I'm an emotional eater and right now i'm very depressed.

I don't know why my family rejects me the way they do. I was raised in a neglectful home and there was abuse.

The one person left who I thought we were close did not invite me to the Thanksgiving get together this year. This is the first year that they all got together as we all live separate (most of us) in other states.

I was not invited and was really hurt by it. This is family on my mothers side (she is since deceased 3 years now). This is the only living family that I have.

I sent an email and asked my cousin why I was not invited and if i've done anything to hurt her feelings. I explained that recently when I call that she cuts me off and I feel like she just doesn't have time for me.

The only response I got was 'I'm sorry you feel that way' ..............

Ugghhhh no explaining no nothing. She did type I love you and her name but wow. I have always been there for her , a shoulder to cry on and so forth.

I just don't get it. I'm very hurt and angry and I want to binge eat. I want to just go eat and eat and stuff down my pain.

What can I do to stop myself from binging? How do I process this?

hey i've also dealt with binging/emotional eating, and still do! try distracting yourself, keep talking to people on CC while you feel this way, read binge posts for advice/suggestions, do your nails, do something with your hands and chew gum.

 i find this helps, cause i want to eat (therefore chew gum) but then i also want to shove food in my mouth with my hands (therefore use hands to do something else)

i hope the problem with your family resolves!

OH and check out HEALTH & SUPPORT for binge eating topics/forums, lots of stuff there! i think there's also a group for it too,  so check it out!

Thanks Trishy

Hiya there, I am so so sorry your feelings are so hurt and that you feel like you need to eat them away.

I can't tell you why your family treated you this way, but what I can tell you is you have every right to feel any way you need to about it.

In fact you NEED to feel it, feel the pain.  Let it wash through you, really roll around in it and let it own you, feel each bit of that pain, and cry yourself sick if you need to.   Just so long as you feel it, own it, say " Yes, this is my pain, my family mamber was mean to  me and I have EVERY RIGHT to feel angry and sad"

You can't eat the pain away, it just prolongs and masks it then you'll have more pain for the eating you did and you will still feel horrible for the way you were treated.

Feel your pain and sadness for as long as it takes, then look your pain in the eye, thank it for helping you express the feelings you have for being treated so poorly then tell it you don't need it anymore and let it go.

The very best way to deal with pain, I've found is to feel it and let it go.  Why mask it, or hide it, why run from it?  It's there for a reason, it teaches us things.  My guess is that right now your pain is teaching you that you don't want to be treated this way by people you love and that it is not okay and soon you will find ways to find the strenght to let these people know that treating you poorly is no longer okay.

We have emotions to learn from them, when we run from them or try to bottle them up or eat them away, we can't learn and if we don't learn then we are giben the same lessons over and over.  YOu don't want that.

I've felt pain, and I've let it sit in my belly until I had an angry darkness there, grawing at me.  When you bottle the pain up, it sits there, waiting to pounce on you, you have to look at it some time, it's best to look at it in the moment.  If you let it wait, it can fester and lie to you, it can make you feel worse and breed more pain, until it breaks you down.

I've been broken by pain so horrible I thought I wouldn't be able to get through the next day let alone hour.

Someone wonderful in my life told me that life is just details and choices and I can choose to dwell in the details or I can make the choices I need to in order to move forward and find peace.

Because I learned to look at pain, to feel it and let it go, I have gotten through a very sexually abusive childhood and two miscarriages and feel blessed and peaceful.... (i'm still a fatty, but that's because I LOVE sugar)

I know I've probably gone deeper then you were looking for, and if so I am sorry, I do hope that maybe something I've said can help you

~Seren

I'm sorry that you're being treated this well. I hope you're well.

Always remember that emotional eating/bingeing is temporary and you will feel worse in the long run. Why don't you seek solace at a friend's place? Talk to a close friend and share your feelings with him/her. Organize outings with friends and have fun! Take your mind off food. Don't ever let food control you.

Sorry about what is happening to you.  A lot of us have sucky families and can identify with you. 

Have your own thanksgiving next year, and invite friends and co-workers.

For now, throw a dinner party and invite friends/co-workers.  It'll make you feel good and like you're having your own thanksgiving. 

Sometimes we have to look for family elsewhere than with our biological connections.

If you already binged, just remember that it doesn't mean you have to keep binging.  Tomorow is a new day.  Go for a walk instead.  Start fresh tomorrow.  Start your diet/new eating styles again tomorrow. 

Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself.  Forget about that part of your family for now.

V.

i think the most important thing is to learn to give yourself what your family has denied you.  explore new coping mechanisms and teach yourself to self-soothe.  there are lots of things that are much more helpful at moderating depression and anxiety than food: yoga and yogic breathing, massage, auto-hypnosis and relaxation exercises, tai chi, etc.

until you figure that out, you'll be subject to disappointment, and friends are just as capable of disappointing us as family.

sereniticat...

Wow thanks so much for taking the time to post. I loved what you said ;

Someone wonderful in my life told me that life is just details and choices and I can choose to dwell in the details or I can make the choices I need to in order to move forward and find peace.

choices I need to move forward (that's it) and i'm doing just that and need to remain focused on that. Also the other thing about being so broken that you thought you wouldn't get through the next day let alone an hour. Wow i've been there before and know how that feels and what i'm feeling now is not nearly that bad but yes it still hurts.

As i'm going along ....dieting, I'm realizing I have so much pent up anger and hurt. There is a lot of pain under these layers. I live in a rural mountain area and there is no therapist up here who takes my insurance and being disabled is too hard for me to drive up and down the mountain so I am going to look online for some support groups to help me as I lose weight as there is so much emotion coming out as I try to control this eating disorder and binging.

Thanks for your thoughtful post. It really meant a lot.

driftpsycosis.....Thanks hon. Your right food will not make me feel better i've learned that over and over again. It may make that hurt feel full but it's only temporary. Going to a friends house and staying over is an excellent idea, or calling a friend to take me out and get my mind off of things. Thanks

vanexxag,

Yup I did binge lol....but not as bad as it could have been. I didn't binge before I posted but after. And some may laugh and scoff at my binge as to them it's not really a binge but when one is trying so hard to stick to a certain # of calories and goes over it by 400-500 calories then for me personally that's a binge. Normally my binges woud end up being 1,000-2000 calories if I totally went off the eating plan and would go eat a full meal.

I did actually have other people over for Christmas and it wasn't even planned. My 2 neighbor guys had no where to go and one of them had his sister and her boyfriend there and they had no where to go either. It made me very sad for them but glad that I could give them a table full of food and company. They were so grateful they hugged me and kept thanking me lol. Made me wish I had Xmas presents for them too lol.

My biological family is all messed up lol, maybe they think the same about me ..oh well...your right...............just because they are biological does not make them 'family' or close. Thanks for your post.

pgeorgian.....

Hmm interesting you brought this up. I was just listening to a yoga meditation tape online last night wondering if I should order it. I really think that would help and i'm glad you brought that up.

Oh how I know that.....I have been disappointed by friends as well. One think I have learned in my 45 years is to not have too many expectations of people as you will feel disappointed too many times. Just be happy when the good unexpected things happen then there is much more Joy. I guess I just wasn't expecting this one and felt broadsided by it.

Thanx for your post.

I'm sorry that you had to go through that crap. You know, you could really be an inspiration for other people though. Since you know how that garbage made you feel, you could be a volunteer in the Salvation Army or something like that and really connect and help other people. I know you said you live in a rural area but maybe there are some telephone jobs that you could do...or be a penpal with a kid that needs your support....just a thought.

Also, distractions can be very helpful and an active social life can make a huge difference. Around here, there are numerous social clubs. I signed up for one of their outings and met my fiance. However, married people and singles just looking to be social go to a lot of these outings. With your disability and I'm assuming limited movement, you could still find something like a bingo hall or social groups through a church. Heck, even weight watchers might work out for you....friends all going through the same thing.

Good luck. Sorry if they were crummy suggestions. Just puttin' it out there cause some of that stuff worked for me.

Hi Kindal... I have fought with depression often and I have a wonderful recommendation for you and one that REALLY changed things around for me.  Two books both written by Eckart Tolle... one is "The Power of Now" and the one after that, he wrote is, "The New Earth".  They are both brilliant and I use them for 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes at night before I go to bed and the difference in me in remarkable.  They saved my life last year.

They are inexpensive and invaluable.  The New Earth was actually Oprah's Book Club book during the summer and if you really like it you can join her book club on line (free) and log on and listen to her hour long book club conversations she has with Echart Tolle on each and every chapter.  It will change your thinking entirely. 

Good Luck and do not give up... You are NOT your thoughts!

Vicki

trendstudent....thanks for your post. I liked what you said about joining the salvation army. I have one here and that's a thought. I also like what you said about maybe doing phone work or penpal. That would be awesome!

I've done weight watchers and while it's a great program (been on it 4X lol) It's just too hard for me in the winter with no transportation and physically hard to get around.

That's why i'm following the plan here on CC counting calories under my Doctors guidance. Thanks for all your great advice and I will definately look into penpals or something like that.

vrwh...Thanks for the post!

I got your email as well. Sorry , maybe I didn't give it a good enough chance but what I listened to did not appeal to me. I felt I had already gone down that path/journey in my life with what he is saying.

I do appreciate the thought though!

I KNOW I just sent you an email, but I forgot to mention something important- which is GOOD ON YOU for being brave enough to ask why you weren't invited.  So many people would not have even the courage for that.

Also, about your binge, it's now a detail in your life and you can chose to let it get to you or you can chose to move forward.  Just because you drop one egg on the floor it doesn't mean you have to throw the rest of the carton onto the tile too -hehe.  What's one egg when you've got 11 others?

Hi Kindal~

I'm new, but I hope you don't mind me piping up. 

Try to remember that the abusiveness and neglect coming from your family is about THEM, not you.  Healthy people don't abuse and neglect anyone, much less family they supposedly love.  Healthy people who have an issue or a problem with someone else know how to communicate without being abusive or evasive.

I have to disagree with your comment that you lower expectations in people.  Why should you do that?  You have a right to be treated respectfully and thoughtfully.  If people can't treat you that way, there's nothing wrong with you, again, it's about THEM.  YOU should move on.  Deserve what you expect, and expect what you deserve.  Just make sure your expectations aren't unrealistic.

Good luck. 

Kindal, there's a lot to the old adage that you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends.

Now having said that, keep in mind that family you are stuck with along with whatever obligations to them that you feel you have.  They're stuck with you too along with whatever obligations they feel that they have towards you.  Often our perceptions of how we should be treated do not match other's perceptions of how they should treat us.  Or our perception of how we've treated others does not match with their perception of how we've treated them.  So many interactions are subjective and are very difficult to see the motivations and reasons behind them.  You may never know.  Just do towards your family what you feel is right for you to do.

Friends also.  There are times when we really need our friends support and other times when we're more able to be independent.  The needs of friends don't always match up, but that doesn't mean that they don't like and appreciate us, just that their ability to meet our needs at any particular time might not be what we would wish.  I think you'll find that there are many levels of friends and that some friends wander from close friends to mere acquaintances depending on how our lives are going.  If given the opportunity, they might end up back in a closer relationship.

kimchi...I guess that is what I was trying to say is maybe my expectations are unrealistic and I don't know it or realize it.

I love what you said about healthy people communicate without being abusive. That is food for thought. You are right whatever was going on was about her. I don't think its completely resolved yet but I was able to let it go last night. I don't know if I should apologize for anything or just leave it be. I think I will just let sleeping dogs lie.

Thank you so much for your post.