I've lost hope, HELP!

Hello everyone, I am brand new to this and basically in need of help anywhere I can get it.

I gave birth Dec. 6, 2006 and I weigh more now than I did when I found out I was pregnant.  I am a single mother, I'm 31 years old, I'm very depressed and I've given up on meeting people.  I never go out unless its to work or to visit my family.  I have no real friends.  I was in an abusive relationship for over a year and the ones before that weren't good either.  I think my history of bad relationships has made me think it doesn't matter if I"m fat or not, I will never find someone who will love me and not use me.

I know how to eat right and exercise, I used to be in great shape, but the more depressed I get the more I eat and lay around and watch tv.  I always say I'm going to start Monday and that never happens.  I have an elliptical machine I bought right after I gave birth and I have NEVER used it, that and yoga are my favorite ways to exercise.

I just need help, how do you get started when you feel like there is no point, no hope?  My brain tells me there is hope and I will feel so much better about myself when I'm healthy, but my heart says its never going to get better.  I feel like I am going to be alone forever because no one wants to be with a fat girl and I don't have what it takes to just do it....any advice would be very appreciated :)

My first thought is that you need to go see a doctor. You're a new mother and you're depressed. Even after 5 months you could still be experiencing post-partum depression. It's really important that you discuss with your doctor how depressed you are. Almost everyone gains weight with pregnancy, I certainly did.

So for right now I can only suggest going to the doctor and making sure this depression isn't a perfectly normal response to post pregnancy hormones. He/she may also have some advice on how to lose some weight. You have to be really careful about dieting if you are breastfeeding.

Good luck ^^

I gave birth in 2006, my daughter is 17 months old.  I've been seeing a doctor for Depression and Anxiety since 2001.  I've had my thyroid checked and they say its normal.  No medications seem to work for my depression and anxiety.  Right now I take Zoloft, just got increased so we'll see if that does anything. 

I just want to be able to get out of bed in the morning and be able to face the day and make time to take care of me....

You have an email and I added you as a buddy.

Take it one day at a time.  Don't beat yourself up if you fall short or what you are trying to do.  Take a walk with that beautiful daughter and try to enjoy the beauty of spring.  You can do this for yourself and for your daughter.

Karen

As for the exercise, tell yourself you'll do it for just 5 mins. 5 mins is easy but 5 mins has a way of turning into longer. On the days it doesn't. . .you'll try again tomorrow. On the days it does. . .woooohoooo!

As for not ever meeting anyone. . .I was an unwed mother. I felt I would never find anyone to care about me AND my child. I shut myself off to it so I didn't even allow myself opportunities to meet anyone. I shut myself off, cared for my child and quit having a social life entirely. If I could tell myself from then what I know now. . .I'd say exactly what I'm saying to you!!! You may not find love but if you don't get out and spend time with your friends and/or meet new people YOU WON'T FIND LOVE BECAUSE YOU WON'T HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO! Please don't shut yourself off! Get out and do anything even if it's just to the park with the baby!

I'm now a 34 year old single mother! I have only been in two relationships since I had my son BUT (AND THIS IS A BIG BUTT I MEAN BUT LOL) I am now in a VERY good and healthy relationship.

Please don't make the mistake I did! I lived every minute in fear. I feared that I'd never find love so much that I convinced myself it wasn't possible. I short changed myself and more importanly I short changed my child because I didn't allow the opportunity to get with someone who could be a positive and healthy role model for my child!

Please feel free to email me if you'd like. I'd love to talk more with you!

Good luck to you! Now get out of your seat and head to the park! Enjoy the breeze on your face  and the smell of nature! (just don't try it too close to a trash can!)

Have you ever heard of Dr Joy Brown? She's one of those radio shrinks and I wouldn't normally put much stock into things they say (how can they possibly fix someone in less than 2 minutes?) but one thing she recommends for depression has actually worked for me...

I volunteered. When I was at my lowest and most desperate, I volunteered to help other people. It doesn't seem like it would be, but it was amazingly helpful and made me feel so much better about myself. Maybe you could get involved with something you know about. Like helping out at a women's shelter. Many of the people who work in those types of services will understand what you've been through yourself and it can make a huge difference to be with people who understand. Or if there isn't one in your area, how about a school (that's what I did) or a library. Something easy at first, don't set yourself up for failure with an impossible task.

But you do have to take the steps. If you consider what you'll be role modeling for your daughter it might give you some motivation. Not just losing weight but being kind to yourself. She'll learn how to be kind to herself and don't you want that for her?

PS: I still take my antidepressants... the volunteering was in addition to that

I heard this song on a folk music program the other day.  I don't know the women who sang it but it said so much:  " You can crown yourself with fears but/  there's always another train/  there always is/  maybe the next one is yours/  get up and climb aboard."   Might have been the Clearys but not sure- the announcer was soft voiced.  I was feeling down when I heard the song and the words lifted me to think maybe I could do something.  Take care. 

You have to tell yourself to do it. I was the same way pushing it off untill I  would forget about it and then a month later being depressed and this time I actully did it. I have lost 16 pounds in 1 1/2 months.

 

If you still can't get yourself to feel better you have to tell yourself....."It's about my daughter now" and do it for her. She doesnt deserve a sad mommy.

 

Original Post by want-2-b-a-loser:

I gave birth in 2006, my daughter is 17 months old.  I've been seeing a doctor for Depression and Anxiety since 2001.  I've had my thyroid checked and they say its normal.  No medications seem to work for my depression and anxiety.  Right now I take Zoloft, just got increased so we'll see if that does anything. 

I just want to be able to get out of bed in the morning and be able to face the day and make time to take care of me....

 Bless your heart!  I was recently on Zoloft and even at an increased dosage, it did very little for me.  I went back and asked my doctor to change it up for me.  I was on Lexapro and it worked GREAT for me for over 2 years until my body built up a tolerance to it.  Now I'm taking Effexor and it works sooo much better.  I do not and did not like Zoloft.  I've heard of horrible side effects and no positive feedback at all.  If you don't feel like the increased dosage has worked for you after 2 weeks, make a doctor appointment and have them change you up again.

Remember that you have that beautiful (I am sure!) 17-month old baby girl that thinks mom couldn't get any better looking or any sweeter than she is now.  If you can't convince yourself to get healthy for yourself--know that your baby girl wants you to be healthy so she has you around for a looooong time!

I know I'm being long-winded but its b/c I was where you are not that long ago.  Keep your chin up girl! 

Stopped taking Zoloft about a 2 years ago now, always was suffering from depression and anxiety- it may help some, but since there has not been enough studies, most don't realize that it causes weight gain and memory loss, since I stopped taking it I have finally started losing weight. I mean I have my bad days, where nothing seems right and those are the days I make myself get up and excerise, pushing my body, knowing if I am sweating something is working. As for your heart, learn that it only responses to the thoughts that you put in to it. My dad when I was younger(I have always been a manic depressant) told me to tell my self three things before I get out of bed and I still practice them:

1. I love myself, for you are the only one who knows what will make you happy.

2. Thank God, for the ability to be able to do with the blessing you have been given.

3. Realize you are never alone, for you always have a shoulder to cry on.

Realize you are not alone, we are all here to help

Sister who struggled,

Chel

I suffered from mood swings (either Depression, soft bipolar or PMDD-I fit the bill for all of them) after the birth of my son 8 YEARS AGO!  I waited until the past year to do anything about it and this year to start an exercise routine. 

8 years too long and my husband has just left me because of my behavior due to my severe mood swings and lack of motivation, low self-esteem.  You need to find something that is effective.  You also need to look at exercise as a medicine.  I do it 4-6 days a week, hard cardio workouts that boost my endorphins.  I also went on Yaz birth control with is also approved for PMDD.  Instantly, the mood swings went away.  I don't have cramps or that depressive feeling that makes me weepy or want to go back to bed. 

You are still very young and you have a good chance to win back your motivation.  Please take another look at your hormones and force yourself outside to workout.  Walking with your child in a stroller is better than sitting at home.  Try the greenest park you can.  The park I workout at is full of young moms walking the track with their strollers.  I wish I had done that when my son was so little.  Things would be a lot different today. 

First of all {{{HUGS}}}> I am sorry that you are feeling this way, and i am sorry that no drugs seem to help you. You are suffering from post- partum or some form of depression and maybe talking to a psychologist or support group would help. Have you checked on line for a support group? I know that it is hard to get motivated but you need to get outside for the fresh air and sunlight. I suffered from Post-partum depression and wow i don't wish that on anyone. Exercise releases endorphines that make you feel happy.

You are worth it, you are special and amazing because you are a great mother ( and just b/c you are you) daughter, sister? friend, employee etc... I know it is hard but you have to do it for you and your son/daughter.

if you ever need to talk please feel free to mail me.

Good Luck

xoxo

I am so sorry you feel so hopeless...

But......... why do you think only a relationship will fix everything.  When did you give all your power to the male gender.  You are worth sooooooo much more than a relationship.  Here is a little parable I told my daughter when she told me something like you stated in your first post.

When my daughter told me she was so lonely and wanted to be married, I told her to make a huge chocolate devils food cake, and instead of sugar, put in 1 cup of dry mustard.  She said... "Mom, that will taste awful."  

I said... "Well, then you can make a huge fluffy frosting and pile it on top."

"But that won't make the cake better.." she said and so I said.

"And neither will a man make you better.  Marriage is not the cake; it is only the frosting on the cake."

I too have been alone for more than 10 years, and expect I might spend the rest of my life alone, but... I know I am a worthwhile mother, grandmother, sister, friend and first and foremost a child of God.  God loves me so much he gave his only son for me... how can I undermine his love. I am not junk... God doesn't make junk.. and you are not junk either. 

Wow you are definitely taking me back about 10 yrs or so.....what I did....I got into therapy....it helped a lot!!! Also there are self help books that work really....work. You sound so intelligent, so it won't be too difficult to turn yourself around. Also, you must try to get out, staying in doesn't help, walk a little bit, 10 minutes each day until you feel you can up it, longer, also put your baby in the stroller and take the baby with you.......sitting in watching tv doesn't make it easier. Try eating fruits and veggies....they can make you feel better!! I use to eat an apple and drink a glass of milk for some reason that would make me feel so good!!!!  I am not much on the medications, I try to attack the problem thru a holistic way. Do you have any health food stores, there are a bunch of things you can get to make you feel better, ask the person in charge.  Also, what is it you like to do??? Listen to music, read, or dance....get that metabolism going...this may sound odd to you, but that is what I did, and that is what I told my daughter to do when she became depressed.  I agree with luvmyboy and jennytu....take the focus off of your problems, find things you should feel grateful for....good luck!!!

thank you guys so much! I don't have a computer at home right now, so i can only check this at work occassionally.  I will respond to you guys that offered to talk one on one with me, I really do need to hear what people who have been where I am have done.  It is so comforting to know i'm not alone and that others have been here and survived and become stronger and most important HAPPIER WITH THEMSELF.  I have lost any faith in myself to find a good person for me and Riley.  I pick the worst of the worst!!

I'll be in touch soon! thanks again!!!