I'm worried, but I want to help

I'm in college, and I have a friend in the theatre department. She's tall, around 5'8 or 5'9, and about 100 pounds. She says she needs to maintain her weight for a role, and is only eating 1000-1100 calories per day. She says 100 of those calories comes from sugarfree gum. I'm trying to encourage her to gain weight, but I can't get through to her. If she absolutely HAS to maintain that weight for a certain period of time, what's the maximum amount of calories she can eat? I know she must be burning more than 1000 calories a day, and if she won't listen to me about her weight, I would like her to at least consume enough calories so she doesn't drop dead. I think if she sees she can eat a little more without gaining, then eventually I can get her to up her calories enough to gain. Someone PLEASE help. I'm worried about her, and I want her to be healthy.

The sad thing is you cannot make someone make a change unless they want to. Like how you cannot make a smoker quit, you cannot make an unhealthy eater of either extreme change for the better. She sounds as though she, particularly as she is counting calories in gum of all things and is set on maintaining such a painfully low weight, may be in the grips of an eating disorder. All you can really do is be there, express your concern and little else. What you should not do is encourage her to maintain her low weight, not to lose either. Just let her know you are worried she is too frail, eating too little and that her low intake may not be providing her with enough nutrition, and make suggestions for healthy additions she can make - but that is all you can do. Suggest.

If you are truly in fear for her life you may need to intervene and speak to a teacher, or her parents. She may hate you for it, but if her life is truly at risk it is the only time I advocate sidestepping around someone for the sake of their health.

This is so FRUSTRATING for me! Here I am, a binge eater, and I have a friend who's on the verge of developing an eating disorder. I want to cry.

I understand your frustration. ]: I have a friend who is... quite clearly with over-exercising problems. She goes to the gym with her brother, an ex-military type, who pushes her FAR too hard. As in, boot camp style. He condemns her if she doesn't burn 1000 calories in her work outs. At first she talked against it but now has become so obsessive and frail and it terrifies me - but any words I say to her bounce off. It is even worse to me, now, knowing what an ED can do to someone. But I cannot stop her. Sadly, I spoke to her parents and they have not made a move either. It's out of my hands, but depressing to witness.

Be her shoulder to cry on and let her know you are scared for her. It is all you can do.

She sounds like she's in the midst of an eating disorder. People with e/d's often lie their faces off (I sure did!) just to ward off suspicion. Personally I think that whole song and dance she's giving you about "maintaining a ridiculously thin weight for a role" is crap. I have a friend who is 5'9 and 120 lbs and she is very very thin. I can imagine what another 20lbs less would do.

Generally if something doesn't look normal to your eye, there is probably a problem there. But as lalabanana said, she has to want the help herself. It may, unfortunately take collapsing on stage or in rehearsal for her to get the help she needs. It's sad, but often we think we are "just fine" until something really scary like that happens and we wake up in the hospital.

well.. to address one of your concerns, I maintained that weight doing absolutely nothing all day by eating about 1500 cals (:

Original Post by revolution3:

well.. to address one of your concerns, I maintained that weight doing absolutely nothing all day by eating about 1500 cals (:

 So, to gain, she should probably take in around 2000? Maybe 2300-2500? Were you 5'9" tall? If you were shorter, I would imagine she would have to take in even more to maintain, let alone gain.

I think she is starting to realize that her weight isn't healthy. When she talks to me again, I would like to be able to give her some basic information, and then maybe help her find a professional to help her. do you think this is the right thing to do?

To gain and to shake her metabolism into gear she'd want to be eating something like 2500 calories. Higher, probably, considering her height.

Original Post by berriesandyogurt:

Original Post by revolution3:

well.. to address one of your concerns, I maintained that weight doing absolutely nothing all day by eating about 1500 cals (:

So, to gain, she should probably take in around 2000? Maybe 2300-2500? Were you 5'9" tall? If you were shorter, I would imagine she would have to take in even more to maintain, let alone gain.

I think she is starting to realize that her weight isn't healthy. When she talks to me again, I would like to be able to give her some basic information, and then maybe help her find a professional to help her. do you think this is the right thing to do?

oohh definitely not 5'9".. I was only 5'4"! and I did NOTHING.. she works in a theatre department, yeah? So I imagine she's have to take in MUCH more than that. 2500 seems like a good base number (: