i'm i too young?

OK so i have been in a relationship with this beautiful Italian gorgeous 6foot 3 guy, for 4-5 years i think my maths is really bad... and i really care about him and visa Vera.anyway since i was 15 the relationship was non-sexual till i was 18, anyway I'm 19 now and he asked me to marry him two months and a week ago -i actually counted the days...  he gave me time to think about it,  he said that he wants us to marry when I'm 20 which is in five months. anyway he as given me some time to think about it and i don't know what to do. my friends say that i should marry him because  we have been together so long and we love each other. but also cause hes rich and hot.....ha ha

we talk all the time about things but when he asks me if i have thought about it i just clam up and avoid the question.  he seems to have everything planned he bought a house in Italy for us to have are honeymoon,(i wasn't suppose to know his,his mum told me). he also took me to view another house in London that was huge out in Richmond it had like 8 rooms and was stunning, he said he was just viewing it but now my mind is racing now. i dunno I'm really confused.

i just really want some advice casue i dunno what to do.

imho... yes. I got knocked up at 21(almost 22) and didn't even know if I wanted to marry him. I did figuring that I could blame it on someone else if it didn't work out, but it did. We're the exception - not the rule. If you get engaged, keep the engagement for 4 or 5 years til you're older.

I know two people who got married at 18 and they're married now but miserable in it...

If you're asking complete strangers for advice on whether to get married or not... then, in my honest opinion, no you shouldn't.

Do you feel that you're too young?  The title of your post indicates that you do.  Disregard what everyone around you thinks you should do.  If you're not wholeheartedly enthusiastic about marrying your boyfriend, you shouldn't.

If you don't know whether to marry him or not...then the answer to this question is a BIG NO. 

Original Post by crazineko:

If you don't know whether to marry him or not...then the answer to your question is a HECK NO. 

 I agree!

Original Post by sulfyr:

If you're asking complete strangers for advice on whether to get married or not... then, in my honest opinion, no you shouldn't.

Yeah, pretty much.

Unless you just wanted us all to know you have a "rich hot" Italian boyfriend.

I got married last year at 41 and I thank God every day I waited for the right one for me.  The promises, getting married and living in Italy or London with all the big rooms sound good if you have no inspiration for education or just simply life experience. That he is "Hot and Rich" is NOT a good reason for the two of you to get married.

Do you have family origin where you are? Have you talked this over with them? Have you even completed high school? It's really difficult for a group of strangers to give you any advice. We know nothing about you or your boyfriend to give you any kind of intelligent answer or suggestion.  All I can see from your short post is this. You're very young, lost in lust and your priorities need a reality check.

Think long and hard about the circumstances that only YOU know. You are the only one who can truly make that decision...

Just because you have been with this guy for so long does NOT mean that you should feel like you need to marry him. That will cause a lot of trouble down the road.

Do you feel like you want to date other people and experience the world more before marriage? I think that is a good idea because you dont want to regret anything.

I know that if I wouldve gotten married the first time I was engaged/planning to get married I would have definitely wished I hadnt. I was so young (21).

I know you probably dont want to lose this guy at all but you should tell him you want to wait a few years becaus you feel youre too young.

i am currently studying and planning on  going to uni next year i plan on having a career in media industry as a script writer or editor,  but that's not the problem i have come to a decision well half heartily to wait - I'm still unsure of whether that's the right decision or not.

i just wanted other peoples experienced opinions.

It really sounds like you are looking for a way out, like you do not want to get engaged.  Most girls, when asked if they want to get married, respond, "Yes" right away.  You sound like you are dragging your feet for one reason or another.

You ARE young - I was almost 21 when I married, and looking back it feels like I got married young, but I knew what I wanted, and we have a wonderful relationship even through two kids and the other ups and downs of life.  If you know yourself at that age, then it is not a big deal, but a lot of girls don't.  They need more time to know what they want, and that is okay too.

If you REALLY feel you can be with this guy for 50 years, then maybe you should tell him that you do love him, you see a future with him, but you just feel too young right now, and maybe even a bit pressured (if any of this is true for you).  From the little you told of him, he probably would understand.  Ask yourself how much you would like him if he lost everything, because it does seem like the wealth is a big draw for you.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

The only ultimate question you should ask yourself, regardless what others think or tell you that you are too young is this:

DO YOU WANT TO MARRY HIM.

If it's no, obviously don't. If yes but you feel you are too young, it's okay to be engaged for however long until you feel you are ready. The fact that you came online to ask a bunch of strangers tell me you aren't feeling quite sure.

my mum and my best friend think I'm too young and that rushing it is not the answer. I'm just gonna have to tell him and hope that even if he says he's ok with waiting that he really is OK with waiting. but also i hate planning my life, i feel like if things are might to happen they will regardless of time.

if that makes any sense

Maybe the correct question should be "am i two dumb?"  Seriously, if you can't add and subtract numbers above five, don't want to give the age of this "hot Italian rich guy" aka perve that dated a 15 GIRL (sexual or not, you were a child) and the only qualities that you can provide are superficial ones like hot and rich, NO you are not ready to get married.  How old is the guy if you are so focused on mentioning it wasn't sexual until it was legal to do so?  And really, how much of a catch can this guy really be if the best he can do is a high school sophomore?  Real quality men date women of at least legal age.  Please go live your life, date other people and educate yourself.  In less than a year, you will be wondering what the heck you were thinking.  I promise.  PLEEASSSEE....Also, I wanted to marry my high school sweetheart when I was your age.  He was hot, popular, homecoming king, becoming a doctor (he is one now), but wasn't anything I wanted.  You need to find out who YOU are first.  By your post, it is obvious that you have no idea.  I didn't realize exactly what I wanted out of my life and my partner until I was about 25 years old.  

I've been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and we've been engaged twice throughout the course of our relationship. He proposed after 6 months, and we were both 19 at the time (now 21). We had always planned for a VERY long engagement and to wait until we were ready... anyway, about a year into our engagement I had major second thoughts. I was afraid I was too young to even be engaged and that we had rushed into the whole thing. Being so young, planning my future scared me as well. I questioned myself constantly: will we really work out? Will this be the guy I spend the rest of my life with? I wasn't able to answer these questions, so I ended up calling off our engagement. He was devastated. It took an enormous toll on our relationship and if I could take it back, I would.

I guess the moral to my story is not to say yes unless you're for sure that you are ready for that kind of commitment. It sounds to me that you're not, but you know yourself better than we do. I broke my boyfriend's heart when I told him I wasn't ready to be engaged, and it could have been avoided altogether by holding off with the engagement to begin with. Good luck.

thanks hbd512.

my family think hes old but he's only 25. i have never imagined getting married and i don't want kids so i don't think i would be much of a wife in that sense.

i think i gonna wait anyway.

Im so glad you decided to wait!

I dont think the age difference matters at all, but the fact that you clam up and try to avoid the question when he asks is a big sign that youre not ready! Trust your instincts!

He should want you to be excited about marrying him, not have to persuade you into it.

PS - I dont know why he's trying to rush you into marriage...maybe because he is the jealous type and wants to claim you before someone else does? If this is the case, be warned that jealous guys tend to get more and more controlling over time....jealousy can be a sign that the relationship is heading in an unhealthy direction.

Original Post by skunk45:

thanks hbd512.

my family think hes old but he's only 25. i have never imagined getting married and i don't want kids so i don't think i would be much of a wife in that sense.

i think i gonna wait anyway.

 25??  So he was 20 and you were 15 when you started dating??  There are so many things wrong with this I wouldn't know where to start.  That's just wrong.

At the age of 19, so many things in your life are going to change.  You're just beginning to grow up now.  There are benefits and disadvantages to doing that on your own as well as doing it while married.

If you don't get married, it sounds like you're planning to stay in the relationship with him so from that point of view not much is going to change.  Some people crave the freedom of being single and being able to date as they choose.  Other's don't.

If you do get married are you still going to pursue your education and career?  What does he think about this?  Have you two actually talked about what you'd each like your lives to be 5, 10, 20, years in the future?

So from what I gathered, you haven't talked much about future at all - I don't really understand why your bf wants to be engaged when there was no serious talk about future. Someone above mentioned that too, as to why he's hurrying. But you do understand from a guy's point of view, 25years is about time you get serious about getting married.

And many posters also pointed out that when they started dating, she was 15 and he was 20 - yea I find that a little disturbing also. BUT they did date for 5 years and now the age difference of 5 doesn't really matter as much as they did when they started. So I wouldn't worry about that as much.

Don't marry him without living with him for at least a couple years first.

Period.

So, on your 20th birthday, get a place together. I strongly recommend that you find a new place for you to both move into together, it avoids a bunch of crap about one person moving into another person's space and all the headaches that inevitably come up as a result (ask any guy who has had a new girlfriend bring over ferns, lace or throw pillows to decorate the "man den" in his apartment... very bad! If it's your space, both of yours, then everyone gets their space to assert their personality and there's a lot less friction).

If after a couple years you're still totally into each other, after having to handle each other's foibles and idiosyncrasies up close and personal every day, then get married. You're set.

If at the end of that two years you find yourself say "Arrrgh I can't stand it when he does xxx" or find yourself going passive-aggressive or looking for escapes, then marriage isn't in your cards... or at least not with this guy.

... and in the meantime, daily sex. Rwaar.

PS - Talk about long term plans regarding kids before you get married... even if that means "No kids" or "No kids until I'm 30" or "I want a dozen" or whatever. People need to be on the same page on that topic or big problems happen.