I've ruined it... need comfort/advice

I don't really know if this is the right forum to post this in but yeah.. oh, and sorry if this sounds intensely high schoolish

Here's the deal..

I'm 21, have been living on my own in atl for 3 months, and have been working at this restaurant for 2 months. In that time I very quickly came to like this one guy, we'll call him "Ben". So Ben and I had been fairly friendly at work, a little flirty at times. He's a really funny, genuinely sweet guy. So then I turned 21, and started to go hang out with my coworkers after work (which of course mostly involved drinking since we're open rather late), and so like a week ago I was insanely drunk and confessed to "ben" how I feel about him in an embarrassing fashion. I don't actually remember what his response was but I don't think it was great (although sometime later that night he ended up kissing me but I don't really remember the context plus he was drunk). Suffice to say I'm pretty sure I've creeped the heck out of him because we haven't interacted much since and when we have I'm pretty sure he was just being nice because he's not the kind of guy to be mean. Even if something was to happen, it'd take a long time before all of this blows over.

The worst part though is now I've completely lost my appetite and just all around don't feel "good enough." (ie skinny enough, pretty enough, etc). I don't know what to do. I'm worried that this is going to throw me back into my ed but I just don't know how to deal with it.

If he's not spoken to you, take the initiative and speak to him. Apologise for the way you might've behaved that night but tell him you do quite like him, even if you explained it in all the wrong ways while drunk. Ask him then if he'd like to go for a coffee with you, or for you to buy him a coffee. Word it how you want, but not so much as a date more a friendly drink somewhere - that doesn't involve booze! If he is indeed as nice a guy as you say I doubt he will be bothered by you asking him that.

Most importantly, don't let this throw you off. You may like him a lot, yes, but remember - it is just a guy and there are many more fish in the sea if he does, for some reason, not want to talk to you as much any more. It's not worth relapsing at all, especially over a bloke. If you want to let out frustrations write them out, or go with girly cliches and pamper yourself, watch a film, take a breath. As for your appetite, I know depression can rob anyone of that and you just have to make yourself eat, even if it means writing a meal plan and following it for a few days.

Well it's not like he hasn't spoken to me at all, but nobody has mentioned what happened that night. I know he remembers it though. I'm apprehensive about mentioning it or making any move at all since I don't wanna scare him off any more than I already have. He's definitely a take it slow kinda guy. That's why I screwed it up so much. :(

I don't think it's really his fault that I'm feeling the way I do about myself. I think it's more rejection/myself that's responsible. I hate myself for allowing me to get that drunk and do something so stupid. I should have learned that lesson by now already. I believe I subconsciously sabotage myself with alot of aspects in my life, but I can't figure out why. I still can't bring myself to eat much.

Gosh, I remember going through some of the same things when I was about your age. It's amazing how a few years will change your perspective on everything you feel right now. I'm sure that doesn't help you feel any better, so here's my thought on the matter:

As far as you know, you were both drunk. People do and say crazy things when they're wasted. If you're having a hard time remembering his reaction to what you said, chances are, he's having a hard time remembering what you said. Also, guys don't dwell on things like we do. He might not be acting any different than he used to, but possibly picking up on your uneasiness. Me, personally, I'd act real casual. Talk to him like nothing happened, and invite him to hang out. If you really want to downplay it, go with something like "Hey, I'm going for coffee after work. Want to come along?" Once you two are alone to talk, you can bring it up if you feel you need to. I'd probably say, "OMG! I can't believe how much I drank the other night. I was probably ridiculous." That way, I'd be opening up the dialogue without admitting anything and acting like nothing happened. How he responds is how I'd gauge the situation. That's me, though. You'll have to figure out what works best for you and what you're comfortable with. If you're not getting the answers you need, pray (or meditate) on it.

Thanks! I'm starting to feel a bit better about the whole ordeal.