IM REALLY SAD Cruel comment triggers old ED feelings

My Boss said if I lost 50lbs Id be hot and able to get a man with ease and I wont have to work. First off I love to work and Love having my own money. Secondly , my feelings were hurt since he said it in front of a fellow employee who has a perfect body. My boss dosnet know I used to have a severe eating disorder in high school, Bulimia and Anorexia. I havent resorted to those ways in years but after this comment, Ijust want to cry and starve.

Your boss is an asshole and a jerk for saying that to you...especially in front of someone else. Don't let the idiots of the world bring you down. Keep up the good work!

There's simply no end to the idiots of the world, is there!

I feel really sorry for your boss that he is so shallow he can only value a woman for her body and thinks that a woman should only place a value on her appearance.

I you want a man, go get one!  If you don't, don't worry about it.  There are some perfectly wonderful men out there among the jerks, but it will take a lot of first dates to find one worth a second date and a lot of second dates to find one worth a third, etc.  If a man is only going to value you for your looks, then you're better off without one.  Dating can be both really good and really hard on the ego since you never really know if the guy you liked was turned off by your being overweight or some other thing going on in his crazy little head that had nothing whatsoever to do with you.

I'm sorry you have an idiot for a boss.  That comment sounds almost abusive.  However, in his own way, he might think that he was incouraging you.  If he continues to make these comments, you should let him know they bother you.  If that doesn't stop him, then go to your HR dept. or his superior.

ugh...I'd go straight to your HR department and have that son of a bitch's job...you can count on that! He has NO place even commenting on your weight or your personal life and he needs to know it. I hope you don't back down and let him treat you like this.....Stand up for yourself! You'll be proud that you did!

Thanks , he is an asshole. My friend said the same thing. I dont want a man, i dont know what makes him think I need one. I am 29 and just out of a bad relationship and thats why i think i put so much weight on. Im not making excuses for this extra weight, but i have been trying to get the weight off, i have just been slacking lately.  My goal is 40lbs off by end of the year. I think its possible. :)

if you don't feel comfortable confronting him, go straight to HR or his superior or to any manager in your company & they should take responsibility for correcting the situation. that's an inappropriate comment that is contributing to a hostile work environment.

and yes, he's an idiot and an a$$hole. don't let his comments have any effect on you.

Your boss is an insensitive lout.

You have an easy sexual discrimination claim on your hands and he needs to be taught a le$$on.

Do not pass GO. Go straight to HR. Collect $20,000.

I dont want to bring it up again to report him. It was very embarassing the first time it was said. If he says it again I may turn him in but I just rather not speak to him. He is my manager so he has a Boss I could go to if I need to. I just want to stay away from him at this point.

I am fumin!  What a jerk!   First of all, women do NOT need men to be whole, AND if a man doesn't fall in love with you when you are 50 pounds overweight, then he certainly isn't going to be "in love" with you at your ideal weight, but more like "in lust" (and who needs that?? ).    We want people to love us for what we are inside, not the package that we come in.  Obviously, your boss is too shallow to know that, and you can bet that his own relationships cannot be very fulfilling while he has an attitude like that towards women.  If he was fulfilled, and happy, he wouldn't feel the need to put others down.  Unfortunate for him.  Please put your chin up, and don't let him take away your pride.  Show him, but mostly yourself, that you can shine in any size package!  It takes time to lose weight in a healthy way.  Just keep your eye on the ball if that is your goal, but you are absolutely OK and worthy as you are now.

You don't have to put up with being verbally abused/sexually harrassed at your job.  I am sure that you will find continued support here if you choose to pursue it.  be strong.

nods

one other thing... get a small notebook and document his comments.  What he said and when, who was there, etc... and what you decided to do about it.  Then, if this happens again, you've got the info.

The other person he said it in front of just had this look on her face of shock when he said that. She didnt say anything but when we got back to the office she asked if I was offended that he said that, and I said Im hurt abd embarrased. It was over 2 hours ago and I am still sitting here replaying the comment over and over in my head. I didnt react when he said it either , I just kind of sat there.

{{{peshe}}} that's the shock of it, huh?

We were talking about our futures with the company and he said " you know if you lost like 50lbs you would be really hot and could get a rich guy to marry you" and then it went quiet. Then he followed up with saying " not that youre not already pretty or anything but Im just saying"

How would you take that? I dont think it was a teasing thing even if it was , it still hurt my feelings for my flaws to be pointed out like that. :(

I would go to HR or to his boss.  I know it will be hard but you should be safe from such abuse in your workplace, and he obviously needs to be told how inappropriate that is.

{{{peshe}}}

wow!  what a jerk!!!!!!!!!!

i would be flaming pissed!!!  which would mean i would feel incredibly hurt inside.

i don't know what i would do. that would take some jawin' on it with friends, and would depend greatly on if this is a pattern.  if it happens to you, it happens to others??? 

i'm sorry.  key his car? 

(j/k, i wouldn't but that's how i'd feel. i would want revenge. just keying his car would be, er, um illegal and passive. would not do him or me any good, but a gal can dream?)

If you don't feel comfortable reporting this now, document it, as cookiemaker said.  Write down the date and time, who overheard it, and what was said.  Keep this in a safe place.  If it happens again, document it again.  When you finally get up enough nerve to report it, you'll have ammunition.  He doesn't deserve to have a job.

I think you have a case for "hostile work enviornment"....document these comments and you may own the company and have that jerk as your janitor.........not that there's anything wrong with being a janitor...:-)

Seriously, I'd document comments like this. You have a "right" to work without harassment!

And good for you in getting through that eating disorder. Don't for a minute let some jerk push your buttons.

Tell him, "I can lose weight....how can you fix stupid?"

Wow... I often underestimate the stupidity of the general population. Comments like that really hurt. I know it's easier said than done, but you've just got to try not to take it too seriously and, if he does ot again, get his dumb ass canned.

I would have taken it badly and would have been extremely hurt... so don't worry about whether you had the right reaction!

On the other hand though, some people (especially men, sorry guys) can be a bit insensitive. Some people just find it hard to empathsise. I personally think he was joking (I got that because he said about the rich man, no work thing), but he obviously realised he said the wrong thing (hence the follow up comment).

I don't think you need to report it, unless he says malicious things regularly. Obviously I don't know his background, but just from his one comment - I think it was a mistake, and he knew it. The biggest thing he did wrong was not apologising. He's too much of a coward.

Don't let it get to you... he's a pig, and you're beautiful! xx