I'm becoming bulimic. Someone please help me.

The title says it all. I've recently started making myself throw up after eating and I'm too scared to talk to anyone about it, it's hard for me to write about it to people that I dont even know. I've always struggled with BED (binge eating disorder) but I never went to full on bulimia or doing anything to make myself sick. And I know why I do it..I struggle with a lot of self hate because I feel like I need to be thinner. Hating myself makes me eat more and I've gained 10 pounds in the last month, making me 150 lbs at 5ft 5in, the most I've ever weighed. I'm a cheerleader, and I love it so much. But I started to push myself too hard and now I'm going to end up hurting myself if I don't get out of this destructive behavior. I'm not stupid, so please don't sit there and tell me to just grow up or something like that. I really need someone to help me. How do I stop? If I cant stop, am I going to hurt myself? Please..anything will help.

I hope NO ONE on this site simply tells you to 'grow up'.

Bulimia is very serious, and realising you need help is a BIG step forward. Have you tried talking to your parents or anyone about seeing professional help? Until then, STOP PURGING, I know, easier said than done (I slipped up with that today and am STILL kicking myself in the teeth for it).

If you DON'T stop, there are SERIOUS repprocussions in keeping it up, ruining your teeth and metabolism are just minor in the lists.

Stay strong though, and try to get help.

I have been struggling severely with bulimia for 2 years now, and in the beginning I NEVER thought I'd let myself get as bad as I have.  And if you want to know the truth, I think it is bulimia that keeps me from losing weight.  Try anything you can to stop before you get sucked into this dark disease.  Tell people, I wish I would have in the beginning.  Because now that it's so bad, there's hardly anything people can do to help me.  I started out at 155 pounds in 10th grade, and by my junior year, I was 184.  I was bulimic the whole time.  Now, I'm back down to 162, but I believe that was from exercise.  I'm still struggling with bulimia, but it's been three days since my last purge and I'm trying really hard this time not to go back.  This site is a very usful tool.  Just talking about bulimia helps.  I feel like I've got more people counting on me not to give in than just myself.  Best of luck to you, and feel free to message me whenever you'd like. 

Please listen to me...I was where you are...bulimia started for me in my 20's and did not end until I got professional help in my 40's!!!   It will ruin your life and is like a bad carnival ride that you wish you could get off of but can't seem to.   You waste your life worrying about what you ate, what you didn't eat, how you are going to get rid of what you ate, how long can you go till you eat again and on and on and on....and at the end of it all you gain weight and gain even more weight the longer you continue.  It is like a secret prison that you tell know one about ....your mind runs in circles and there is no peace.   Please, please, please talk to your parents or seek a counselor trained in eating disorders....it can be cured.  It has been years since I last purged and while I may still struggle with weight issues I am not destroying my body with the violence and abuse of bulimia.   You deserve a happy, healthy life.....binging and purging will not help you reach your weight loss goals and it will destroy all chances of happiness....you can overcome it...like they say "one day at a time"....don't say I won't do it forever....just say for today only I won't do it...eventually you will link all those one days together and before you know it it will be months without purging...and if you slip up one day ....that is not the end...just remember to start for one day again.   My thoughts are with you.

"When this sort of thinking is fully established...he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or go permanently insane."

I became bulimic at about 30 and most people never completely get over it. The only thing I've found that works is to never, ever, eat enough to where you would want to throw it up. If you ever overeat, you will just be too tempted.

Believe me, it's a VERY slippery slope. We're talking greased-up 85 degree angled slip n' slide with no sides here. I started out anorexic, then what I did eat I'd chew and spit, which led to just purging "extras" or desserts that were easy to get out like ice cream, and almost before I knew it I was only eating once a day and purging even that. I'm still trying desperately to recover, after recovering almost completely and relapsing. The trick is, if there is a trick, is distraction. Make yourself a reasonable meal plan (probably 1500-1800 cals, depending on your height) and stick to it like your life depends on it (it does!) Like others have said, don't let yourself overeat. And make sure you have activities planned or a distraction in mind for after meals. Even something as simple as calling a friend or going for a walk will help, because if you're not near the bathroom, can't purge, now can you? THere have been times where I've called friends and literally just sat on the phone with them, not even talking because my mind was too distracted by what I just ate but you know what? You cannot let this take over. It will ruin your health, your psyche, your social life, everything. Don't let it happen to you. We're all here for you, and no one wants to see another human being consumed by this terrible demon. 

Dear, 

congrats on your  big step to tell, but I ask you to take courage and tell someone true in your life - Mom or Dad if you are a teenager, another significant one if you are an adult. Take a big breath. Ask them: "Do you have time to talk? because I need to tell you something difficult. "

Ask them to sit down with you and try to tell, possibly with simple words.

Because the next necessary step is talk to a professional - seek help with the support of your loved ones.

Then, I'll ask you something difficult of you. It would be important to let go of dieting for a while. Trust your body and allow it to be nourished and changed as it need to, not as some outside "model'" invented by some photographer that retouches photos with photoshop imagines.

Congratulations on your sincerity. You can regain your health. The sooner you talk with your loved ones and seek the help of a doctor the better.

Good luck, my prayers are with you and all the girls who suffer this disease. The sooner you intervene to stop it the better.

ELLI59

you need help before it takes your life over, and it can. I know from times when i have binged and purged say 6 times a day, everything revolves around finding/making/buying/eating and throwing up food... and you start to merely go thru the motions with everything else, which may happen with your cheerleading for example.

it's definetly not the answer to weight loss. as someone here says, it makes you gain, in my experience anyhow.  I've been dealing with this from age 15 to 34. Wish i had addressed it years ago as you are now.

also someone here says ****don't let yourself get too full**** This is so true and key for me.  for me, even a few bites of something (say eat dinner as planned then decide to have a wee bit more) and i feel too full - sometimes its game over. and then i binge, and soo regret it, because what often started out as a healthy meal. and the anxiety and guilt afterwards is so SO much worse than the anxiety that i have that is leading me to a binge with those few extra bites (or in some cases, a big binge itself).  (It's like homework you procrastinate for days, if you'd just get down to it and follow the plan and get it over with, you'd waste so much less energy than the guilt and time you waste thinking about what you should be doing but aren't! you don't fully enjoy anything else in the meantime) Distraction, as someone says, works well, and when you do relapse, realize its not even that tomorrow is a new day - next minute is a new minute, and get back on it!

I hope the other person posting about builimia reads this too, im new to this and don't know yet how to relook at messages. What i want to say to that person, and maybe this is you also, is that i really hope you get professional help because EVEN if you get to your goal weight, that likely won't stop you experiencing bulimia or BED - becuase its not all about weight, i'm going out on a limb to say your self-hate likely isn't just because you've gained weight.  binging on food is like abusing alcohol, or gambling compulsively, it's fulfilling something, expressing some anxiety, or something repressed.  If you cannot go to a counsellor due to finances, or you just aren't ready to disclose to anyone, there are resources, Google "ANAD", and maybe in your city there are drop-in support groups you can attend for now without telling anyone, or some hospitals have support groups or outpatient groups that doctors in training are leading - go to something led by a professional, read up on how to cope by professionals in tandem with forums if you wish. 

***There are a variety of WORKBOOKS to work thru ***privately***, if you can't speak with anyone, that can help, here is one example, (and you can look on Amazon with key words "bulimia workbook" for others) - "The Overcoming Bulimia Workbook: Your Comprehensive, Step-by-Step Guide to Recovery".

I read that 90% of pain is from keeping the pain secret...

To everyone who has posted on here..thank you so much.

All of you are a blessing, you really have helped me. I think about some of the things that all of you have said every time I feel like Im going to binge or throw up, and its keeping me strong. I really cant thank you enough, all of you. Please keep me in your prayers, I know you all are in mine. Thanks again :)

Hi there, I've struggled with bulimia since I was 14, and anorexic behaviors from age 9 to 14. I'm 20 now and have only recently been able to stop purging, it is an extremely hard thing to do especially if you don't have an established support system of friends and family.

If you find yourself unable to tell friends and/or family and gain that established support system, there are a few other ways you can attempt recovery without having to go to a hospital. One of the programs you can look at is Overeaters Anonymous ( http://www.oa.org/index.htm ). While it is aimed at Overeaters, many of the meetings I have been to incorporate Anorexics, Bulimics, Binge Eaters, ED-NOS and people with Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

Another system of support you can look into is Something Fishy ( http://www.somethingfishy.org ). Something Fishy is a website based on eating disorder recovery. They are very strict about their rules, and you will find no triggering images or story's that you may find on other sites. They provide an excellent support system and also an excellent resource on eating disorders.

 

I don't know if either of these programs have been mentioned ( I saw your first post and wanted to reply as best I could.) however, hopefully they will help. It takes a lot of courage to admit to an eating disorder, and even more courage to seek help, and I really hope you can put those resources to good use.

dont let bulimia get a grasp of u because once it does it will be hard to get rid of her. purging does not really work because after u binge your stomoch already converts the food into calories be4 u can purge it out so its no use and that is the reason y u feel full even after u purge. my best suggestion for the temptation to binge is tto have snacks through out the day like a fruit every hour or so it will speed up ur metabolism and will prevent any big binges.

best luck to you

I know this sounds ridiculously easier said than done, but honest to god, you need to stop while you're ahead. I know how scared you must be and you're not sure what's going to happen. I'm at the same height as you and I dropped 30 pounds. I still wasn't happy and bulimia (which inevitably turned into anorexia) has single handedly ruined my life. I'm getting better but its suchhhhhh a longg and tedious ordeal that consumes my thoughts every second. If only I'd known then what I know now. I just have to say that it is soooo not worth it. Not to mention it kills your insides and puts soooo much strain on your heart. You'll hurt yourself so much more in the long run if you don't stop now. And to be honestly, bulimia doesn't even work effectively, as horrible as that sounds. It took anorexia to kick in for me before I actually shed pounds. I have to say thats when life hits rock bottom and you should never have to be at that point. I just really want to beg in front of you right now or something for you to stop... 

Try to focus on changing your eating lifestyle and eating foods that you don't need to feel guilty about and throw up. I know for me, I never liked the feeling of being really full so like kittysaysmeow said, just keep snacking healthily throughout the day to satisfy yourself. You have to get your mind off of this habit. I wish you the best of luck and hope things start to work out. 

Cheer Fit For Life - how are you doing????

bulimia is very addicting. i want you to go tell your parents RIGHT NOW. get an appointment with your doctor  AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. have them give you a blood test and then find out what kind of treatment they will support you with (psychologist/nutritionist/psychiatrist-if needed)stoping this vicious habit in its early stages will help save you so much time,money,social life and basically  LIFE by itself