I'm just so Tired of this...

I know anorexia is a serious problem, I have known people who suffer from it, oNEof my friends have died from it, which I was with AT THE TIME. Another has just been hospitalised, So i KNOW how serious it is.

However

It just really pisses me off when I read all these posts about how oh my gosh I ate... and then they IGNORE ay advice give and people play into it going OH don't worry dear tomorrow is another day.

Well it's NOT. You coud DIE so stop it!!

I know it's not that easy but some people on this site COULD stop. Many are simply creating the disorder, knowing that it's not healthy, but who cares right? WRONG, does anyone think about others. About how much it HURTS to see someone suffer like that.

Now from what I've been able to sort out through all these posts is there are two group.

One is of genuine people with real problems who are actually trying and if you are one of these people then I tip my hat to you and wish you the best because it is a very couragous thing you are doing.

The other is a group of attention seeking children who like the attention and couldn't give a crap about how other people might feel. How other people could feel helpless at this because you're just a nameless person who has no intention of getting better but wants the support of people going "it's ok"

Well it's not, it HURTS. Do you understand? It hurts because I feel so angry about the fact that you have no idea what you are doing to yourself and what's more, you don't care.

I don't even know why I wrote this post other than the fact that i felt it really needed to be said because everyone is tiptoeing around it.

This site promotes health. Not death, starvation and emaciation.

i know where you are coming from and i completely agree. my friend nearly died of anorexia..she was a day away from dying and hospitalization saved her life.

i understand where your comming form aswell, and completly simpathise with you get the same feelings. but for those people who realy have an ed it compleatly takes over them as you have praboly noticed. its not that most dont want to get better its that they dont think they can, dont know how, and are afraid. its a mental disorder first and formost that has dier consiquences on the body and prevent getting better. thats why its always important to try to get your friends and famlys profeshonal help  and be as suportive as you can. as well as been informed. but yes its extreamly hard for those who have seen loved ones and friends be hert from it and the pain is just as intence on them as well.

Thanks for the understanding.

It's not as if I don't understand that some people are only here for help but I know that there are that irritating few that are on this site for the attention and to LEARN how to have an eating disorder and it's hard to just ignore these people because I have to wonder if they are genuine. But rcently there have been more starting topics to simply get the facts on how to get an eating disorder or asking if eating one carrot a day is healthy. I get those sort of threads when the person who started them listens, but it's now come to the point that nine times out of ten they don't listen and i can't help but feel that it's not only upsetting those who don't have an eating disorder but really damaging those who do and want to get better.

Am I wrong in thinking this? I just want it to stop.

Deleted

Cos i dont wna piss anyone off, there just seem to be so many differnt view on this topic. Some people think that people who post about ED's are attention seekers, some people feel sorry for them, some people just dont wana know at all. I think that what ever i say will piss someone off so im going to keep my thoughts on the topic to myself.

You shouldn't have deleted it. The point of thise conversation was to bring out opinions into the open sooner rather than later because I've been on forums like this before and it does not end well if you don't just confront it.

Of course what you say will piss someone off, not everyone can be happy but I'd rather everyone just tell me if they think I'm out of line or know that I'm not the only one who feels like this or even an entirely new opinion would be really helpful.

I deleted my origional post cos i really wasnt sure if what i was saying was going to make any difference, but ive decided that people need to know what an ED is really like, maybe it will prevent people from developing one.

I dont like my ED, i dont want im ED, im tired and i wish i had never developed it. At first i was one of those people who knew that what i was doing was bad, that it was dangerous and in the long run wasnt going to help me but i didnt care, i wanted to lose weight so badly, i wanted to lose weight fast and i started starving myself. I was very much pro-ed, i thought that i could do what i wanted to my body and it shouldnt matter what anyone else thought. I thought that i could stop when i wanted to, that i wouldnt get trapped like everyone told me i would. I thought it wouldnt happen to me, that i was strong and i could stop when i had lost enough weight. Well i was wrong, i am trapped, im stuck and i cant get out.

This ed has taken over my life, it controls every minute of every day. It has taken so so much away from me. I have lost so much to this and to tell you the truth i was happier when i was obese. I was unhappy but i was happier than i am now. I have lost my job, im failing my uni degree, im losing my friends, im hurting my family and the friends that i do have left. I know im hurting them but i still cant stop. Im hurting myself but i still cant stop. My body is suffering. I have chest apins, heart palpitations, dizzy spells, dry skin, im constantly sick with a cold or infection of some sort. Im very depressed and anxious, i have no energy, im sick and i still cant stop.

I knew that this could happen, i knew how dangerous it was, but it didnt matter. I wish that i had listen to my inner voice that told me not to do this, i wish i had listened to the people who told me early into this to stop then, stop while i was still in control cos eventually i would lose control. Well thats what happened, i dont ahve control ove rthis anymore.

I know now that things in my past may have contributed to me getting so far into this. I know that i made a choice to start this but things in my past contribute to keeping me sick. I now feel like i dont deserve to get well, i dont deserve food, i dont deserve help. I punish myself by not eating, i punish myself by eating and then throwing it up. I hurt myself but im hurting everyone around me too and that hurts more than anything. Im hurting my family, it hurts my parents to see me cry after i eat a small meal. It hurts me to see them so upset.

No one knows what to do for me anymore, they dont know how to help cos i cant help myself. Im not sick enough to be forced into treatment and really i dont think it would help me anyway. I know i have to deal with the thoughts and feelings that stop me from eating before i can really get well. At this rate i might just die from this before i finally get a grip and force myself to fix it. Ive lost 100lbs in 6 months. Im still losing weight, at this rate i will die before i feel pretty enough, thin enough, perfect enough.

I think that people think that starving themselves for a few weeks is a quick fix but they dont realise how quickly your thought patterns can change. I mean think about it, you dont eat for a week and lose 5lbs, in my case i thought well hey ive lost 5lbs in a week, if i eat now im not going to lose weight im going to gain. Now its at the point where i cant eat cos im s terrified of gaining even 1lb. I think that people think that they will just lose 10lbs and they will be happy and they can eat normally again but it just doesnt work that way. You will lose 10lbs but then 10 isnt enough and then the next goal isnt enough.

People you will die before its enough, you will die beofre you are thin enough. An ed isnt a way to live, it distroys lives. It will not only distroy your life but everyone around you. An ed isnt a quick fix, its a way to die!!!!!!!

Please if you think that starvng yourself is going to make you happy you are wrong, it might make you happy to start with but it wont last. Please think again before skipping that next meal, please think again before throwing up that next meal. Please get help beofre its too late.

This is just a small amount of what im going through. Yea sometimes i come on here and i post about whats going on for me because i just feel so desperate, i feel so alone and lost. I feel stuck. Sometimes it help when other people can tell you that it will be ok, that you can get through it. Sometimes thats just what you need to hear to get through the next day. I do understand how hard it is for people to read posts by people who say, "oh i havnt eaten for a week and ive lost a whole bunch of weight, im so happy", i understand how frustrating it is becuase you just want them to realise that its not ok, but i guess they will only realise that when they get to where i am now.

I dont know if any of what ive written makes sense, im in a pretty bad space right now. I just hope that what i have written might just make someone who has started doing this to themselves think twice, i hope that what ive said will prevent someone from skipping that next meal, i hope i can stop someone from going through what i am going through. But at the same time i know that if someone is determined to do this to themselves nothing i or anyone else says will stop them. Sometimes there are deeper issues that are displayed in this way. I dont know, i just hope that people will stop and think before doing this, cos its no way to live.

Kylie

    I do not want to sound rude but it seems you are looking for advice in cyberspace, and I think you may need proffessional help. You seem lost and confused and I think you should seek the help of a person trained to assist someone like yourself.

 

i know exactly how you feel kylie87.  i dealt with the same issue for most of my life and i hated my ed, but i loved my ed at the same time.  it was a sick relationship and i only felt "normal" when i was obsessive, which made it almost impossible to stop.  In essence, anorexia is just a fancy word for suicide.  A very slow painful lonely one at that.  I sincerely hope that there is help available to you where you are and that you are ready to seek it.  I mean, we could all tell you everyday to get help, but if youre not ready, it could be too much pressure for you to handle.  I can tell you, however, that although it is hard to recover, it is possible.  Its hard work, but you are definitely worth the effort. 

 

Rena:)

From reading other posts of Kylie's I know that she is receiving medical support.  All I can say is my thoughts are with you.  Totally agree with how you feel.  EDs are your best friend and your worst enemy, but how many of us wish we'd never met in the first places?! x

Thanx food-freak for sticking up for me

JKust to clear things up, i am not looking for help incyber space, i look for support. I am reciveing help from many people right now. I have a great GP who i see regularly to keep an eye on my medical/nutritional status, i see a counsellor twice a  week to help with self image and mood issues and i am on a waiting list to see an eating disorders specialist. I have a great family who are very supportive.

I am in no doubt that i need professional help and i thought i made that clear in my post. I am doing everything i can right now to get myself help and take the first steps to getting well.

Im point of my post was to let people know what its really like not only for people with ED's but for those around them aswell. I dont want anyone to suffer like i am so i hoped that writing what i did would make someone considering starvation or similar self distructive methods to think twice.

Kylie,

You have a medical condition that is serious.  I'm sure the stress from failing at school is not helping you at all.

Talk to a counselor at school and see if there is an option for an incomplete or to withdraw so that you can attend later when you are healthy again.