Im fat, and he loves it! but... theres a problem.

Hello everyone,

Im Amy. Im 17 and i'm a very big girl. Im about 5'5 and weigh in about 245. All of my life i have been teased because of being well OVER WEIGHT! And i've always thought that no one would ever like me because of this awful fat im carring around in my back pocket. But one day i met this guy and we have been dating for about 3 months. Hes a great guy and treats me right, and we love eachother. But, i want to loose weight and he doesnt want me too. Im afraid if i loose the weight he will leave me. What should i do about this?

Lose the weight.  If you lose the guy as well, then he wasn't much of a friend to begin with.  You deserve to have someone love you for who you are, not for your size.

If he leaves because you become more healthy, then you know that the relationship was NOT healthy.

Don't let yourself think that no other guy will ever like you. That kills your confidence and makes it a self-fulfilling prophecy! Lots of big girls find love. I won't lie and say it isn't somewhat harder when you're big, but that's why we work on our smarts and confidence and personality.  ;-)

If he really loves you, then he will want what is best for you - which is to be as healthy, fit and long-lived as possible. If you really love him, you will want him to have a girlfriend (and maybe future wife?) who is healthy, and able to love him to bits for decades... :)

I'm going to be blunt here. If this guy is really that opposed to you losing weight, then he's a control freak.

Is he one of those people with a fat fetish? Does he make you eat extra food and try to make you fatter?

Good point sunkissed.  There are people like that and they are sickos.

If he really loves you, he'll love you even after you loose weight. Ask him why he thinks you should not loose weight?

You would probably be healthier if you lost weight, and why wouldn't he want you to be healthier?

I don't want to put it this way, especially not knowing him or you, but I don't know of a better way to say it. Is there a possibility that he's afraid that once you're in better health and likely happier with your appearance that you'll leave him, and he's just trying to keep you in a position to where he thinks you'll feel you don't have alternatives to staying with him?

It's one thing if someone is on the high end of a normal weight and his/her SO prefers it there (even though it's not up to the SO anyway), but losing weight would probably be better for your body.

Besides all the good points already stated.  Your still young, And have a long road before you.  Nip those bad habits in the butt now while its easier.

I agree with all of the above. He should love you even if you got your arm amputated or your face chewed off.

You sound like an awesome girl - don't think you have to settle for the first guy who takes interest. I say lose the weight you want to lose, learn healthier eating habits, and wait for the right guy to come. Every woman is beautiful and deserves a man who appreciates her. :)

I'd say talk to him about it. Ask him why he doesn't want you to. It never hurts to drop some weight, and it would be better for your health. If you talk to him about it and he seems like he wouldn't feel the same way if you lost weight, then you have to ask yourself, "him or my health?"
It's a matter of priorities.

dont' you think its strange for him to want you to be overweight. i've heard of people being happy with the one they are with for who they are, but this is taking it to a whole other level.

I had this same situation... except I was 19, and had been in the relationship for about 9 months.  I decided that with a sedintary job, I felt like crap, so I was eating healthier, becoming more active, and starting to feel better about myself.  BUT my boyfriend said I was fine the way I was, and went as far as to tell me I didn't need to lose weight (total lie when even Drs say I should), that he didn't want me to, AND even trying to make me eat more than I possibly could while at his house (though his family normally ate humongous portions, I never could).  Though, he also would try to knock me down a peg or two on things when I started to feel great, and much more confident in myself, and got mad when I'd spend more of my week with my best friend than with him, even after I explained the fact that girl friends and boyfriends are two different types of relationships and that you talk about/do different things with each.

You know what I learned... he was insecure with himself, and wanted me to be insecure so that I would stay with him.  Guys like that are the kind you don't need around. I had been self confident when I started dating him, and I was even more confident in my self and in my choices the day I broke up with him.  (Here's a tip, if the thought of a breakup makes you feel happy and free, it's not a good relationship.)  The day I finished with him I went out with friends, and had no confidence problems, and no one to bring me down.


In your situation, evaluate your relationship as a whole. Are there any signs of insecurity or jealousy other than that he doesn't want you to lose weight? If so, take time to seriously think about if this is a healthy relationship for you.  If not, try to have a serious conversation with him on why you want to lose weight, and make sure to let him know that you also need to do it for health reasons.  If he doesn't accept and suppor you in your journey after a serious conversation about it, again evaluate the relationship.


Good luck, and I really hope your bf isn't the way mine was, and accepts you whatever your weight (especially in between weights while trying to lose!)

Has he said that directly to you? Or are you just assuming that? Because my husband loves big girls and he is very blunt about that. But he also understands that I want to be healthy.

be logical....look up the health risks about being overweight.
you will REALLY feel it when you hit your mid-20's

then ask yourself.....is that what you want? a boyfriend that MAKES you stay in a state that has potentional health risks... thats not love....thats a damaging control freak.

maybe he just doesnt want you to waste away to being a stick though too...that i could see as being normal. but asking you to stay at a health risk level because he wants it that way...thats not caring about you in the long run. plus you are 17..there will be other guys in your future....dont settle on someone who wont let you be yourself or properly take care of your health.

so what do you do?

ask him if he wants you to develop wt related health issues.
he may not even really think of it that way because he might just not know.

if you want to lose the weight, and your boyfriend is as good a guy as you say he is then he would support your decision.   You should not have to remain unhealthy just for a guy, you should be happy as well.

I say lose it, and if you lose him as well then....well, there are always others   ; )

I agree with Sunkissedbliss

Illiterate troll digging up long-dead threads....  

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