I'm new with binge eating disorder

hi, I'm new here and really want to stop binging. I'm not really overweight but am on my way there if this continues.

I think that two years ago I sort of had an eating disorder, or disordered eating, because I did not eat very much and lost alot of weight in a short time. I didn't know about calories then, but I'd say I probably ate anywhere between 800 and 1500 calories a day for half a year. For an 18 year old, that was obviously too little and I went from a healthy 50kg (at 158cm) to 44, which I didn't even realize untill after I lost it all. This is probably why my binge eating began, because I was deprived. But it was two years ago, and the binge eating continues. A binge for me is usually 1000-7000 calories worth of food in a short time, and it happens 1-2 times a week (although I have had better times with less binges, or less severe ones for up to 2 weeks). I am now 55kg. I don't restrict or anything, but I don't always have a good eating plan/schedule either - I've just always eaten when or a bit before I get hungry. Binges usually happen once I already feel uncomfortably full, or when I feel like trying something new (to eat) and then go crazy and want to try everything and can't stop..

I did not really have body image issues before, but I think they have started now. I feel uncomfortable in my body, I worry about what to wear so that people don't notice - but they do, and I'm glad they honestly mention it too instead of acting polite and pretending they don't notice. But my comfort is more of an issue than how I think I look - I feel terrible about the way my body feels! This problem has affected my social life, my sex life, my self-esteem, and my wallet, and I am determined to overcome it...So I came across this website while looking up what to do after a binge....

Sorry for the long boring life story...I am just so desperate to overcome this, and it is so difficult! I've been trying to stop since I realized what I was doing, which was only a month after I really started binging. I've been trying to stop for almost 2 years and nothing has worked! Please advise me on what you think might help..

I've replied to you on another thread...  I think two things stick out from your post.

"I don't always have a good eating plan/schedule"

and

"when I feel like trying something new"

This suggests to me that the first thing to tackle would be a more structured eating plan based around the right number of calories.  Giving mealtimes priority, cooking/preparing foods rather than grabbing food on the hoof... making sure you're getting a good balance across the food-groups.

And second would be to try new foods more often... make your regular diet a lot more flavoursome, exciting and interesting.  If your diet is bland and includes the same things too often then, naturally, when you try something really delicious your inclination will be to wolf the lot.

Finally, the self-esteem issues.   This is a 'chicken and egg' situation.... low self-esteem can result in finding comfort in foods.  Gaining weight as a result can produce low self-esteem.  Above all, people with low self-esteem tend to stop caring about themselves.  Improving self-esteem obviously has nothing to do with diet but better nourishment can give your mood a lift and that can trigger other positive behaviours.  

It's going to sound trite and shallow but how about a trip to the beauty-parlour soon?  Nothing says 'fresh start' like a new haircut or some other personal attention.....

Thank you gi-jane, you really are very helpful! I will do as you say, and use this site to keep a food log and make things as nutritious as possible...It's hard with the university life, but I will have to find a way.

Actually, I just got a manicure, pedicure, and my hair done a week ago! It did feel nice...and a guy I've been seeing has really helped my self esteem too. I'm not really sure what the problem is - my self esteem isn't always low, usually I think it is okay, but after a binge it just goes down...

I agree about the eating plan/scheule. I work late and so does my husband so it's always easier to grab something on the way home or pop in a frozen pizza. I got into such a rut when, who would have thought, I remembered something my mother used to do. My mom made a menu for the week before she even went to the grocery store. I've tried doing it and have found that when I have a plan of attack it's much easier to stick to. I also cook in bulk. If I have a grilled chicken salad on the menu one night, I'll cook extra chicken and use it for tacos or something later in the week. I too eat past the point of being full..I love food and my husband can eat all day and not gain a pound so (unfortunately) I thought I could too. I can't. The time it takes to prepare a meal, and eating it SLOWER (take a sip of water after every couple bites) makes it much more satisfying without feeling like my pants are going to burst.

The other thing that struck me is the self-esteem. I've suffered from it for years, especially in the last few months. I can feel my belly jiggle when I brush my teeth...eek. I find that going to the gym helps TREMENDOUSLY. Even if I don't look different right away I FEEL different. I stand taller (probably because my abds hurt) which even reduces the appearance  of my belly bump, and I feel empowered because I know I'm actively doing something about the way I look instead of just being upset about it. I know this was long but I hope it helped!!