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Seriously...tell him.  This is NOT the way you want to start a relationship.  Honesty and trust will get you so far.  Guilt is no way to live...believe me.  Besides, in your mind you might think that he will never find out...he will...and that will make it twice as bad.  You don't have to overindulge the story (although he will ask for details).  One thing that worries me...you used the word "yet" in your second paragraph.

well, since you asked...

"almost 20" is awfully young to be thinking about marriage.  and if you can't keep your hands off other men's crotches, that's another good indication that you're not ready for a commitment. 

you say that in past relationships you "usually cheated" and that you haven't cheated on this man "yet."  and then you say you "learned [your] lesson" from last night.  really?  what's to learn, other than that you're repeating the same pattern?

i think you need to give yourself about five years of growing up before you think about life-long commitments.

I would think long and hard about WHY you did it. There is always a reason. Were you feeling lonely? Were you feeling frisky? Were you missing how this guy made you feel in the past? Are you feeling like you're not getting enough attention in the current relationship? (the last one is what usually happens to me. I feel neglected in times of fighting, and tend to look elsewhere for attention. I know this is something I tend to do, so I watch very carefully for it)

I find the ONLY time my eye strays is when I'm not feeling loved, or I'm feeling unwanted in a relationship. I'm a serial monogamist, and I have cheated before. I feel and felt awful about it, but it's over and done with.

I started falling for a friend about 2.5 years ago when I was first with my current boyfriend (the bf and I were having problems, and my instinct was to seek out the attention I craved elsewhere), and I told him about it. He understood, because 'crushes happen', he said. Physical touching though? That's something else.

You should honest with your man, but only after you've thought long and hard about why you let that happen, and what was going through your head at the moment, and how you feel now. Be honest, it's the only way to live.

edit: I also agree with PG. 20 is very young to think about marriage seriously like that. I'm still not 100% sure and I'm 24, and have had 3 serious committed relationships....

Perhaps you're just not ready for a 100% committed relationship?

Seems to me that you are not ready for a relationship (oops just read pg i agree with it all)!

yeah, i was about to ask if you were sure you were ready for this level of commitment, and then i read pg's post.

you say that in past relationships you "usually cheated" and that you haven't cheated on this man "yet."  and then you say you "learned [your] lesson" from last night.  really?  what's to learn, other than that you're repeating the same pattern?

sums it up perfectly.

edit: and you say that it wasn't "full blown cheating"...i think it was.  how would you feel if your boyfriend, who you love so dearly, was groping away at another girl?

Before you marry the guy and potentially ruin his life, you should probably figure out the real reason for your past infidelities and present indiscretion.

Original Post by starlitocean:

edit: and you say that it wasn't "full blown cheating"...i think it was.  how would you feel if your boyfriend, who you love so dearly, was groping away at another girl?

Starlitocean: 1

Original Post by kathygator:

Before you marry the guy and potentially ruin his life, you should probably figure out the real reason for your past infidelities and present indiscretion.

Kathy: 2!!

Agree with what has been previously written.  You are young.  You need to explore the "whys" of what you do.  Find out what is going on that makes you continue to repeat an unwanted behavior.  You have plenty of time to work on the reasons before making the full committment of marriage. 

If you truly love this guy you need to work out the issues. Marriage isn't a step that should be taken lightly.  Marriage requires work, trust, honesty, and fidelity to make a lasting bond.

Good luck. 

Edited to add:  You may also look at why you find it necesarry to refer to yourself as, " A lying stupid whore."  Sometimes we behave in a manner that is consistent with what we have been told/taught.  We begin to believe the bad and forget about the good in ourselves.  We begin to believe that repeating the "bad" is what is expected and accept the behavior as a normal part of ourselves. It is sometimes easier to give in then to change.

Okay people!  She's obviously young and confused...and I think she gets the picture!  It's easy to tell we're on a weight loss website...everyone is like a pack of hungry vulture's circling a road kill. :)

I used to know a couple of girls like this.  For them, it turned out to be because of low self esteem.  The need to feel wanted by men in general.  I don't know if this applies to you at all, but it might be worth at least considering.  There are definitely ways to work on these issues.  It doesn't have to be a lifelong thing.

Original Post by bigbearjoe:

Okay people!  She's obviously young and confused...and I think she gets the picture!  It's easy to tell we're on a weight loss website...everyone is like a pack of hungry vulture's circling a road kill. :)

She asked our opinion! 

I agree with peaches^

it kind of makes me sad for you that you referred to yourself the way you did in your title

for one thing, i want to say it's OK for a woman to have a robust libido.  and it's OK to pursue physical satisfaction with partner(s) in the context of being open and honest (eta: and Safe!)about your feelings and intention.  but when you are behaving in ways that are not honest, and that YOU don't approve of, it seems that there's something else going on - and I'd want to get to the bottom of that.

I recommend soul searching.  good luck!

If you feel guilty, then it's obviously on your mind and you need to tell him.

Part of growing up is taking responsibility for your actions, so tell the guy and deal with the consequences of your actions. If he forgives you then great, if he doesn't so be it life goes on. If you truly have learned your lesson it won't happen again.

um...ok, am i the only one here who thinks her telling her BF what happened is the worst idea EVER? yeah, it might alleviate her guilt, but at what cost to the  bf? it's not as if she had sex with, or even kissed this other guy, so she isn't putting her boyfriend at risk at all.

se, you need to figure out if you really want to be with this guy or not. if you think you are going to end up cheating on him again, end the relationship and stay single so you don't up hurting the poor guy. 

oh, and like the other's said, you are WAY too young to be thinking about marriage.

jules: He deserves to know. He deserves to be able to have the choice of staying with her and working through it, or leaving. I would want to have that option, I wouldn't want something hidden from me like that.

Thanks for the advice everyone..some of it i didnt want to hear but probably needed to.

to Respond to some stuff people asked

I DONT have a low self esteem..the title was sarcastic...I actually lubz myself very much. It took me awhile to do it and I'm glad I do now. And CC helped actually. Not so much me losing weight but realizing alot of my self and personality while I did lose the weight.

my boyfriend DOES make me feel wanted and loved.....we spend plenty of time with each other but we give each other space too so we dont over do it.

He is 27..i'm 20 soon..we have been dating for a year and a half...and i dont plan on getting married SOON..i just know he will be the guy.

I prayed and I think i cheated because after a year and a half of being only with one guy...even though i'm not bored with him at all..and he completly satisifies me...i was curious about how i would feel if it did happen..and it happened..and..i didnt like it..obviously. I stopped it and he went home.

I DONT want to tell him because i think ti would just hurt our relationship. I know relationsihps are based on loyalty and trust and communication..and we have always been open and hoenst with each other even if it did hurt each other but...i dont want to take a huge step backwards with him by telling him this.

I guess I did it because  I was nalstalgic (sp) maybe..of how i used to be. I guess i realizzed i'm not like that anymore.

Yall are right..I am young..and I am not ready for marriage...and maybe i do need to do some soul searching..but I know either way I want to be with this man while I do it.

Original Post by bigbearjoe:

Okay people!  She's obviously young and confused...and I think she gets the picture!  It's easy to tell we're on a weight loss website...everyone is like a pack of hungry vulture's circling a road kill. :)

 she did ask our opinions...and alot of us kind of responded at the exact same time.

usually i try to be as sweet as possible in my replies to things, as i try to avoid being overly harsh...but something about this really irked me.  i think it's the fact that it's been a habit of hers...and that she referred to it as "not full blown cheating".

OP, i really do hope you figure out why you're acting in this manner though, and i do think that alot of that will come with age.

BTW..yes he's 27..yes I'm 20. We both work full time jobs..he has a degree..and I go to school. There is no creepyness about this

I agree the op should search for reasons behind the behavior, that said let's be real, the truth doesn't always set you free.

Of course secrets, like deadly nightshade tends to find a way of coming to light poisoning everything that touches it.

Original Post by jules817:

um...ok, am i the only one here who thinks her telling her BF what happened is the worst idea EVER? yeah, it might alleviate her guilt, but at what cost to the  bf? it's not as if she had sex with, or even kissed this other guy, so she isn't putting her boyfriend at risk at all.

se, you need to figure out if you really want to be with this guy or not. if you think you are going to end up cheating on him again, end the relationship and stay single so you don't up hurting the poor guy. 

oh, and like the other's said, you are WAY too young to be thinking about marriage.

 dito what Jules and pg said.