Jealousy and Marriage.. Help.

I am getting married May 22, 2010 to the most amazing man on the planet.

I have a few different groups of close friends.. My fiance and I and all of our friends get along great..

We got engaged in January, and I believe my best friend is beginning to get bitter about it-- or jealous. I am not a bridezilla by any means. I don't bring up the wedding plans and engagement or talk about him all the time.. I am still me.

My friend (and MOH) says things to me (and others when im not around) like "things are just different now" and "no it's okay, this is what happens when you are going to get married"... The thing is, nothing has happened..

I have an internship and go to school full time, so engaged or not I wouldn't be able to go out as much as some of my other friends. It's getting old and it is overrated.

I am tired of having to explain myself to her and just don't understand why she insists things are different.

It's very frustrating and I really just wish she'd be happy for me instead of making me feel down.

Anyone else have friends begin to change when or before you were married?

Sorry for the rant.. Just don't really want to talk to anyone close to me about it.

First, congrats!

Second, obviously SHE feels something has changed. You aren't the boss of her personality, so you can't proclaim that she has no motive for feeling this way. I agree that she should be supportive because you're under so much stress, but clearly something is bothering her.

Ask her. Ask her for SPECIFIC examples of what you've done to make her unhappy. Don't let her get away with vague stuff like "Things are different." Make her give you an instance in which you reacted out of character for yourself and how she wanted you to react instead.

Then once you have specific examples, you can tell if you are acting differently unintentionally, or if she's just jealous and has no other outlet for her jealousy (which is quite likely, but there's not much you can do to fix that).

JEALOUSY. is she in relationship herself?

I feel like I have something she wants and is almost resentful towards me.

She used to date one of my fiance's best friends.. They dated about 2 years ago for a year..

I am still very good friends with her ex as he is was one of my friends also to begin with and he is also in our wedding party.

firstly, dont worry, its very common for people to feel jealous/insecure when a bff gets married and is advancing in life when another isnt. it should die down after the wedding. just be civil to her as much as you can, even nonchalant about it like you dont even notice.

could you invite her to see a movie, just the 2 of you girls, or something like that? it may just help to temporarily vanquish the green eyed monster if she is able to experience some semblance of the good old days when you were, in her eyes, the twosome?

She may feel that she should be in a significant relationship, or like she'll lose you when you're married.  Try to be her friend as best as you can, but definitely talk to her as suggested above.

V.

I'd tell her what she does wrong, but tell it in a positive way that doesn't hurt her feelings. That it bothers you that she's acting jealous/upset by your engagement. I'd ask her what's she feels is different between you now. Sometimes it truly only takes a small amount of effort to reassure friends. ( She may say: " You never call me back.. Or:  You never leave me messages anymore. Or: we don't talk anymore Or: You hardly ever come over or invite me over anymore... not since him. Or: You never answer my calls when you're with him.  Etc) Sometimes small unintentional things add up into something that bothers people. It may honestly be about little things you haven't considered. Things you can compromise to do better about with effort. She may just be jealous of your time in general. Since she wants to spend some time with you, but you're unavailable. Btw: The things that you wanted to do previously. . .With her and in general may no longer hold your interest. That doesn't mean you can't express that to her openly and honestly. Be real. Tell her the things you're now interested in doing with her instead if that's the case. Tell her the differences that you've noticed and anticipate between you. It's important to tell her the differences that you're already aware of between you,imo. Explain the reasoning so she knows you aren't just ignoring her or circumstances. Tell her that relationships morph/evolve with time and/or maturity. The only the constant in life is that everything is always changing. I'd tell her that you're different. I wouldn't deny that. Tell her: Things between you are going to change due to circumstances. That's life. I'd also let her know that you're okay with that. :)  That doesn't mean that you don't want to remain good friends. There is no reason you can't still share good times,etc. The truth is your idea of a good time may have changed greatly. Sometimes we're unknowingly/unintentional changing due to circumstances. Sometimes we're very aware of every change as we're progressing in life. Either way: Talk to her about it without ignoring the facts. Enlighten her to your current circumstances in life.  Job/school/routine/chores/fiance/Etc.

She may be acting this way out of fear of being replaced/dismissed. You should reassure her by being direct/honest in a friendly/understanding way. Yes. Circumstances have changed! Yes... You've changed too! Yes! Things have happened and more things will, lol! Everything is changing...woot woot. She needs to be reassured/told that you're okay with changes. I'd be direct in letting her know that you know that! annnd kinda like change.

Yes! Your life is changing...Yay! Congrats!

That doesn't mean you don't want her to be a part of it.

Things aren't going to remain exactly the same.That's something she's going to have to accept and adapt to as your friend. :) That's something that she will be willing to do if your friendship matters to her. It's a give and take on both sides to keep a friendship balanced.

Or: She won't remain your close friend. :(

Wow, I seem to have a pretty different take on the whole issue than most people who posted.
sscnpjm, I understand your friend might sound resentful and bitter, but from what you have shared it seems that it is because she is hurt and depressed, and that is how she is dealing with it.

I would try and be a friend to her, and set an example by being the way she is not: supportive and understanding. Sit her down and have a nice talk about her feelings and what you can do to make her feel better. Hopefully you will set an example and make her rethink her attitude, and that will bring you two closer together. :)

nb; when u tell someone theyre jealous when they are jealous, natural reaction is defence and anger. dont use the word 'jealous' when dealing with her! 'left out' or something that pushes your point is better but in a less blunt way is better, because remember the root of it is insecurity. she is upset and sensitive atm.

Just a thought from someone who's been the friend:

I'd been with my b/f two years and my best friend calls me up outta the blue to say that her b/f of two MONTHS proposed.  I was insanely jealous and didn't know how to handle it and probably wasn't the best friend to her I should have been.  I knew it wasn't right but it was how I felt and it was my issue to deal with, not hers, so I did my best to put on a smile and help her get married. 

I realize you're not in the same situations as mine but similar.  You said above she doesn't have a current or serious b/f but watching your friend take the next step when you're not is hard and it may just be misplaced anger.  Sit down and talk to her because she may just be feeling insecure herself but she probably won't ever tell you that. 

Good luck to both of you, it sounds like you're doing the right thing by trying on your end so just give it some time.