I'm a Stay At Home Mom...How do I stay sane?

I started working when I was 12 years old.  And I never stopped until May 2007.  Now I'm a stay at home mother to my 3 kids and it's been a wonderful year, but I'm starting to freak out a little.

I'm resenting that my hubby gets to go to work and interact with other adults.

I'm resenting that my friends made other friends while I was working and haven't made time for me now that I'm not working

I'm not interacting with my kids enough when they are home.  I'm always telling them to play by themselves so I can vaccuum, make lunch, clean the house, make dinner , clean up from dinner, do laundry, etc.

And for the first time in 6 years I'm trying to take care of "me" by eating right and exercising, but I can't seem to find the time to exercise. 

Anyone out there have ideas on how I can squeeze in some time for exercise or deal with my frustrations?

How old are your kids?  Its definately a full time job taking care of the house and the kids... pretty tough sometimes..

Do you have a Family Fitness Gym by you any chance?   They have a very nice day care center so you can go off and get the excersize and some time alone for yourself while your kids have fun in the play area.  My sister loves family fitness for their day care area! 

 

Oh, I so understand.  I spend time thinking, "But I wanted to be home so why are there days when it drives me crazy?"  In the words of my therapist (yes it came to needing therapy - not the kids fault!) you need to acknowledge that you need something more in your life - it might be something as simple as a cooking class or a book group.  Not another play group to talk with other moms but an actual adult setting so you can remember that although being mom is your most important role in life it is not the only thing to define you.  Good luck, try to have some fun every day both with and without the kids.

I know how you feel.  I have just one child and some days I wonder why I didn't put him pre school.  Well I know why..I have personal convictions against it. Some things I have done is join some classes, I take one afternoon a month for ME!!!  I make sure my DP and I get to go out once a month. I sometimes seek out free classes for me to take at hte community college. 

I also MAKE time for my DS. There is an hour a day where I focus on him. No cleaning, no cooking, no internet. Its just me and him. Sometiems we play pre tend, sometimes we play a game, it might be that we read a book. 

We aslo go to the park several times a week. I have MET lots of SAHM this way.  Today must have been "Dad's" day at the park..because for the first hour I was there I was the only mom LOL.   I have a few friends I call on occasions and invite over for coffee or tea. Sometimes we trade kids. There's always the library.  WE go to story time once a week, and we sometimes just go for the fun of it.

with exercise I have involved my DS.  I bought a jogging stroller, so I could take him iwth me. I also run the perimeter of a tennis court once a week.  This way my DS can stay with me and I can run on a flat surface. I also rent kid exercise videos.  I don't know how old our kids are but Sesame street has several exercise vids the kids love and you can still work out. :) 

I have 3 kids ages 2, 4 and 6.  My 6 year old is in Kindergarten.  My 4 year old is in preschool 3 days a week and my 2 year old is home with me full time. 

All of you had very good ideas... so my new goals are to:

1.  Look to see if any gyms in the area are affordable and offer daycare (my last gym was $600 a year plus $10 a day for daycare!)

2. Look into continuing ed classes through the town

Did any of you work before having kids?  If so where were you in your career and do you plan to go back?

 

Do you have a YMCA nearby?  My membership costs more than your old gym but I am also paying for a family one.  An individual would be less.   At my Y they don't charge for childcare.  They do have a two hour limit though.  That is where I keep my sanity.  I started out taking classes and got to know alot of people.  In the mornings it is mostly stay at home moms and elderly people.

The other thing that keeps me busy is my kids sports.  Yours are still a little young but the 6 yr old could start.  I get to meet other parents that way and have time to sit and chat while the kids practice or play games.

I know how you feel. I think I lost my sanity a long time ago! I am the SAHM of a four year old boy, boy and girl twins who are about to turn 3 in July, and an eight week old new baby girl. I feel like ALL I do is yell at my kids. I know they are at a trying age, but I can't help but lose my temper and yell. Every night I pray for patience because I don't want to be one of those parents who just sit on their a** and yell while the kids ignore them.

Weddingmama, I like the idea of devoting an hour a day just for your kids. I think I'll try that.

Jodiforjuniper, I think it is important to make time for yourself. I need to try that to. (it would be nice to be able to go to the bathroom by myself.... .)

A family walk I think is a great idea to squeeze in some exercise and some quality time!

Hi. I worked full time from the day I graduated high school until right before my son was born 16 years.  I worked my way up the ladder and was in a pretty good position when the layoffs came.  Could have moved in the company but my husband didn't want to put our son in daycare, so I have been home ever since & yes there were times I would go crazy.  I gained tons of weight because I was bored!  Put in him into a pre-school setting at age 3 and went out and got a part time job (just to be around adults!)  Also, lost tons of weight working :)  Took a LOA last summer and haven't gone back due to his new school hours, but planning on going back when school starts up again.  Anyway, the way I find time to exercise.......My son in 5 and yesterday was his last day of school.  I was worried that I wouldn't have time to workout, so I made a time chart.  It starts first thing in the morning until bedtime.  Every hour has chores, play time, exercise time, cleaning time etc. with little pictures for him to understand.  That way he doesn't ask me every second to go outside or play a game.  He looks at the chart and knows what to expect.  IT WORKS!  He gets his time with me and I get my workout and some cleaning in...Everyone is happy .Maybe your 6 & 4 year old can help with your 2 year old when you want to workout.?  

HI!

I'm also a mother of three, and I used to feel the same way. I used to get up at 4:30am and be at the gym at 5am. If there's a gym no more than 30 minutes away or walk with a neighbor at these hours or just do it in your own home, it's doable. I know it's hard getting up that early, but you eventually get used to it. Plus there's peace and quiet and that's the best part.

Thanks for commiserating ladies!

Ok, so I took some time while the baby was napping to look up classes at the Y, Community Center and Town Leisure Services.  There were a few that fit my schedule (nights or weekends) but they we're all over $100.

I asked my friend what gym she belongs to, and there is one in a town over from me that has daycare and she said is very inexpensive.  So I'm going to look into that one.  The ones in my town (I live in an affluent area, which makes being "working class" difficult to afford things) are very expensive.

Lulufit, you definitely have your hands full!  A family walk is a good idea.  I can fit that in.  An hour a day for play and an hour a day for exercise, is alot to add all at once.  Maybe I'll work in 20 minute increments. 

I currently have a time chart for the mornings, but not for the rest of the day.  That might work for the summer.  I was trying to get a little more structure into the time off from school.  Thanks.  I'll try it.

I'm a stay at home mom of a 6 year old.  What I do is get my son involved when I workout.  When I use my stability ball - he used his beach ball, he does every thing I do and loves it.  This way I'm teaching him that exercise is a part of every day life and we're spending time together at the same time.  Other than balls and the eliptical, it doesn't cost me anything.  Instead of bumbells we use cans of soup an other house hold items.  This may not be as affective as a gym workout, but he loves this workout time and that's what counts to me.  Hope this helps a bit.

bean_7, thats a great idea on how to get the kids involved. I think I'll try that too.

That's a great idea.  Does anyone have recommendations on exercise dvds or what exercises to do?  I generally stick to cardio but would LOVE to start strength training. 

You might be able to check out a variety of videos from the library. That way you could find out what you like before you buy. I have always wanted to try yoga. I have heard that gives you quite a workout and can make you stronger.

Original Post by jodiferjuniper:

That's a great idea. Does anyone have recommendations on exercise dvds or what exercises to do? I generally stick to cardio but would LOVE to start strength training.

I have used the Teletubbies work out, Elmocize, and Sesame street Dance. All of these are work outs aimed at kids, but you can still burns some calories.  :) 

My DS didn't really care for te "adult" work out DVD's. I think the movement were too complicated. 

I honestly don't know how you stay sane.  There are mornings I am secretly grateful to drop my kids off at daycare and head to work for some "rest."  Is that awful????  Kudos to all of you, I think you're awesome.  I think we working moms get most of the attention for having it hard, but the challenges are just different. 

I know how you feel!  I got a part time job at a gym.  I get a free membership, adult time, and a little spending money.  It's just a couple of days a week.  I'm the 5am person which works great for us because I'm home at 11am.  My husband owns a restaurant, so he goes to work when I get home.  The gym has child care, so if he has to go in early, he just drops them off at the gym.  If you can work a schedule out, I highly recommend a part time position.

I'm not a parent, but an occasional baby-sitter.  Maybe have a look around your neighbourhood and see if there's someone with even two hours a week to spare to give you some time to yourself.  Some of the moms who live near me trade off childcare, or one mom will supervise 4-5 kids at the mall pet stores and toy stores while the other mom gets a haircut.

A few years ago, my husband lost his job, so we decided that while he was looking for a new one, I would go to work to supplement EI while he stayed with the kids (at the time, 9, 2 1/2, 1). I had been a SAHM for 9 years and got a job at an inbound call center. I seriously knew so little about computers, when I had the interview and the guy told me to control/alt/delete, I was like "what does that mean???"

Anyways, after 3 months, my husband started a new job, but because I liked working so much, I kept it for the weekends. I loved the adult interaction (which I had been missing so much), and I loved the feeling of earning some spending money.

I now just work one day a week, but still love it! Our schedule is such that I only need a babysitter 2 days of the month!

Date night is also important to us, we usually go out 2 or 3 times a month.

I know what it's like...Good luck to you!!

  As the youngest of four girls ( now 25-28-30-32) my mom stayed at home until I started kindergarten, then she went back to work  as a substitute teacher. By the time I was in the 6th grade, she was a full time teacher.  A part time job or volunteer work will give you the interaction and "freedom" you deserve! Have your kids help you a little bit with the house work, like sweeping and moping, or helping with the laundry etc.etc. The four and six can learn to start cleaning up after themselves, and it will set a good example for the 2 year old

You can make it a game, and give them rewards for doing a good job. It will also free up some time later to do a couple of laps around the block or throw in a 10 min work out video. Also, family bike riding is a great way to spend time together, and get exercies for everyone!

Also there are some GREAT "baby and me" or "kid and me tapes". One of them is called Mambo Mommas. Also,  any Denise Austin wkout tape is GREAT if you don't have a lot of time to exercise!

I am a SHM too and I have learned to only clean up their toys twice a day. Once before nap and once before bed...I found that if I ran around cleaning up after my son all day then I'd never have time to enjoy life.

One way to stay sane is to get out by yourself once a day if possible. When my husband got home at 4:00 I was ready and waiting. I would get an entire hour to myself for exercise. I'd do 30 minutes of cardio, 15 minutes of weights, and then a nice 15 min stretching and cool down session. I would wear my ipod and listen to whatever music I wanted to. I always felt so relieved and rejuvenated once I got back home. Working up a sweat can do that.

One thing thats kind of fun to do for exercise is dance. Sometimes I crank up some tunes (something my son will like) and I dance around with him. He loves to watch me spin and make goofy movements. I don't follow specific dance patterns or techniques...I just get my heart rate up and act silly. He gets a kick out of it and then sometimes I pick him up and let him dance with me. We get really sweaty and it feels good.