I'm insensitive

I just am.  I don't really understand the concept of "I'm trying so hard, but I just CAN'T make myself eat the right foods/exercise/drink water." and it's like I hear it from the same people over and over again. 

(I'm talking about in real life people... not here people)

Of COURSE you can... you just don't want to... Don't get me wrong... I've yo yo dieted my entire life, but it's never been about "I can't" do this.  I have just chosen for most of my life to love the taste of pizza more than I love myself.  Loved pizza/chocolate/mashed potatoes/butter enough at one time that I got up to 343 pounds.

I empathize with people who are sticking to a good plan but plateauing... I understand the occasional "lapse" in judgment... where you decide on a Heath bar when you really meant to eat a Kashi bar...

... but what I'm NOT sympathetic do is "defeatist" attitudes...  "I've tried and tried, but I can't do it."  How many people are being force fed thousands of calories in junk food? 

Is it wrong to want to give patheitc dieters tough love?

I totally agree with you. I make eating choices that aren't always "healthy" but I never say "I can't do it"...I don't choose those healthy things... on purpose. It's about making better choices each and everyday, including exercise...yes I blame the thunderstorms on not being able to run outside after work this week, but that didn't mean I couldn't exercise at all (that was my choice)....I love icecream, sometimes I eat it, and sometimes I don't...but I don't blame others (myfriends, family, etc. on my poor eating habits)...if I am hanging with friends and they are eating something that is higher in calories than I need, it is still my choice if I join them or not.

Yeah, I mentioned this to a good friend the other night... and I told her I wouldn't deal with her victim complex anymore, and she said, "You wouldn't just tell someone addicted to crack to stop smoking it."  and I was like...

"Ummm... Yes I would.... why wouldn't I?"

and she said "Well I can't exercise anyway because I don't have money for a gym membership... or any DVD's, or any equipment at home."

You have FEET don't you? 

I've just HAD it with people who say things to me like, "You're so lucky that you can lose weight at the drop of a hat."

No STUPID... it's with the drop of my fork and the drop of my butt (squats) *lol*

I hear ya, and no, I don't think it's wrong to give those people some tough love, when the situation is right.  I find my patience running short when I meet the people who say "they just can't lose weight," because 99% of the time, I know they can.  As many of us here can attest, it's really a matter of having the will to change your lifestyle.  We all have the ability to do it, we can all make that choice...but if the will isn't there, then it just won't happen.  Keeping that in mind, usually all I can do is shake my head and wish those people the best of luck.

I think the biggest problem in today's society is that everybody wants an instant fix.  And there are instant fixes in weight loss - you can go on Adkins or the grapefruit diet or something like that and lose 20 pounds in a month.  Or you could get bariatric surgery and not have to work at losing the pounds, but live with the new lifestyle that the surgery forces upon you for the rest of your life.  But the quick fixes generally don't tend to produce lasting results, so the majority of people will believe that "diets don't work" so why bother?

*shrug*  I'm rambling.  But I know what you mean, and I agree. 

If they really want to, they will. I'm sick of people bitching about things they have total control over. I'm insensitive too, whatever.

We all know how hard it is to loose weight, but we all know what we have eaten to pack it on.  If ur anything like me (in the past), its easy to binge, stuff a whole packet of chocolate biscuits of a night rather than have a healthy dinner, the quick chocolate fix on the way to work or home, the big chunks of cheese on buttery french bread......

Its got to be a whole change of lifestyle and we know that.  I have little sympathy with those that say they cannot lose weight but have only been dieting for a couple of weeks.  Okay so I have reached a plateau at the moment, but I know I have been a lot lighter in the past, so I will get the weight off come hell what may.

There are no quick fixes, its just a case of plodding on, day after day, and drinking lots of water.  I guess I am unsympathetic too! 

I am guilty at times of being insensitvie or superior to other peoples weight loss problems.  However, there are some people that have medical conditions that make it more difficult for them to lose weight. 

I wish I could shake my younger sister sometimes. She has been over weight since age 11 and I know if she just tried eating healthier foods she would lose.  She tried to qualify for gastric bypass instead.  She didn't and now queries me on my weight loss.  I have told her and consulted with her till I am blue in the face but she just won't do it.  She is very active as she works in a job that requires movement all day.  I think she is in starvation mode now because she tries to limit what she eats (to one cheeseburger instead of two) and she isn't eating enough or the right things.

Thanks for the vent post.

My mom needs to lose about 30lbs to get her blood pressure under control.  She's always asking me what I did to lose weight, and whenever I mention someone I know has lost weight her immediate response is, "What did he/she do?" in a tone that suggests that they must have the magic answer.  It frustrates the Hell out of me because my response is always the same: I, and the others I have mentioned, ate less and exercised more.  She complains and says that isn't working for her, but when I came home to visit the only thing that could pass for healthy in the cabinets was a box of grapenuts cereal, and every time I talk to her she and my dad are getting ready to go get ice cream or have dinner at the bar in my hometown.

Bah.

Jess - I get that from people, too, that "What did you do?" question.  One particularly frustrating one was when a woman I work with asked me that, and I gave her your same answer, "I eat less and exercise more."

She gave me this exasperated look and said, "No, I mean, what are you doing...Adkins? Slim Fast? Are you taking those pills?"

So I replied, "I'm taking a multi-vitamin, eating less, moving more, and that's all."  She looked at me and said "Oh, ok," like she didn't believe me, and then walked away.  Sheesh!

I hope you are always deserving of compassion then....

that you have no weaknesses, no medical conditions, no other factors that affect you in anything you attempt... because if that's the case, you will always be phenomenally successful in everything you do, right? 

*tempts fate*

...and then there are those that blame it solely on their hypothyroidism.  Like my dad.  He used to have hyperthyroidism until the docs killed most of his thryroid off with radioactive iodine.  True, a abnormally slower metabolism does mean that you'll probably need more diet control to do, but my father walks around eating a bit of this and that all day and then blames his being overweight on his now-tiny thyroid.  There seems to be a lot of fault to be spread around here.

On top of this, he claims WW says that you don't count points when you just take a bite of this and that.  Of course, I've seen him eat a tbsp of sour cream as one of these bites, so it gets pretty silly.

Nomo...I think the issue are people that say they absolutely can't lose weight; that it's impossible for them.  It might actually be harder for them for the factors you listed (we'll never know), but I doubt weightloss is totally impossible.

Oh dnrothx duck and run for cover ;)

Hey T I so enjoy your boldness and can relate.  I'm so use to having a family that allows one another to just say it....then I forget how sensitive people are out in the world....I forget you got to be gentle. 
Anyway, I love your boldness.  I would get along w/you just fine.

Great thread by the way and I love the new picture of ya!  Very pretty and cute. 

Compassion doesn't mean indulging people in their victim mentality.

I have compassion for those who try to stop smoking because it's hard. I have compassion for those who start exercising because that's a difficult habit to establish.

It's also hard to stop drinking and it's hard to floss every day.

Compassion is NOT served by enabling people to offer up endless excuses for why they cannot lose weight.

I have all the energy in the world for people who are working at it. Those who want to spend their energy and time telling me how they just can't do it and marvel at my supposed discipline need to find a different audience.

Ah, but Tamara wasn't talking about those who say they can't lose weight - she was talking about those who say they can't eat right/exercise. Different thing.

It's like people who say they can't quit smoking. Habits are harder to change for some people than for other people, and I do believe the studies that show that overeating (and eating bad foods) can produce an endorphin rush of its own - I've felt it too.

Basically "tough love" won't do anything either, it won't make them change. Giving people accurate information in a friendly way (this is how I lost weight, this is how other people lose weight too, here are some tips to make it easier), not taking it personally if they don't change, and detaching yourself emotionally from their success or failure is the key. Being nasty or confrontational with them will just alienate them and then they won't have a source of good information (you) in their lives anymore.

I just wish I could always live by these maxims myself. ;)

Oh I get your point. But I think you get mine as well.

There are people who would rather spend their time and energy complaining about how they can't (fill in the blank). Some of that may be real (I can't be a world class gymnast), and some of it is just a negative tape they play over and over and over.

The problem comes when people won't shift a position from "I can't" to "I can." Saying that I can doesn't guarantee me 100% success; never trying guarantees 100% failure.

Let me clarify... I am by no stretch of the imagination perfect.. I have yo you dieted my entire life... and at the moment 5'8 and 229 pounds... but I'm not a VICTIM of my weight... I made a choice to be this way... and now I'm making a choice not to. 

nomoreexcuses  No.. .I' have not been blessed in being successful with everything I've ever tried... and I am not completely without issues...  but I don't look for help and then throw my hands up in despair when everyone tries to help me bur refuse to follow any advice they give me. 

I saw this thing on Nova the other day... about people who had no realizaiton of when they were full and felt hungry all of the time, and that's WHY they were obese... My thought was... "No, that's NOT why they were obese"... They were obese because they were EATING all of the time.  THey knew they shouldn't be, but they did it anyway... just because it was easier.  Am I supposed to have sympathy for the 800 pound man who has his family bring him a turkey in bed... who has NO INTENTION to stop eating the whole turkey?  Am I supposed to feel sympathy for the family who brings it? If they really want help... Im a supporter... but dont say you want help if you plan to eat the turkey!

contrary... I love that "i can't be a world class gymnast"...Exactly... keep your goals realistic... and then do the work to achieve them

but I talk to people in my daily life... close friends... who like so many of the people on here say...

It's TOOOO hard. 

Then they come back to me and say, "Okay... I"m ready... but you have to push me... YOu have to help me."

and those of you who "know" me... KNOW that I"m the gung ho cheerleader type.  I BELIEVE in ALL of us... and I just lose my sensitivity when TIME after TIME I try to help the same people to be faced with their "victim" mentality...  and the implication that it's somehow HARDER for them than it was for me.

I was a 343 pound, binging, compulsive overeater, bullimic...  It was and IS hard for me daily...  I have to log EVERYTHING... I have to plan... and I just am done with the "victims' who can't do what's good for them...

that is TOTALLY fine... that's THEIR decision.  If they would rather eat poorly and continue to have deteriorating health...then they need to be okay with their decision and not a victim of some horrible fate.

(btw dances w/forks.. thanks for the picture compliment!  *lol*)

?Or you could get bariatric surgery and not have to work at losing the pounds, but live with the new lifestyle that the surgery forces upon you for the rest of your life.?

Surgery is not taking the easy way out and Yes, you do have to work at losing the pounds. The choice to have surgery is not any less complicated then the choice to not have it. For some people surgery is the only answer and NO is not the easy way out. Unless you have been in those shoes you should judge or assume it is.

Yes, people who say they can?t lose weight are just making excuses and need to try. It is a choice to pick up a healthy or unhealthy snack, sit on the couch or get up and move. People who say they can?t are choosing not to and it has nothing to do with can?t it is won?t.

I think that what it comes down to is whether or not they really mean they "can't" or if what they're really trying to say is "won't try."

99.9% of the time it's the latter.

I am insensitive at times too, but I think my insensitivity with people (especially those I love) comes from a deep frustration that I can not give them the gift of health or self-improvement.

I also wish that as a culture (USA) we could stop reinforcing on a mass level that a healthy lifestyle is boring, depriving, fanatic, vain, or difficult. 

 Americans tend to speak socially in a very negative way..So it's more socially acceptable to say "I can't, or won't or this is too hard." How often do you have or overhear conversations about how good people feel?