I think I'm crazy? Am I?

I don't know what to think anymore. I started off at 195 pounds in September and am down to 138. (I'm 5 foot 8 inches tall)
I noticed the loss in fat and things that didnt fit before fit nicely now, but I still see and feel lots of chub around me. But my friends and family tell me I'm so thin. Problem is, when I was almost 200 pounds they told me I looked thin. So I can't trust their input because they may be lying to make me feel good about myself.

Or am I just seeing a fat self in the mirror? Am I anorexic? I have no clue. I picked up a book on anorexia the other day at the library. It says anorexics tend to feel cold all the time. I feel cold all the time. I realize it's winter but im cold even in my heated house under blankets when everyone else in my house can wear a t-shirt and lay in the living room with the fan on.

When I have my clothes on, I see the difference when I look at myself, but standing naked looking in the mirror I see my fat self, as if i havent lost a pound at all. I look at myself and see at LEAST another 25 to 30 pounds of gross fat. But I'm already 138, shouldn't I have a nice body by now? The last thing I want is to be one of those skinny, tired, dead looking girls, but I can't tell if what I'm seeing in the mirror is really me.

I'm so unsure that it's driving me crazy. Is it REALLY possible to look in the mirror and see yourself as larger than you really are? Or is it just that I have a long way to go still with losing weight?

i should also mention....ive cut out chocolates and candies this whole time since september, as part of my weightloss strategy. however, ive recently had lapses where i just NEED chocolate. i found a box of brownies i mom bought for the store. they were in the freezer and tehre was only three left. i wanted one so badly but they were about 500 calories each. I took one, but didnt exatcly eat. i would take a bite, chew for about aminute or two...and spit. i did that for the brownie, and left a big pile of chewed up brownie in the garbage, which i covered with papertowels and other garbage so no one would see. i then drank a LOT of water so i would feel full, as if i actually just ate it. i feel so terrible about this because i know thats how eating disorders start. but. ive never done it before, and dont plan to again, and that brownie just looked soooo tempting

Your scale, your tape measure and the fit of your clothes will tell you all you need to know about your size.  there's no need to listen to other people except to be polite.  Just ignore them.  You obviously know what you're doing. 

Try to work a small, controlled treat into your daily calorie allowance now and then.  It will help keep you from feeling deprived.  Spitting out food is unhealthy and sort of disgusting. You could have cut a brownie in half and had a delicious 250 calorie snack.

Well I'm not sure entirely how to reply to your post.  However, I took a class this past semester titled Dance and Movement Therapy (and yes, it was required for my major..haha) and there was a section on eating disorders.  She mentioned that a lot of times it takes the mind a lot longer to catch up to the new body.

In other words, it's a very normal thing for your mind to still see you as you had been for a very long time, even though you no longer look that way.

Is there anyway you can have someone take a picture of you from a distance, so you can see yourself overall?  Or have someone trace you on a giant sheet of paper?  These are some of the little tricks we learned in class (that, and dancing makes you feel good no matter how you look!)

:)

You are not crazy hon.. but you are on your way to an eating disorder.  The chewing and spitting is actually quite common with some of the EDs.  Your inability to distinguish how you really look is another sign..   you see yourself as fatter than you really are...  You need to get some help..   see an expert in eating disorders.  You may be able to nip this in the bud.. before it gets really serious.  Good luck.   You are in my thoughts.

thanks everyone, its comforting to know that others care, even though you are strangers to me. i guess thats what makes it better, knowing that people can care and try to lend a hand to anyone who needs it, whether they know them or not. :)

You lost almost 60 lbs. in 5 months. 12 lbs a month. you have to understand you have lost  substantial weight in short peroid of time. you will see extra skin on your mid section arms and maybe other places after a weight loss  of yours. But you are doing the correct thing in loosing weight. As you know obesity can lead to all kinds of health problems. Get a work out buddy it will help. maybe somebody that is more over weight then you and now you can help that person acccomplish there goals of getting fit. It will help motivate yourself and give you a feeling of self worth and accomplishment and also take your mind off the little things. And for crying out loud eat that browine and enjoy it. Eat anything as long as its in moderation. Excercise that heart. cardio, cardio, cardio, get those endorphins going and get feeling great.

I think Todd is right, because you lost weight so quickly and drastically your body did not have time to adjust and what you are seeing is loose skin and the fat that is left over.

What YOU need to do is concentrate on exercise and toning up that body so you are muscular.  For that you need to make sure that you are eating enough food each day to gain muscle mass.

hey may I ask who is this is this my doctor

Yes, definetly, your brain lags behind your body... it is quite common to look in the mirror and still see the old fat person. My first time around, it took me YEARS for my brain to finally catch up. I had to constantly work at it, and also get rid of my mirrors for awhile.

One trick they use in therapy is this: get a big sheet of paper and tack it up on the wall. Draw an outline of what you think your body looks like, in real-life size. Then stand against the paper and have someone outline you. Compare the two. It is a real eye-opener.

Taking photos helps too.

And taking your measurements and comparing them to other people of the same height that you think are thinner than you are. (hopefully they don't mind cooperating... otherwise you have to do this stealthfully !!)

I also found it helped to do some serious "clothes shopping therapy" ... LOL... it sounds like it would backfire, but it did help me to spend a lot of time trying on clothes that I never thought I could wear - the body-hugging stuff - and in sizes I never thought I could wear - and staring at myself in the mirrors and forcing myself to be objective.  

Finally - and most importantly - learn a new script, one that is filled with positive affirmations. Look at each of your body parts objectively and one by one find something positive to say about each. Record these positive thoughts. Then anytime you hear a negative body thought, replace it with a positive one.