I'm at the end of my rope.

I started this CC on 5/30...I'm very unhappy.  As a matter of fact, just got done with a huge crying spell.  I took the day off from work and wondering why I did that?  Just to sit home and bawl.  I am so frustrated by this whole weight thing.  I have had my weight under control for 10 years.  Not that I was ever "over weight" but  needed to lose 5 lbs here and there.  I used to only eat one meal a day (only ate when I was hungry) never exercised except for an occasional walk here and there.  All in all, had my weight under control, didn't really think about it much until 3/1/09.  I started eating only healthy and I mean ONLY healthy foods.  Eating 5-6 small meals a day.  Going to the gym 5 days a week.  Was only going for 1/2 hour to begin with (thought I needed to adjust slowly) and now it's only take the steps at work (4th floor), walk on my lunch, exercise for 1-1 1/2 hours after work , come home, eat dinner (chicken, vegetable loaded salad) 2 sugar free fudge bars and then a quick 2 mile bike ride. On the weekends started riding bike for 10 miles. You would think I feel fantastic!  Nope...just the opposite.  I have gained 10 lbs, no inches lost...just gained.  can't fit into any of my clothes...my stomach used to be my best feature now I look at least 6 months pregnant from all the gas and bloat from all the fruits and vegetables I eat.  I am totally consumed and scared to death about gaining one more pound.  My husband of 4 months is about ready to divorce me he so sick of this crap and who can blame him.  For those of you that think I am on a pity party your probably right.  For the life of me , this makes no sense.  I am constantly told to be patient...which I have but I would think that after 4 months there would be some sort of light at the end of the tunnel.  I feel so alone.  Don't know why that is either... I KNOW there are a lot of people out there that have it A LOT worse than I do.  Wouldn't wish this personal hell on anyone.   Not to be discouraging to anyone else and I wish the rest of you only the best in your acheivements but maybe someone could answer me why I should stay with this?  I have started other topics regrding this and everyone has really been great and I thank you for that.  But honestly, I am NOT cheating, I have upped my calories like everyone said I should do (went from 1300 to 1600).  When I say I am at he end of my rope, I truly mean it.  I am desperate.

Well, you under ate for years.  Your metabolism has slowed to a crawl.  Basically your system needs an over haul.  You won't like what I have to say next.

You need to eat maintenance.  NO DEFICT for at least a week, preferably 2.

Even though you have upped your calories - you upped your exercise at the same time.  Your deficit has not changed and maybe even grown.  You are STILL under eating.  And probably holding on to water as well as gas bloat.

Eating normally is the only way to fix a metabolism that is out of wack.  Eat as many calories as you burn.  NOT LESS.  With a steady supply of calories your body will readjust.  Do you know what your calorie level should be?  Use the tools on CC to figure it out.

I think your new husband is less concerned about your weight gain than he is about your obsession.   Frankly your post sounds like you are a bit unhealthy in your thinking.  I am not being judgemental.   We all get there at some point.  But it might be time to step back and try to gain some perspective. 

I can not say more because I am at work.  Hopefully someone else can expand on why your metabolism is out of wack.

Do not despair.  You can fix this.  All of it.

Be kind to yourself. 

I hear what you are saying....what I don't understand is "deficit".  Maybe that's part of my problem.  If you want to lose weight shouldn't you be eating less and exercising more?  I just want to lose the 10 lbs. that I have gained.  My whole point for starting in March was not really lose any weight (but maybe 5 lbs?)but more importantly get toned and just live a really healthy life.  I had no idea it would turn into this nightmare.  By using the tools from CC I should only be eating 1300 calories...I'm so confused at this point by what I should be eating, how much I should be eating, how much, how little exercise I should be doing.  I know now what you are saying is true that I did nothing but harm my body for years by not eating enough and when I did eat is was not healthy.  Boy oh boy, let this be a lesson to all people out there that think "starving" yourself is the answer.  I assure you it is not.  You may not pay today, tomorrow, or even a month or year from now...but take it from me...you will pay.  The older you get the harder it is and if I only could do things over again....but it is what it is and I can only move forward and forget the past.

My husband is truly wonderful.  Again, you are right, he knows I am totally obsessed with this whole thing.  He thinks I am beautiful and he always says it's the best I have ever looked.  I just have a hard time believing that.  I see what I see, and I assure you...it isn't beautiful.

OK....I have to say this....reading over my own posts I am regretting writing that. I would like to apologize to everyone that reads this for the pity party I am giving myself.  I HATE being like this!  Please understand me when I am saying that I really "don't get" the whole how much I should be eating with how much I should be excercising.  I need to educate myself more.  Sometimes I feel the need to "think outloud" in my frustrations but I don't want to be like this.  I don;t want to feel sorry for myself and I don't want you to pity me either.  I need to give myself a break, be thankful for what I have, keep living healthy and wish for the best.  I need to stop dwelling on poor me.  things could be worse.

If you're 'investing' your day off in going nuts about this (no judgement intended...been there, done that too!) maybe you could consider paying a nutritionist to help you figure this out. You also don't want to end up paying a marriage counselor either, right?

point well taken....

when you enter your activity as moderatly active on CC how many calories does it tell you to eat?

Too many people select sedentary or slightly active and then mess up their metabolism eating too little. Sedentary is for someone that is at home all the time and never does a thing - mostly bedridden or sitting in a chair all the time. Not someone that works, shops, cleans, goes up and down stairs, and bikes 2 miles a day. That's more moderately active. You won't know what maintenance is until you know your true burn rate. 1600 is still likely an amount that is in reducing mode. An average woman burns nearly 2000 calories a day just living. This means to maintain, she needs to eat 2000 calories a day.

Until your body is figuring out that you are not starving it anymore, you are likely to gain a bit, but once it is happy, the weight will come off. You will need to take a long view for a while until things stabilize.

A good nutritionist will help a great deal - not a doctor, a nutritionist. Big dif as a nutritionist's knowledge base in this area is much greater.

Good luck to you.

We've all been there - we've all "gone nuts" at one point in time.

What madamq was trying to tell you, I think, was that you need to worry less about losing weight at this point, and more in just getting your body's metabolism up.  It looks like you've undereaten for so long, that when you upped your calories to a normal level, your body responded by holding onto it (ie gaining weight).  It did this because it doesn't know when the next meal is going to come from (starvation mode).

To restore your metabolism, you need to feed your body what it needs.  In CC, click on Tools, then burn meter.  Enter in your stats and see what it says.  You are probably moderately active, at least.  These are the calories you burn each day.  At 5'5", 189 pounds, and sedentary, I burn about 1900 calories.  I would venture that you burn more. 

If you eat less than that, you would have a deficit, but at this point, you don't want a deficit.  You want to eat all of these calories to get yourself out of starvation mode.  You may gain a little weight, but once your metabolism goes up, it should come off.

Don't worry about your weight right now.  It is not important - getting healthy is.  You look like such a beautiful woman - you can be a beautiful, HEALTHY woman.  Feel free to message me if you need.

Is there a particular reason why this obsession started when you got married? 

It didn't start when I got married....I started this 3/1 and I got married the end of march.  Being 45, getting married, I figured no better reason then it's about time I took care of myself and was healthy.  My husband has really been supportive but I know he is sick of hearing about it as I am sick of thinking about it.  I know this has to stop...I just was frustrated because I thought this would be so much better for me as far as feeling better, looking better etc....I just feel that is not what has happened.  I don't want to be unhealthy, nor do I want to look bad.  I know it's not all about the scales and last Wednesday was the last day I weighed myself(i did that becasue I joined a new forum in losing weight by the end of July).  The scales don;t have to exist....my clothes are proof enought something isnt right.  I know my worst enemy is myself.  I went on blubbering this morning because i was just feeling sorry for myself which after having gotten myself together realized that is not helping the situation.  I'm the biggest advocate on telling other people to not be so negative..if you think negative then your results will be negative.  I need to practice what I preach.

hug

when you metabolism is out of whack, so are your emotions. Remind yourself that eating more will help you to feel better.

You recognized that you need to do something different. That's a wonderful first step!

Up your calories, see a nutritionist and you might be quite surprised at how much better you soon feel.

Take care.

Just a short note...you HAVE to eat to lose weight.  And by eat I don't mean a few snacks.  I mean you have to nourish your body so it burns the fat and doesn't think you're starving but understands that it will be fueled again later.

Good luck! Don't give up.  Being healthy is the best thing you can do for yourself!

I know that this article uses an overweight woman as an example, but the same situation can occur when one does not weigh as much.

Obesity at 700 Calories a Day

I got myself into that situation and a nutritionist put me on a 2000 calorie diet for 3 months.  The first two months I gained 8 pounds, as she warned me, then it leveled off.  After 1 month at a stable, although too high weight, she began cutting calories each week until I began losing again.  I am now able to lose at 1400 calories a day, up from a former 900 to 1000 a day. 

I had been undereating for about 9 months.  I can only imagine what undereating for years would do.  Here are some CC articles the might also explain what happens in this situation.  I hope this information helps.

you are beautiful {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

I think everyone here has given you some very good advice about your metabolism.  The important thing is for you to be healthy and happy, not a number on a scale.  I hope you can realize that soon so that you can feel better emotionally.

I'm glad you have a supportive husband.  We all really need someone to help us through.

I just want to throw one more thing into the mix: muscle weighs more than fat.  You said that you've been exercising more as well as eating less.  The weight you've gained could be partly heavier muscle replacing some of the fat you're losing.  This would be a good thing!!

It sounds like you really are on the right path; it will just be tough because it is so different from what you are used to.  Hiring a nutritionist sounds very helpful.  I hope you start feeling better soon.  Just remember that you are soooooo much more than your size/weight. 

Something else that a nutritionist might be able to help you with is the bloating.  I did something similar a few years back.  Decided to eat more fruit and veg.  Apples are easy to come by here, so started eating an apple a day.  Not a great idea, at least for me.  Turns out if I eat more than one apple every 48 hours, I get bloated and have nasty gas.  Not pleasant.  Once I switched to different fruits (ie. oranges, plums, berries), the bloating and gas disappeared.  I'm not saying you're reacting the same way to apples, but there might be something in your new diet that is causing you to feel bloated.  Everyone's body is unique.  Not all fruits have the same results for everyone.

canadianexile makes a great point.  You could be eating more of something that your body doesn't like which could be leading to bloating.  

For me, I am sensitive to wheat and dairy.  If I eat too much wheat I get bloated.  If I eat too much dairy my joints hurt.  I found this out by keeping a food diary and noticing how I felt after I ate certain foods.  You can eliminate a food for 3 weeks to clear your system and then re-introduce it to see the reaction.  When I stopped eating wheat and then reintroduced it - WOW, almost immediate reaction.  Same for dairy. 

There are rules of thumb for everything, but you have to figure out what works for YOUR body.

It's all about finding a healthy balance for your life.  Being healthy is about a lot more than weight.  Sounds like you've been out of touch with your body for a long time and you're not going to learn your natural signals overnight.

Be patient with yourself and enjoy the process.  You'll be happier and I have no doubt your husband will be happier.

Thank you to everyone for all of your really good advise.  I really appreciate your time (& patience) with me. I didn't think too much about it before  but  I really do think I may be sensitive to a lot of foods because I am soooooo bloated.  this is not normal for me.  I just have to figure out from what since I am eating fruits and vegtables literally ALL DAY. I pack up all these little baggies, of carrotts, grapes, grape tomatoes, sliced apples, I also eat a lot of yorgurt and whole wheat crackers (everyday)etc..  My whole body feels like it's "swollen". I look and feel horrible. I do have a dr.'s appt. tomorrow just for a follow up and I am going to have my thyroid checked, it can't hurt, right?  As long as  I am already there....unfortuantely, I can't get into a nutrionist for awhile.  On my way to the gym tonight I'm also going to talk with a trainer and make sure I'm doing everything right on that end as well.  Again, thank you for helping me out....I couldn't do this without you all!

Hey, I don't mean to be judgemental, but you seem to have some deep self-image issues.

Perhaps that's what needs to be dealt with? You seem like someone who has embraced a healthy lifestyle and I'm sorry that some of the initial effects have made you unhappy - but perhaps some issues about self-image supressed by unhealthy behaviour in the past have now come to the fore and must be dealt with.

I'm going to give pretty much the same advice. Make an appointment with a nutritionist to get your diet on track. My bet is that for your (extremely high, in my opinion) activity level, even 1600 calories is probably too low. Also, if you're eating a lot of sugar-free, artificially-sweetened treats, that could really contribute to the bloating you seem to have. I would say cut back on the fake stuff and enjoy a less quantity of real-sugar treats. (Example: replace the 2 sugar-free fudge bars with one regular fudge bar.)

Also, I agree that the overwhelming fear of gaining weight that you described can not be healthy and, in fact, may be impeding your process. Ask yourself, what's the WORST thing that can happen if you gain one more pound? Will your husband leave you? Probably not. Will you die of weight-related illnesses like diabetes or heart disease? Certainly not.

What's the BEST thing that will happen? You will get over your fear of weight, and begin to see healthy weight as one aspect of your overall health, which is currently being compromised, and you will begin taking steps to be at your best health, including your best weight.

Good luck!