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increasing calories...whats holding me back?

hey all... i have been at 2000 cals for almost 4 weeks now...and have gained about 5 lbs on it. for the past 5 days my weight has gone up 3-4 oz about...

so i seem to think it is obviously time for an increase? but i am so scrared that i gained what seems like so much on so little....like other always say 2500 min for ana gainers and what not....and ed is saying i am going to gain so much on 2200 or more........what to do? i have a twin sister who is also in the SAME place as me. yes twin anorexics both at a 13 range BMI and we are always "in it together" good or bad. but i feel like she is holding me back. if she doesnt i wont. and i feel i could  and may be able to do it today, but she is so stubborn. its hard to relate to i know....but it makes it hard. and i feel more guilty and like the fat one if i where to up it or gain and get to a healthy weight with/out my twin. 

is it bad to gain weight off not increseing evry so often...will my metaboilsm be slower hypotheticlly is i were not to increase that muc(NOT THAT I AM NOT GONNA DO IT!! but i was always just wondering?) will my metab ever be back to being able to maintain on 2000 like i was b4 relaspe this summer?

thank you

It would be much healthier to increase, and you won't necessarily gain faster - as you increase calories, your metabolism will actually speed up as your body starts to repair the damage.

Yes, you will eventually maintain on 2000+. You're currently at a very (dangerously) low weight with very low muscle mass - once you are at a healthier weight, your metabolism will run faster, you will have more muscle, and you will need more calories to maintain. If you wait to increase / increase in very small increments, it will just take much much longer to get there.

You need to do it for your health.  Don't use your twin as an excuse not to do it.

It most definitely is time for an increase. And it's very clear you care a great deal for your sister and have a very close bond with her..but in this situation, you really need to put yourself and your health and your needs first. You won't be the "fat one" if you gain to a healthy weight - you will be just that - healthy.

Think about the benefits that come with being at a higher weight - glowing skin, healthy hair, strong legs that can take you places, a strong heart that will ensure you'll be able to live life to its fullest. You'll also be a whole lot better off mentally. Your thoughts will be clearer and you'll be better able to distinguish rational thoughts from irrational, ED driven thoughts.

   You know what you're supposed to do, do it and then you'll realise that nothing drastic will happen - you'll only be another step closer to achieving health. You've gained on 2000 (and a small amount if you really think about it, especially in the space of almost a month) because you were eating a whole lot less previously. I know you know this. Your weight gain has halted now and you now need to increase. Start today. Just take the plunge, it'll be worth it. You can do this. You're going to be able to maintain at 2000 like you did before the relapse. Hypothetically if you were to not increase, you'd only remain unhappy and driven by this piece of crap ED. Good luck!

Maya, sweetie I do know that is very hard for you. Not in the same context, but I do know it is hard to feel that sense of comparison between yourself and someone else.  But you have got to take care of YOU and only you right now. Eliza is your sister, and maybe she is filled with the same nerves and thoughts as you are - but less open to admitting her anxiety. You know from past experience that when you push yourself, she follows suit. So please, please try to stop letting what Eliza does or does not do control what you do for yourself. You cannot let her and her problems consume you and possibly kill you. I know you want to be able to be there for her and support her and help her. But realistically - neither of you can help one another when you are so malnourished and removed from reality.

As a note: I was pretty bad off for a very long time. Longer than my blog probably lets on. I spent many months wavering around. Basically between the months of June and November/December of 2008, I gained about 5lbs eating up to maybe 2200 max (there were a few weeks in August at 2500, but I slipped) You know what its ended up taking for me to gain. My maintenance isn't going to be much lower. 

Bottom line: Both you and Eliza need to boot up to 2500 minimum. I don't care how short you are or whatever crap your ED tells you makes it OK to not eat that much. Whenever the ED is fueling your rationalizations  or thoughts on anything, you know that its not something you should believe. You need to eat. And you need to eat more than what you are now. Even if Eliza is unwilling at first, you know she will come around.  And you know, Eliza's biggest stumbling block is that her ED convinces she's a horrible person for holding you back. She truly punishes herself for what believes is her fault. So maybe, just maybe you taking that one tiny step forward will help her to realize that not everything is because of her, and that she can chose to recover too. Because both of you deserve a better life. A life that can only be achieved by getting past anorexia.

At a this low of a BMI, you need inpatient monitoring.  This is not about calories it's about the serious health risks from that BMI and malnutrition.  Anything you do or don't do has the potential to seriously harm you at this point.

GET TO A HOSPITAL. I am not even kidding. 

You are at such serious risk I would feel guilty and wrong giving you any advice because I am honestly worried that anything I tell you will shock your body so much you will die. You are at risk of just keeling over and DYING. Your BMI is the equivilent of a SMALL CHILD.

You should not be attempting refeeding without professional supervision no matter how much confidence you have in yourself to recover alone it is just not an option for you. Even just a small increase in calories or even staying at the same calories or reducing calories could traumatise your system and cause you to keel over at how low a weight you are.

CC cannot help you. I cannot help you. No one on the internet can help you. Only you can help you right now and that means getting up, out of your house, and going to the ER.

i know how hard it must make things having a sister who is ill to . you really need to think of yourself . you really need to increase to 2500 you have got a long way to go and the sooner you can start to repair your body the better. i know its really scary but use others on here as a motivation, i increased to 2500 and it didnt make much difference at all to my weight i think it was the point for me where i finally started to feel i was getting somewhere. try not to worry about your metabolism as long as you keep increasing and keep the consistantcy going it will recover . have you tried talking to your sister ? she may be feeling the same . you cant hold back from recovery because of your sister you are an individual person and you priority is yourself. im also a twin but he is a boy . i really want to see both you and your sister get well you are such lovely talented girls it breaks my heart to see you both wasting your lifes to this awful illness. i hate to say this and i dont want to upset you its reality but i cant help thinking of samantha kendall and her sister that died from this tragic illness all my love h x