I'm so afraid... Is this what we call anorexic...?

I'll be honest here. I am afraid I have anorexic, but I'm just too scared to tell anyone about my troubles.

 I am 18 years old, 160 cm, and my lifestyle is very sedentary- I usually sit around the computer or classroom. I've been on diet for more than 4 months, and I weighed 140 lbs when I initially started. On the first month of my diet, I ate 1200 cals- a healthy amount of calories considering my small frame? and went swimming three times a week. I started seeing results and my weighed started to decrease. Motivated, I further decreased my daily calorific intake. For the following 2 months I only had around 900-1000cals per day, and my weight continued to drop. My lowest weight is 89 lbs, and that's when everyone around me started to get worried about me, and they said I looked weak and tired all the time. I realized I had gone overboard, so now I'm trying to readjust my lifestyle, and eat a proper amount of calories.

However I just keep on having this psychological barrier that eating more will make me gain weight, and I'm so afraid of eating more now. Whenever I go to restaurants, I get so worried and force myself to order the food with the lowest calories even though I don't like it. Even though I have no intention of losing weight any further, I still count precariously the calories of every food I take. Sometimes,when I see my friends eating whatever they like so freely, I get so frustrated from all the counting and stuff everyday.... Is this what people call "anorexic"?? Now I'm eating 1300 kcals aday, and my weight is around 92 lbs. If I am to maintain this weight, how much calories should I be taking in??? I've heard a wide range of numbers, from 1200cals, 1400 cals to 1600  cals... so how much should I be taking in?   

Your help will be greatly appreciated.

darling you have a problem. I dont want to advise you as you need medical help but please speak to someone. I suffered with buliamia for 8 years, an eating disorder is miserable. You'll make yourself terribly ill. Youve gone into stavation mode and now your body will start to consume itself. You have no more fat left to burn and therefore you will start to burn your muscles which effectively means you will need less food as you wont be using it.

You wont drastically put on weight if you eat, however you need to. Please just start eating a little and soon soon you wont focus so much on what your eating and it will become less of an issue.

Why are you trying to be so thin? You know your not fat otherwise you wouldnt have written on here. I wanted to be thin to be more attractive (every 18 year old girl does) but if im honest i also wanted the attension from friends and family, as i always felt a little pushed out. I really believe that when you have an eating disorder thats taken this far it isnt just for the sake of being more attractive because once you  get that thin you loose and hope of being pretty you just look ill.

Please speak with someone, or write back if you dont want to confide in a friend.

PS Im 5'6 and weigh 136lbs now. im hoping to get back down to 126lbs because i know thats where i look best and get loads of confidence and compliements. Im 26 and I know at 18 you wna tto be a little thinner but please realise that you should be no less than 120lbs for your height without having a problem.

im afraid to say I believe you are suffering from some form of eating disorder. I find it unfair to label everything as anorexia as everyones case is different really but i believe an eating disorder is made in the mind rather than attributed by physical symptoms.

I too know what your going through and I hate watching people eat freely too, especially as on weekends i work in a bakery and my friends are always getting me to buy discounted food during the week, having like 2 pasties and a donut each while I have nothing. Its annoying how thin they are, theyre much thinner than me yet they eat EVERYTHING.

i cant really give advice but just try to eat when your hungry and not worry about counting calories, not meaning you should go and pig out on high calorie foods left right and center, but just try to enjoy your life and forget about food, im sure your life was much better before when you werent worrying about food, even if you were a little heavier

Hi there. A while back I put together a post with A LOT of good information regarding Anorexia. You are more than welcome to check it out:
http://www.calorie-count.com/forums/post/9165 .html

For information on how to figure out how many calories is recommended for you, check out this message:
http://www.calorie-count.com/forums/post/8532 .html#15

Thanks for your help... I cannot agree more with cjsaygee... Somehow I regret going on diet, I wished I didn't succeed in losing all the weight- now I'm always unhappy and constantly worrying about food and eating. Back then I didn't have to worry about these things and I was a happy and carefree girl. I'm going out with a friend for lunch tomorrow and I am worried that I may over eat. I am having more mood swings lately as well.

I know I am suffering from some form of eating disorder... but is there anyway that I can self-cure myself, insteading of seeking help from professionals? I guess my problem is really in the mind - I just need to remove this mental block and stop obsessing about counting calories and not getting fat. I've told myself so many times that I just need to lose myself a little and even gaining a bit of weight doesn't matter. But I just can't take my mind off on being thin.... :(

I am really looking forward to the day when I can eat freely without having to worry about my weight, and not having my mind on the calories of different food....

Morji - I've been going to talk to someone about how I was having a hard time eating more even though I don't want to loose any more weight, and to be honest they haven't been helping me much. Now, this isn't to say it was a problem with them, but rather a problem with myself. What I really needed to do was the same thing I did when I set out to loose the weight - wake up one day and say "I AM going to eat enough calories to mantain today." That's it. No elaborations, and no "I should's". When you say "should" it gives you room to not do it, People should floss everyday, people should get enough sleep, people should keep in touch with old friends, but do they really? Not very often. By useing "I AM" there is no room for you to shrug it off. I've been much much better about eating now that I've, for lack of a better way to say it, hardened my reslove. Go at eating just like you went at dieting, with willpower and a desire to be healthy.

Also, a lot of people say to stop weighing everyday but for me it helps me eat more because I get to see that even though I feel like I ate sooo much food that it didn't make me gain any weight. And even if it did, I know I have the power to change something and loose it.

If you honestly say to yourself "I AM going to do this" and still can't do it then maybe it's time to go see someone professonal. I think this is where the line between "just so used to dieting" and "having an ED" is. If you are on that other side then there is nothing to be ashamed about in getting help.