international adoption?

just curious if anyone here is an adoptive parent.  one of my good friends adopted a little girl from china and it's been absolutely wonderful for both of them (she's seven and in grade two now - a funny, charming, bossy little thing). 

i'm 40 now, now kids, and i'm starting to seriously consider having a hysterectomy because my uterus is the size of a freaking grapefruit due to fibroids.  the more weight i lose, the more this gigantic lump protrudes from my belly - yuck!

anyway, if you've adopted internationally, please share!  joys, challenges, the process, cost if you're comfy with that.

nobody?  or do y'all just think i'm not fit to parent?

LOL!  I'll bet you'd be a fabulous parent.

My brother adopted from China.  Their experience is not the most encouraging story.  While their daughter is healthy and beautiful, after 3 and a half years in the country she is still not speaking properly.  She is in speech therapy numerous time each week.  No one truly understands her words except her mother.  It's a tough place to be when you are 5 years old and can't communicate with the people around you.  These are the risks with any pregnancy or adoption, though, I suppose.  No one can ever be guaranteed a 100% perfect child.  Well, I guess they are all perfect in their own way.

China has recently tightened up the requirements.  I don't think they allow single people to adopt anymore.  I'm sure there are other countries that would be better options.  Have you considered a domestic adoption or adopting an older child?  That's the direction I'd like to go once my girls are older or out of the house.  Still trying to get my husband on board...

phew!  thanks, juliemae.  i seriously thought i was being shunned.

that must be very difficult for your brother and his family.  but they've bonded, yes?  that would be my main concern with adopting a toddler.

i'd definitely consider a domestic adoption, though as a single person (and showing no signs of changing that), it's unlikely.  i have friends who've adopted two healthy newborns privately, but they look really good on paper: a doctor and a dietician, attractive, physically active, etc. 

i love teenagers--especially bad ones--so an older kid in the foster system is definitely a possibility.  maybe a sibling pair.

This just isn't a real busy board.

Yes, they have bonded.  They did have some issues with that in the beginning as well.  It didn't come quickly.  I think maybe the language issue has worked in a positive way to make that mother/daughter bond very strong. 

I, personally, have no interest in babies.  I have given birth twice because I wanted kids and my husband didn't want to adopt.  IMO, Parenthood only gets good once the kids have a strong personality.  I wouldn't even consider adopting a child younger than 2.  I guess I figure that gives me a good decade to bond with them before we get into the teenage years.  I think I will find parenting teenagers enjoyable, but scary.

In my area there are older kids, sibling pairs, and foster children unavailable for adoption (parental rights haven't been fully severed) who need loving homes.  I think it's a wonderful thing to open your home to these kids.  To think of a young adult entering the "real world" with no parental support or guidance is so sad.  Who will they celebrate holidays with?  Who will one day be the grandparent to their children?  I feel strongly called to love and help those types of kids.  I look at my states web site and scroll through images of them.  One day, I tell myself.

Do you have a big brother/big sister type of program in your area?  Maybe you could get a taste of being a role model to an older kid without taking the leap of moving one into your home.

oh, i was a youth worker for a decade and also had a teenaged cousin live with me for awhile.  i have a pretty good idea what i'd be in for ;)

i totally agree about older foster kids.  i think kids aging-out of the system are really in for a hard road.  i mean, i'm 40 and still call my parents for advice all the time.

they actually put kids' pictures on the web where you are?  here they just give brief bios with pseudonyms (lots of important information about developmental issues, challenges, etc. though).

Original Post by pgeorgian:

they actually put kids' pictures on the web where you are?  here they just give brief bios with pseudonyms (lots of important information about developmental issues, challenges, etc. though).

 Oh, yes.  I just did a search for only girls and I'm looking at 62 pages, 5 per page - so over 300 girls in my state.  I'm not sure if the names are pseudonyms.  They give first names, ages, and a paragraph detailing personality traits and special needs.

eta:  And I just checked boys - over 500 of them.  :(

holy crap - that's a lot of kids.  very sad.

pg, you should have no problem adopting domestically, you just have to find an agency that's willing to work with you, times have changed and a lot more are looking for single parents who can afford to take care of a child, actually they are looking for anyone as long as they meet the standards...It can be very meticulous looking through all the agencies but there are some that would meet your needs, and when you have experience has a youth worker that's a plus and willing to take a teenager (you will have no problem!) ...I also find that many people adopt internationally because they want a baby and baby's are more in demand (you know everyone wants one in the US) and people might spend a lot of money here in the US for a baby as where internationally you may be able to get one cheaper........ Let me know if you need help searching for an agency....This is my area of work so I know a little...

thanks, booster.  i'm in canada, though: it's a little different here.  there aren't heaps of private agencies doing this, just the ministry for children and families and a few adoption lawyers.

Besides the usual places like China and Vietnam, etc... How about Romania?  I watched the documentary Children Underground several years ago and it haunts me to this day!

my understanding is that eastern europe is a bit risky, because prenatal care is hit and miss and rates of alcohol and drug abuse are much higher than in asia (especially among asian women).  also, the chinese government is very invested in protecting it's reputation, and part of this includes good adoption outcomes.  they go out of their way to match children to parents and--sadly--only the healthiest, most well-adjusted kids are made available for adoption.  not every agency in china is equally stringent, of course.

selfish as it may sound, a special needs kid is not for me.  i can deal with emotional problems, but i wouldn't be a very good parent to a kid who didn't have the potential for independence and actualization.  and before someone else says it, i know that you don't know what you're going to get, regardless of how you get it, but given the choice, i'm going to go for the healthiest kid possible.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

i love teenagers--especially bad ones--so an older kid in the foster system is definitely a possibility. maybe a sibling pair.

There's a GREAT new commercial on the radio where I live now.  It's something like, "Do you have smelly feet?  Do you chew with your mouth open?  Do you embarrass yourself at parties?  There are thousands of teen foster kids who don't need perfection.  They just need you."  Anyhow, you get the point! 

My aunt and uncle adopted siblings when they were 8 and 9 and after having a very rough childhood, they were troubled kids.  They had a tough time despite my aunt's and uncle's best efforts but all involved agree it was totally worth it.

While I have no personal experience with adoption (foreign or otherwise) I just came here to post that this is a wonderful idea.  My husband and I have talked about adopting kids even though we can have our own just b/c we think there's lots of kids out there who need a good home.  We both have always been interested in foreign adoption and hope to go this route if/when the time comes.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!

hmmm, i think going for a domestic adoption first is the way to go...sort of on that think global, act local scale.  maybe you will have a harder time, but you really don't know till you try.  and if it doesn't work out, there's always international adoption.

I'm only 21, but I've been to over 30 countries and really seen some terrible orphanages along the way. Similarly I've had friends who came from foster care, so how ever it ends up for you, just know that I appreciate that you're considering adoption. And, I'd love to adopt when I'm ready, even with biological children of my own. Bless you.

I have a cousin from China and a cousin from Khazikstan. My mom went with my Aunts friend, and then a couple of years later, she went with my Aunt. We also have some family friends with kids adopted from Colombia. There are health risks with these countries because third world medicine is not anywhere up to par. Plus their knowledge is not the best as far as health. My baby cousins were given a raw egg everyday! They were lucky to come from a better off orphanage.

As I understand it, and don't quote me on it for I can't remember the source of this info......but I believe that some countries, at least Russia and China, are getting more strict with their adoption rules....such as no to single parents, parents who are too old, etc...  (IMO, I think a kid in need is a kid in need and if a loving person wants to and can afford to adopt them than it doesn't matter if they are married or single, gay, old or whatever.)

My neighbors were waiting for a few years to adopt from Russia, but then the costs for adoption went WAY up and they switched to China. They are still waiting and it has been several years. They don't switch agencies because once they have time and money invested with one agency, it costs alot to switch and then you are at the bottom of the list.

I guess thats alot of info. Adoption is a great way to go.

I'm on the other side of the coin. I gave my oldest boy up for adoption about 6 years ago. I must congradulate you for wanting to take in a child.

 Have you considered looking at the adoption agencies around your area? I have no idea about the cost of local adoptions, but I do know that my son's parents started the process in the spring of 2000, were approved in October of 2001, and I chose them to be my child's parents in Feb of 2002. It's an open adoption so I get to see him and send him letters and gifts. I fly back out to CA once or twice a year.

The time frame can roughly end up the same, give or take 6 months. I have heard that international adoptions can take anywhere from $10k-$30k, and that is if all the paperwork is filled out properly.

Alot of agencies have a Requirement Checklist, which the birth mother will fill out with all of the prefrences she has for the adoptive parent. Then the social worker will match the profiles of the adoptive parents to the list, and collect all the profiles and give them to the birth mother. The birth parents, if they are together, will then go through the profiles and choose the ones they like.

This is for an open adoption. I don't know about a closed adoption. It works out because there could be numerous people looking at your profile, and you could be selected by more than one person. That happened to me. I chose one couple to interview, and another girl picked them too. She had her baby first, so she got them.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

just curious if anyone here is an adoptive parent.  one of my good friends adopted a little girl from china and it's been absolutely wonderful for both of them (she's seven and in grade two now - a funny, charming, bossy little thing). 

i'm 40 now, now kids, and i'm starting to seriously consider having a hysterectomy because my uterus is the size of a freaking grapefruit due to fibroids.  the more weight i lose, the more this gigantic lump protrudes from my belly - yuck!

anyway, if you've adopted internationally, please share!  joys, challenges, the process, cost if you're comfy with that.

Hi - I am from the former USSR and know several families who have adopted children either from there or Korea or China.  You are right about Eastern Europe being riskier in that mothers most likely drink heavily throughout the pregnancy and chances of mental retardation or slower development, are greater.  Furthermore, Russia is starting to severely limit foreign adoptions, and hte prices have skyrocketed. 

On the other hand, i personally would like to adopt one day (my husband not so crazy about the idea since we can have our own children, and do have a son) but the conditions at the orphanages are so heartbreaking!!!