i'm not interested in him!

i've been dating my coworkers friend for about two months, but nothing serious, at all. we talk every few days and hes taken me out a few times. but on our dates, we ended up sitting on a park bench and talking for four hours NONSTOP!  hes amazing, sweet, fun, and interesting, but here's the kicker: i just dont feel chemistry. im not attracted to him, and he's too pure for me (read: he's a virgin @ 25..)

my coworker is really excited that we're "working out", which apparently are his words to describe the situation. how in the world do i tell him it's not working out?

even worse, i've liked the same guy for about a year, and although hes shown no interest until now, things are falling into place for us, and i don't want to ruin it over this! especially because they both come to my work frequently.

how do i tell him i'm not interested in him like that, while maintaining the ability to see how things progress with the other guy? (read: no "im not into being in a relationship right now" and i hope i don't have to use the "i don't want to ruin the friendship" card.)

Honesty is the best policy. Just tell him you don't feel a spark. I'm sure he's dealt with that in his life (i.e. been around a girl where he liked her, but just felt no spark), so he should understand.

If not, then that's his problem. Be nice about it (no just up and saying 'I just don't like you like that!'), but be blunt enough that he has a very strong idea of what's going on.

I'd probably say something like:

"You're really fun, really nice, and a really great person to be around. I just don't feel a spark between us, and I need that in order to continue a relationship. I was hoping it would grow in time, but I feel it's unfair to continue this the way it's going knowing I don't feel that spark and have the potential of hurting us both in the end. I'd really like to remain friends with you, but understand if you need some time."

amazing. thank you! what form of communication should i do this with? i dont want to call him all the way out to my part of town for it..but text messages are totally lame. then again, most of our conversation is done that way...so im thinking maybe it might be ok? i dont know! but your answer would work perfectly.

Whatever you do, DON'T text message him.

If you feel calling him out to your part of town is bad, do it over the phone. I prefer doing these kinds of things in person, as it seems to convey more heartful emotion (I'm sure you're not a mean person as you're concerned about his feelings) than on the phone or through email/text.

If you must use the phone, don't drag it out. Ask how he is, make sure he knows you still want to remain friends, then cut to the chase and explain why you can't see him anymore. If he wants to ask questions, let him. If he wants to vent, let him. However, if he gets angry and mean, you can simply state, "I don't have to take this abuse from you, I'm hanging up now." I've had that happen a few times in my life, and it's not pleasant.

Good luck!

Telling him in person is always the best. Second best is on the phone and the sooner the better. It is cold and unkind to text or email this type of message to someone.

Nasuoni has given great advice on how to tell him. Be very blunt and honest. He will need to hear the conviction that this is how you really feel in your voice. Don't make it sound like you think the spark or chemistry could develop given more time. If it hasn't developed in 2 months, it's not likely it ever will.

Mooni is spot on as well.

Do not text message!  If you can, make a casual date to go visit him, for coffee or something, just say you'll be in his part of town and would he like to get a cup of coffee, don't let him think that you're making a special trip for him as that will get his hopes up.  If you can't see him in person (in the next couple of days), then a phone call would be the next best option.

Do not lie and say that you're just not into being in a relationship right now, definitely tell the truth that there is no chemistry for you, otherwise you're giving him false hope and that's just mean.

Original Post by aeroplanexc:

amazing. thank you! what form of communication should i do this with? i dont want to call him all the way out to my part of town for it..but text messages are totally lame. then again, most of our conversation is done that way...so im thinking maybe it might be ok? i dont know! but your answer would work perfectly.

 I'd either call him or have a face to face. That way you can seem sincere.

Yea maybe calling him would be good if you dont want him going out of his way. I think over the phone would be fine. but deff. no internet and no text messaging . I handled this one relationship soo terrible, i was only in high school but I just stopped answering this guys calls. It was awful. I felt like a horrible person after that. Top it off he was one of my friends brothers bff, so if  I stayed at her house more than likely he was there. Awkward! lol but good luck with the other guy!