Is it ok to judge people by their friends?

I know each individual is different but come on. When people hang out they must have some common interest. Right? Let's just say my ex didn't start out a loser but ended up one. His friends were cool but weren't the greatest. Is it ok for me to conclude that relatives and friends play a big influence in a person's drive/personality?

i try not to judge people by their friends, but i have to admit, sometimes i wonder...friends and relatives do influence people, but don't forget that friends are chosen, while relatives are foisted upon us. 

Relatives, no. Friends, yes and no. Someone might seek out people similar to them to be friends.. or they might seek out people they admire and want to be like (often opposites!) Or they might have been thrown together with someone just by chance, and formed a friendship with the person because they were forced to spend so much time together. (ie, if they sat next to each other, had to do a project, live near by or share a bus, etc.)

So it's okay to observe who someone hangs out with, but you can't conclude who someone is just by his/her friends. 

Is it okay to judge people?

Original Post by almareal:

Is it okay to judge people?

Humans judge.

sometimes you think you know someone pretty well, and then you meet some of their friends, and it makes you question what you thought you knew about that person.  is that judging?  maybe.  but it's also smart.  you get new information and you evaluate it.  and, yes, our friends do reflect on us.

as far as relatives, i think we can evaluate the relationships and the dynamics.  we don't choose our family, but we do choose how we're going to interact with them.

I have one friend who is into drugs (pot, E and coke mostly), and pretty much all his friends are too, but I don't touch that stuff. We're friends because we share some other interests, like music and style, so in my example I don't think it would be fair to judge me on having him as a friend. So while people will judge others anyways, just don't assume you are always right about them!

One of my best friends in the world is way into drugs, has been to jail a few times and just doesn't seem to give a damn about anything. I'm straught-laced, never broken a law and constantly striving for my next success. I would hate it if someone were to judge me based on who he is.

A couple of quotes came to me while I was reading this.

"Guilt by association"

"You are judged by the company you keep"

 I do believe, that you can find yourself in situtaions that you normaly wouldn't be in if you didn't hang with certain people.

As they say, "You are who you hang with."

Who you're friends with says a lot about you, if you think about it.

Judge 'em, but still keep an open mind.  When I had a big clique of friends, they were very diverse.  We all came across as trouble makers because of how we dressed, what music we listened to, and eachothers own individual tastes.

One person was failing school, another was emo-depressive, someone was rich and another was dirt poor, one was really girly and then there was the studious, gothic tomboy (yours truly).  You wouldn't think we'd be the type to all hang out.  What're we supposed to do, go to the mall and go shoe shopping for the girly girl and the rich dude? 

The fact that we all had nothing in common was what made us all great friends.  Keep that in mind when you judge other people by their company.  You might get surprised.

Thank you for all your input. I keep an open mind about everyone but I agree when you hang out with certain people they put you in situations you wouldn't be in otherwise.

My father also had a quote, "When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas."

I know you can't pick your family. I have sometimes noticed certain traits appear from time to time just by observing. Sorry but the classes I take makes me want to analyze everything I come upon.

Yes, I agree with your father's quote, but can't really see what that has to do with judging people by their friends. It seems like more of a personal thing to me about choosing who to associate with and knowing the consequences.

Judging is definitely a human thing. That said, there is a wide range of judging that goes on, some of it on the harsh side. It's easy to look and judge someone based on the clothes they wear, music they like, or the company they keep, but cellulitedelight is right about keeping an open mind. There's so much more to people than meets the eye.

right, figure.  i do judge people based on their choices, whether they're authentic and honest, whether they're willing to learn.  and i worry when people choose friends who have the potential to hold them back in life.  i think our friends help to define our context and expectations.  if we surround ourselves with people who are content with a certain lifestyle and standards, that can become the norm and make it less likely that we'll aim higher.

My ex would always refer to my group of friends as "the cast of the goonies"

 

and not in a loving way

 

I hang out with two gay boys. One is way into science-fiction/ufo activity/aliens.

I hang out with several pot smokers though I do not smoke nor do I plan to.

I hang out with someone who by all definitions fits the label "white trash"

just to list a couple... 

 

We don't have a lot in common, but these are GREAT people whom I love dearly. Its about personalities and the way that they touch our lives, not what they do or do not do. I would hope that I am not judged by the company I keep 

maybe it is just me, but i get a feeling that some of you tried to make a clear distinction that your friends can be a total screw up in life, but you can still be decent.  but what i don't understand is that of course we can't change other's life by simply telling them what to do or what not to do... but a true friend is someone who will help friends to get out of bad habit and encourage friends to do good.  friend means different thing to different people. you can call someone you hang out with everyday friend... but if someone is really your true friend that you trully love, is it still okay if that person smoke pot everyday?  if that's okay to you, then i won't judge you by your friends... but.. doesn't that tell me something about your values?

You may wish someone would stop their bad habits- Ie, smoking (legal and not legal), drinking, pill popping... but until that person really wants to stop- you can't make them stop. All you can do is support them and their choices... (I'm a daughter of an alcoholic and though I wished my dad would stop his alcohol- he himself had to make that choice... )  I dated a guy 20 years ago or so- he and his twin brother were heavy pot smokers and beer drinkers- this was their life..I was their designated driver.  Though I wished he would stop wasting his money and his parents money on his vices I knew he probably never would because he had his twin to help "support " him....  I eventually broke up with him because I couldn't handle his smoking and drinking.  I often think about him and wonder where he is these days...  I knew I could never change him though I wished I could...

I try not to judge people by the friends they keep because there is a lot of diversity out there....

#11 tauntbunny30 Feb 17 2008 09:02
Thank you for all your input. I keep an open mind about everyone but I agree when you hang out with certain people they put you in situations you wouldn't be in otherwise. - This depends on the terms of your friendship. If your position as someones friend is defined, than certain situations are never broached. They wouldn't put you into situations they know otherwise, you wouldn't get yourself into because... your role is clearly defined to them and accepted.

It's possible to be friends with someone even if they have qualities and or attributes that you dislike. Sometimes we remain friends with people because the positive aspects of them are worth keeping. The only time that it becomes a nuisance is when their 'negative' attributes or qualities start to effect us. Being friends with someone isn't something one can randomly ' judge.' Since we don't know the terms of everyone's friendship. But, allowing bad company to ruin your life is a whole different deal. So I say... If they're simply friends with someone that isn't ' top notch ' but the life choices of their friend aren't effecting their life in a negative way.. There is no reason to make an overall judgment call on them. However, if they're allowing their friends habits or qualities to disrupt or corrupt their life than they set themselves up to be judged.

I believe the company we keep is reflection of self. But, you'd seriously have to know a person well in order to know what aspect their friends reflect of them.