im confused about my weight

ive been suffering with anorexia and my wieght went down to 36 kilos and im 5 ft 1 so to stay out of hospital my therpaist and dietician both offered me meal plans but they are differeent calories and they say that they will maintain my weight but ive been putting on these last couple of days......Will my weight level out and come back down or not.........Im sooo confused is weighing yourself daily bad for you???

hey hun,

if you're only 36 kilos, that's only about 79 lbs.. so putting on some weight with the meal plans your therapist and nutritionists have given you is ok :)  don't sweat it - in order to *live* you're going to need a little more "meat on your bones" - quite literally.

and as far as weighing yourself daily, i wouldn't recommend it for you :/  ..it sort of feeds the ED, you know? if you can, try staying away from a scale for awhile.

how old are you, btw?

They should both be giving you a consistent message.... have you queried either of them?    Obviously 36kgs means you're severely and dangerously underweight and you need to gain weight - at least 20lbs.  Maintaining your weight is absolutely a non-starter... you'll be back in hospital very quickly if you don't gain weight.  Depending on your state of mind and state of health, you'll have been given an appropriate plan to work with.   Refeeding someone so emaciated has to be treated very carefully.  Of the two, I would take your dietician's advice as the one with most merit. 

Absolutely don't get on the scales given your condition.  In fact, remove them completely from your environment (give them away) so that you're not tempted to weigh yourself.

you are anorexic and a dangerously low weight; treatment is, and to get better means, putting on weight.

Im 17, And putting on weight really scares me.........Iwas bullied in the past about my weight and now people say how goood i look....So i find it really difficult! And i put on weight very easily and i have asked my therapist about what my dietician said and she sed she'd confront her! But thank you for the help! i really appreciate all the help i can get x

Original Post by rachelwearmouth:

 putting on weight really scares me.........

And sudden death doesn't....?  Permanent infertility? Brittle bones? Non-existent immune system?  Depression/anxiety/delusions?  Sadly that's the realistic prognosis for people who are anorexic or chronically underweight and malnourished.  They don't 'look good' at all......  

Ofcourse that scares me.......... But my mirror image is so distorted 'apperntly' that i cant cope with alot of things..........where i come from looks are everything and people notice a tiny weight gain on anybody...........Its hard when people are saying i have an amazing body when im so underweight! It makes me think perhaps being a normal weight wud make me fat!

I'm 15, and I've been anorexic for 7 years.  Of course gaining weight is scary.  But guess what?  You're only 17.  Being under 18 means you have no control about your illness.  You're parents and doctors can just throw you in the hospital if you don't gain weight outpatient.  Trust me, I know from experience.  I've been hospitalized 11 times.  It will ruin your life.  You will have no life, except doctors appointments.  I've missed 6 months of the last school year because I've been in the hospital.  You have 2 options, basically:  gain weight at home, where you can still live a relatively normal life, or gain weight in the hospital, with a tube shoved down your nose and no contact with the outside world.  

Take your pick.

Original Post by swimfan93:

I'm 15, and I've been anorexic for 7 years.  Of course gaining weight is scary.  But guess what?  You're only 17.  Being under 18 means you have no control about your illness.  You're parents and doctors can just throw you in the hospital if you don't gain weight outpatient.  Trust me, I know from experience.  I've been hospitalized 11 times.  It will ruin your life.  You will have no life, except doctors appointments.  I've missed 6 months of the last school year because I've been in the hospital.  You have 2 options, basically:  gain weight at home, where you can still live a relatively normal life, or gain weight in the hospital, with a tube shoved down your nose and no contact with the outside world.  

Take your pick.

 ^ THIS.

sometimes i get so down that CC is being rangsacked by kids who think its a Pro-Ana site. Its not.

Rachel, lets remove the emotions for a moment and look at fact. You KNOW ANOREXIA KILLS. therefore you know it will kill You. if you dont start putting 2 fingers up to those who tell you that you look 'good' as an anorexic, you will die.

Recovery is about choice; you have to realise you are mentally sick and your thoughts arent rational and cannot be trusted. You have to choose to do what you are told to do by medical professionals and the adults around you who are trying to save your life.  

I dont think you realise that the reason why KIDS come on here to find out about calories is for help not pro-anna that is a sick thing to throw around and you think before you say things like that............ i dont think you know how it feels to have this! Its isnt an option!

For christs sake rachel! I was 11stone at age 12 at just 5ft tall, overweight/obese through out my childhood, THEN  I had anorexia for 5 years i went through it all including 3 months lockdown in IP where i had no contact with anyone or movement at all because i had to put on weight. do not assume i am sprouting BS i know exactly what you are going through.

And it isnt an OPTION? what is it then? its a self inflicted disease. It was not forced upon you. You CHOSE to diet excessively. You can CHOOSE to fully accept help, even that which you do not LIKE to hear, and recover or you can CHOOSE to refuse the advice and help from those who are spending minutes, hours,days, months,years eg your parents and doctors, of Their lives because they want you to realise what you are doing. This is all about YOU rachel, no one is going to give you the key or secret to recovery. No one will recover for you. You decide to once and for all, or you dont, piss around, get defensive and likely die.

 I am pushing the boat out there to help you, because i was just like you.   By how much are these meal plans differing? You need to be on a minimum of 3000. And that is with no activity. I genuinely wish you the best. You need to be very, very tough on yourself right now when the 'fear of gaining' enters your mind. The moment that fear and feeling of being a  victim comes, push it out with all you have. Thats what i am trying to make you realise.

Original Post by rachelwearmouth:

I dont think you realise that the reason why KIDS come on here to find out about calories is for help not pro-anna that is a sick thing to throw around and you think before you say things like that............ i dont think you know how it feels to have this! Its isnt an option!

If anorexia weren't optional there wouldn't be people recovering from it - but there are. Check out the weight-gain forum: hundreds of people are working hard to recover from anorexia. I have also recovered - so I know it is hard but very much possible.

Nobody can fix you but you. You must choose to get well. Nobody is forcing you not to eat. Nobody is forcing you to starve. You are choosing to. The only way you can recover is to understand that you are making the choice to stay sick every time you engage in anorexic behaviours.

If your meal plans are making you gain weight - that would be ideal, as every pound you gain means you are a little closer to being healthy. Staying out of hospital should not be your only goal, becoming well again should be your focus too.

I'm going to lay this out for you...

Continuing to loose weight = die very soon

Staying at the weight you are at = die soon

Recovering, gaining weight, and dealing with your ED = chance to live

Those are your options.  You get to pick which one.  Your body cannot continue to function at the weight you are at.  One, you are still growing and developing.  You have already damaged yourself by depriving a growing body of the nutrients you need to develop properly.  Your health is kind of like a bank account.  You can't really get out more than has been put in.  Right now, honey, you are SERIOUSLY over drawn.  You have some paying back to do.

And as for how you look.....

Do you think you will look amazing with a colostomy bag?

Do you think you will look amazing in Depends?

Do you think you will look amazing in a walker?

Do you think you will look amazing when you're bruised up and scarred from the kidney dialsys?

Do you think you will look amazing when you're yellow from the jaundice because your liver has failed?

Do you think you will look amazing when all your hair falls out?

You get to choose which one its going to be.  No one but you can choose.  We want you to live, honey.  Your weight cannot "come back down" for you to survive this.  You have to weigh more than you do right now.  Let the people on this web site help you.  Many have been through this.  I have a very dear friend who is dying from her Anorexia and there's not a damned thing I can do to help her.  It kills me to see her wasting away but that's what she's chosen.  She'd rather do that than stay here with all of us who love her.  It's too late for my friend, but I sincerely hope that you realize that people here will do their best to help you.