I think I'm About to Give Up...

Again.

I joined this site to *hopefully* blog my foods.

I have a huge binge eating disorder and Ialways end up feeling so disgusted.

I can't just stop eating. Even when I'm stuffed, I still look for more.

Any help? D;

that is the hardest part! I am similar, i will actively seek out food all the time.

however i have recently stopped this kind of behaviour. I simply ate my way through all of the rubbish in my house, set a date where weightloss was going to begin, got a simple exercise plan together and point blank refused to stock any foods near me. i literally buy all food from the super market for each meal which i have planned so i don't buy anything extra.

next step is to commit. tell anyone, everyone that you are changing your habit and then you have to commit.

and i now drink water. i mean its like i'm going for a world record! i stuff myself with water and that keeps the hunger under control.

I hope there is something there that helps. if not, just choose foods which are low cal, or if you really lov to eat, get working out! sometimes i crave bad food so much i will exersize off 600 to 900 calories so i can enjoy something.

good luck.:)

hi christina,

i know how you feel, i have a binge eating problem [bulimia]. i joined this site a while ago. its hard, really hard. but its important not to give up. if you want to talk at all, whenever i'd like that.

phillipa

Are you getting any professional help?  I know it's soooo hard to stop these behaviors without getting to the root of it.  It's not about dieting or food usually.  I got on Welbutrin and it helps.  It's anti-anxiety and I read somewhere (can't remember where, sorry) but it's also supposed to help with binge-eating disorder.  It used to actually be a diet pill and some people use it to quit smoking.  LOL, miracle drug in my eyes! 

It also helps to load your "binge cabinet" (if ya have one) with healthier, lower-guilt foods.  Popcorn, healthier crackers, grapes, etc.

binge on good foods!  :D  start with making changes in your lifestyle.  just one or 2 changes can make a world of a difference in your life!  even if they are little changes & don't make any changes that you can't live with for the rest of your life.

my 2 main lifestyle changes were & still are:

i will never eat an entire large bag of lays BBQ chips all at once again.

i will never eat a giant toffee symphony bar all at once again.

it worked & it's still working!  

YOU make the rules.  how simple can it be?  i dunno.  it's all up to YOU!  ;)

Unfortunately for me I think I have fallen off the wagon and I too think I am, after many many years, bulimic.  I have called myself a "fat anorexic" for a long time, after actually being mildly anorexic. 

I don't know how to stop.  I have been injured lately very badly - sliced my fingers open on a tin lid and because I couldn't do much (i.e. wasn't allowed to move alot, and keep the blood from pumping into my hand) I have had to stop exercising in terms of my normal moving around, horseback riding, etc.  So I have gained 3-4kgs in a months.  I can't afford $150/mo rental for a dreadmill of any quality nor do I have time or motivation anymore for the gym.  The one thing I find really hard is so many who seem to lose weight say "Oh, I ate less, and did more, hit the gym, blah blah" but they don't seem to talk about having young children to mind.  I can't take my 7yo to the gym as they don't allow under 11yo's there without "supervision" and I can't supervise him if I'm working out and they don't "do" care for over 5yo's.  So I'm rooted really. 

My husband is a gym bunny which is great but he won't take a break from his routine to help me - he used to run, I would like to get up to running (again) but he just won't do it.  He gets sh*tty if he misses a day (he goes every other day) for himself cos of life, so won't miss a day to help me.  We can't really afford two gym fees either and my ex-husband used to push me to do so much exercising and starving that I actually hate the atmosphere now so much, I would rather stand in a gym stuffing pies and chocolate down my face than work out. 

So, how do I start?  I know I emo-eat.  But how to stop that.  Even now, I want to just run and stuff biscuits or cheese or bread or anything easy into my face.  During the day I can eat OK, manage up to about 1100cal (aim for 1500 day).  But night time.  Oh dear.  If hubby serves up dinner he will put too much out despite me asking him to serve less - he says do it yourself.  I get sick of doing it all myself.  He will buy crisps and although I can do a small bowel, then I get up even after he's asleep and sneaky-eat some more.  And then I feel bad about it, so will then have some chocolate to feel better about it.  I usually stop with something dark chocolate.  That seems to 'fix' it.  My husband is a nice man, but he just doesn't "get" it that I need some more help to get going and to start exercising in some way without the gym or whatever.  Besides I feel so bad about myself, that if I got to a gym and see all the skinnies going hard out, it makes me feel hopeless.  And I don't see results as easily at 43 as I did at 33 so I feel doubly useless. I love watching shows about recovering anorexics as they discuss all their purging and habits and tricks and then I try them ...

There has to be a "key" out there somewhere to switch off my brain.  Please help as I know I have fallen off the wagon well and truly right now.  I'm not a dummy and I used to be absolutely stunning at about 60-65kg - but now I feel like an ugly blob at 85kg and am terrified I'm going to eat myself bigger again.  I was OK at 72kg before I had my baby but then I got really sick through pregnancy and put loads of weight on, couldn't exercise afterwards as I used to continue bloating terribly and my entire body hurt - the midwife wouldn't give me diuretics (cow) even after I finished b/feeding.  So I started at a reasonably good looking 72kg, ended up about 95kg, gave birth and in 7 years have only achieved 10kg loss.  No, I lie.  I got down to 81kg, and couldn't get any further.  So went to an endocrinologist who thought I needed Prozac (for whatever reason) telling me most girls lost weight on it (LIAR, LIAR PANTS ON FIRE).  And I bounced up to 88kg.  And then I WAS DEPRESSED.  And it's never really come down again.  SOMETIMES I can get to 82kg and then it bounces up to 85kg (like now) - help me break the 80kg barrier someone????????????

you don't need a treadmill & you don't need a gym.  start by walking over to the fridge & NOT opening it.  make it a routine!  do that several times a day.  it'll be great for your spirits.

pretend you have no remote.  walk over to the tv & push the buttons on the tv to turn it on, off, channel up & down, volume up & down.  park farther away when you're shopping or whatever.  get out there & walk alone.  my hubby never helped me.  i started my new lifestyle because HE was afraid of dying and/or getting some awful thing down the road from being overweight.  LOL  that was a joke.  he quit!  we started together & i've lost 92 pounds.  he was 293, got down to 233 & back up to where he started.  i guess he's only 279 today.

if you eat fine during the day & are starving at night, you must not be eating enough.  find out how much you burn a day at your height, weight, age & sex.  do this to get healthy & NOT to lose weight.  do it to live longer, better & happier.  :D

i had 5 kids, so i know how it is.  use that kid!  use that 7 year old!  that's actually a plus!  they can walk with you, dance with you, talk things out with you, remind you to exercise & put that brownie down.  ;)  7 year olds are not that stupid.  they are actually pretty smart & they love helping.

that sucks about your hubby not helping you, but you know what?  heck with him!  that's what i say...  make yourself better than him!  you can do it & you know it!  i love food, too, AND i lost all my weight by STILL eating everything that i love so dearly.  measure your food.  check your servings.  eat lots of good foods!  finish off your day with a piece of dark chocolate, but ONLY if you've had a good day.  that'll be a great reward.

the key is exercise & balancing out your day.  now get up & get moving!  don't wait for help.  help yourself!  YOU are your best friend.  YOU are always there.  don't try to fool yourself & don't let yourself down.

start with something simple & it will keep getting easier.

Original Post by snowfence:

binge on good foods!  :D 

Depends on what and in general bad idea. Oatmeal is healthy but binging on it not good. I binged on oatmeal nightly and put on 10 pounds this year. You can get fat on healthy food too. It's all about portions.

I know how you feel I have a problem with binging too. I've been terrible sticking to my plan lately. Being good 3-4 days then afterwards I end up craving things and eating everything in sight. I've had to start over probably like 5-6 times within the last month because I'm stressed and eat a lot when stressed so I give in. I hope it's not binge eating disorder but makes me wonder. When I do binge I still think in a healthy foods mindset but continue to eat till I'm stuffed and its uncomfortable. Then I feel like crap the next day and it takes a good 2-3 days to feel better assuming I workout to get rid of the bloat and being regular to get rid of all the extra pounds the human body will carry in waste.

Hey! It's understandable that sometimes you want to binge. After a rough day Iv'e been known to pack away loads of food too. Sometimes you'll encounter bumps and overeat. Nobody's perfect. One thing that really helps me is "logging" what I eat. It allows me to keep track of what's going in vs. coming out. Sometimes I have a bad day so I just work on making the next one better. Think of it like the stock market, all about the long term.

I'm a binge eater too.  I think that my "off" trigger is broken.  I've been on here now for the past few years, and am starting up again now that I have to get back to my normal self after having a baby eight months ago (30 lbs to go).  I would agree, logging is the way to go.  Even if I've gone over my allotted calories for the day, I still log everything to hold myself accountable, and try to figure out what I could do better next time.  Log, log, log...

My husband is absolutely remarkable in this endeavor.  He is really my rock, and makes me not want to eat when he's around.  We also tend to try to get out and walk together as often as possible.  It's a nice way to sum up the day, and have that together time after work.  I'm sorry that you have to find another motivator, but don't give up.

Hi Luckylocket1966,

It sounds like your husband is afraid of you being successful. He knows you can take off the weight so he's sabotaging you to make himself feel better. My father treats my mother the same way, I used to have a husband that treated me that way. I got a new one and he is amazing and so supportive of my efforts. The next time your husband buys something you know you're going to binge on later, ask him to buy a smaller size. If he doesn't do as you ask after he's done with it instead of sneaking out to eat it, sneak out and throw it in the trash. If he's smart he'll start buying small portions or not at all. Since you can't afford a gym membership, do what the other person told you. Use your 7 year old, you'll not only teach him healthy habits but it will give you accountability and motovation. Put your kid on a bike and run or walk ( whatever fitness level you can do) behind, make a game out of it, chase him for 30 seconds then slow down. It's just like interval training at a gym. I have a 2 year old that loves to be outside, so I put her in the baby backpack and we go hiking. I have a bike trailer that I pull her in too. She loves the time with me and I get a great workout. You are worth the time and effort it takes to lose weight. You deserve to have the best life possible and noone should be trying to hold you back from that. Don't worry about "the skinnyies" one day you'll be one of them again. Just don't lose faith in yourself. Best of luck to you!

Oh, no, my husband is a STAR - he's my rock and he wants only the best for me.  It's just he forgets I think how hard, or maybe didn't know, it is for me to say no.  I'm sure i'm a labrador LOL ... Good idea about my kid and his bike - he is a BMXer so I could get "hills" in there too, god help me.  Too wet at the track currently but we have long farm driveway.  It's just about getting it regular that's all - and right now the weather down here (it's a southern snow/rain/miserable area) is just plain miserable.  If it snowed it would be alright but it doesn't.  It's just cold, wet and dank.  Yuk.  And I get colds easily if I get chilled so it's not a matter of saying "rug up" and "harden up" - I have to stay relatively well for my family.  As with my horse, it's also not going to "do" anything just doing 30mins once a fortnight - I need to get started when I can STICK to it regularly.  I can regulate my family's weight and eating, we aren't unhealthy, it's just I stick more in my gob that I need and can't stop it. My son is a big boy too - 1.34m / 33kg - for a nearly 7yo and husband is 6'4" / 119kg (body building) so we have to watch what goes in and he knows for himself already that if his tum gets a bit porky (not much) he hits his bike and stops the lollies for himself.  He is supportive too - he says "dadda, we're not getting so many lollies or chips this week cos mummy wants to get skinny and wear dresses again" bless him.  A 7yo description.

We're moving soon to a better area so that should help I hope but in the meantime, it's my binging I'm worried about.  My ex husband is the one who sabotaged me, beat me, raped me and everything else.  This one is a dream.  No, I think it is just loads of stuff from over the years and an unresolved grief that is holding me back.  I had a big yarn with a friend yesterday in the UK and it turns out that she has many similar events in her past that I have so understood implicitly - amazingly, today, my appetite isn't CRAVING food.  I know it's baby steps and I will go up and down lots, but I needed to get it out here and find out if others felt the same.  Thank you so much for being supportive.  My husband has been feeling a little lost too with me being "disappeared" in my head - we lost a baby and we haven't talked about it really.  Just a miscarriage and all that, but we both grieve but don't really ever talk about her or literally "put the baby to bed".  So that needs to be dealt with.  I think subconsciously, he knows I like food, so thought giving me treats and food was his way of loving me, not realising how dangerous it is.  As for portions of snacks, THAT is under control.  String cheese, 50gm hard dark chocolate sante bars (weeny ones) for a snack so they have to be crunched which is great, popcorn, and so on.  THAT wasn't the issue - it was the sneaky eating after dark, when I was lonely in the night, when I didn't want to hear the voices of the dark ....... but last night, after a big day and a big cry and a big chat with my friend, I felt I could go to sleep OK after he left for nights.  I confess, I had THREE cookies with chocolate on the back, but that's got to be better than three cookies, a toasted english muffin and peanut butter, popcorn, chocolate, left overs and yes, even a microwaved sausage or two or a pie.  NOT that I would have all that in a night but sometimes I would have maybe a muffin and then a sausage.  So, it's been a big week and it needed to happen. 

Thank you so much for sticking with me.  Menasmommie?  My husband is the most darling man on earth, please don't think he's sabotaging me.  He even asks random strangers at the gym if they have any clues to help me!  I think he's been as puzzled as anyone - but now I've told him I think I'm bulimic it explains to him why both he and my other bf a few years ago said the same thing "for the amount of crap you eat, it's amazing how you manage to stay the same size".  Yes, well, confession time boys - well, to my husband anyway.  He's been wonderful - small serving last night, smaller than usual, so if I was hungry afterwards, i could have more without the guilt.  No more crisps en masse - but if he wants them, he is to hide them and only put a few into a bowl for me or eat them when I'm not around. I have been disciplined once before - I must have been to be anorexic, as that takes some effort.  Plus even after my first marriage split I stayed slim while flying (hostess) - it was only after I went on the injection (Depo) thinking it was a good idea, that things went to the dogs in my body and have never quite returned.  Indeed as a farmer, equestrienne and previous musician and dancer, I have discipline.  Just something has gone wonky of late. 

I think our move will be good - I will be back at work (shift) and he will be on different shifts.  We will be in a different part of the country, weather we're used to, a quieter location (more restful and less depressing) and we are now talking about some of the ghosts that haunt me. Interestingly, although I put it down to water at this stage, the scales are down this morning ............. gees that baggage sure is heavy.

sorry for the novel.

Its okay luckylocket1966, I like novels :) I'm so glad you have a supportive family, it makes all the difference. Copping to the disorder is a good first step, I'm sure your husband will hold you accountable on it now. I'm glad you're moving to a better area soon, I'm sure that will help a lot. A new place has a way of jumpstarting things for me. Self control is hard for me somedays too, but I try and  take it one day at a time. Awareness of how much I'm eating, even if I'm overeating helps me. If you continue to have problems overeating and its getting you depressed, there's no shame in talking to a professional about it. You might need medication to control the feelings that make you eat, at least until you can hash out some longterm solutions to them. If not solutions, at least how to cope without eating them away. I hope this forum will be a help to you. You sound like you've been through a lot, but you also sound like you're a very strong woman. Any woman who is strong enough survive abuse is strong enough to do anything she puts her mind to :)

thanks MM ... I think part of the problem is that I am perceived as being "strong" therefore an eating disorder is a "weakness" and so are feelings of "guilt" over lots of things, so probably yet another reason for hiding my weaknesses .... under layers of fat apparently!  :)

Another quick note. Especially for those with kids... Try incorporating some High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) into your daily routine. I do a type of HIIT called Tabata Protocol. Works great, I can apply it to virtually any workout: Burpees, sit-ups, push-ups, sprinting, biking, etc. I'm currently in Iraq and often don't have the time or resources to get in a sustained workout. Find a way to add something like this to your day, everyone can find 4-20 mins. You will feel great.

That's a great idea - and usually I'm pretty active (have horses and believe me, 4 minutes of cross-country or a show jumping round if you're not fit will have you falling off the damn horse at the end) but 5 weeks ago, I sliced fingers open (which I mentioned) which have only just started to heal - but I still can't hold anything, grip anything, put any pressure on the pads so no press ups, etc - so am limited currently to crunches and that's about it.  I'm also not allowed to run currently to minimise the blood flow into the healing extremities. 

So, whilst great for the others, for me, I'm on minimal anything until we move and by then (another 3-4 weeks) I should be back up and running, literally.  BUT being laid-up has been beneficial in that it has allowed me to sit down and assess where I'm at - which really has very little to do with lack of exercise (other than lack of exercising discipline) and a lot to do with buried guilt and feelings of failure.  I had another great day today eating wise (just had a small kebab for tea) and am going to have a wee bit of pudding and snuggle in with hubby