i'm too old for this...

i'm almost eighteen, and my mother seems to think she should be telling me when to go to bed.  i'm going to be legally declared as an adult in a couple of months, and she just won't let go.  when i tell her that i'm too old for her to be telling me when to go to bed, she pulls out the "my house, my rules" lecture, and i end up telling her that i have my own life, and my own things to do, and they don't involve her controlling every minute of my day.  then she explodes and starts rambling about me getting sick without sleep and a bunch of other stuff that isn't even important.

i'm supposed to be a senior, but i got really sick as a kid when we found out i have celiac disease.  my teachers told me i wasn't "emotionally ready" for the next level (kindergarten), so my parents held me back.  my older sister was one of the youngest kids in her class, and i'd be one of the oldest if i was in the correct grade, but i'm a grade behind.  i used to have to wait until the age my sister was to do certain things, but now my mom is making me go by grade, which basically makes me wait two extra years.  i think she's changing the rules, and this one of the things that's changed.  my sister was going to bed when she wanted by the time she was eighteen, but my mother says i have to wait until i graduate (my sister was 17 when she graduated, i'll be 19).

am i being unreasonable, or am i not alone in thinking that i'm way too old for a bedtime?

Legal declaration of adulthood means nothing!  This kind of situation is nature's way of saying 'get your own place'......  I remember coming home after my first rip-roaring, hard-clubbing term of university, aged 18, and my mother cheerily piping up that night 'Isn't it time for bed now?'   That rather cemented my decision never to move back home (and I never did)... ... and the look she got from me told her not to do it again.

If your health is delicate then I'm sure your mother's only being a little over-protective.   Talk calmly about the subject when everyone's feeling more relaxed ... away from bedtime.... explain how you feel rather than biting heads off and it all escalating into a big row.

Yes, you're too old for a bedtime. My parents did the same thing to me, it was infuriating, and I moved out.

She only has your best interests in mind. When you get to college, you will fail if you don't have a reasonable sleep schedule. Trust me.

My daughter is 26 and when I leave for work at 10:30 at night I tell her to go to bed.

If you are prone to getting sick, even if you aren't right now, your body needs its rest, it doesn't matter how old you are.

Don't like her rules then get a job and support yourself.

i wasn't allowed to watch rated R movies under my parents house or be alone in the same room with a boy by myself without a parent present.  i broke these rules when i moved out, and nothing bad ever happened from it, but as long as you are a dependent, you need to respect your parent's house rules.  i understand your frustration but in this case, it is neither harmful or unreasonable so enjoy not having the responsibility of bills and mortgage. parents devote most of their physical, emotional and financial resources towards their children, so give her a break and let her have her silly rule for a bit longer.

Honestly, I think she has every right to tell you what to do. I'm "legally an adult". Have been for over a year now. And there are still things that I'm not allowed to do. And I sure as hell don't do them. There are plenty of rules that my parents have that I have to obey as long as I live in their house.

On top of that, some of the more extreme things, like getting the tattoo I want, will result in them not paying my college tuition anymore. I highly doubt they'd ever compromise my education, but I still don't want to test them.

They pay thousands and thousands of dollars to raise and take care of you. So in return, they should get a little say so. Just my thoughts.

Edit: Just wanted to add that I don't have a bedtime, but when I'm home if my father has something important in the morning, he'll ask me to go to sleep early so I don't keep him up (he's a really light sleeper). Seems fair, so I usually do it. Or I'll just go to my room and do something quiet.

Wow. That actually seems sorta creepy to me. Let me guess, she also cooks all your meals, does your laundry, and makes your bed? I guess I feel that way because I was brought up to be fairly independant by the age of about 15.

What time is the bedtime?  And is it just weeknights or also weekends?

I had a bedtime of 8pm until I got to high school (age 14) and made an argument for my parents to allow me to stay up until 9pm.  When I turned 16, I got a job and so the requirement of bedtime kind of tapered off (because some nights I'd have track practice, then work for 4 hours, then I'd have some hw to do, so there was no way I'd be in bed by 9).  I was always well-rested and did well in school when I followed the bedtime rules.  So even though it was annoying, I know my parents had my best interest at heart.

When my boys entered high-school they set their own bedtimes.....being fully aware that mom never hesitated to use cold water to get them out of bed.    Actually only had to do that twice to the older one.  After that the younger one knew I meant it.  But as gddrdld points out, they also did their own laundry, plus additional chores,  had part time jobs and played sports without letting their grades suffer.  

I think most of us give our kids as much responsibility as they prove they can handle.

your mom has a point about the whole "no sleep = getting sick" thing, but I was just wondering, does she just tell you that you should go to bed, or does she MAKE you? because I'm 17 and my mom always tells me to go to bed or says "you should go to bed soon," but never forces me. I agree that you're too old for a bedtime, I don't think I've ever had a real one except when I was very young, I usually just got into the habit of going to bed at a certain time.

I agree with kay_h, my mom doesn't care when I go to bed, as long as I know that no matter how late I fall asleep I'm waking up for school in the morning. It's my senior year of high school and throughout all 4 years she's only let me stay home twice because I didn't get enough sleep, and that's only because I was at the point where I was physically sick.

Yeah, so I don't have a bedtime, but I go to bed fairly early on my own (I used to have terrible insomnia), and wake up very early. I actually love waking up early. So my parents don't really need to enforce any bedtimes (not that they would). If you show your parents that you're responsible enough to go to bed when you choose & wake up on time then maybe your mom will be more reasonable?

jeeze, who knew I could write so much about sleep.

You are almost 18 and will have no thought for how what you do to your body now you will regret in 20 years' time. That's normal. It's also normal for a young person who has a chronic disease (asthma, diabetes, celiac disease) to go through a phase of downplaying the condition that they must live with because it's no fun being different.

Thing is, you don't have a fully-baked brain just yet -- you won't until almost 30 in fact (forget your 18th birthday -- it's years away to become a neurological adult). Your mother knows that celiac disease puts you at risk for all manner of complications throughout your life. She adores you and you are her baby and yes, she absolutely can't let go and many mothers really struggle with that.

But you won't make her let go by fighting her on "her house, her rules". In fact, by rebelling you are just proving to her that you are not ready to make mature decisions. Sucks, but it's how it gets interpreted.

GI-Jane is right -- until  you make your own way in the world, it is up to you to follow the rules but keep talking to your mother about the need for her to allow you to make your own mistakes in life -- it's how we all learn. She might hear you if you avoid breaking the rules as a way to get your point across. Good luck!

Sigh.  Yes, I totally understand how you are feeling.  However, I also don't know the whole situation.  It sounds as if you are a still in highschool.  Are you mature and responsible?  I lived at home when I was in college from the ages of 18-22.  I was still financially dependent on my parents and thus, subject to their rules.  It was out of respect that I obeyed their house rules, even if at times it seemed as though they treated me like a little kid. Additionally, your mom will always be your mom.  I thought once I was married, moved out, and a mother myself, that I would stop hearing her opinion on how I should live my life.  Sometimes I think parents have trouble letting go and admitting that their "babies" are growing up.  The best advice I can give is to have a talk with your mom and explain to her that you would like to be given the chance to spread your wings a little so that when you are , whether it is at 18, or not, you can have the confidence to make your own decisions!  Good luck!

Does your bed time mean that you are actually required to go to bed and sleep at a certain time, or are you just asked to go to your room and begin to wind down for the night. 

If your mum is asking you to go to your room, wind down, get reading for bed etc then i guess thats kind of ok. You are still in school. 

I never had rules like this, i think bed times ended for me when i was 10. I also had a tv in my bedroom so i could go to bed and watch tv until late if i wanted to. Which i often did and regretted in the morning. My parents thing was that i could choose when i went to bed but i was responsible for getting myself up in the morning and get to school on time. I guess my parents were trying to teach me how to look after and be responsible for myself. 

Perhaps you could devise a plan with you mum. You get to decide what time you go to bed each night, but you are also responsible for getting up and getting to school on time, you are also responsible for keeping up with homework and keeping your grades up. if you dont accomplish any of these things, you are late for school, your grades drop, then you lose your right to go to bed when you want and go back to your mums rules.

Sit down with your mum, talk about it as adults, and see what happens.

Often we have to prove ourselves to our parents. Im nearly 23 and sometimes still have to prove myself.