My kids were in a vehicle accident...what would you do?

I'm so mad right now I can barely type this.  My ex-husband took my children out of state for spring break.  He lives in another state and I agreed to let him come and get them. 

I've called all week and left messages constantly asking him to return my calls.  No word at all from them.  So, I have been worried all week anyway.  Tonight I get a call from my middle child telling me that they were involved in an accident.  My heart sank and I begin freaking out.  Come to find out this happened on 4/2.  I have full custody of the girls and I cannot believe that I wasn't notified!!  I began to ask questions.  Of course the obvious was are you ok.....She said she was but that my youngest daughter was hurt. 

I immediately asked to talk to the ex.  He said well I didn't really think it was any of your business.  The vehicle was totaled, they apparantly hit ran off the road hit a telephone pole went back across the road hit a tree and the vehicle came apart in the back.  This is no minor fendor bender.  He claims the girls are fine and there is no need for concern! 

I asked what was wrong with my youngest daughter and he says nothing.  Then my other daughter told me that the youngest is bruised up on her head and her body.  So I got her on the phone and she was telling me that her neck was hurting.  I asked what the doctor said and to my surprise he hasnt even taken them to a doctor.  I begged him to take her to be seen about her neck and he said shes fine.  A neck injury can last for years and I'm worried sick about this.  He wont bring them home until Sunday and says that hes not taking them to the doctor.  I said I'll just come get them and he told me that he would not allow me to pick them up.

This is just crazy.  I don't really know what to do but I'm starting to question his mental capacity.  I have decided that I'm taking them to the doctor as soon as they arrive home to have them checked out and I want it on file in case she continues to have problems.  I still worry about internal injuries even though it would seem they would probably be showing signs by now.  I've seen several adults not know they were hurt internally before.  It looks like it would be even worse for a child. 

Am I being unrealistic to assume that children involved in a wreck should be seen by a doctor or hospital just to make sure everything is ok?  That would be a no brainer for me.  There are just too many things that can happen.  I even thought about making a call to someone in the state there to make him take them to a doctor but I wouldnt know who to call....

I understand that people have accidents and I'm not upset about that.  I'm upset that they have received no care and obviously they arent fine if her neck is hurting her that bad.  It seems as if this would be considered neglect.....Anyone agree with me?

I think you definitely have the right to be concerned. These are your children and regardless of how you and your ex's relationship ended, you are their mother and he should have told you that this happened. And yes, your daughters should've been taken to the doctor if they are complaining about pain and such. I'd say your ex is pretty irresponsible. I guess since you have full custody there is a reason...

Sunday is coming soon... try not to worry yourself tooooo much. Best of luck. Hope your kids are okay.

Call your lawyer, or any lawyer, and get the kids to a doctor as quickly as you can.  A neck injury can be serious, and there could be something seriously wrong that just hasn't surfaced yet.

I'd call the cops and get the kids back NOW.  He is unfit to care for anyone.  Take them directly to the nearest doctor or emergency room.  Undetected internal bleeding can cause death.  Undetected head injuries can cause death.  Untreated neck/spinal injuries can cause years of pain.

I was in a wreck as a teenager (someone else ran a stop sign and hit me, totalled my car).  Even after receiving physical therapy for a MINOR neck injury, I cannot turn my head as far to the right as I should be able to.

I m tempted to do that but I'm not sure they would make him bring them home since I agreed to let him have visitation.  I just dont knwo what to do.  He is unbelievably difficult. 

My husband & I recently ran into a similar situation with his ex.  If you have total custody & he took the children out of state and is keeping them from getting the medical care they need, thats neglect.  If the same thing happened to them while they were in your care & you didnt take them to see a Dr. when they were obvoiusly hurt it would be neglect too.  Call the police in your town & explain the situation.  Something should be done.  You will feel better taking action than just sitting & waiting & your daughter will feel better once she gets the medical cre she needs.  I hope the best for you family.

Cops are notoriously reluctant to get involved in child custody situations.  (I know this because my husband has a crazy ex) You can always try though.  I would definitely put a call in to my lawyer.

Best of luck to you, and let us know how your daughter is!

Oh my God I just got so upset and angry reading this. I don't know why you're tip toeing around your ex. I would call 911 and send an ambulance to where they are RIGHT NOW. Forget lawyers and the police. Send medical help IMMEDIATELY. Tell them you got a call from your daughter and the phone got disconnected and you are CERTAIN they need help. I'm so serious. Please do this. **** this guy and **** whatever uncertainties you have. These are your kids and they were in a serious accident.

PICK UP THE PHONE RIGHT NOW.

By Sunday - do you mean tomorrow? If so, I would wait and get them back at home. Then I would get them to a doc immediately. If it's next Sunday, I would be tempted to do what spiro suggested, even though you are out of state. Maybe you can call the law in your state and see what they recommend?

I share spiro's rage - this is an atrocious act of neglect.

I am thinking the EMT's at the scene would have checked them over - so am hoping there is nothing seriously wrong with your child. Prayers to you, honey. Your ex is a dick.

call CPS.  your kids are probably fine; their skeletal systems aren't as rigid as ours so are less subject to injury.  but hairline fractures to vertebrae are not uncommon.  your little one should definitely have an xray.

was she in a booster seat?

Do you have full legal custody? It is rare that someone would not have legal custody, so I'm going to assume your ex has legal, just not physical, custody. In which case, no, *technically* he did not have to notify you, since he shares legal custody so is supposedly just as capable of making medical decisions on behalf of your children.

If there was no ambulance at the scene of the accident and NOBODY has seen the kids since it happened.... that sounds so fishy. What's he trying to cover up? Was he drinking? Were the kids not in booster seats?

If it were me, I'd call him back, tell him either he 1) takes them to the ER or 2) returns them TODAY or 3) you are going to order an ambulance. This assumes you know the address where he is though. Do you?

Or wait until they return tomorrow, take the kids immediately to the ER. And DOCUMENT everything. Take photos of the bruises, get a copy of the doctor's reports. Whatever the kids tell you when they return, write it down! (Be careful not to ask leading questions though).  Then take all of that to the lawyer and ask for an emergency hearing to get his legal custody rights revoked and only supervised visitation from now on. If you had a GAL in your custody case, contact the GAL as well.

If he does NOT have legal custody and the courts have said he cannot have any visitation, yet you allowed the kids to go with him anyway .... I'm sorry to say but there is a possibility if you DON'T act swiftly here, you may be liable for neglect as well. I don't mean to tell you that to freak you out, or have you consider not taking the kids to the ER yourself. I'm just trying to impress upon you that if you truly believe this man is negligient and a danger to the kids, then you are also negligient if you do not act swiftly on the kids' behalf.

P.s. if you did have a GAL and still have his phone number, I would suggest calling him/her right now, and explaining the situation. The GAL should know what to do.

I dont have a GAL.  I have full custody with reasonable visitation.  I cannot call an ambulance because I don't have the address they are at. He has moved in with a girl friend recently (or so I'm told).  I do know what town they are in though.  This seems so fishy to me as well because when I asked where the wreck happened he said he didnt know.  I said the kids were involved in an accident and you dont know where??  He then told the name of the street.  I feel like he's hiding something.  I just don't really know what I can do since I don't know the exact address.  Thats another reason why I didnt just leave and go get them because if he wont agree to let me get them I'll just get there and not know where they are.  This is such bullsh**.  I can't even get him to answer the phone now.

I called my local police and they told me that it would be best to file a police report when the kids get home so that they could take pictures but that does nothing or them getting medical attention.  As far as I know there was no EMT called...I'm not positive but I think the girls would have mentioned it if they were.  I just don't know what else I can do.

Original Post by manicdieter:

I dont have a GAL.  I have full custody with reasonable visitation.  I cannot call an ambulance because I don't have the address they are at. He has moved in with a girl friend recently (or so I'm told).  I do know what town they are in though.  This seems so fishy to me as well because when I asked where the wreck happened he said he didnt know.  I said the kids were involved in an accident and you dont know where??  He then told the name of the street.  I feel like he's hiding something.  I just don't really know what I can do since I don't know the exact address.  Thats another reason why I didnt just leave and go get them because if he wont agree to let me get them I'll just get there and not know where they are.  This is such bullsh**.  I can't even get him to answer the phone now.

I called my local police and they told me that it would be best to file a police report when the kids get home so that they could take pictures but that does nothing or them getting medical attention.  As far as I know there was no EMT called...I'm not positive but I think the girls would have mentioned it if they were.  I just don't know what else I can do.

 You have no idea where your children are staying. You have full custody, you should know where those prescious children are every minute. Once you get them back, take them immediately to the doctor and get x-rays and then head for your lawyer and put restrictions on this man. Was he drinking when this accident went down? Sounds like it was quite severe and your girls were very frightened. Lets us know how you make out. Our prayers are with you.

Ugh I'm so sorry. Do you have any idea of her full name? Any of her friends? Google is pretty magical about hunting people down. If you want help, let me know.  There are many tricks to tracking people down that a lot folks don't think of. Google email addresses, AIM/IM names, partial names, partial names plus city. Google him. Maybe he put something in his name. Are they calling from a cell phone or a land line?

i can't imagine an EMT not recommending an ER visit. 

you have the phone number, right?  use a reverse look-up to get the address and call CPS in his area.  it's neglect if he doesn't get them medical attention.

I think I would call the police in the town he is in and ask for an Amber alert tell them that the kids were involved in an accident while the father was driving and he refuses to take them for medical attention or bring them home and you have custody and are affraid he may not bring them back as was agreed upon.

And if nothing else never ever ever let him take the kids again -- where kids are involved it no "strike three your out" its mess up once and your done. 

never ever ever let him take the kids again

More reasonable approach is to ask for supervised visits only. The courts can mandate this and he would be required to pay for the supervisor. That way, the kids can see him under safe conditions with no risk of harm.

A GAL will probably be appointed to investigate. A GAL is a guardian ad litem, they are hired to represent the best interests of the child.

When does he come back on Sunday? Can you have a friend or family member on hand for the exchange? I would highly recommend this. The more neutral the third party, the better. You want a witness in case he says anything more to you - or the kids say something.

If you don't have someone who can act as a witness, at very least, call someone you know and keep your cell phone on so they can listen during the exchange.

Meanwhile, what about calling his family? Parents, siblings? They must know where he is... ?  If you are on the outs with them, appeal to his parents as grandparents.. surely they must have concern about their own grandchild.

How fresh is the divorce?

Definitely call Child Protective Services (CPS) if you dont know the number Google search them and you can find it on their website for your area.

Sounds to me like he had an accident and didn't call the police or 911. Paramedics would have taken the kids to the hospital to be check out.

I agree, something is fishy. I would call the local police where he is and ask if they had an accident reported that day fitting the circumstances of what you know.

You should start a paper trail right now. Call Child Protective Services and make a note of when you called the police and who you spoke to earlier. Cover your own ass and then bust his, girl. These are your babies!

I'm so sorry you are going through this. He sounds like a real class act all the way.

This infuriates me so much. I don't understand why you didn't call 911. Or why you aren't currently.