may not love themselves enough to put any effort caring about their appearance and more importantly, their health;

2) has a life that's out of balance - not enough exercise and poor diet. Whether that is through ignorance or lack of time... if the latter, it brings up the concern that they have put their own self on the backburner of their life's priority list.

I'm married now, but from a dating perspective:

1) I want a mate who loves themselves first and foremost. I have found that if you don't love yourself, then you can't love me the way I want to be loved. I want to be in a relationship with someone emotionally healthy and whole, someone who is not looking to me to fill up the empty holes in their soul where their own self-love should be.

2) I want a mate who cares enough to be healthy so that they will live as long a life as possible; it is too scary to imagine someone I love will die young on me.

3) I want a mate who's life is in balance, and has learned how to prioritize things well. If they have no time to take care of themselves and their diet/exercise needs, then they probably won't have time for our relationship either.  I do think there are legitimate reasons to be too busy for exercise - such as caring for young children, getting through a recent divorce or loss or other change of life, etc.... but this just leads back to the idea that they don't have time for themselves, much less a relationship. Illegitimate reasons in my mind include working too hard; that's a choice and one I wouldn't make. I don't want a workaholic mate.

4) I want a mate who can do active things with me.

This is not about judging their self-worth but it is about making a judgement that the person may simply not be in a life-space-time for the sort of relationship I want.

For the record, I have dated overweight men in the past, including one guy I dated for over 3 years and almost married. I thought he was gorgeous from the inside out. But that experience did lead me to conclude the 4 points above. So my opinions here have nothing to do with whether I find such men unattractive - I obviously don't.

So Dormantf, if you are having troubles dating, I suspect the reason lies in this one line from your post:

"when I'm thin and fabulous I'll love myself"

You need to flip that around: "when I love myself, I'll become thin and fabulous." Permanent weight loss starts in the mind - it starts with loving yourself.

I feel exactly the same dormantf. Although I have a great boyfriend who seems to love me whatever weight I am, I always think things will be better when I'm thinner. I'll buy nice clothes when I am thinner, I'll have more fun when I am thinner, I will go out more when I'm thinner...I know it's stupid but I really can't help it!

I've always said "when I'm thin..." "when I'm thin...", but to be honest, it's not your weight that stops you doing things, it's your self esteem. I know lots of very overweight, but beautiful women who are confident... they have no problem finding men who find them attractive!

I was still quite heavy when I met my boyfriend, and I was certainly NOT confident, although I tried to pretend that I was... hah. Anyway, he loves me, we've been together 2 years, and I've lost around 40lbs since we met.

When you are HEALTHIER you CAN enjoy a better QUALITY of life, that's for sure, but healthier doesn't always equal thin...

Being "fat" is not an excuse not to live and love life.

I was extremely heavy throughout jr high and high school and my early 20's.  I never saw myself as attractive at all and I hated the way I looked.  I only had one boyfriend and he really wasn't much of one.  When I was 24 I lost a huge amount of weight.  All of a sudden men I didn't know were checking me out.  It took years before I adapted to this new attention and took it as serious attention instead of some kind of joke with me as the punchline (and sometimes I still struggle with it).  I even started to get hit on by the guys I've been friends with since I was a teenager.  Over and over I have been told by different friends (usually in a drunken state) that they would have had me in a heartbeat when I was fat but I wasn't open to it.

The more I think about it the more true I think that is.  I didn't see myself as something anyone could want so I wasn't open to thinking that anyone could see anything worth having in me either.  Any advances men made towards me, I shut down quickly because I feared it just being an elaborate trap to make a fool of me.  I am still carrying a few extra pounds (but nothing compared to what I was) and I've got some pudge around the middle and there are still parts of my body that I hate (and with good cause) but there are a whole lot of nights when I could end up leaving wherever I am at with more boys following me than the hottest girl at the event because I am smart and mouthy and funny and confident in who I am.  I would like to lose a few pounds, but I would take being heavy over being some breakable looking, little pixie girl any day (and it has been my experience that most men agree!).

Being thin doesn't make you happy.  But if you tell yourself that you can't find happiness because you are overweight then it is true but only because you believe that it is.

Dating seems to be a theme on the boards today. -wanted to put in my two cents. Although I absolutely disagree with the idea that you can't be overweight and happy--that you should put life on hold until you are thin--society DOES favor the thin people.

My personal example: after being a little overweight all my life, a combination of a bad breakup and starting graduate school (with no car--tons of biking) helped me lose a lot of weight very quickly a number of years ago. I have since gained that back and then some, and have now lost 45lbs in a healthy way on cc. Anyway, during my fleeting thin period I had no confidence (see bad breakup) but I had TONS of men interested in me, like never before or since. Too bad I was still too hurt to trust any of them.

So, the moral of my story is, being thin helps in the initial attraction part. It DOES, let's admit that. But for a sustainable relationship you have to love yourself too, regardless of your weight.

I would rather have the one great guy who loves me as I actually am (at whatever weight I feel is right for me) than ten shallow guys who are only interested when I am a size 0 and shop at Gap Kids for all my clothes. Seriously.

Trust me, it does't work the way the title states! ;-p

I forgot to mention, be fabulous now!  Fabulous is in how you act and how you express yourself, not in how much you weigh!

I don't know about this. I've been struggling with my weight since my late teens ( I'm not obese or anything, just overweight) bit I've never had boyfriend problems. My friend in highschool who was terribly obese had boyfriends all the time.

Just go out dancing!

"Dance as if no one is watching", it is all about YOU and YOU can control whether you attract the right guys or not.  Most likely the reason there are no boyfriends is that you are hiding.  Go out and dance!

I had been overweight all my life and my highest was 348, I am now down to 187 and still going.  I had tons of boyfriends, was married for 19 years and never was short on attention from the opposite sex.  But, I never felt sorry for myself, I rejoiced in who I was and man did I dance!

First, I loved this - I tagged it so I can watch it at home where my boss won't get so upset with me.. 

Second - part of me isn't happy with this clip because: it's going back to making it okay to be overweight.  Yes, okay, if you're content at your current size, super for you. Me - not so much.

Third - I don't think people realize what it's like on the other side of the fence.  Naturally slender people don't know how it feels to be overweight.  Overweight people just dream about how glamorous it must be to be thin (at least I do).  So - no, you won't get more guys if your thin.  In my experiences, having a great attitude, being a good person, and just having self confidence is what attracted people to me - not because I was thin (trust me, in highschool, I was still slightly chubby - just not as much as I am now. )

You've got to love yourself for someone else to love you.  And you also have to learn to love yourself as you are, before you can truely and deeply love someone else.

I always blamed my looks and weight on not being able to get a boyfriend.  Through most of highschool I never really had a boyfriend, just guys I dated for a month or two.  During college, I can count on half of one hand the number of times that I felt that a guy was interested in me.  I felt like I tried with some guys I was attracted to, but in the end it never went anywhere, and I chalked it up to being fat, ugly and weird. 

Then, after I graduated and found myself lonely, my friend's husband was very honest with me.  Its not my looks or weight, its this wall I put up around myself that makes me seem COMPLETELY unapproachable.  I felt insecure because I have been rejected from about age 13 on, and instead of letting people get to know me, or letting guys buy me drinks, or letting guys even approach me, it was easier to just pretend they weren't there- no rejection that way!!!

On the other hand, I have a friend who is very overweight, and she gets hit on and talked to by tons of cute guys whenever we're out on the town.  She's also one of the most friendliest people I know, and one of the most comfortable in her own skin.

In the end, I have a very loving, sensitive and understanding boyfriend that accepts me no matter what weight I am, and accepts that I have insecurities, and he helps me to overcome them bit by bit.  I feel more like I love myself after he came along than I ever have.

Hi.  I have to say i respectfully disagree. I have never been classified as overweight, i played sports my entire life, i hung around in the "in" crowd in high school, my dad was the football coach. guys never paid much attention to me. i was always "the best friend." i realised that this was because i didn't have much self confidence. i hid behind my popular friends and was popular by sheer association. that all changed when i went to university. i started doing what i wanted to do, stood up for myself when somebody hurt my feelings, stood up for other people when somebody hurt their feelings, got involved on my own and started to have confidence in my intellect and personality. and lo and behold... guys started to pay attention to me when i walked into a room, party, class, etc...and now i have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me very much no matter what i look like.

I have always been overweight (170 -190 range).  I have had the guys who would only talk to my best friend (5'8" and around 130 lbs) and then there were the guys who talked to me because I was funny, smart, and laid back.  I think that there are guys out there who wants a hot piece of ass for the night (just like there are girls that go for the big, beefy guys) and then there are guys out there that want a girlfriend.  I was fortunate enough to be with a guy who loved me and not my body (although he loves that too, I'm 5'5" and 220, although I was around 185 when I first met him, but he asked me to marry him when I was 220).

My sister (she is 30) who is 5'2" and about 110 - 115 lbs has been single forever.  She cannot get a boyfriend either. 

So I guess my ramblings are tying to say that love isn't dependant on size, it will strike randomly and when you least expect it.