I've lost motivation...

So... I haven't been on here in what seems like forever... I want to update and get advice...

Here's a recap... this summer, I did excellent as far as keeping up with the gym right before and directly after my husband's deployment... I started work at a psychiatric unit with kids and found a workout buddy there... Well, about mid-July, I started packing to move, which meant less time at the gym... At the end of July, I went home for a few weeks (I live in Missouri but am from Ohio), came home in August, didn't work out all of August, because at that point I had moved from the military base we were on... I let myself slip concerning my diet as well. I started the police academy September 2nd and physical training has about killed me.

I failed my first PT test, which we took the second day we were there. I've been really intimated because one of my classmates, who also sits right beside me in class, was a strength trainer before he decided to go to the academy. Well, since the instructors know he's a strength coach, they have him do our PT... He has us do a lot of core training (planks, fire hydrants, "a" marches) before we run... we're also "getting strong" (as our instructors like to call it) because we're doing push-ups a lot... We ran on Tuesday, and I was able to shave two minutes off my run after being on PT restriction for two weeks due to a knee injury, so I think the core training is helping... but I also puked up half my breakfast during the run... Not purposely... I was getting stitches really bad and up came everything. That was 2 miles. Well, we ran Thursday... down a hill, across a straight stretch, up another hill, stop at the top of that hill, do 25 sit ups/ push ups (we rotated with every lap), run another straight stretch before going down the hill again. Repeat 6 times. Once again, I puked...

I've never been a runner and I've played sports almost my whole life. But I've also never ran so much that it's made me puke. Is this my body's way of telling me I'm not eating right or am pushing myself too hard? There's no way I'm pregnant... And I've slowly but surely been trying to adjust my diet back to eating healthier. One of the guys in class told me I wasn't getting enough water... but I drink water all the time... we're constantly hydrating...

How do I get back into the groove of things? I'm still looking for recipes that have foods I like, trying to give up food that's easy to grab on the go because we're so busy all the time... I mean, I'm inspired by Matt (my classmate) because he's always running around full of energy and he's very fit... but it's also intimidating to sit next to him because I feel fat and I feel like he's judging everyone in the class (he says he doesn't, but it's hard not to feel that way when your sitting next to someone who trains athletes) that eats around him.

Nobody will work out for me, I have to do it on my own, and no one can force me to eat better... it's something I'll also have to do on my own... but I've lost the motivation. It's there... but at the same time... it feels like it's out of reach because I let myself slip more than once.

If I don't pass my final PT test in November, I don't graduate the academy... it's that plain and simple. We didn't pay seven grand for nothing... so graduating is a must for me.

Any food ideas? Inspiration? Quick meals I can prepare on a weekend? Any ideas on how to work on getting back into the swing of things?

It sounds like grueling training but worth it if that's what you are there to train to do.  I hope you are successful.  Just not failing is motivation right? You don't wanna waste your money.  My best idea for you would be to start the day with your largest meal since it sounds like most of the rest of the day, you are either working out or getting sick! You need at least something to start your metabolism going in the morning and hopefully digest most of it before you get yourself so worked up you are sick.  Fortunately, your body will probably adjust to the pace of things and you will find it easier and easier to get through your runs and exercises.  You should be proud of yourself for even trying to get through this process.  Most people wouldn't even sign up much less try to get through it all the way whole! I have faith that you want it bad enough, now it's a matter of getting your body to cooperate huh?  I wish you the best of luck.  Try not to be so hard on yourself, you are doing something great!