Im afraid of the stigma of weightloss.

There are a few things Im afraid of, when I lose the weight I have on me right now.  I still have 100 pounds to go, so its a ways, but Ive been so succesful so far so I've been thinking...

One thing Im "afraid" of, and I hate using the word because its not really a fear is.. what happens when people find me attractive now?  What if guys suddenly are interested in me and want to date me, guys who wouldn't have before?  Im a total believer in being physically attracted to the person you want to be with (so Im not mad at people for not wanting to date me), but Im afraid that Im going to shut myself off from people because its actaully going to hurt my feelings that people will find my attractive when Im thinner!

Has anyone else experienced this?

Yeah but holy crap its awesome!! People are so much nicer when youre hot! You get free drinks, people go way out of their way to help you, you can get into bars or shows without paying. And oh man, I never get tired of hearing how beautiful or gorgeous I am :-)

Plus, you just admitted yourself that attraction matters a lot. So its not that they like you cause youre thinner, just that you happen to look more attractive =)

And honestly, when that happens and you get thinner, you wont really mind as much.. its just kinda the way life works, I suppose

I never felt this way when I was obese as I was always realistic about how my weight influenced other's opinion of me (especially when it came to dating).  What is wrong with someone being interested in you when you lose weight?  It's a GOOD thing.  Once you get there, you may feel differently.  From personal experience, I don't think your feelings will be hurt because you will be so pleased with the newly found you and and your new lifestyle.  YOU are able to choose whether or not your feelings are hurt by this, right? 

I think it might be that she wants people to be attracted to her, regardless of her weight. While I agree with everyones posts so far, I do relate in that I don't want my weight to be a deciding factor in how men see me. Though I know it is.

I can relate, to a certain extend. For a long time i linked being unhappy to being fat, being lonely and disliked to being overweight. So what will happen when i lose the 147lbs, and i am STILL unhappy and disliked?
I think a large part this fear is down to having grown up being bullied because of my weight. At some point my flab became my security blanket. I could pretend to be invisible because despite the bulk, i was overlooked/ignored.
But now the pounds are dripping off steadily, what will i do with the change in attitude towards me?
I am 35, married, a mother of a brilliant 5-year old boy, and still as insecure as i was at 15.
I am losing because i want to be healthy and see my son grow up. And i am telling myself to disregard any fears. Popularity doesn't matter. My health and wellbeing is more important.

You lose the weight for YOU. Anyone who ignored you and is now paying you compliments should be disregarded as shallow. You are so much more than the excess weight you (temporarily) carry with you. And anyone too bone-idle to look beyond that weight and see YOU just isn't worth your precious time.

I can definitely understand where you're coming from.  I'm not at a point right now where I have to worry about the dating scene, but as I have lost weight (I've lost about 110 pounds in the past 18 months,) I have definitely noticed that the way people treat me now vs. then is different.

But one thing I learned, too, is that when I was more overweight, I had that common issue of low self-esteem, and I honestly believed that no guy would want to talk to me, so I didn't even bother to make conversation, or to smile, or anything.  So of course, I was pretty much ignored.  But as I let more of my guy friends know about what I've gone through and shown them how I used to look, many of them say stuff like, "Well you were cute then, too," or something like that, and I think they really mean it.

What it boils down to, is that a good guy is going to see you as an entire package - body, mind, spirit - and he'll be attracted to you as a whole.  A guy who wouldn't give you the time of day just because you were fat, but now wants to talk to you?  He's probably not worth the breath.  So even though I don't argue the fact that people do treat an overweight person differently, I think I might have cut myself off from a lot of opportunities, due to my own beliefs.  If I would have been a little more confident and given myself (and others) a little more credit, things would probably have been different, and in a good way.  I guess what I'm trying to say is, you can't totally control how a person will respond to you, but you can control how YOU present yourself, and people will react to that, too.

Though I logically know my weight loss will change how people perceive me...

It is emotionally challenging to see the VERY SAME person who wouldnt give me the time of day 20 lbs heavier trying to hook up.

I don't think I've ever worried about that. Personally, I can't wait for the day that I walk into a room and people actually LOOK at me. Especially if it's a guy that has turned me down before in the past because I was too fat for him lmao Be like "what now, biotch? you want me huh?" LOL That's so bad. Sorry. =P

Personally... I'm afraid people WONT look at me when I'm thin. I used to be skinny about 4 years ago and people seemed to look at me the same. I don't know if maybe they're intimidated because I'm 6'1", or maybe it was because my self consciousness and insecurities still showed. My fear is that my being thin again WONT attract new attention.

I know how you feel... at 343 pounds I got on one of those "chubby chaser" websites... and figured... "If this is who I am... then I'm going to find someone who likes me for who I am..."

BUT... it kind of grossed me out... becaue I didn't like me for who I was... I certainly didn't want someone else to like that about me...

...then... as soon as I hit a "happy" weight.. not even goal... just "happy"  I met a guy... fell in love got married two years later... gained 75 pounds back... If he's the right guy... he still loves you... fat or not... but I've shown him pictures of me at 340... and he says he doesn't recognize "her"... and probably wouldn't have given me a second look at that weight...

and you're right.. it's not about him being a "bad" person because of it... I wasn't ME at that weight... and he still loves me with my extra 75 pounds... but we BOTH want it off... *lol*

Well, theres no denying chemistry and physical attraction is part of that!

Funny how differently large weight loss affects themselves.  Some actually stay the same, a physically smaller version of themselves.  Some get not so nice, its a bad type of power trip but it goes to their head.  Others have gotten promiscious, as if being physically desired ends up being a compliment.  For starters, I think its important to be concious that you remain yourself, although its never bad to strive towards being an even better person. 

That said, I understand your concern but I think for starters you will have a better understanding, observation and intuitiveness of peoples character.  Ffor example you probably will be more concious of someone who jokes about anothers physical appearance or at another persons expense.  Therefore when you comfortable someone you like is a good person and your both mutually attracted to each other, I doubt you'll have issues.  In the meantime, you cautiousness can prevent you from wasting your energy on a  individuals who deep down are mean spirited. 

I really think this will work to the advantage.  Doesnt mean that you may not be overly guarded but I believe the right person will drop that guard.

It won't be just the thin body they'll be attracted to. When you feel good about yourself, it shows. You'll be happier and that will radiate a little glow out of you.

Having been a heavier weight, just remember what that feels like & don't let those compliments go to your head too much. Remember to treat everyone with the respect you, yourself would like to be treated with.

Other than that, i say- have fun! Go with the flow. Relax. Get to know people- you'll be able to weed out the ones who aren't of genuine character. Graciousely accept their compliments and live your life!

meh, i thought something totally different until I read the op. 

Every time i get so low, i start feeling uncomfortable with the extra physical leering and attention that comes with it.  Not sure how to adjust to that.   I think it probably takes time to learn how to cope with new things, "attention" included.

Lol! I have been feeling the same, but I just keep telling myself that hopefully my loss of weight doesn't change me, and hopefully people will still know me for my personality not for my looks

Yes. I have never considered myself attractive. If anything I've always been the exact opposite of that, and not just because of my weight. I'm planning to make changes, extreme changes for what it's worth, to both my weight and physical appearance. But I am afraid that perhaps if by any chance I do become mildly attractive, men will pay attention to me for all the wrong reasons. It's not a nice feeling, I assume, to be liked only for your looks. I have known people who have experienced this and ended up feeling used.

It is a big transition going from a person whom people either look down upon because of their appearance or choose to ignore completely, to one who suddenly becomes noticed and attractive. For people who were always considered "beautiful", it is not as big of a shock to end up being used and objectified. They have been in that boat much longer. But when you go through a metamorphosis like the one you described, things become much clearer and you may notice that some men will only be attracted to you because of your looks.

It would be nice to believe that you should be loved and appreciated and liked for the person that you are. Unfortunately, so many people in the world think differently and value aesthetic principles to an unbearingly absurd extent.

I lost the weight before, and I had always been fat.  Well, ever since a teenager when it was really important to look good-for boys.  When men started treating me better, it took me a while to get used to it.  I didn't realize at first that a lot of the men were just being nice because they wanted something--me!  Before I was the person that always hung out with guys.  I was always the friend.  It hurt my feelings that I could not be that person anymore because for one, they didn't see me as a friend anymore, and two, the women in their lives were suddenly jealous of me.  Me!  It was very overwhelming.  Also, I suddenly became the victim of gossip from insecure catty girls who were simply jealous of me.  I developed a personality out of necessity when I was fat, and now I was hot too.  I had everything a guy could want.  The whole experience was amazing but it was a difficult confusing transition at times.  One thing to know remember, you definately will feel better about yourself, and that is the reason your doing this--right?

Weight is definately an issue with attractiveness, but it isn't the only issue. I have found people definately treat me differnently now that I've lost a lot of weight {126 lbs and counting}, I used to think it was just predujice and descrimination, than I realized that was only a small part of it.

Since loosing the weight I've changed as much on the inside as on the outside and that shows and other people pic up on it. I dress differently , I carry myself differently, I am more confident, more assured, more outspoken and generally just more pleasant to be around.

Before it ws clear to anyone who saw me that I just didnt' care. I was depressed and not much mattered. My weight in my case was a reflection of that{when people ask me why I had such a hard time with eating issues, I tell them because crack is illegal and drinking will get you arrested if you drive}. but the way I carried myself and acted towards myself and others also sent out a clear message" stay away, don't bother.  "I dont' like me, so I don't expect you to either".

We all know of large, non traditional women who are popular and loved, it isnt' becuase of thier size or  looks, but because of thier aura, the person they project. They send out a vibe that says, everybody pay attemtion to me, that says come on over I"m open {in a g-rated way}.  I also know skinnly, realtively good looking people who are in the same boat I was. It is because of how they project themselves. In my case fat was also my insulation agaisnt the world. as long as I was fat, if people didn't like me, well I had a built in excuse. without it, I had to find out more and look a little deeper, to see what I really had inside. Something that can be very hard to do, especially if you are someone with a trauma in the background you aren't yet ready to deal with.

Looks are important, but they only go so far, the wrapping is largely irrelevant if their isn't something pleasant inside the package. I think that is what is most important.

I had the same feelings - I'm happily married (8 years and counting) to a FANTASTIC man and GREAT father...but I always wondered in the back of my head if losing weight would endanger that relationship.  NOT from my husband's perspective.  He's 100% supportive and has actually dropped 70 lbs himself to a trim, sexy 175.  :)

I've always been afraid that I would feel differently about my husband once I was getting hit on by the skinny men.  I know it's completely irrational - but not ever having that experience before - would it turn my head?  Make me think that there is someone "better" out there?  Crazy, I know - I'm completely in love with him...but I know how those fears can get into your head.

I wouldn't worry about the people who find you attractive after you've lost weight - unless you knew them before and they didn't find you attractive.  Those are the ones that would hurt my feelings...other than that - go outside your usual circle and find a new person that didn't know the "fat" you.  THAT person will only see the you that you are right now.

Sorry for a depressing note.. but what if you are ugly and shy to begin with?? *sighs*

-Lemon Jello

Hey Lemon Jello (mmm....lemon jello....),

I understand where you're coming from. I'm there too. I mean, it is possible to change "ugly" with a bit of money, but the shy and insecure issues are a lot more difficult to resolve.

Haha, I'm not realy sure what happened to me. I used to be such an outgoing person with lots of friends... until highschool. I miss being the happy girl - not that I'm not happy now - in the group, the fun one, the one you can't have fun without..

I don't really think it's weight issue because until the end of college, I never cared about my health or weight and everything that I wanted, yet I was healthy. Well, it's just my own issue that I have to deal with.

Anyway, on the subject, people, friends or lovers, will never stick around with you no matter how great looking you are, if you have ungly soul. But I share your view, if a guy who wouldn't date me before but wants to now that I'm more physically attractive, he'll always be the "shallow" one in my book. And unless he demonstrates he's not, he will stay on my book like so.

-Lemon Jello

ha ha- i've never heard of that before. but i can see your point... i think i can relate. like if i look soo good- i might be a potential victim of a rapist O_O