I've unfortunately done it again

as above........mad at myself doesnt even describe how i feel.

i have put on the 5 i lost and have gone straqight bk to the desperate thinkin...wtf is wrong with me that i cnt just do this.  When i was younger id decide and that was IT until every little last pound that i wanted to lose had gone.

everyday i regret wht im doing, have done.

i hate hate what i look like and have done for so long now ive forgotten what its like to enjoy your reflectiona nd to enjoy getting dressed.

i dont go out anywhere because im embarassed and dont want ppl to see me n now this is being noticed and people r losing interest and my mom is like what r u doing with ur life ur so sad etc n i always just say its cuz im skint or ill or tired.  i spend most my time in bed when im not at work or exercising becuase i dnt wanna hear the comments.

i just dont get why i sabbotage myself.  id done real good and now ive not exercised for nrly two weeks and have eaten out everyday this week....sandwiches/pasties/kebab/chips/pizza etc and i just cnt seem to stop, ive eaten chocolate too.

i feel like i gotta change everything!  get new look/new clothes/move my furniture at home around/buy new car and change my office around in order to truly break away from this pathetic shadow of the former determind, strong minded and 'never gave up' person i used to be.

my frustration is soooooo unbearable, like my bf says....it's just food.  So if its just fkn **** stupid food why cant i do it?  GODDDDDD im so freakin fed up of myself, im my own worst enemy.  how can i change this, how can i hve a complete fresh start, a new me, a new attitude a new everything?

Coming here, starting over, logging every morsel & exercise and taking baby steps is what is working for me.  I know all too well how you feel.  I gained 10 lbs almost overnight due to my thyroid meds bonking and once that happened I threw the towel in and gained another 5 through my own methods.  I spent a few weeks wallowing and getting more and more miserable and I finally came here and am trying to take it hour by hour.  I still hate how I look, I still feel disgusted but I know that I'll ultimately feel better and that long term goal is helping me stay focussed.  Hang in there!   Talk to me anytime!

Sorry to hear to you are finfding losing weight so hard.

How much weight do you want to lose?

Why not give my diet a try?

First of all - calm down!  Take a deep breath... relax...

Okay...

You need to find a way approach this positively, because beating yourself is not going to motivate you to improve.  The worse you feel about yourself, the more likely you are to find comfort in food.  However, in a way your boyfriend is right - it's just food.  You can't let it control you, and that food can't do anything to you until you decide to put it in your mouth.  You are the one in control - not the pan of brownies or the gallon of ice cream!

Find ways to compliment yourself each day.  Whether you're having a good hair day, or you like the way your makeup looks, or you like the outfit you put on, etc.  Don't wear clothes you want to look good on you; wear clothes that do look good on you, and get them in colors that compliment you!

Whatever your work schedule is, pick a time that day that you know you have nothing planned, even if it's only half an hour or 20 minutes, and designate that time to do something active.  It doesn't have to be something brutal or exhausting, but do something.  Get out your ipod and go for a walk, hit the gym for an aerobic class, or put in a workout video.  If you only make it half way through the class or video, praise yourself for what you accomplished and continue to set a slightly higher goal for yourself.  Don't beat yourself up for what you didn't do.

Remember that any change or good choice matters!  It could be deciding to have a side salad instead of fries at lunch, or drinking an extra bottle of water today. 

Last of all - don't expect to have the routine or lifestyle down perfectly, or see amazing results immediately!  These things take time and consistent effort.  I've been doing this for a long time, but it hasn't been until the last little while that I feel like I'm more in control of food than the food is in control of me!  (I honestly think I used to shake when cookies and I were in the same room).

Just keep getting back on the wagon, and don't beat yourself up!  You're not alone in your frustration, and don't make the mistake of telling yourself it's easy.  However, keep reminding yourself that it's worth it :)

nutbox, click on the Blog tab in the menu bar.  Go to Success Stories and read them all.  You will find that every single one of these successful people have made a lifelong commitment to healthy eating and exercise.

Dieting does not work.  What works is making small changes, over time, to improve the way you eat and exercise.  Model yourself after those people who did it.  Don't fall for crash or fad diets or people who claim to have found the "secret" of weight loss.  Just be sensible, and get in this for the long term.

Pep talk over, now get out there and do it!

xavier7 - whats your diet?

I want/need to lose 46lbs!

I haven't been doing crash dieting was losing properly and healthy and was really really happy until last week!

im just a complete total helpless idiot.

i always let myself down.

why....i would love to know.  i lose it put it straight bk on and so on.  everytime i diet i am always right bk where i started this is about the 6th time this yr this has happened?  why cnt i do it?  why am i such a failure? why is it that i just cnt stick to it????

Are you depressed?  Maybe you need to seek out some counseling in real life to deal with the larger issues behind your plea for help.  It is really hard to make positive changes in your health when you are sunk in a well of despair.

From a lifestyle standpoint, there is lots of good advice here.  Take it slow.  Be positive, not negative.  Make 1 better choice each day than you did yesterday.  Take care of yourself as best you can because you love yourself unconditionally.  You are a person, not a weight.  Good luck!

Original Post by nutbox:

xavier7 - whats your diet?

I want/need to lose 46lbs!

I haven't been doing crash dieting was losing properly and healthy and was really really happy until last week!

im just a complete total helpless idiot.

i always let myself down.

why....i would love to know.  i lose it put it straight bk on and so on.  everytime i diet i am always right bk where i started this is about the 6th time this yr this has happened?  why cnt i do it?  why am i such a failure? why is it that i just cnt stick to it????

His diet is a crazy crash diet -- don't go there.

Sticking to it is the hardest thing most of us will ever do.  You have to get into the mindset that what you are doing is a lifestyle change, not a diet.  You have to be willing to make wholesale changes to how you approach eating and what you eat.  You have to be patient.  You have to eat enough.  You have to understand that even the most successful folks have setbacks and/or hit plateaus.  The secret to their success is that they don't give up when this happens, they accept it as part of the process, learn from it, tweak a couple of things and move on.  They don't consider it a failure.

oh nut...s'okay! Relax! You'll be just fine and because have done it before, you know that you can do it again.  It is not the food, because after all, your bf is right, it IS only food - It is your attitude and your outlook that needs to change, and noone can change it but you and noone can do all this overnight, including you.  All of the advice so far, and specifically, the suggestion to read the success stories, are all excellent ideas.  You may even see that many of these successful people felt the same way you do. 

I guess the reason I feel compelled to write this to you is that I can completely relate to what you are saying about not wanting to go out and to stay in bed - you NEED need need to get out there and LIVE! Get out of bed! You will soooo REGRET losing all that time, if you don't.  You cannot lose weight and/ or get healthy and happy if you are lying in bed.  You cannot hibernate and wake up skinny next spring.  As uncomfortable and embarrassing as it feels sometimes, you must get out there and move! It gets easier! I promise! And you need to love yourself! Smile at yourself often! Fake it, if you have to! Nobody is as critical of you as you think! But nobody wants to see you sad, either!

Remember: What you focus on becomes reality and grows and grows, so you must try to focus on what you want, and find something to be grateful for, and compliment yourself as much as possible.  Start off slow like a PP said - start with small little goals like drinking more water, like walking up the stairs, like parking farther away, or having a side salad instead of fries and CONGRATULATE yourself.  Heck, congratulate yourself for even getting out of bed in the morning!

Most of all, remember that you are not alone and there is no reason for you to feel bad about yourself.  You are like so many other people out there that feel the same way you do and you can do it! Stop beating yourself up and treat yourself like your best friend and don't waste anymore time! LIVE! Who cares if you gained 5 lbs? you can lose it again! You've proved it before!

Okay, now I'm just even annoying myself with all this lecturing - forgive me, but I just really feel for you...

Sending out lots of love, hugs and positive vibes for you!

You can do it!

Nutbox - I don't want this to sound harsh, but you don't sound like you're really wanting to listen to any advice that doesn't involve a magic pill or a quick fix that provides instant results, and will change your attitude for you.

People are responding because they truly want to help and are offering advice from things they've learned by experience, or because they've been in your position.  Now it's your turn to truly take it to heart, and seriously - QUIT BEATING YOURSELF UP!

If you don't see yourself as someone worth working toward a healthy mind and body for, you won't get there.  It's as simple as that.  But having a healthy mind is just as important, if not more so, than having a healthy body.  If you don't think much of yourself now, then you won't think anymore of yourself even if you reach your goal weight.

We can all sit here and tell you that "you can do it", and offer words of encouragement until we're blue in the face.  But if you don't tell yourself that, our words aren't going to make any difference.

*shrug* ...I'm just sayin'...

Original Post by nutbox:

xavier7 - whats your diet?

I want/need to lose 46lbs!

I haven't been doing crash dieting was losing properly and healthy and was really really happy until last week!

im just a complete total helpless idiot.

i always let myself down.

why....i would love to know.  i lose it put it straight bk on and so on.  everytime i diet i am always right bk where i started this is about the 6th time this yr this has happened?  why cnt i do it?  why am i such a failure? why is it that i just cnt stick to it????

 Good for you for venting using a healthy means.  Most of us perusing this site are here because we have days where we feel exactly what you've typed.  Be proud of yourself for turning to this site for venting instead of alcohol, drugs or other damaging actions.  Lay it on us because we know we care!  What's wrong with you?  Nothing.  You're being human.

Sending positive thoughts your way!  Hang in - tomorrow's a new day and you are definitely capable of success.

Nutbox...

Try starting by focusing on these 3 things:

A. It can be done. you CAN do it. Like Claire said, go to the success stories. remind yourself of what can happen for yourself as well.

B. You WILL do it. Your will is your desire. You want it...if you don't throw in the towel soon it will happen. If your will to beat up on yourself is stronger than your will to get healthy, than it will not happen. Do you know that I have not called myself fat one time since being on here? Even when I was still clinically obese (BMI 31) it used to be part of my daily mantra. I have taken control. I am the authority now. Not only over what I eat, but how I think of myself. Your mood is sabotaging your life even more than your weight. Fat does not= unhappy.

Take authority. Over any negative thoughts. Do not dwell on them lying in bed. When I start to feel like that (around PMS usually), I slip on myshoes, and take my dog for a walk to calm my nerves. Helps me to lose more lbs too I call someone and it is always refreshing to hear a voice that is excited to hear from me. Reminds me that I am loved.  C

It takes a lot of energy to beat up on yourself. Very draining. And it takes a lot of energy to change your life. Kinda impossible to do both at once. You've been putting too much energy into one lately and not the other.

You MUSTdo it. For your health, your future. Not your happiness though. You can have that NOW.

all of that text over 5 lbs?

If you're really serious about answering the question of why you keep doing this, perhaps a visit to a therapist is in order.

We often carry baggage around with us that keeps the unhealthy patterns going in our lives - I did.  Talking through it can help bring these things to light, and give us a place to start making some changes in thoughts/actions/coping behaviors.  Once I was aware of my issues, I could do something about them.  It was really empowering.

i agee

i feel this goes far beyond just basic weight loss for you

you should consider just seeing a therapist or a doctor.. they can help you overcome these issues and make weight loss as easy as counting calories.

otherwise it will never work

I think that there is more than willpower at play here. If you have some sort of hormonal disbalance (lets face it, 46 pounds over will cause the disbalance without any additional issues), you will find cravings hard to fight. You cannot put yourself in a situation where you will be tempted. That means no bad foods at home, eating every couple of hours, doing lower carb and lower fat diet, and staying within your 1,200 calories a day or so. If you eat more often, you will be less hungry. If you detox from starches (meaning none at all, no rice, bread, pasta, grains for a couple of weeks, no sugar or sugar substitutes and no coffee), it will be hard the first week and then you will most likely drop your cravings. If you cannot stand it, take some Stevia and put it on your tounge, gets the sugar craving out real quick, it's rich. Have you been tested for your hormonal levels, thyroid, PCOS?

by the way, i lost and gained several times, i hate feeling what you are feeling. i've been there. it feels like it will take forever to get to a result you like, and you have to suffer now without any benefit. but after a week, and maybe 2 pounds down, you'll notice, you'll feel better. after few weeks people will notice too and you'll start hearing 'you look thinner' comments. and then you'll just want to continue. just try to do low carb on top of low fat/calorie diet. it helped me. i don't count veggies as carbs, just fruits (sugar).  i don't eat starches. i also would say do not eat any fruit without a protein (like some low fat cheese), otherwise your sugar will spike and cause a craving.

thank you all!

i just put soooo much pressure on myself and i think because this is the most ive ever had to lose i dont see the results anywhere nr as quick and give up.

i lost 11lbs at beginning of the yr and was already a stone lighter than i am now but the result wasnt enuf so i gave up.

theres so much im unhappy about n i think i tell myself that being thin and losing the weight i so loathe will answer all my sadness....b0ll0x i know!

Darkylinky and Samanth81 - read my history and my journal before making judgement, unhelpful comments to be honest.

i have thought of nothin else, soul searchin since postin this, i hate being so pathetic.  N i think whats triggered this is my moms wedding, she booked it last fri for in 6 weeks time i went into panic mode, thinkin....OMG whats the max i can lose in 6 weeks and i think its had the opposite effect bcuz i was soooo happy n very comfortable knowing i had a yr to do this n i was all settled in my mind that this was not a rush thing.

also i think about calories, breakdowns, foods too much.  its literally all i think about, anything u mention to me i cud bring bk to weight and/or calories and/or health.

I need to focus on getting out, being happy and being me and just back off on the food crap.

ive been doing this over half my life now (how fkn sad) so i know wt to eat whats good whats not, i can quite easily make everyday healthy choices without all this restrictin, counting, balancing, percentages.

Thats what im gonna do against most peoples advice i know but im not going to count for a while, i will weigh when unsure but i dont do big portions anyway now, i know what they should look like roughly.

im gonna focus on getting out, being happy, being me and actually talk to my friends about summat other than y i cnt drink, y i cnt meet for lunch, going to the gym, being healthy, calories in all foods that they ask me etc.

im goin to go bk to my long term goal, next yr and take it a month at time, one goal for each month.

This month.........no lager.

thats it, no more rules/regulations and strict regimes to stick to, just no lager!

I hate rules, i hate routine i get bored SO easily and have such a short attention span so here we go!

thanks again

We all have our phases.  If you can at least mitagate the times when you don't feel like exercising or want to eat everything in site, then the times when you have a better attitude or ability for maintaining a deficit will be more productive.

Success tends to be the best motivator for me.  Also I dislike the feeling of being really out of shape so I try to at least get a couple of workouts in during a week so that I don't have to go through the pain of the first time continuously.

Every individual is different even though we all fall roughly within the same parameters.  For me, exercise is the key to weight loss combined with enough calories my body seems to prefer a deficit of 300-600 calories to lose combined with strenuous exercise several times per week.  Others do fine with just a calorie deficit or switching to less processed foods.  Some people find that exercise is their only hope.  The trick is to take what works for you and try to take advantage of it and for those times when you just can't summon the motivation then try to maintain instead of going overboard.

For example, the difference between maintenance and losing for me is about 300-500 calories which is equivalent to a really nice treat.  I can have a small treat and still lose and most of the time I'm willing to make that trade off.  Every now and then though it's not worth it to me.

i don't know if you are a believer but when i read this all i could think about is how you need Jesus :) there is a scripture that speaks to me often, especially when my thinking resembles yours....

Ecclesiastes 3:11

He (God) has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.

which says that we are unable to obtain that truly happy and joyful state without His love surrounding us... listen, i am a recovering addict and have also suffered from eating disorders for years and 17 months ago those things almost took my life, i fell to my knees and gave it to Christ, i have never seen life in the same way sense. He has put joy and true happiness within myself, something i could never figure out on my own. listen, that guilt over eating and hardship over food goes a lot deeper than the food, i have found out that those behaviors and outward things are only what we see, the way to figure why these outward behaviors are coming out is to figure out what is beneath them, to figure out what is beneath we need God's spirit to do some work in us.

while God works with me everyday into restoring what was lost, it is a process; food is still something i struggle with but with Him it becomes a struggle worth fighting. which takes me to another favorite scripture of mine...

Romans 8:28

All things work for good for those who love God and who are called according to His purposes.

which means that no matter what struggle or hardship i go through i can be assured that God has a good reason for allowing it in my life. that doesnt mean i dont face hard times or difficulties that just means that as long as i keep my eyes on Him nothing is done in vain. AMAZING! anyway, I love Him so much and when i see somebody facing life like ive seen it i cant hold back the secret to it all! the secret is the love of Christ, which shouldn't be a secret at all, so i will tell the world :)

anyway, 1 Peter 5:7 says "Cast all your care upon Him (Jesus), for He (Jesus) cares for you"... you got a love it! give it all to Him, everything that is hurting you and all things in between Christ is willing to carry.. in fact here is another secret; He already did carry it... it carried it all the way to the cross and died for it and did so because He saw you and me and everybody else worth dying for so that we could experience everlasting life;

John 6:47

Most assuredly, I (Jesus) say to you, he who believes in Me has everlasting life.

oh His love for us goes so deep and beyond anything you or i could ever fathom!!!

1 corinthians 2:9

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind can imagine the things God has prepared for those who love Him!!!

Let Go and Let God-

teri