im done with this thread.

Well I think you have a good idea as to why he doesn't want to move out.  He feels that his hobbie with cars is more important than said "privacy".  I feel you on that one.

Either wait until he feels "privacy" is better than a car hobbie, or "make him see" why "privacy" is important to you =).

Heartless suggestion, I know, but if this could be a deal breaker for you, might as well make the best effort to force him to the darkside.

My b/f is the exact sort who would keep me in your current situation, if we were there presently.

Like you, I didn't know much about apartment costs.  So I started to look around.  You can go to rent.com, look in the paper, craigs list ect.  Most internet/phone/tv bundles are about $120 a month.  Utilities are expensive, but it depends how much you run the air/heat.  Water is "usually" included in the rent cost. 

 Then there are the grocerey bills, I know you said you eat out a lot, are you willing to give that up?

Original Post by nocturne:

Well I think you have a good idea as to why he doesn't want to move out. He feels that his hobbie with cars is more important than said "privacy". I feel you on that one.

Either wait until he feels "privacy" is better than a car hobbie, or "make him see" why "privacy" is important to you =).

Heartless suggestion, I know, but if this could be a deal breaker for you, might as well make the best effort to force him to the darkside.

My b/f is the exact sort who would keep me in your current situation, if we were there presently.

 :) men and their cars!haha. he really does want his own space its really just convincing him that we CAN do it, and its not horribly expensive and if we save we can  do it.

I wasn't done editing! lol

Seriously, he's obsessed with 280z's.  He'd be rebuilding them if we lived with his parents.

I guess he just needs to be willing to do his share of your research, it isn't fair for him to expect you to check all the prices and then budget it, then present it to him in a report like his secretary.

Rent.com, craigs list, the local paper, are all good sources of apartment or housing costs.

You can ask friends or family memebers about how much they are paying for electricity/gas/water.  Internet/phone/tv bundle is usually around $120 mo.  And of course, food, can you give up going out to eat?

OH Before I forget, if you qualify for low income, you can apply for that (it takes about3/4 months) you can get a $1200 apartment for 700/800 a month.  My b/f and I are going to do this soon, it's the law here that a certain percentage of an apartment's clients have to be low income. 

yes, i am willing to give up going out to eat since we do WAY to much of that, I would still like to go out once in a while though. Maybe like 2 times a month if possible

I'm sure you can manage twice a month.

I know I'm getting a huge coin collector (my brother has a giant cocacola bottle one) and turn it in to coin star every couple months.  That will be my "I want something now" fund XD.

But yeah, look into applying for low income housing.  You can get into a nice place if they havn't met their percentage yet.

Look into what it's going to cost now.  See how much he makes, see how much you make, subtract current costs (car insurance? food?ect).  Then see how much you'd need to make at a new job to be able to move out and start looking.

My current plan involves saving 3 months rent on top of everything (each of us, so 6 months total).  So that way, if one of us gets sick for 2 weeks, or heaven forbid, loses our job, we won't have to move back in with any relatives.

I always hear that rent alone should be absolutely no greater than 1/4 of your monthly income [post tax deductions]. Depending on the size and age of your place [insulation, windows and the like], costs for heating and cooling can vary, also depending on whether your stove and water heater and central heat are fueled by oil, gas, or electricity. Sometimes water is included in rent, but it hasn't been the last 3 places I've had.

You will also most likely need a security deposit [usually the amount of a month's rent] up front COMBINED WITH the first month's rent. Many land lords and property management companies will find every reason they can to not refund the deposit.

Living in a small town vs bigger city makes a big difference as well. For instance, it could cost upwards of $600/month for the crappiest of unfurnished studio apartments in Boston or DC, but the cost of living would be less in a suburb by a city, and much less still in a small mid-western town.

Do you know how much you spend weekly or monthly on groceries MINIMUM? Will you need a house phone in addition to cable internet access? Do you have credit card payments or other bills to factor in? Monthly car payments or insurance?

I live as frugally as I can with three room mates and I still have to pinch to make ends meet :( That's just how it seems to go these days, unfortunately. Cost of living is rising rapidly, but pay rates aren't increasing accordingly.

Also, if the BF needs continual convincing or nagging, he isn't ready. If he does sincerely desire to move out, ask him to start setting aside a certain amount of money from each pay check to make it happen. If I had realized how irresponsible my boyfriend is when it comes to spending money for hobbies over paying his share of the bills, I NEVER would have invited him to live with me! Also, the more financial obligations you have to split, the more opportunities for arguments arise, generally speaking.

Best of luck finding a place that you love and can have privacy and time alone!

So, I'm 21 and so is my boyfriend. We live together and are full time students. He pays for school and rent through private loans and I pay for school only with grants and things, but my half of living expenses is completely on me.

At first I thought it'd be tough to pay for everything, but you just have to have a budget. At the end of last school year I estimated what rent I could afford, how much groceries and electric would be, and then cable and internet for a month. Times that by 12, add a couple extra hundred cause you never think you'll eat as much food as you really do lol. Then I figured out what I make in one summer and what I could actually afford.

I don't know where you are, but I live in Pittsburgh which is a pretty cheap city. We live in a spacious one bedroom apartment with an awesome landlord and I have enough money to make it through the end of the year (and we eat out about every other week). Now, is it a perfect building? No. The windows are old and therefore the heat goes right out but we don't pay heat so we can't complain. Just recognize that getting a nice place takes time, figure out a budget and stick to it.

That's all the advice I'm good for. OH, except landorslum.com I don't know if you're city is on there, but if it is and the realty company is on there too it's a good way to get feedback on the people you're renting from.

Watch out....   choosing between heat and food in the dead heart of winter... its a bitch ^_~.

I agree that there may be some underlying issues - if there are excuses not to do something then then he isn't ready.

Living independently is horribly expensive, and hard work.  Work out a hypothetical plan, sit down with his parents, list all the bills that they pay, and work out how you would afford them.

G-P has a good, though depressing point, our house was cold all of last week because we didn't have enough money to have a weeks worth of heating as well as hot water - so we saved the gas to have hot showers.

And food - you may be able to cope mentally but what about him when he has to have soup and bread for dinner because there's nothing else in?

You could start sharing the bills, even if his parents put away your rent payments to give you back when you do move out, you would get an idea of what it's like to have to pay out every month.

Bottom line - it's a matter of priorities,  it's up to you whether you can live with his decision.

You can't even afford to go to the doctor. But you eat out a lot. Sounds like you need to ask someone for help with budgeting and set your priorities straight, then think about whether it's possible to move out.

It must be nice living in a suspended utopian state of adolesence. I can see why he'd not want to leave (no bills, no school, but still gets his hobby and woman). People respond to incentives. What's his incentive to give up his cushy life now? What would be his incentive to move out?

Some people will only change when remaining the same becomes painful.

So... to recap. 1. Get your finances set up right. 3. Get your priorities straight 3. See if it's feasible to move out. 4. Then move out, boyfriend or not.

First off he is ready to move out. He wants to really badly. Basically whats holding us back the most is all the cars he owns. We cant afford a house and rent extra garage space.

hgielrehtaeh- his reason to move out is to have our own place and be independent on our own. he wants to leave the cushy lifestyle its just a matter of us planning and getting rid of some cars and having him finish some car projects before he has money to move out.

And I am not moving out without him. period. i dont want to live alone and he doesnt want me to either, that would not work for us. 

 

We are hoping to move by the end of the year so maybe by then we will have more stable finances and will have done our research.

thanks for the advice everyone. 

I feel your pain. As I went through the exact situation years ago. It was time for me to move out of my house & get a place of my own, my b/f however had the idea that we would just live at his parents house until we could afford to live on our own.  He is the exact way your b/f is. Every penny he ever owned went into cars. (It still would if he could afford it)

As much as it bothered him I told him that living with his parents was an absolute deal breaker. He comes from the same type of family. His parents would not charge rent, he didn't have to buy groceries, &  at 25 his parents would gas up his cars & even give him money to take me out! Unbelievable!

As nice as it sounded to be rent free, I let him know in advance that I was moving into an apartment with or without him. He didn't believe me until (while in College) I started looking into apartments & I also started looking for a second job.  It came down to him deciding between his cush life with 3 cars or to start a life with me. In the end, thankfully, he chose me. :)

Hindesight, I am so glad that I didn't move into his parents house. It was truly hard at first, but if you want it bad enough you will make things work. More importantly you both will learn about responsibility. Don't get me wrong, to this day my boyfriend still gets this heartbroken look on his face when he sees cars he used to own but I think he knows that he made the right decision. I hope everything works out. Just keep in mind that the easy way is not necessarily the right way.

You should make a move to be more independent.  You don't have to move with him, you can do it by yourself if you find affordable rent.  Leave up to him to move or stay where he is, but make sure it's clear that he has to give up all but one car and contribute financially and in every other way. 

The reason I say this is, I see a familiar pattern with your boyfriend - perpetual adolescence, as evidenced by him spending money on his toys (cars) but not saving or thinking of the future. 

Move out.

I'll say it again. I am not moving out by myself. Period. So I dont need advice on that part. Dont try to tell me thats what to do, thats not what i am going to do. I know I need to be independent. I was raised that way. But I do not like living alone, let alone sleeping in a house by myself.

I just wanted advice on helping him understand the situation and advice on looking for housing. 

Some men just love their cars, doesn't matter what age they are! Please reconsider, you've got a great situation, albeit not much privacy. First off, you should get a better job, then when you're both making good money, start saving like crazy! Having your own place is not all it's cracked up to be. It sounds so wonderful, having your own place, all nice and cosy, just the two of you. But man, you don't want to be arguing about money all the time if you don't have enough to pay the bills. What about the pets, are the dogs yours or his parents?

It will be much easier to convince your BF to make a move if you have a good secure income stream. I hate to say it, but it's kind of like having your cake and eating it too. You want your own place, but you won't move out without your BF. Well, enjoy living with him, be glad you can hang there for now--lots of folks are homeless :( Sorry if it sounds mean, it's not meant to be mean, just helpful.

Original Post by figurethefat:

Some men just love their cars, doesn't matter what age they are! Please reconsider, you've got a great situation, albeit not much privacy. First off, you should get a better job, then when you're both making good money, start saving like crazy! Having your own place is not all it's cracked up to be. It sounds so wonderful, having your own place, all nice and cosy, just the two of you. But man, you don't want to be arguing about money all the time if you don't have enough to pay the bills. What about the pets, are the dogs yours or his parents?

It will be much easier to convince your BF to make a move if you have a good secure income stream. I hate to say it, but it's kind of like having your cake and eating it too. You want your own place, but you won't move out without your BF. Well, enjoy living with him, be glad you can hang there for now--lots of folks are homeless :( Sorry if it sounds mean, it's not meant to be mean, just helpful.

 :) thanks. I do know I have it good here and I like it here, but im getting to be that age where I dont want to live with parents.I dont want him to have to give up his cars in order to get a place thats what i am not forcing it on him, but more or less trying to convince him to be more aware that we cant live here forever haha.

I totally understand why he wouldnt want to move out. Free food, free rent, free cable, free internet. Whats not to love about that. Yes, yes i know BE INDEPENDENT. I get it. But its not so easy when your having trouble finding a good paying job. And the dogs are kind of an issue. They are family dogs but they are my dogs too and they are a big part of my day.

We just need to talk about it, take it slow, i dont want to rush the process, and hopefully in the next year we can figure something out 

Maybe this would be a good time for you to do some kind of training or school thingy to get a better job. My niece, after getting a bachelor's degree in art and working as a dishwasher for years, did a 9-month program to become a hair stylist. Check out what's available in your area, there might be something that is government-funded. Geez, with all the medical problems people have these days I would think anything to do with medical admin/billing would be good. Just a thought...

Hmm, let's see is there an EZ button you could press? Let's look at what you've shared over the last few threads.

Money is an issue.

Space is an issue

Wants to move out and be on her own with BF.

Boyfriend has expensive hobby she'd like to help him with

Wants to buy new clothes.

Likes going out to eat a lot.

Into tat's and piercings.

Wants to be active and in shape.

Is pretty and in shape.

Has experience with old men staring at her at the gym

Has OCD but can't afford to visit doctor or the meds.

Not happy with current job.

Would you like more free time and only work 20 to 24 hours a week total?

The solution is actually very simple. Probably not something you'll want to try but could press the EZ button. You'd probably make $60,000 to $120,000 a year in cash if you were willing to do it and could handle the lifestyle.

Become a stripper at a quality gentlemans club.

Of course you'll potentially open a whole new set of problems up but if your willing to work at it $1000 to $2000 cash in hand per week is very possible for you.

So you don't want to move out without your boyfriend, because you don't want to sleep in a house alone?

First, you'll not be living in a house alone if you move out without him. You are going to have to have roommates, because you don't have much money. Second, you're 20 years old, and if you want to be independent -- I think you don't really want to be, but let's imagine that you want to be -- you will be taking steps with or without him to become independent.

Frankly, I think you sound very childish. You want to "play house" with your boyfriend, but don't really want to stand on your own -- you're insisting on his help. You want him to move with you. You stamp your feet and say, "I don't want to give up this!" and "I want him to do that!" Well, if HE hasn't said he wants to move, and hasn't acted on that, he doesn't want to move. End of story. (His parents are doing him no favors, BTW, by letting him live as he does, and they certainly aren't doing you any favors.)

Don't count on others for your independence. Your parents didn't really raise you any differently from the way your boyfriend's raised him, or you'd be living elsewhere, not sponging off of your boyfriend's parents (and yes, you are sponging off of them; you are living like a dependent child).

Learn to live on your own. If you want your own space, go get it, but give up the childish "I won't go unless he goes with me!" foot-stamping fit.

peace out calorie count!

im not going to use the forums anymore, just the helpful tools on the site.

people have to freak out and argue with me about stuff i post that there really should be no argument about. its irritating, so i guess I am just not going to post for a while. when i say I am not going to do something don't try to be rude and try to tell me what to do. i wanted advice on how to get a house with my boyfriend. any other advice was unnecessary. but some of you apparently dont understand that.

good luck people.