inter-racial dating

hey guys.
well, i just want to know about your experience if you have any.  I have friends all around the world, and I went to international schools when I was back in Asia.  however, i have only been dating asian boys in the past, and i am just really debating on whether should i go on a date with this boy (he is caucasian) or not this friday... yeah i am a bit conservative. : ) tell me your story!

Is he a kind person? 

I think that's what's most important...  people can't help who their parents were.

*hugs*

lamiemia - I think it depends on a lot of things...  Is he nice? trustworthy? sincere? respectful?   basically, if hes a good person, then it doesnt matter what the color of his skin, or nationality is..  However, with that being said.. .My ex husband is black and I'm white.  We have a daughter, and shes beautiful! 

Heres my thing.. .how do your parents feel about it?  My mother didnt mind my ex being black, but my father didnt like anything about it!  He was against it from the beginning..   It hurt mine and my father's relationship, and I regret it now.  Now, my dad was just judging him on the color of his skin, but all of the things my dad told me about my ex, ended up actually being true.   I wish I never would've gone against my father's wishes, and dated outside my race because it wasnt worth it.   However, I'm glad that I did because I now have a beautiful daughter. 

In my situation, my parents' opinion should've mattered to me, but i was 18, and rebelling I suppose.  You just have to be sure all parties are accepting...  It helps in the long run.

Sorry for the long post.  Good luck, and have fun! :)

I'm in an inter-racial relationship (i'm white as a ghost, and he's mexican).

I've got to say it's great to learn about other cultures, and how other people live.  It's really eye-opening.  In that respect, it's a great experience.

I don't know if it's the area where i'm from, or the fact that i'm taller and fatter than my man, but we get looks everywhere we go.  There is a lot of racism where I'm from, so maybe that's the problem.  THe looks range from looks of approval to disapproval, to downright hatred.  It kind of sucks, but now i've learned to give the "do you have a problem" look right back.

There's a lot to consider, but I'd say try it.  As long as he, as a person (not as a caucasian) is a good person, than go for it.  You may be surprised what you find out.

Oh yeah, like stlgirl said... Being that my bf is mexican, caused a big rift between some family members and I.  That was the worst part. 

I don't see a problem with it.  I dated a guy that was Korean and it was interesting to get involved in another person's culture.  What is one date going to hurt anyways? 

i guess i am pretty lucky my parents have been pretty cool about the fact that i have been dating a guy from Kenya for the last 3 years. (and also the fact that if we stay together the probability of me returning back to Australia from Europe in the near future is pretty low) btw i am a pretty pale, white girl.

I know some people are shocked by it, but they are the ones that don't realise how well educated, smart and nice he is. We don't show much affection in public though, mainly because of this.

I'm not sure how happy his family is about the whole thing, since they would ideally prefer him to marry within his ethnic group in kenya, but i think they are basically okay. Neither of us has met the others families though, so who really knows (neither of us goes home very often so the opportunity just hasn't been there, but if we stay together that will have to happen soonish)

what i would say is that while the race shouldn't matter, the cultural differences are something that you might have to think about. he may have different values to you about things like family, religion etc. He also might have different attitudes to organisation, being on time etc. these smaller things might be the most difficult to get used to. 

The other difficulty, at least in my case is getting a photo that one of us isn't either over exposed or underexposed, but that is something I am more than prepared to live with, although one day it will hopefully pose problems for our wedding photographer!

I personally don't think that it matters at all (and yes I have been in and grew up in an inter-racial relationship), just as long as you like each other and get along.  You never know who you are going to fall in love with or who you are going to end up marrying.  To not give a relationship a chance because of the color of someone's skin could be a mistake.  On the other hand as some people mentioned, if it is going to cause a lot of problems with your family then it is something that you might want to discuss with them.

I'm in an interracial relationship, too. My boyfriend of almost 4 years is black, and I'm white (see my profile picture).  My family is fairly open-minded, so it hasn't caused problems there. He had some trouble with his mother at first, because she didn't like the idea of his dating a white girl. She's come around, though, and practically considers me her daughter. His best friend didn't (and still doesn't) approve of interracial dating, but he's taken the stance that it's none of his business, so there isn't too much tension there.  The majority of negative pressure has come from other people in his neighborhood (he gets a lot of "What, you couldn't find any decent black girls?" -- sometimes from black girls who turned him down in the past, which is just hilarious).

All that aside, everyone else is right. The question isn't whether you should date a caucasian man, the question is whether you should date this man. If you've considered the pressure you might feel from peers and family, and are willing to face it, try to remove race from the question and focus on whether he is a good person. Do you have things in common? Do you enjoy being with him? Is he nice, respectful, funny, kind, etc.? I didn't choose my man because he was black, I chose him because he was the best guy around for me - period. If the same is true about this guy, then by all means go for it.

I have experienced inter-religious dating. I suggest to proceed with caution. Not just because its inter-racial but inter-cultural. Especially if you are coming from a refined cultural background and he is not.

Let me explain: if you are 100% first generation Asian, and he's caucasian - you might have more in common if lets say both his parents are from Germany and he's 100% german. If he's mixed with different cultural backgrounds, you might have less in common. When I say 'in common' in this context, I mean the way you were raised. Your values, morals, pride.

These things are important. Often times those who do inter-racial dating or inter-cultural or inter-religious, they are constantly needing to explain one another. Which is FINE, but as long as you both can accept it if you recognize it.

Let's see...guera says go for it, but in another thread wishes she was with someone who was more "manly"....

Hmmmmm...

dnrothx-- Just because I'm not satisfied with his size, does not mean that I don't enjoy his personality or learning about his culture.

Don't "hmmmm" me.

My brothers are both white and married outside of their race. They are happy thats the main thing I wouldnt care what race there partners are as long as they are happy with it. I love my sisterinlaws they are really great gals! no matter what color there skin is. I think ppl get way to hung up on the race issue before they even really get to know the ppl.

wow just one lunch break, and i got all these nice responses.
thanks guys i really appreciated it.

the boy i am seeing this friday is definitely a nice and well-educated person.  However, we come from very different backgrounds.  we have almost nothing in common.  It was absolutely random that one day he was quite drunk himself and told me that he has liked me all these times but thought that i was really uptight.  Then, he joked about how he really wants to go on a date wtih me.  And because he was drunk, I just said "yeah why not."  THen, when he actually called me yesterday night and made everything sounded so serious... i realized he actually likes me. i never really see him that way... and because how he always tells me how he loves girls with blonde hair... i just don't know what's up with that.

i know one date doesn't hurt, but i just don't want myself to get too involved... you know. sigh.  i don't know how to deal with him because i know so little about his background.

Sounds like there are all sorts of factors here that should be of more concern than inter-racial dating.  He tells you he likes you when he's drunk.  Probably finds your number the morning after and gives you a call hoping for a date.  Oh, and he's "nice and educated" but for some reason he chooses blondes.

Then again, perhaps this would be a great story to tell your kids once you're married.

Go ahead and enjoy yourself. If you think your family would have a big problem with it though, PLEASE don't ignore that.

i know him for i don't remember how long. you know the kind of opposite sex that you just never really think there is a possibility. i don't drink at all because i get a skin itchy reaction after i just drink a little.  so i was always sober in friends' parties, and i have taken him home many times... it is not the first time i hear ridiculous things out of this person's mouth after he got wasted. but isn't that odd? well, i don't know whether it is an american thing for boys or just all guys are like that, but can they talk about their emotions when they are not drunk?

I'd say its a good way to start a friendship. Go on the date and start to get to know him. Then over time, once you know him in detail you can decide if its anything more then friendship.

Sometimes guys need a few drinks under their belts to get thier courage up. Now that he's asked you out, try not to involve alchohol and get to know the real him.

enjoy yourself...get to know him.  if you like him, go on another date.  if you find that you guys just don't jive, then no more dates.  i'm not quite sure why it's so complicated.

I agree with m3lody... Sometimes I also need a few drinks under my belt to say what's on my mind.  THey say that the truth comes out when you're drunk.

i am just blown away. honestly.  i mean...i would've hoped, that by now, our generation would be over this racist BS.  i can half-way accept that our parents' generation would look at us sideways for stepping outside of our race, but us?? no...i just can't believe it.

people are people.  the world is the way it is, because people won't accept the fact that people are JUST people.  people are not a color.  people are people.

yes, i have dated outside of my race.  in fact, i wouldn't know what it would be like to date someone my OWN race.  i've never dated a white boy.  my husband is puerto rican and the ex's from my past were all black or puerto rican.  sure, there were times that people looked at me funny, and i was called names, but that didn't stop me from being the better person and carrying on doing what made me happy.  all of those past relationships didn't work out, but it wasn't BECAUSE of the race that they were. it was because we just weren't meant for each other.

"I wish I never would've gone against my father's wishes, and dated outside my race because it wasnt worth it.   However, I'm glad that I did because I now have a beautiful daughter."  

this makes no sense at all: how can you say that going against your father's wishes wasn't worth it, but in the next sentence say that you are glad you did because now you have a beautiful daughter.  i think your daughter's life should be way more important than a disagreement between you and your dad.  did it ever occur to you that your dad is narrow-minded and JUST because he was right about YOUR boyfriend...doesn't make him right about everyone in that race? 

i lost a scholarship to college BECAUSE i stood up for another race.  my high school softball coach benched me because i had a black boyfriend and black friends, and he made it clear to the entire team that anyone dating outside of their race WOULD sit the bench.  i turned my jersey in THAT DAY. 

i lost all of my "friends" when i started dating a black guy in middle school...and you know what?? i found friends that turned out to be REAL friends because they never turned their back on me no matter who i was dating. 

people are people.  get over this color crap.  it's so old and played out.  when you blend races, you get beautiful things.  my daughter is a prime example of that.

PEACE.