I'm ready to run away...does anyone feel the same?

I'm so overwhelmed and irritated right now. It seems like everyone around me is procrastinating except me. I'm trying my best to get things accomplished like finding a pediatrician and scheduling maternity and newborn picture sessions and get the crib ready, etc. However people around me act as if I have all the time in the world to do this. I'm 7 months now!!! Not 4!! My BF is the biggest procrastinator of all and I'm sick to death of it. Yesterday I went to a meet and greet with a group of pediatricians and he didn't go. I think I told him about it two days ago and he would rather me handle things like that. He works 3rd shift so he is always tired, but that is not my fault. I want him to make these decisions with me but he just says he trusts me and that he knows that if I like the doctor and he doesn't then I will still do what I want, but that is not necessarily true. We also want to buy a house but I've asked him several times to give me his check stubs and w2s so that we can complete the preapproval process but he is dragging his feet on that as well. Also I think I've found a name for my baby and we agreed to choose at least two names and then wait until we see her to make the final decision, but...yep you guessed it, he is just fine with the name I chose and therefore is not looking for another name. I really don't know if this is just how men are or is it just my man, but I know I'm really fed up with how it seems like I'm doing everything. For instance, do your husbands or bfs go to your doctor appts. with you? What is the deal on that? Why do some men go and others don't see it as a big deal? He is the type to wait until the last minute to do something and I am too to a certain extent but since I've been pregnant I've been wanting to get things done early.

Another thing is my friend(?) who is planning my babyshower. I know it may have been stupid but I had it out with her last night, because I'm sick of her too. Usually she will call me everyday but I haven't even talked to her in a week and when I ask her a question about invitations or something like that pertaining to my shower she doesn't respond. So I decided to ask her if she was sure that she wanted to plan my shower because it seemed like it was a burden on her and she got all offended and said I was out of line, but I don't think so because that is exactly how she's been acting, like she doesn't want to do it. I helped plan her shower and I didn't act like she is acting towards me. Basically I'm at the point where I can't wait to have this baby because I plan to cut a lot of people out of my life. My so called friends, including those who are too lazy and cheap to drive 75 minutes from my hometown to come to my shower and one has been my best friend since 12 years old. I'm just venting, but I'm also serious. All of this stupid stuff is making me wish I could have my baby and go to Hawaii and not be bothered with anyone. I'm just posting this out here to see if anyone else is feeling the way I'm feeling or has anyone else been through this sort of thing, feeling like you are the only one who cares about anything pertaining to the arrival of your baby.

I think you have hit the dreaded....."Baby makes me hate you" stage! I hit it too, but I was alone for the last trimester of my pregnancy so I didn't have anyone to vent on.  As sucky as this sounds, people have other things going on in their lives. Your baby isn't the only thing for them right now. It seems like all your friends should drop everything and focus on you, but that is almost impossible to do. Just try to breathe and remember why you wanted them to be your friend in the first place.

As for the shower, traditionally you aren't suppose to be involved at all. They are throwing it for you, so you have to let them/her do their thing. If it sucks, then it will look bad on them, not you.

My BF (now hubby) was overseas for my entire pregnancy, so he tried to be as involved as he could. Some guys are visual types, and they won't really get in to it untill the baby is in their arms. Tell BF that if he doesn't give you the stubs by a certian date then buying a house will have to wait. Unless you can get a loan and a house by yourself. Hubby and I are trying to get a V.A loan right now to buy a house as well.

Good luck!

Hi, i am sorry that you are feeling so over whelmed right now. i hit that with my first as well and i remember  crying b/c the baby's room wasn't painted yet and the carpet was late...painter was late, crib not set up yet. i even cleaned out a huge spare room that was to the ceiling with crap by my self when i was four months pregnant. when i was in labour i actually phoned home depot and gave them heck about our carpet not being installed late. All i can say is try to breathe. i know how hard it is with all the emotions and horomones but as m0m6 said your baby isn't the main focus of everyones lives...although it should be!!! ( hee hee that's how i felt too)

As hard as it is you have to stay out of the baby shower planning, after all your friends and family love you and this is one of the ways they can show you how special you are to them.

Just wait til your next pregnancy no one gives a hoot about it....i am almost 5 months pregnant and my husband doesn't seem to care. Although he says he does.

Good luck and hang in there....and give your bf a kick in the butt for those pay stubs.

i wanted to do a lot of the same stuff you did a month before julia arrived.  my DH went to the first doc visit; then I was on my own.  my dad put all the baby stuff together; my DH didn't have an interest.  I've heard some men get really into the baby prep and some just aren't.  Mine didn't think he really needed to be in the delivery room either; that it was a women's thing and my mom should have been there.  there's nothing much you can do; just be calm when you talk to him in order not to push him away evern further.  I'm not sure if they act like that out of fear or out of ignorance.

does he really want to buy a house?  maybe he's stalling b/c he's hesitant.  Or just lazy?  i know my DH is lazy and I always have to gather up his side of the p/w for him when I need stuff like that.  hang in there.  and you're not alone.  just keep that in mind!!!

if it makes you feel better; my DH wanted to STALL my induction THREE days b/c the doc was at a hospital that was in the city and it was too inconveniant for him to get there everyday to see the baby and me......i put my foot down and started to cry and just told him to suck it up and bring me to the freakin hospital already!

Ya know, it's been years but it made me remember getting stuck in the kitchen sink for 6 hours. It was AWFULL!! But I didnt want to wait for my husband to get home to get some winterizing done on the house. It was getting cold!!! Anyway, I climbed up into the kitchen sink to close the storm window, and yup, couldnt get down because of my tummy throwing me out of balance....I sat there for 6 hours....and then my dh LAUGHED when he got home!!! LAUGHED!!! OMG I was inconsolable (sp). Anyway, I do remember feeling like no one would step up and get things done, I would have to do it all myself. And you know what? It wasnt so bad, to this day, if it needs getting done, I ask once, and then do it myself. After all, aparently it is only important to me, and that is key. This is a huge time in your life, try not to panic, everything will be fine. And if you have started nesting, well that is something that will drive you, but your husband and friends dont have that particular hormone right now, its a pitty but it just is. I have found that not everything that I feel is very important is just as important to someone else, and it doesnt mean they dont care or love me, just that that issue is a total non issue for them. Its not why I love them. Frustrating yes, downright mindboggling, yes. But there are plenty of things that are important to my husband that I could care less about. And if I'm fair about it, I dont exactly jump up and down when Nascar is on.....

You're "heavily pregnant" as they say my dear.  It sounds like your BF is just trying to stay out of the way of the steamroller!  LOL  I get c-r-a-z-y for the last 3 months of the pregnancy every time.  ;)  I think you need to take a day off and get that prenatal massage that every woman deserves.  It may seem like you have SO much to do because a baby is new and definately scary and you want to feel "prepared", but trust me, you're never going to feel prepared.  Even if you go out and buy every diaper in the tri county area, hire a pediatrician, a backup pediatrician and a backup for him as well, you're still going to find yourself sitting on the floor a week before your due date working up a sweat from folding onesies all day long and cursing at your bf under your breath.  I get it, you want him to be where you are mentally...  He doesn't have to go through the morning sickness or the swollen ankles, the back pain or the sleepless nights...  He should at least have to go through the neurotic preparations?!!?  Right?  LOL  Not really.  Men just aren't built that way.  By "letting" you make the decisions he thinks he's helping the situation.  Adding another element into an already stressful situation and all.  But to answer your question about men going to doctor's appointments, no, they don't.  I've never had one go and I'm on my second marraige.  They also don't seem to go to immunizations (who would want to it SUCKS!), nor do they ever seem to have to go ANYWHERE alone with the baby!  It's just the way it is! 

When the baby does come you'll realize how silly all the stress and preparations were because all you really needed were some jammies, a few blankets, diapers, a bassinet and a carseat.  That's really about it.  The hospital will give you alot of stuff and most of the baby items don't even get used for the first couple of months.  They eat (breastfeeding ROCKS soooo much easier at 3 am, and 4am, and 6 am LOL), they sleep and they poop.  Motherhood is manual labor... No tools required.  Plus, after you come home from the hospital with that little bundle of joy you'll find yourself looking back to these last few months of your pregnancy wishing you had spent more time pampering!  You'll wish you had taken long drives with no particular destination in mind, wish you had done more of the things that make YOU happy, and longing for the days when just getting a shower in wasn't a struggle, where you didn't have to haul 30 pounds of carseat and baby around with you everywhere you have to go (cause you don't go anywhere you WANT to go anymore).  I know it is SO hard with all those hormones running through you but just try to do some things for yourself and try to appreciate the people you do have in your life because they'll be the same people you call crying at 1 am because the baby wont stop crying, you haven't showered in days, haven't slept in 4 months and you haven't had sex in so long you can't remember.  Ahhh... the joys of motherhood.  :)  Sounds kinda sucky huh?  Just wait, it is SOOOOOOO worth it.  ;)

"But to answer your question about men going to doctor's appointments, no, they don't."

I agree with almost everything you have written except for this. My husband has come to every single doctor's appt he could (He missed a few due to working), all the prenatal classes and has even come baby stuff shopping with me and put together lots of of baby stuff. He seems very excited about it all and spends lots of time hugging and kissing my belly (and me). So not all men don't go to Dr's appts and stuff.

But can I get him to clean out the crappy dresser he has and we don't need so we have room for the changetable...nope...he still hasn't, haha.

But I'm so thankful for him as he has given me a lot of help through this pregnancy as it has been a rough one for me.

I hope you feel better soon nenewa. I'm going to second the massage thing if you can, I've had two since I found out and it relieves a lot of that stress.

I understand the procrastinating thing...my boss hasn't even started looking for my replacement and I'm off on mat leave in 6 weeks! He doesn't want to start looking until November! It's driving me nuts!

I'm only 9 weeks and I already feel that way.  Stressed, tired, feeling like I have to take care of everything.  I am a full time grad student, too, so that just adds on the pressure.  I don't know why I feel that way, because my boyfriend (soon to be husband) is crazy supportive and insanely helpful.  He's reading all the baby books too and so when I start crying for no reason or hint really strongly that I need pizza right now, he does it happily.  And he comes to all my dr. appts too.  In two weeks I  have one with a pap smear and had to convince him that he can wait in the waiting room for that part.  But not all guys are like that - my friend is also pregnant and her husband (who is an awesome guy) isn't about to go to the dr. with her.

And this, from upthread:

"after you come home from the hospital with that little bundle of joy you'll find yourself looking back to these last few months of your pregnancy wishing you had spent more time pampering!  You'll wish you had taken long drives with no particular destination in mind, wish you had done more of the things that make YOU happy, and longing for the days when just getting a shower in wasn't a struggle, where you didn't have to haul 30 pounds of carseat and baby around with you everywhere you have to go"

seems like the best advice I've heard in a long time.

Original Post by ahazel1980:

 

When the baby does come you'll realize how silly all the stress and preparations were because all you really needed were some jammies, a few blankets, diapers, a bassinet and a carseat.  That's really about it.  The hospital will give you alot of stuff and most of the baby items don't even get used for the first couple of months.  They eat (breastfeeding ROCKS soooo much easier at 3 am, and 4am, and 6 am LOL), they sleep and they poop.  Motherhood is manual labor... No tools required.  Plus, after you come home from the hospital with that little bundle of joy you'll find yourself looking back to these last few months of your pregnancy wishing you had spent more time pampering!  You'll wish you had taken long drives with no particular destination in mind, wish you had done more of the things that make YOU happy, and longing for the days when just getting a shower in wasn't a struggle, where you didn't have to haul 30 pounds of carseat and baby around with you everywhere you have to go (cause you don't go anywhere you WANT to go anymore).  I know it is SO hard with all those hormones running through you but just try to do some things for yourself and try to appreciate the people you do have in your life because they'll be the same people you call crying at 1 am because the baby wont stop crying, you haven't showered in days, haven't slept in 4 months and you haven't had sex in so long you can't remember.  Ahhh... the joys of motherhood.  :)  Sounds kinda sucky huh?  Just wait, it is SOOOOOOO worth it.  ;)

 this could not have been said any better.  being a mom is the most amazing thing on the planet and all the stresses, EVERYTHING does not take away or dull the experience you will have as a new mom.

Hi,

Sorry you are feeling this way in such a great moment for you, As a man, with two kids, I think I have acted just like your boyfriend, men are usually like that, practical, and we think we are doing just right.

This is how he should be thinking "She should be happy I am telling her I trust her and any doctor she choose will be OK for me" also the same for the name, it does not mean he does not care, but he really trust you (at least that was my situation with my wife).

She choose the doctor, and it was fine for me, as for the name I choose both (my girl's and my boy's), I did not go with her to doctors visits, except for the visit where the doctor was going to let us know if the baby was boy or girl, and when she went to the doctor because she was sick (the first three months), because she could hardly walk, because she could eat, or even dring water, so she really needs me.

That is how we usually think, "She needs me I am there" but "If she can do it alone, well she will do it just fine" understand? we are practical. :)

My wife also let me know that I was not interested in the baby, nor in her, because I did not go with her to Doctor's visits, but that is not the case, you know your bf, better than us, try to talk to him and let him know that is not his opinion or help what you need but his company and support, I am sure he will there for you.