Kids, parents, and eating habits

Ok I have a lil pent up frustration over my neice and her eating mentality.

Mental picture moment. She kinda looks like Dora the explorer at age 7. She is starting to get a belly...very irked over that since this is prime time to learn to eat healthy and not learn the harsh habits of being overweight and the social stigmas that accompany it.  Her parents teach her NOTHING about eating healthy...the two are majorly unhealthy themselves...her mother has diabetis, smokes, is considered obese and on top of that is a social drinker (perhaps more but don't hang with her so not sure)...father, my brother, also considered obese, eats very unhealthy, has predisposition of diabetis (our family has it big time on dad's side), and a social drinker.

Now they feed her and her bro fast food ALL the time and she is a bit of a brat. Now with working as hard as I am on losing weight, the "whining for garbage food" on top of being a brat is beginning to crack my calm exterior. There have been occasions where I have wound up snapping at her because she will throw a crying brat fit over not being given a hamburger with ketchup and french fries.

One time she was talking to her dad on the phone and discussing the idea of my mother bringing her a happy meal. I told her no that I will not allow that garbage in my house (well my sister's house but yanno) and she gave me a poopy face.

But last night was the final straw. My sister gave her a small sandwich and said she could have a cup of chocolate pudding if she finished the sandwich. She picked the top off and said she was done. I put the pudding away and said ok if your done then you don't need the pudding. She walked into my bedroom crying to my sister (and I mean crying) saying that it was gone like I had thrown it away. I said since she said she was done I put it away. She bawled to my sister who gave in and handed it to her.

OMG!!! I hate divide and conquer! I don't know how to deal with this anymore because I am tired of being a bad guy (or gal in my case) simply for wanting her to have a good life, avoid the social stigmas of being fat as well as the health problems.

Ideas?

i think the best way to handle it would be to talk to the girl's parents seeing as it is there responsibility. explain to them the problems that could come about for their child, and they might change some of the family habits. i mean, no parent could want those things for their child, but in this day and age its just easier to pick up a happy meal and please the kids... but this is really something you should discuss with the parents and unfortunately its their discission on how they take care of their daughter. but it can't do any harm to have a little chat about it...

Good for you for trying to teach your niece healthy eating habits now.  Unfortunately, if her parents aren't going to make a change themselves, it's probably all for nothing.  She's still going to get junk at home.  And if the rest of the family keeps rewarding her bratty behaviour, she's going to keep it up.  She's getting the reaction she wants, so it's working to her advantage.  I'd say just keep trying to reinforce to her how important it is to eat/be healthy.  Maybe you can have her work out with you?  Like go for a short walk around the neighborhood, or take a bike ride?  Something to get her interested without realizing she's exercising.  And then come back and have her make her own healthy snack.  Make something easy like ants on a log.  She'll feel proud that she made it herself, and maybe she won't realize it's good for her, too.  I'm interested to see what other people have to say about this, though.  My mom watches my son during the day, and I'm worried she's going to feed him junk when he's old enough to eat it.  She thinks that she has to buy him cookies and candy because "that's what grandma's do."  Good luck to you!

I completely agree with you but the best I have been able to accomplish is setting the rule of no garbage food is to be brought into the house. And my idiot brother conveniently becomes absent minded occasionally on that rule (hello dumpster).

You would think the diabetis would be enough of a scare to get them motivated, but that hasn't worked. My parents are now in town so I think working on my mom (who watches the kids off and on now) and pushing the issue that way.

Wait...ants on a log? What's that snack?

ants on a log-

celery, peanut butter, and raisons on top!

LOL!  That's celery with peanut butter smushed into the hollowed out side, with raisins on top.  It's supposed to look like ants walking across a log.  It's also the only way I can eat celery.  I hate the stuff.  Peanut butter makes everything taste better!

Note to self...buy celery.

Just make the parents watch Honey, we are killing the kids! :)

I agree with the other posters that you'll have to work on her parents to change their eating behaviors before any real difference can be made in your neice's diet. Maybe get your brother a copy of Super Size Me as a Labor Day present?

Your neice is young and really doesn't know right from wrong. Even though she doesn't seem to recognize it or appreciate it, you're still setting a good example for her with your own good eating habits. Maybe try a different tactic? Ignore her eating habits for awhile and get her involved with exercising with you?

I suggest a total different approach.  When she asks for unhealthy food say something like "OMG are you really going to eat that stuff it is loaded with lots of sugar, fat, etc. do you know what that does to your body?"

Try to gross her out..... Plus you are telling her the truth with facts..

I think this is dangerous for anorexia...

Maybe not necessarily.  I had a coworker that was super healthy.  He only ate the healthiest foods because he had watched a video in health class once showing what junk food does to the body.  I think it was one of those that showed clogged arteries and that sort of thing.  He became very health conscious after that.  Of course, the girl is only 7, so she might not understand all that.  Like Salome said, it might be a good idea to explain what the ingredients do to the body.  If she's eating something high in cholesterol, tell her what that means.  It shouldn't give her a negative body image, and it might make her want to make a healthier choice next time if she understands what the consequences are.

I was in the grocery store this weekend, and a mom was shopping with her two kids.  They were trying to pick out a cereal, and she made a sort of game out of it.  She made them try to pick one with the least amount of sugar.  They each brought her the box they chose, and she picked the one with the least amount of sugar.  She did have to make them each put back their first choice.  Her son didn't know the marshmallows were pure sugar! LOL! 

I think also that you need to educate the parents.  Don't just call it junk food or garbage.  A lot of times people don't know the difference between what is good and bad for their bodies.  You should try to teach them what the alternatives to those things are and why those alternatives are better for them.  For example...she wants a hamburger, well make her a burger with lean ground turkey.  She wants fries - make some oven roasted sweet potato fries.    So often people want a quick fix that is why fast food is supposed to be fast.  Take a little time to show them how these foods they love can be better for them.

She is 7 and at that age I am not sure she is going to understand all that stuff about why something is bad for her body.  They barely understand how the body works.  Its just important that she cry it out and over time she will learn.  But you have to get the parents on your side first before you change a 7 year old.  Its hard to do when you have food in the house that is not good for you to begin with.

I understand that you have good intentions, but, personally, I would be so mad at my sister if she did that to my child.  I have neices and nephews and, Thank the Lord!, I am not responsible for their eating habits.

I have a grandmother who thinks my son is fat, and she keeps cookies and crackers and chips out on a table where he can see them.  We don't have junk food in my house.  We eat very healthy.  His idea of junk food around here is cinnamon raisin bread and chocolate chip waffles.  She will not let him have a cookie or anything, but my neices, who are very thin, but eat junk food all the time, she'll let them have whatever they want.  My son is at a normal weight range for his height, but his body shape is long, heavy body with short legs.  He's very tall (4'0" and he just turned 5), so up next to the underweight neices and nephews who are shorter than he, he looks huge.  I don't go to my grandmother's house that often, and that's one of the main reasons.  SHe did that to me too.  When I was 4, she talked my mom into making her take me to a weight doctor in another state with they gave me laxatives & amphetamines (and they wonder why I'm nuts).

If you were my sister, I'd be very pissed off at you.  You know, however, I don't approve of my sister feeding her children junk food either.  What I do, however, is, first of all, I don't get mad because those are her kids, and I don't have to raise them.  Secondly, I model good eating for them.  I will bring picnic lunches instead of eating out when we go somewhere.  I make healthy dinners when they come.  You can make her french fries using real potatoes with skins on cooked in canola or olive oil.  There are even recipes for baking them in the oven (just look around the internet).  And getting a leaner cut of beef with a whole wheat bun, and bam!  you got yourself a healthier happy meal.

I think that you have to be really careful with your niece. I struggle with my husband teaching my kids poor eating habits, he grew up in a house where breads and red meats were it for dinner. He wouldn't eat veggies or fruit. His whole family except him is thin but he doesn't want to change his habits. I used to say how bad it was for him to be feeding our kids the way he was fed growing up but now I just try to educate my kids. It seems to actually be working and I don't end up accidently hurting my hubbys feelings. My kids love fruits and vegetables and that is what they want seconds of first. My 8 year old the other night asked for a third hot dog. I let him know it was his choice but I told him how many calories were in a hot dog vs an apple and he chose the apple. It is an uphill battle but maybe you can get through to her and it would keep your family happier too.

Now that I am reading some of the input, I am wondering if I shouldn't cut my losses and work on my nephew and try to get through to her using reverse psychology. He's 3 and more ammendable to my food recommendations.

Yanno something funny is when you see your brother who used to call you fat names now MUCH larger than you and by far unhealthier, rolling his eyes when you tell him he needs to try some alternatives to the happy meal.

I'm afraid that getting them to feed their kids right is only part of the problem though. Stories of their parenting could make for pee your pants campfire stories.  If they were more responsible then it wouldn't be so bad, and I wouldn't be watching history repeating with yet another set of family become obese before my eyes.

You need to work on the parents, not the child. Invite them for a family movie night and pop in the DVD of "Fast Food Nation."

It is vital that you preserve the child's self esteem. Give her lots of honest encouragement and love. She's still kind of young to diet. It takes a lot of motivation--and a lot of self esteem--to radically change any habits.

It's possible to more damage than good by scolding a child for their weight before they can realistically do anything about it. It's a recipe for a lifelong cycle of comfort eating. (Maybe that's an issue for the larger family to ponder...)

Poopy faces are part of a child's arsenal. Do everything in your power to ignore them. You're not a "bad guy" if you do.

Sorry...there's no DVD of "Fast Food Nation." I meant "Super Size Me." oops.

I take my kids to mc donalds every now and then (once a month maybe) but they eat pretty healthy every day so I dont feel too guilty about it. my kids would feel unloved if I took them any more than that. Kids like simple home cooked meals: a scrambled egg with melted cheese on top, toast, half an orange. for lunch, a bagel with cream cheese and vegie stix, dinner, baked chicken, rice with butter, broccoli, and a glass of milk.  The meals will get fancier for them when they get older but when they're young (3-9) it's mac and cheese, salad, and a drumstick. Three separte things on the plate, nothing more. Does anyone cook in the family? Do you all sit down and eat together at the table? It draws everyones attention to the food and eating seems more appealing and inviting because of the ambiance of sharing time together. It's communal. Good foods must be intoduced and ofered daily and be associated with good feelings and goot times.  I wish I could offer better suggestions that could help but I liked the suggestion of watching the movie super size me. Make it an intervention once the child has gone to bed. Let them know how strongly you feel about it and that you want to help but they cannot undermine your efforts if you want to save the child from future pain and heartache. God Bless!

I have a young son and a lot of small relations and they know that when they come to our house the food on the table will be good stuff (I make my own chicken goujons in breadcrumbs, for example) but that it's not negotiable.... i.e. if they don't like it, there isn't anything else on offer.

Your brother and his wife do need a wake-up call.  The child is only doing what she's always done and, if they keep pandering to her, she'll end up like them.  I'd agree with everyone sitting at the table together.  If she started pulling a strop and refusing to eat in that surrounding it might embarrass your brother into making some changes.  Although from what you say about the chocolate pudding....  people that weak are very difficult to change.

An alternative would be to have your neice & her brother over to stay for a sleepover by themselves   You could have fun together making a few cakes, a nice healthy meal or some sandwiches.  Maybe cut up some nice fruits and carrot sticks etc. and get them to try them.  When kids are solo and can't go crying to an indulgent parent they're much more receptive!! 

Ultimately, it's not your job to raise your brother's children.  Their fate is in the hands of their parents.  But you can be a good example and you can insist on standards when they're on your territory.   Good luck