I'm having a quarter life crisis (threatened by younger girls)

I'm starting to have a quarter life crisis, I tried to supress it by telling myself that I shouldn't "define myself by my age" that I am still 'young' and that I have so much to live for but I cannot help but feel a bit old living in this youth obsessed society. Even though my face looks young, babyish, I FEEL different, my mind has developed, I carry myself differently, my body is slowly changing into a more womanly body...I talk more mature now, I carry myself like a full blown woman. It's just a natural change that I cannot control. I don't walk like a teenager or think like one. Latley, I've been feeling very insecure, just more insecure as I get older and older. I am 24, and as I leave my early 20s and get closer and closer to 30, I feel very threatened by younger girls.

I am almost finish with college, and I am taking classes at a new campus that is in my neighborhood. While, I love the convienience I can't help but notice that there are so many other girls who are pretty some who I think are prettier than me and younger like 18, 19, 20 year olds. I feel so threatened and insecure that I dread going to school everyday.

I worry that maybe I am starting to look old-er, and guys are not as attracted to me as they are to the younger 18-20ish girls. I am just stressing out. I get anxiety when I walk into the building, looking at all the other young girls who are wearing half off tops, nice hair, nice figures and I think what is going to make ME stand out and find a guy wehn I am competing with this. The younger girls are just going ALL OUT at this school. Tight jeans, tight tops, hips, ass is just at every corner, I feel like I am in a hip hop video at times. I thought about goi ng to the mall and blowing all my money on new clothes, hair and makeup. some of them have great style, and lately I've been slacking a bit because of financial reasons and I've been so consumed with my classes that it took a backseat (the classes I am taking are VERY hard) I just feel so much pressure to look good that it's killing my self esteem. And I find myself just constantly irritated when someone is attractive in my class or around me, especially if they are younger..the tone of their voices (you know how very young girls voices sound) the giggling, everything just irritates me and I think this is probably what most men are attracted to...the young, gullible and naive personality. I even find myself trying to act like that instead of smart, mature and sophisiticated

Please give me advice because I don't know what to do

Welcome to the better part of your life.  It only gets better.  Take it with peace.

Why would you want to be with a guy that only finds the young, gullible and naive personality girls attractive? That would be so annoying to me because that would mean the guy is not at all mature.

Not all guys like that but if youre surrounded by them I'd suggest not worrying about it

Original Post by priceless7:

Why would you want to be with a guy that only finds the young, gullible and naive personality girls attractive? That would be so annoying to me because that would mean the guy is not at all mature.

Not all guys like that but if youre surrounded by them I'd suggest not worrying about it

 It's said that most men are naturally attracted to younger women. It's never been considered a bad thing. I just always want to be one of the 'younger women'. Even though it's not possible

Youre still young. But the gullible and naive? I promise there are guys out there that like smart girls. Crazy I know.

wow, i've had the exact opposite reaction as i've gotten closer to 30. i've gotten more confident, more secure in myself, and much happier. i feel better than i ever have, and i'm not at all afraid of aging.

the little tiny lines i'm getting at the corners of my eyes? those are from years of smiling and laughing. i LOVE feeling like i am finally a full blown woman, and not a girl. i carry myself differently and talk differently because i'm a grown up now! don't get me wrong, i still feel young in so many ways. i still laugh and act stupid sometimes and have fun. but i like the fact that i attract the attention of older men AND men my age.

i even find that younger guys, around 20ish, hit on me more now than they did when i was their age. i think it's because i am no longer intimidated by them so i'm able to be confident and straight with them. i think it's refreshing when they are used to vapid giggling "hot" girls their age. 

why would you want the attention of guys who go after 19 and 20 year olds? and why on EARTH would you dumb yourself down to attract men like that?

you can't stop time. you can't stop aging. that's life. sounds like you are too busy focusing on all these girls around you to even notice if the men around you are noticing you. men aren't idiots. they might appreciate a 19 year old in a tight top and painted on jeans, but most of them aren't going to want to date her. they are going to want to date the smart woman who gives intelligent answers in class, carries herself with confidence, and feels good in her own skin.    

I think that a "young" personality--mature, fun-loving, confident, secure, and good-humored, is what is more attractive to most PEOPLE (not just men) over a pristine face/figure.

Original Post by jules817:

wow, i've had the exact opposite reaction as i've gotten closer to 30. i've gotten more confident, more secure in myself, and much happier. i feel better than i ever have, and i'm not at all afraid of aging.

Ditto.

Plus, I hate/am embarrased by most of today's youth. I don't like being lumped in with them.

Original Post by oplleez:

Original Post by jules817:

wow, i've had the exact opposite reaction as i've gotten closer to 30. i've gotten more confident, more secure in myself, and much happier. i feel better than i ever have, and i'm not at all afraid of aging.

 

Ditto.

Plus, I hate/am embarrased by most of today's youth. I don't like being lumped in with them.

 agreed! the LAST thing i think when i see a bunch of 19 year olds giggling and dressed like hookers is "ohhh i wish i could be them!"

You're going to have fun when you hit forty.

I kindly refer you here:

http://caloriecount.about.com/kathygators-bea uty-tips-ft150187

Try it out...it might help!

Original Post by jules817:

the LAST thing i think when i see a bunch of 19 year olds giggling and dressed like hookers is "ohhh i wish i could be them!"

Tip to those girls - more makeup and shorter skirts do not make you look old enough to buy drinks.

Dream, you need to give yourself a good shake and a thorough talking-to.  You obviously recognize that your thought patterns are self-destructive and create anxiety.  The good news is that your perspective is skewed: you are the only one putting pressure on yourself to 'look good.'  I guarantee no one else has looked at you and said to themselves, wow, she really needs to look more like a giggly half-naked teenager. 

Further good news: you can change your thought patterns.  Before you leave the house in the morning, smile at yourself at least once in the mirror and add one little twist to your appearance that day: change your hair a little, wear a different piece of jewelry.  Straighten your back and concentrate on how great it is that you've got your life together: you're going to college, you're succeeding in tough classes, and you're a strong, capable woman!  Confidence is THE key.  There is no other.  The second most important thing: DO NOT let yourself fall back into self-pity and self-deprecation.  You can choose what thought processes you go through, and you get better at the ones you frequently engage.  Your job is to be better at thinking well of yourself than thinking poorly of yourself!

I'm at that 17 y.o. age, where i see people who seem like you and envy them. They've made they're mistakes, learned from them, and can now move on with life. I'm under the impression that smart, mature, sophisticated girls like you now have the freedom to finally find (or start looking for) men that are also mature and interested in a lasting relationship! It also means guys are more likely to respect you more than those little bimbos walking around in tube tops :P.

nothing against tube tops mind you... i'm borrowing one from a friend now (cant be bothered to buy one though, financial reasons you see :])

Have fun living at your age. Don't spend too much time looking at the past or preparing for the future, and live in the present!

:]

Original Post by jules817:

wow, i've had the exact opposite reaction as i've gotten closer to 30. i've gotten more confident, more secure in myself, and much happier. i feel better than i ever have, and i'm not at all afraid of aging.

the little tiny lines i'm getting at the corners of my eyes? those are from years of smiling and laughing. i LOVE feeling like i am finally a full blown woman, and not a girl. i carry myself differently and talk differently because i'm a grown up now! don't get me wrong, i still feel young in so many ways. i still laugh and act stupid sometimes and have fun. but i like the fact that i attract the attention of older men AND men my age.

i even find that younger guys, around 20ish, hit on me more now than they did when i was their age. i think it's because i am no longer intimidated by them so i'm able to be confident and straight with them. i think it's refreshing when they are used to vapid giggling "hot" girls their age. 

why would you want the attention of guys who go after 19 and 20 year olds? and why on EARTH would you dumb yourself down to attract men like that?

you can't stop time. you can't stop aging. that's life. sounds like you are too busy focusing on all these girls around you to even notice if the men around you are noticing you. men aren't idiots. they might appreciate a 19 year old in a tight top and painted on jeans, but most of them aren't going to want to date her. they are going to want to date the smart woman who gives intelligent answers in class, carries herself with confidence, and feels good in her own skin.    

 

 i already knew i loved you...but just for the record:

i love you man.

Original Post by international_chick:

I'm at that 17 y.o. age, where i see people who seem like you and envy them. They've made they're mistakes, learned from them, and can now move on with life. I'm under the impression that smart, mature, sophisticated girls like you now have the freedom to finally find (or start looking for) men that are also mature and interested in a lasting relationship! It also means guys are more likely to respect you more than those little bimbos walking around in tube tops :P.

nothing against tube tops mind you... i'm borrowing one from a friend now (cant be bothered to buy one though, financial reasons you see :])

Have fun living at your age. Don't spend too much time looking at the past or preparing for the future, and live in the present!

:]

 Are you saying you're 17 years old?

Honestly, I don't know how I get sucked into this. I was doing fine at the old campus, i also think the weight gain within the past couple of years also has something to do with it. When I was thinner, I was just confident being me, and I liked the versatility in clothing choices. Now, I am heavier, getting a bit older, and feeling incredibly insecure that its driving me crazy. I seriously can't wait until this semester is over with

I don't know how I get sucked into this mess, feel insecure and threatened by the other younger pretty girls on campus. I see the eyes darting over at each other, other girls sizing each other up (some even me) and I feel like I need to dress better, look better to feel validated

Original Post by dreamofbeingthin:

 Are you saying you're 17 years old?

Honestly, I don't know how I get sucked into this. I was doing fine at the old campus, i also think the weight gain within the past couple of years also has something to do with it. When I was thinner, I was just confident being me, and I liked the versatility in clothing choices. Now, I am heavier, getting a bit older, and feeling incredibly insecure that its driving me crazy. I seriously can't wait until this semester is over with

I don't know how I get sucked into this mess, feel insecure and threatened by the other younger pretty girls on campus. I see the eyes darting over at each other, other girls sizing each other up (some even me) and I feel like I need to dress better, look better to feel validated

I absolutely love how you make 24 years old sound so...old. I'm 24 this year, and frankly, I don't feel particularly old. Sure I'll go start rambling about what the teenyboppers are doing now-a-days, but it is really all in jest. Rejoice in your age. You know better than to drink into a stupor at some random guy's apartment. And you should know better than to wear tops that are "half off."

Also, are you sure you're not projecting your insecurities when you see girls "sizing each other up"? I know it happens, but not very often on the campuses I've been attending. Do something to up your confidence - work out, dress better, make sure your hair is neat before you step out.

Someone told me that 30s are the new 20s (and 40s are the new 30s). So chill out - it's going to be a long ride and there's still lots of fun to be had...

Original Post by dreamofbeingthin:

Original Post by international_chick:

I'm at that 17 y.o. age, where i see people who seem like you and envy them. They've made they're mistakes, learned from them, and can now move on with life. I'm under the impression that smart, mature, sophisticated girls like you now have the freedom to finally find (or start looking for) men that are also mature and interested in a lasting relationship! It also means guys are more likely to respect you more than those little bimbos walking around in tube tops :P.

nothing against tube tops mind you... i'm borrowing one from a friend now (cant be bothered to buy one though, financial reasons you see :])

Have fun living at your age. Don't spend too much time looking at the past or preparing for the future, and live in the present!

:]

 Are you saying you're 17 years old?

 

Honestly, I don't know how I get sucked into this. I was doing fine at the old campus, i also think the weight gain within the past couple of years also has something to do with it. When I was thinner, I was just confident being me, and I liked the versatility in clothing choices. Now, I am heavier, getting a bit older, and feeling incredibly insecure that its driving me crazy. I seriously can't wait until this semester is over with

I don't know how I get sucked into this mess, feel insecure and threatened by the other younger pretty girls on campus. I see the eyes darting over at each other, other girls sizing each other up (some even me) and I feel like I need to dress better, look better to feel validated

 I suggest that you stop trying to emulate juniors and/or other women.  It doesn't matter if they're younger/prettier/smarter/ better dressed/etc. Seeking validation from others gives a false sense of esteem. How do you measure your self worth? How do you measure your self-esteem? Personally: It's how I feel about myself. That's how self-worth and/ or self-esteem should be valued. Stop placing so much value in the opinion of others. When looking for validation it's important to look within yourself. Some people spend their whole life looking for validation. They chase careers, dreams, even other people yet... They never actually find it... :(

That's one of the differences between a younger and older mentality,imho.The majority of young women/teens seek validation from others to feel they belong to a group/club/cliques in school/Etc. To blend with someone or something just to feel adequate. They need/want the validation from others that they haven't found within yet. It isn't until some people mature that they pull away from the peer pressure to blend. imho. 

In honesty you don't have to be like everyone else to be deemed attractive. The tube top days may be over for you for multiple reasons. w/e Don't fear the women's department you may actually like it there. :)

Try focusing on the 99.9% of life (and the world) that isn't about superficialities, get something going on within yourself that doesn't have to do with how you look - another source of competence, confidence and pride - and it will become easier.

In summary: instead of "not defining yourself by your age", try "not defining yourself by your looks". (Unless, you know, there really is nothing more to you: in which case I agree with rosie - 40 will be really rough on you.)

I have good and bad news for you...

Bad news- Yup, guys generally are more physically attracted to younger girls.

Good news- Most guys aren't attracted to the flakey and immature nature of most younger girls.

A little cuter (an advantage that will go away in a couple years) is not worth all the immature and stupid things a guy would have to put up with. Along with the greater chance that the younger girl will change their mind and be unsure what they want and just cause a lot of drama.

I wouldn't date anyone 18-20... yup, I think they are cute, but I would be stupid to get in a relationship with someone so fresh out of highschool and just starting to explore their life. 20-22 is still pretty young, so probably wouldnt date anyone in that area either. 22-24 is getting ok, but they are still a bit confused and new to the real world. After 24 it's fine, they have grown up enough (hopefully). At this stage, you can also kind of realize what kind of person they are by the life they have (if they are working in some dead end job with no education...well, chances are they are going to stay in that spot and there is a reason they couldn't do school).

People grow and change a LOT from 18-24ish .... the brain doesn't stop developing until the mid 20's. Dating someone in that age range (for anything other than sex) is just asking for trouble (I also think no one in that age range should be getting married, because again, it's just asking for trouble).

From your post I assume you're in school to meet a guy.  That's what it sounds like when you ask how can you compete?  Further your post makes me think that you consider yourself matronly compared to these young chicks.  It could just be that you're not a happy with your body as you would like.

School can be stressful and it's common for young women to put on some extra pounds -- the freshman 15 for example.  My advice would be to stop worrying about the others around you and concentrate on yourself.   I'm 50 and while I'm at a weight I'm comfortable with right now, if I chub up I start feeling resentment towards thinner women.  That's just me, and I don't like it, but that's the way it is.  The feeling motivates me to lose weight.

If you want to feel like a "younger" woman you might try dating men that are in their 40s.